Inferno (33 page)

Cocking her head, she peered up at him. “What is this? Some kind of test?”

“Perhaps,” he admitted.

Her shoulders jerked in response. “You have a sick sense of foreplay tonight,” she muttered, turning her head to the side.

The atmosphere in the room shifted; the sudden change in momentum seemed to draw all of the oxygen out her lungs with it. Without warning, Sebastian grabbed her face, wrenching her attention back to him. Gone was his smile. Conflict and pleading contorted his brow, replacing the former hints of play.

She held her breath, feeling the dark undercurrent of anger seething just below the surface.

“This isn’t a game, Taylor. I’m not spiking your fear out of some sick sense of satisfaction,” he warned, his fingers sinking deep into the line of her jaw. “You have no idea what we might be up against here, but it’s not pretty. If Marx or someone else gets their hands on you, I need to know that you will be strong enough to push through that fear. I need to know that, no matter what happens, you will still be capable of thinking. There’s been too many times when I’ve rattled you and you’ve locked up or shut down from fear.”

She pondered his words, trying not to think about what might have elicited that train of thinking. This was the first time he’d ever eluded to the fact that she might be anything but safe behind the armed and guarded confines of their home. She wanted to believe that was because of what had happened before with Laychee. The break-in and subsequent attack had been a heavy blow to Sebastian’s pride, but there was no way to be sure if that was where this sudden surge of doubt and protectiveness stemmed. Not without asking and she wasn’t too sure she wanted to hear the answers. Shaking the dismal thoughts from her mind, she felt her body sag with a dejected sigh.

“That’s different,” she managed. “I might not like what happens when I’m in trouble with you, but I know I will live. I don’t have that guarantee with Marx.”

Leaning down, he kissed her forehead. “No you don’t, baby, but if anything ever happens, I need you to stay strong and survive because, one way or another, I will find you. I won’t abandon you, Taylor. I promise you that I will always find a way to be with you again. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to be by your side. You need to know that.”

“I do know, Sebastian.”

He frowned. Tilting his head, he studied her face. “You’re lying,” he stated softly. “Your mouth claims one thing, but your eyes are telling me a very different story. What is it that you doubt here, Taylor?”

Her throat swelled. Sebastian loomed over her, his unyielding expression warning his patience was drawing to an end. He expected a response. Her pulse quickened and a light sweat erupted along her brow. How did she voice her concerns without adding to his worries? Why did their future always have to seem so uncertain? Her love for Sebastian was the only constant in their lives—the only thing that never wavered or changed, even when everything else was falling apart. She didn’t want him to doubt that. Not now. Not when the rest of his life was falling apart at the seams.

“It’s not you,” she said. “I don’t doubt you will do everything you can to keep me safe, Seb. I just question how possible that is, and I don’t…” she trailed off with a disheartened slump.

“Don’t what?”

“I don’t know how you would find me if someone did take me. I believe that you would try. I just don’t see how…”

He pressed a gentle finger to her lips. He tried to smile, but it was just a ghost—a mere shadow with no real life or vitality behind it. His eyes lowered and he traced the diamond and amethyst pendant with the shiny metal center he’d given her on Christmas morning. His dimples deepened in a show of reluctance before he swung his stare upward to meet her eyes.

“Do you remember how mad I was when you took this off?” he asked.

She nodded. That experience was something she would never forget. It had been her first “come to Jesus meeting” with Sebastian’s belt, and his anger had been as sudden as it had been startling. She shivered, remembering the deep bite of the leather as it had repeatedly branded her skin.

“There is a reason for everything I do, Taylor, even if you fail to understand it at the time. I was hurt that you could just take something off and cast it aside after I told you it was a reminder of our love, but there was so much more behind it. I told you to keep this necklace with you always and to
never
take it off. Perhaps now, you understand why.”

She stiffened beneath him as his explanation struck home. “You…you’ve been tracking me?”

His eyes narrowed slightly. A challenging gleam ignited in their pale depths, daring her to keep pushing the boundaries and questioning his reasons. She knew this was dangerous ground, but they’d come this far and she needed to understand.

“You didn’t trust me?” she accused, trying to mask the hurt in her voice.

The muscles along Sebastian’s jaw corded. A brief surge of anger darkened his face, casting his chiseled features into stone.

“Don’t look at me like that. If I didn’t trust you, you would have never been here, Taylor. You would have never made it out of the woods, let alone survived that first week. It’s not you that I don’t trust, it’s everyone else on the face of this godforsaken planet that raises my doubts.”

He rolled away from her with a disgusted shake of his head. She reached for him, only to have him level her with a look that should have dropped her dead. Heart pounding, she lowered her hand.

“Before you say something we will both regret I want you to think about one thing. If Laychee’s men had taken you or Marx had decided to toss you in some undisclosed location instead, how would I have found you? The minute I got out of that warehouse, I was pulling up your location on my phone. Injured or not, I was on my way and I would have done
anything
to get you back. That GPS isn’t something ugly, Taylor. It’s our lifeline in the face of danger.”

His words washed over her. Closing her eyes, she tried to see his side of things, but it still stung. It never occurred to her that he might have been tracking her in some way, but had she really expected anything less? In today’s age, even if she had decided to leave him, the necklace would have made little difference. There were cameras on every street corner, at every stop light, and inside every building one could imagine. Even phones and computers had built in cameras or location devices agencies or hackers could trigger. There was nowhere a person could hide. Not anymore. They lived in the age of Google where everything was available to everyone. Privacy and safety didn’t exist.

Unable to look at him, she shifted her focus to the ceiling and the gently whirling blades of the fan overhead.

The same applied to Marx and his men. It was why they were both trapped; living under some sick, perpetual shadow they couldn’t escape. She was no safer out there, on her own, than she was here. At least here, she had Sebastian. He had his fair share of flaws and imperfections, but there was no doubt in her mind he would lay down his life for hers or the people he loved.

Glancing over, she found him perched on the edge of their bed, his head lowered and his face hidden from view.

“You know that’s not the only reason,” he confessed. “But it is the one that was most important to me. Everything I do is to protect you, Taylor, from yourself and from others. I won’t apologize for that and it is never going to change. I suggest you find a way to make yourself right with it.”

The sharp edge creeping into his voice drew her attention. Taylor winced. Just like that, the walls were coming back up. He was hurt and when Sebastian felt wounded, his emotions shut down and his temper flared. She could already feel the distance creeping between them as his accusing glare swung her way. An icy prickle of apprehension danced down her nape, and Taylor frantically searched for a way to undo the damage her curiosity had caused. She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off with a stern shake of his head.

“Don’t,” he warned, his voice coming in a harsh rasp. “I don’t want to hear your reasons or excuses. I’ve told you before not to question me. This is why. I can’t lose you, Taylor. I just can’t. I would go out of my mind and die.”

“That’s not going to happen, Sebby. This is my home. You are the very air I breathe. Every single beat of my heart is a reflection of you and the life we share.”

Keeping his head bowed, he nodded, his shoulders slumping. “Things aren’t getting any better, baby. I’ve tried. I’m so damn tired.”

“I know,” she soothed, pressing closer to rub the small of his back.

“I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how to make him stop. There’s only one option left, Taylor, but I need to get you somewhere where he can’t get you. I need to make sure you are safe and out of harm’s way.”

“Sebastian…” the air fled her lungs. It felt as if the very walls themselves were closing in on her. Panic threatened and she couldn’t breathe.

Turning to face her, he took her hand in his. His thumb stroked lightly over the top of her hand, the gesture tender, yet somehow terrifying.

“I love you, baby. I love you so damn much it hurts. I have to protect you and our baby. It’s my duty.” Pain ravaged his handsome features, making them furrow and twist. His body rose and fell with his heavy sigh. “Protecting you is my duty. Saving my country from people like Marx and their twisted agendas is my job.”

Something hot and scalding pierced her chest. She knew where this was going before he even said the words. Her hold on his hand tightened until her knuckles bleached.

“Sebby….no. Don’t do this. Don’t say that. You promised,” she choked. “You looked me in the eye and you
promised
me you would never leave.”

Rearing back, he snared her cheeks between his hands and tilted her face up to his. His hold was firm and the glint in his eyes hardened. “I will
never
abandon you, Taylor. I would
never
just walk away. How could I? You are my heart and soul, the life flowing through my veins and the only thing in this world that keeps me going.”

“Then why are you thinking about sending me away?”

“Because if there is even a
chance
of keeping you alive until all of this is over then that is a sacrifice I have to make. Not for me, but for you. For both of you. I promise you when this is all said and done, I will come for you. I will find you, baby. Let me do this much for you. I need to…” He closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping beneath the invisible weight of defeat. “I need to know I tried.”

“No,” she said, refusing to let her mind wrap around the things he was saying.

He was scared, caged, and faced with an insurmountable amount of worry. As understandable as that was, those things were blinding him and he wasn’t thinking clearly. The reality of their situation was bleak at best. It terrified her to think of where things might lead, especially with the previews of such still so fresh in her mind, but there were no easy answers here and no true forms of escape.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she stated. “I’m not stupid. I know what I’m facing, and I know Marx has it in for me, but you and I both know it doesn’t matter where I go. If I leave, he will track me down and he will kill me. That much is guaranteed. I’m not running.”

“Taylor…”

“No. Just once, you are going to listen to me,” she said. Her voice thickened as she tried to hold her tears at bay, and she ran her fingers over the dark golden stubble on his chin. “I face the same risks either way. I want to stay. I want to be here with you. You are my life and no one else would ever protect me the way you do. I’m strong enough to do this, Sebastian. Let me prove that to you. I should get that choice, Sebby. I should have that much say.”

“I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you. I couldn’t handle that guilt, Taylor.”

“You would have nothing to feel guilty about, because this was my choice. It’s my decision.” She lost her battle and hot tears streamed over her cheeks as she felt the devastating loss and pain their separation would cause. “Don’t make me go. Don’t send me out there where I could die alone and afraid. Please don’t do that to me, Sebastian,
please
. I want to stay with you and spend every second I can by your side. If anything does happen, I will fight my ass off to survive but if I have to die, I want to do that here. At least I will have spent my last days feeling happy and loved.”

“Taylor.”

He tried again, but she cut him off with a muffled sob.

“Please don’t do this to me. Please don’t send me away.
Please
. Just the thought of losing you is killing me.”

He hauled her against him, crushing her against his chest. His lips pressed repeatedly against the top of her head in a desperate attempt to calm her down and soothe her. She clung to him, her fingers gouging deep into his shoulders as she tried to muffle her sobs. Pulling her into his lap, he rocked her back and forth while kissing the side of her head. He cradled her close and she could feel the pained tremors running through him as well as the warm droplets that fell from his face and soaked through her hair.

After a few moments, Sebastian eased her onto the mattress and stretched out beside her. His hands roamed over her cheeks, drying her tears.

“I already have a meeting arranged,” he said. Though his tone was soft, there was a firm edge that warned what he was about to say wasn’t up for debate. “We’re going to have lunch before we head to the airport, and I am going to hear what my contacts have to say. I can’t make any promises, Taylor. Keeping you safe is what is most important to me.”

“Does that mean there is at least a small chance?” she asked, unable to keep the shaky hint of hope out of her voice.

Forcing a smile, he ran his thumb over her lips. “It depends on what their plan is and what sort of reassurances they can give, but yes.”

Sniffing, she turned her attention back to the ceiling and covered the small bulge of her baby bump with both hands. “I hope their plan sucks.”

He offered a wry smirk in response. “That kind of attitude and language is only going to get you into trouble, darling. Let’s divert your focus to more important things.”