Authors: Ace Atkins
I have to say I was a bit surprised to see you two, again, Mr. Quigley said. I figured that custom sixteen-cylinder job would last you some time.
Mrs. R. G. Shannon
Ora, if you please
knew why the son of a bitch was really surprised to see the Shannons again and it had nothing to do with the performance of the machine. Mrs. Quigley had called them out at a sit-down restaurant in June as a couple of four-flushers, raising her eyebrows at a couple hicks financing the top-of-the-line Cadillac and doubting that a nice farmers wife from Texas could even recognize a Hattie Carnegie gownbought in New York Cityblack and long, with silver buttons from the top center down to the bottom of the skirt, and done in a very fine wool crepe.
But, my God, what was Mrs. Shannon wearing tonight, along with some quite attractive new baubles? What is that, you fatty old bag? Oh, yes, thats nothing, just a little trinket made of fifty-five diamonds and a square-cut emerald solitaire ring. Nothing, really. Had you not noticed them before, you wretched housewife with mannish hands and bad posture? I dont care if your closets are filled with husky-catalog fashions and your kitchen shelves with Bisquick, Swans Down Cake Flour, and rows and rows of Campbells soup.
May I get you more coconut cake? Mrs. Quigley asked. The secret really is Bakers. The triple-sealed package keeps it tender and nut sweet. Not to mention sanitary.
I am quite all right. Kathryn dabbed the corners of her mouth. A bit rich for me.
But I followed the recipe, she said. Im so very sorry.
It was quite tasty, Kathryn said. Quite sweet. But a woman must watch her figure.
The couples sat in a family room with a large window facing a perfect lawn shadowed in maple and elm. The radio had warmed up and broadcast the national news out of New York, and although Kathryn wasnt paying much mind she heard damn well nothing of Charlie Urschel. Apparently there was some trouble with those banana eaters down in Cuba, and theyd gone and overthrown their dictator or some type of mess. There were more NRA parades and Blue Eagle mumbo jumbo, news from the Worlds Fair, where the station would be live tomorrow, broadcasting Buddy Barnes, from the Pabst Blue Ribbon Casino.
Was the engine too much, Mr. Shannon? Mr. Quigley asked, setting down the plate scraped clean of icing. She can devour some oil.
Call me Boss, George said, getting all corny and full of himself. He wore a new navy suit and new oxblood shoes, a new pair of rimless glasses fashioned in an octagonal shape. Hed been told theyd give the angles of his face a new dimension. No. It wasnt the engine. The little wife here just had her heart set on that sweet little number when she saw it in
McCalls
.
Redbook,
Kathryn said, giving the old stink eye to Mrs. Quigleys fat ass, waddling under the aprons bow, as she picked up their plates and headed into her kitchen domain.
Redbook,
George said, working on his third piece of coconut cake, a cigarette burning on the edge of the plate. When she saw that little coupe, she said, Hot damn. Now,
thats
a peach.
Didnt expect you to pay the entire balance in cash, Mr. Quigley said. I dont think I ever had that happen.
If George doesnt drop his pin money somewhere, hell burn a hole in his pants, Kathryn said, crossing her legs and taking up a smoke, finding great delight when fat little Mrs. Quigley rushed back into the room to flick open a lighter. Mustve been some commission.
Pin money? she asked.
Of course, Kathryn said. The other night I sent ole Boss out with eighteen hundred dollars, and the little man here lost the whole thing. Isnt that right?
George shrugged and pulled out a money clip bulging with cash. You two ever seen a thousand-dollar bill?
Mrs. Quigleys eyes went askew and then refocused on Kathryns face, to see if the couple was pulling her leg. She opened her mouth, but before she uttered a word in skipped the little daughter, stopping the conversation cold, the precocious little moron who had already regaled them with five songs at dinner and two tap-dancing recitals with about as much delicacy as a bloated hippo.
Well, well, well, Mrs. Quigley said, Janey wanted to say good night and show you her certificate. Did I tell you she has won an art contest for Rinso soap? She is so very talented. Her little cartoon will be in a national magazine this fall. Can you believe it? Its called
Its Wonderful!
and features the most delightful little story about a woman who just cant get her laundry to smell or look right. You know, Mrs. Shannon, it really is a fine product. If you soak your clothes in it, itll save you from scrubbing.
I dont scrub nothing, Kathryn said, blowing smoke from the corner of her red mouth. I got a nigger woman who does all that.
Little Janey, with her pinned bobbed hair and little sailor suit, looked at her mom and her mom at her. Her mother patted her little butt and scooted her off to bed, the little girl dishing out groans and protests that wouldve brought a belt from the real Ora Shannon, with her alcoholic breath and ten-cent perfume shining around her like a stained-glass halo.
Where are the two of you headed next? Mr. Quigley asked.
George looked to Kathryn and winked. Chicago.
The Fair?
Figured we got to go, George said. Everybody in the whole gosh-dang world will be there.
We were there last month, Mrs. Quigley said, all-knowing and smug. I felt as if Id entered another country, different worlds, all in Chicago. They even have an exhibit from Sinclair Oil with dinosaurs that look as real as you and me. They eat and putter about, make noises that scared little Janey a bit. She thought they were real beasts.
Aint that quick, huh? Kathryn asked.
Excuse me?
The kid. A little slow on the uptake.
We must be gettin along, George said, hand on Kathryns back, Kathryn grinning at the woman. We sure do appreciate the meal. That was a mighty fine pot roast. I hadnt had a meal like that since my youth. Hats off. And those biscuits? Just as fine as my mothers.
If you change your mind on that coupe, Mr. Quigley said with a wink, you let me know. Numbers on the card.
I think that little baby out there is just the ticket, George said. I think were gonna drive her flat out tonight and not stop till we hit Chicago.
An exciting life for a farmer, Mrs. Quigley said, raising her eyebrows.
You can bet on it, sister, Kathryn said, turning for the door. See you in the funny papers.
19
D
ont feel bad about it, Harv, said Kreepy Karpis, the yegg with the face of Frankenstein. I mean, Jesus H. Coulda happened to anyone. The son of a bitch ambushed you. That aint fair.
Alvin Karpis. Alvin
Fucking Kreepy
Karpis sat beside Harvey in an identical leather chair, smoking an identical two-dollar cigar, at Ninas cathouse at one in the morning, trying to give Harvey Bailey advice on how to handle his business. The much younger yegg and that goddamn moron, Dock Barker, had pulled some pretty impressive jobs, but Harvey Bailey had been knocking over banks since Karpis was swiping gumdrops at the five-and-dime and tugging at his pecker in the school yard.
Both men wore Japanese robes provided to them by the management, a steady punch of Kid Canns who took over when Nina died. The place was class all the wayred velvet furniture, polished wood, brass fixtures, and burning gas lamps just like in the old days. Jesus, he hoped they laundered the robes.
So George Kelly kicks in Kid Canns door, Harvey said, pointing out the action with the cigar tip, holding that Thompson, and tells the Kid to toss him the coin or hed spray the whole place, colored orchestra and all. Verne had gone back into the joint to talk up that fan-dancin snatch, or things mighta been different. But its just me and the Kid sharing some fine whiskey and talking about the G coming down hard on all the rackets. Im tellin you, there was a time when I woulda seen Kelly coming like the light on a fucking freight train.
Whatd the Kid do? Karpis asked, his hangdog face showing disappointment even when curious. You could stick a knife in the guys hand and hed look the same. No pulse, no emotion. George must have a big set of em to bust in like that.
Or hes fucking stupid, Harvey said. The Kid tossed over the two grips. Hell, whatd he have to lose? Hed already made the cut and left one bag for me and one for George. I think the little Jew found some amusement in it.
Harvey blew out some smoke, pondering the situation, watching it float up to the second-floor railing that looked down upon the salon and waiting customers, hungry and jazzed for it.
And he walked out with the two bags?
You know the hell of it, Kreeps? You dont mind if I call you that?
Not you, Harv. Always looked up to you. I know my face aint pleasing to some.
Well, the hell of it is, I dont think George wanted the money, Harvey said, ashing the cigar into a jade tray in the shape of a woman with spread legs. He wanted to give me the big fuck-you because I laid his ears back in front of his woman. Thats just plain pussy-crazy.
Whatd you say to him?
I told him hed about pissed his pants before a joband thats Gods own, Im telling you. I didnt think hed pull his shit together. Ill be damned if it wasnt the same nervousness each and every time. I dont know how he pulled this one off. This thing in Oklahoma blows the fucking mind.
The Urschel job?
Can you believe it? Harvey asked. I read in
Time
magazine that it was the biggest ransom ever paid. Since we broke out, I been running my tail off around three states on nickel-and-dime bullshit, and here goes big, dumb George Kelly, knocking on the door of the top oilman in the Midwest
Step this way, please
goddamnit.
How much?
Two hunnard grand.
I wish someone wouldve fingered him to me, Karpis said, crossing his bare feet at the ankle, taking a sip of booze, a hit of the cigar. Mustve been cake.
You better believe it, Harvey said. But kidnapping? Cmon. Thats not an honest mans work.
Really, Karpis said, smiling big while biting down on the cigar. Aint money respectable?
You know the G likes the goddamn Touhy brothers for kidnapping that brewerwhats his name? They might get the goddamn chair for that mess.
Let me borrow a hankie. I might cry.
Are you drunk?
Im just plain happy, Harvey. High on life.
Whos your whore?
Karpis readjusted in the big, fat chair and pointed up to the railing cut into the ceiling. A redheaded girl, with pink lips and wearing a pink slip, waved down to the men. The girl Harvey had been with joined her, and she stared down, wrung-out, at Harvey, smoking a cigarette and motioning him back up with the crook of her finger.
I got her all night, Harvey said. I swear to you, Kreeps, that little girls pussy is electrified. Does an old man good to get some fresh young tail. Gives me some real pep.
You goin after George?
Hes got my dough.
Theres more banks, Karipis said. More jobs. I could cut you in on a lil somethin were workin.
Thats mighty white of you, Kreeps, but Miller kinda got his heart set on acing George Kelly off the board.
Suit yourself.
Hes right, you know, Harvey said, his cigar failing him, and he reached out to a whore that strolled by and told her to bring him more matches. He swatted her large, meaty ass and sent her on. You dont steal from another yegg. You cross that line and youre like every egg-sucking bean counter. We lose that and we aint nothing. Not a goddamn thing.
The whore tossed Harvey some kitchen matches, and he got the cigar going again and leaned his head back, his mouth breaking into a grin, seeing that young whore up there smiling back, a blond angel in the ceiling. If he wasnt so goddamn wise, hed think the punch loved him. Thats why you go to Ninas: whores who could sell it all night long.
The G wont let him keep it, Harvey said, wresting his hand loose off the chair, cigar burning warm in his fingers. Theyll hunt that poor son of a bitch for the rest of his days.
Over a cold brick fireplace hung an oval portrait of Miss Nina herself, a black-eyed beauty who smelled like sunshine and sweets and could do things to a man that hed never forget. Harvey recalled her well. What was that, fifteen years ago? There were boundaries then, and rules, and the law knew em and the crooks knew em, and there wasnt this jackrabbitin that was going on today. Today, a criminal was treated like some kind of social outcast. A bum with a tainted mind. A greedy leper.
Im done, Harvey said, swilling the drink. I want my coin, and Im throwing in the towel.
Theres a guy who can cut your face to look like anyone you please. He can burn your fingerprints off, too. Hows the G going to find a man then? Youd be someone else, and no file will say you aint.