Indulgence (333 page)

He was glad he was trained, qualified expert sniper. So much
easier creating death when you didn’t have to stand right next to it. He’d
never killed with his bare hands before. Chances were, he’d have to do that
before getting out. But he knew he would do it if called upon.

Some young coeds were trying to catch his attention. Did
they know about the blood and carnage parading through his head? Did they know
how desperately he wanted them to never see anything but the insides of
shopping malls and houses by the beach? To spare them the level of death and
destruction some women their age endured overseas. He’d sacrifice his life to
keep them from having to experience the things that lived in his head. It was
sometimes what gave him strength to do what he did. Just so the folks at home
could have a normal something.

So he gave the girls a subtle, practiced wink and they
tittered their way out the doorway into the sunlight. Young. Innocent.
Oblivious to all the dark forces out there. All the hell on earth others had
seen.
So what the hell am I doing here?
For an instant he forgot where
he was. Then he remembered.
Waiting for Gina.

He’d even showed up a full ten minutes early. Now Kyle and
Fredo would have some definite opinions about that.

Sunday morning was usually a busy time at the Scupper. Of
course the tourist crowd was totally different from their evening group.
Parents of Navy recruits haunted its walls, remarking on the memorabilia, the
pictures of the fallen heroes over the bar, the polaroid of Saddam Hussein in
handcuffs, looking small and helpless after his capture.

Armando couldn’t fault people for wanting to pay homage to
his brothers in arms. But a part of him thought it got in the way. Too much hero
worship could lead to blind spots. He knew all too well that there were living
disasters in his community, walking time bombs. Their job was to do the things
they were trained to do and then come home and have a normal life.

What the hell is normal?

He’d heard the stories about how some of his brothers
couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t let a woman touch them. Couldn’t hold their kids.
They’d seen things they shouldn’t have in their short twenty-something years on
this earth. And just like the motto they lived by, “The Only Easy Day Was
Yesterday,” it wouldn’t ever get better. Maybe some of the pain would fade in
time. But one never forgets fallen comrades or the faces of the innocents
caught in the crossfire.

It was hard to admit he’d made some decisions he wrestled
with late at night. He saw the face of one young wife of a terrorist who had
attempted to protect her husband from Armando’s kill shot. He’d gotten them
both with the same round, but hers was the face he remembered. Even though he’d
seen more faces of pure evil, it was the women and children he couldn’t get out
of his thoughts. They were the people he was supposed to protect, or at least
try to spare if he could. Even when they chose the wrong side. They were
supporting and defending their men in battle. And the children had no chance at
all.

His first tour had gone on like a party. He was a newbie
SEAL, a fledgling. They wouldn’t trust him with the important stuff. His job
was to get out of the way and let the varsity guys do what they knew how to do.
His job was to observe, to learn, and try not to do something stupid to get
them all killed.

Somewhere along the line he became the guy who was giving
instructions. There was no official rank change in his file. No difference in
pay. No difference in the way he felt. But there was a subtle change, a new
mantle he wore. It was now his responsibility to watch over others like he’d
been watched over.

He gazed at the young portrait of Lance Grissom, the kid
from Indiana who wanted to be a doctor. When the young medic took the IED
intended for him, Armando knew there would come a day when he could no longer
do this job. But it wasn’t that day, and it wouldn’t be tomorrow. However,
there was one thing that happened to every SEAL who ever served in this elite
force: that day always came. He just hoped it came without too much blood and
gore or collateral damage. That he could walk away with all his body parts in
working order, and that he could leave knowing he’d done all he could to
protect and defend his country. Maybe then it would be okay to just walk away.

One of the older Team guys told him that as soon as a man
started thinking that way, he was on his way out. Armando wasn’t sure about
that. Just like he hadn’t been sure he would make it through Hell Week in BUD/s,
as he watched others drop out and he was still there. He found, after a time,
he had no opinion about it. He was just there. He’d just continue being there
until he wasn’t. That was all there was to it.

Mia had worn a huge hole in his heart. She was as attracted
to the dangerous life as he was, but the difference was she was attracted to
the wrong kind of danger. Armando had taken the path of his father, that one
good cop, surrounded by too few other good cops in Puerto Rico. And like his
father, Armando knew if he was just vigilant, he could outlast all the evil in
the world while it was his job to do so.

But as hard as he tried to help, Mia would not walk the
straight and narrow. Perhaps she, too, had some internal flaw, some place she
went where she didn’t think she was good enough to live a life of goodness and
light for her son. If he had a son, he’d do everything in his power to keep
every shadow of evil away from the boy. Mia seemed to want to take the boy down
with her. Armando couldn’t let that happen. What would it take? He wondered.

Then he began to think about Gina. He expected her to come
through the doorway any second now. There was something about her that was
different. He couldn’t quite figure it out. Part of him worried she was a bad
influence on his sister. But part of him thought perhaps it was the other way
around.

Or, was he looking for that pony in there somewhere? Was he
looking for what he
wanted
to see, or was he being objective? He didn’t
know anymore. He just knew that the touch of her skin was something he did
dream about at night. It helped him sleep, knowing that there still was a soft
part of him that could feel those things. Something that wasn’t dead.

So, is that what it was? Love?

Probably not. Probably all he wanted was to just relax with
someone. Maybe in time it would happen for him like what happened to Kyle and
Cooper. Maybe his day would come, if he was vigilant. If he continued to just
show up. Because he still believed in a better world, even with all the evil he’d
seen. That there were more good people than bad people. And that every new
child he saw born healthy and brought up in a good, stable home had a chance to
help save the world. And he’d be there to protect them until they could wear
the mantle. And so it would go throughout history. The fighting man’s legacy.

And that’s what he was. He would always be a warrior. It was
what he was made for, and, God willing, it would be something he wouldn’t have
to die for. But he could do it. He signed up for this.

So it should be easy to talk to Gina today. He tapped the
table with his fingers, aware that the anticipation was feeding an erection at
a damned inconvenient time.

You dog.

Forcing himself to change his thoughts, he looked at the
mothers and fathers with their sons and daughters in their fresh uniforms. He
gave thanks there were still people willing to do their part. Families who knew
to support a son or daughter who wanted to serve. Because the whole family made
the sacrifice. It wasn’t something that could be explained. It was something
that had to be lived.

Maybe Gina could help him with Mia. If he could just think
straight around her. She might be the key. God knew, he was completely out of
options.

And, speak of the devil, there she was, a fresh vision of heaven
right in front of him. She breezed through the doorway without knowing how
Armando’s heart raced. He took a deep breath and stood for her. He could do
this, if he could just keep his dick in line.

Her flowery scent fell over him, and it was everything he
could do not to take her in his arms and ask for a do-over. Could they just hit
the reset button and start all over again without all the mistakes? The lies?

He pushed away his concerns and focused on just listening to
her. She had something she wanted to say to him. And he knew it could be
something like, “I’m done. Moving away. I never want to see you again.” It
would be like her to finish it off clean, bold. She had it in her. He knew she
did. And even if he didn’t like it, he would have to accept it.

“Thanks for coming.” Her little smile showed her shy side.
That was almost as attractive as her wild side. “How’s your head this morning?”
she asked.

“Nothing a good strong cup of coffee can’t cure. You got a
car?”

“Yes, thank God for good insurance. Just came from the
rental agency.”

He could tell she was nervous because she kept rubbing the
back of her neck and looking around.

“Expecting someone?” he asked. He tried to make it sound
cool, but the asshole Sam was stomping his feet and yelling at him from inside
his head.

“No,” she said. “I came to see you.”

He liked her steady stare back at him. Unafraid. Something
had shifted. She’d faced a demon and she’d won. Good for her.

“I’m all yours.” It was true in more ways than one, but that
was all he was going to say or do right now.

She ordered the seafood scramble, so he ordered the same.
The waitress refilled his cup and gave one to Gina. Over the top of the
steaming mug she closed her eyes and blew the aroma right to him. She wasn’t
totally relaxed, but she wasn’t angry.

Thank God.

He could tell she was trying really hard to adjust for him.
Perhaps playing another role? What role? And why?

He could have made some snarky remark but he just watched
her.

Vigilant. Be vigilant.

Her eyes opened and he saw her need there. Was this a trap?
Did it matter?

Fuck it. Here I go.

“I feel like I need to be completely honest with you,
Armando.”

Oh, no. Am I going to like this?

“Okay.”

“I have a lot of respect for what you do. I always have.”

“Okay. Why do I get the impression there’s a ‘but’ in there
somewhere, Gina?”

She smiled and toyed with her coffee mug rim with her
forefinger. “I think you have me wrong.”

“How?”

“I have a job. I think it’s an important job.” She glanced
up at him and he caught her checking out his mouth. “I’m a very responsible
person. I manage a lot of paperwork for some important people.”

“Mia says you work for an insurance company.”

“Yes, I do.” She wasn’t looking him in the eye. “Sometimes
we can’t tell our clients everything about the process we go through. And
that’s not comfortable for me, but I do it because it’s for the good of the
people I work for.”

“So far, so good. Did you not think I could understand
this?”

“I thought maybe you would. I think you do the same in your
job. You do things you can’t talk about. You are specially trained to conduct
yourself on a higher level than most, and that’s what I respect so much about
what you do.”

This wasn’t going where he thought it would.

“I’m going to tell you something, and I think it will
explain some things to you. I don’t want you to be angry with me.”

“You were a guy.”

She laughed. It felt good to see her throw her head back and
laugh. The smooth flesh under her chin was especially delicate and called to
him.

“No. I’m not a guy. I’m a woman.”

“Whew. Because that would have made me angry, even though I
would have tried not to be.”

Her dimples framed her plump lips. “Good. I’m glad we got
that out of the way. No, you don’t have to wonder about that with me.”

“So, why am I here, Gina?” Inside he winced. Was this too
direct?

“I want to explain my relationship with Sam.”

“Am I going to like this?” he asked.

“I don’t know. But I think I need to tell you anyway. Seems
like the right thing to do.” Her eyelashes fluttered down as she examined her
forefinger doing the racetrack of the coffee mug again. “It’s about the gun, or
rather, the reasons for having one.”

“Okay.” He sipped his coffee and watched her struggle for
the words.

“Sam…did things to me.” Her eyes checked out his reaction.
“He was into some bondage stuff. At first it was just a little, and I was okay
with that. I actually enjoyed some of it.”

Armando let his eyebrows rise. “You said at first.”

“Well, he escalated into other things. He wanted to bring in
other men, other women.” She leveled a gaze at him that went straight to his
heart. “I just couldn’t do that. That isn’t me. Not that I’m knocking it. Just
not for me.”

How could Sam have wanted to share her? He’d have killed
anyone who tried to lay a hand on her. If she were his.

“He scares me, Armando. I’m just trying to ease him down. He
keeps turning up and following me.”

You have no business hanging around him, Gina.
Was
there something about the dangerousness of this guy that she liked?

“I’m afraid if I just end it, he’ll come after me and hurt
me,” she added after another silence.

But Gina, why don’t you stay away? Why don’t you get
protection?

“You have a gun. Have you been to the police?” Armando
couldn’t understand why she was willingly playing with fire.

“I don’t like cops,” she said, looking away. Armando heard a
waver to her voice. “I want to handle this on my own.” Suddenly he saw a scared
little girl in Gina’s place.

“Not smart, Gina. Guys like that get off on hurting women.
And they get away with it because no one turns them in.” He made eye contact
and she quickly looked away. What was she hiding? “You should go to the police.
Make a complaint. You can’t protect yourself against guys like him. I’ve seen
bullies like that before. They never give up. They have to be stopped.”