Indulge (9 page)

It was so realistic I almost reached out to touch it, until Arrick distracted me.

“Here’s the best part,” he said, pulling me against his side.

Although I enjoyed the embrace, it wasn’t enough to keep me from moving. He was right. What stood before me, was the best part.

I pulled myself from his arm as my heart hammered in my chest. The long entry led to an even larger round room. The ceiling towered above me curving perfectly. It stretched upward farther than I thought was structurally sound. If it were any taller it would collide with the stars. The domed ceiling was completely glass, open to the night sky and all its splendor.

I took three steps further, my knees wobbling with the sensation and power of the temple. I felt completely at peace and safe here. I wasn’t certain I would ever be able to leave.

Centered in the room was an enormous statue of Nyx. Her body was as curvy and beautiful as the portrait that had me enraptured in its loveliness. A soft, flowing fabric was carved flawlessly across her body. I could envision the invisible breeze the artist had tried to capture. It was impeccably frozen in motion, covering her delicate parts but in no way looking provocative or prude. The naked body was beauty and admired here as it was in the palace. I understood now, completely. It was gorgeous. I didn’t feel the slightest bit embarrassed that I was gaping up at giant statue of an almost naked Goddess.

Her face was cast downward in an affectionate gaze, her left arm lowered as if she were offering to help someone up. Her right arm was raised high above her head, a massive sword centered and pointed in the night sky. I tried to imagine the story behind the pose. Was she caught in a battle and offering help to a fallen comrade? Was the artist trying to depict that Nyx would always fight and be there for us, offering her hand? All we needed to do was take it.

My body tingled as if in answer. Somehow it felt right. Maybe our future wasn’t as bleak as I had thought before. Standing here in the temple with Nyx looking down at me, I had renewed hope.

Arrick was suddenly beside me, his hand on the small of my back. He guided me closer toward the statue. It stood in the center of a pool of simmering water, much like the liquid that was used during a Blood Mate ceremony.

“Nyx’s tears,” I whispered softly. A stone bench encased the sparking water and we took a seat, peering down in the pool.

Arrick took the flower that I still twirled in my fingers and held it before me. I sensed what he wanted to do and joined my hand with his, pinching the soft stem of the flower between my fingers.

We locked eyes for a moment, our emotions tangling intimately and lowered the flower into the water. This was our offering, and we each silently made a prayer, hoping she not just hear, but answer.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and focused every ounce of my being into my prayer. When I opened them again, the flower had absorbed the luminescence of the water and shimmered as it floated away.

I realized Arrick and I were holding hands and I met his gaze. He was so full of love and devotion it was hard to know where it began or ended. It was hard to tell through our connection if the feelings I felt were just his, or a combination of ours that made them that much stronger. There was no denying I cared for him. Our bond just seemed to intensify everything that was already there.

I opened my mouth to speak, but he placed a finger on my lips to silence me. It was a delicate touch and completely innocent, but my entire body tingled with the sensation.

“I know I have been hard on you lately and I know I have made things very confusing for you,” he said. I nodded. “That was never my intention. Nothing has turned out how anyone planned it.”

My brow furrowed. This wasn’t sounding like an apology or even anything romantic at all. Disappointment quickly coiled around me.

“Hold on,” he said, squeezing my hand tighter. “Let me finish. I am not the best at expressing myself through words and I guess I hoped that you’d be able to sense how I feel, but I think I’m only confusing you further.”

“Pretty much.” I recalled the confusion and anger I felt when he rejected me.

“When I began my duty as your guard you grew incredibly important to me. You were more important to me than my own life. You were the most precious thing in the world, and as I watched you grow, my sense of duty grew with you. Claire, you were reason for being. My life’s purpose.”

My eyes brimmed with tears as in emotions hit me full on. I shuddered. “But you don’t want me,” I whimpered, surprising myself and bit my lip. I hadn’t meant to say that aloud.

He nodded and I felt a knot build in my gut. Was it true then? Did he not want me?

“I do want you, Claire. Before I was just your guard, I was content to protect you from the shadows. I felt joy when you were happy and sadness when you were in pain. But now that we are bonded, it is like you are part of me. Like you belong to me. You are me and I am you.”

His words grew frantic. I could feel his frustration as he fought to find words to describe his feelings. “Then why did you turn me down?” I broke the silence between us, his eyes flickering in almost panic. I had never seen him like this before. He was always so calm and collected.

“I feel what you feel, Claire.”

I looked at him confused, then exhaled softly when I got his meaning. My fears had been confirmed. Arrick sensed my feelings for Dmitry. I felt ashamed, embarrassed and confused all at once.

“I…” I couldn’t think of what to say. He was right. I did still have feelings for Dmitry. He was my first real crush and I fell quick and hard for him. It wouldn’t just disappear.

All I could manage was, “I’m sorry.” I looked away, not wanting to meet his steady gaze.

“I’m not upset with you, it’s just something I need to deal with. I wanted you to forget him and be with me, but when I kissed you I felt you think of him and when the two of you…” He swallowed hard like the word was bitter, then finished, “Kissed.”

“I don’t mean to,” I pleaded apologetically. “Yes, I cared… care about Dmitry, and that might never change.” I knew my words might hurt him, but I didn’t want to lie. “But I care about you too. Like you said, things haven’t gone as planned. I never expected to feel what I do for either of you, and being ripped apart has made it hard for me to let him go.”

Arrick’s jaw tightened at my words and I could feel his frustration. I guess I was at bad with words as he thought he was.

“I suppose you are going to want both of us then? We are going to have to share you.” His words were full of disgust. I had never seen him this way and it almost frightened me. It was unnerving to feel such hostility in such a peaceful setting.

“No. I would never do that.” I remember how Evilyn explained her situation with Fox. They were not intimate, yet he remained loyal to her and their bond. She had found a way to make things work between her, Nicolae and Fox. Why couldn’t I do that with Arrick and Dmitry?

I scooted closer to Arrick, hoping that closing the gap would give him some comfort and cool his anger. “I care about you, Arrick. More than I want to admit to myself sometimes. Every good thing I have ever had in my life has been torn away from me. Sometimes I think I am more afraid of a good thing than a bad thing. Does that make sense?”

He nodded, but still didn’t meet my eyes. I watched the vein in his neck pulse before continuing. “You should know that better than anyone.”

“I do,” he conceded, turning to me fully. “I know it will take time. It is hard for me to know I must share you, even a little, but I feel everything. Any time you are around me and something reminds you of him it’s like a knife in my gut.” His eyes were full of emotion as words came spilling out. “I try to remind myself that it is different for you than me. You’re only just starting to care for me, whereas I’ve cared for you your whole life.”

“I’m not just starting to, Arrick. I feel what you do, so in a way I can sense the emotions you’ve always had. I feel like we’ve always known each other and always cared for each other even though I’ve only known you a few weeks. It’s hard to make sense of it sometimes, but I don’t want to fight it anymore.”

It felt good to finally put everything out in the open between us.

“I don’t want you to fight it anymore either,” he said slowly, and that handsome smile of his returned to his face.

We each took a heavy breath, releasing the remaining weight of our emotions. “It’s going to be dawn soon,” I said, even though I didn’t want the night to end. I felt like we had made some progress, if even a little. I silently swore I would control my thoughts of Dmitry when I was around Arrick. It wasn’t fair for him to have to feel how conflicted I was between the two of them.

The horizon was lightly dusted with shades of pink and orange as we exited the temple. Much like the soft beauty of the flower petals we had given as our offering to the goddess.

I took one last longing look at the temple before our pace quickened back down the mountain side. I definitely wanted to come back here as often as I could. Maybe the peace and serenity and splendor of it would help me to clear my head enough to make some much needed decisions. Arrick or Dmitry? Was Nicolae guilty? Was I really ready to fight in a vampire war? All those questions and more rattled in my head, but I decided, for now, I would push them away and enjoy my last few moments with Arrick before the sun rose.

We picked up our pace this time, having to race against the sun. It was kind of thrilling and only the tiniest bit dangerous. I knew he would snatch me up if we ran out of time and get me to the Château quickly, but it was still exciting to race beside him and laugh all the way.

At the main entrance to the Château I entered less hesitantly than the first time. The curtains were all already drawn and the interior was dimly lit with candlelight. It was in no way creepy. This was my home now and I loved it.

“Good day,” Arrick said watching me.

I sighed, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of knowing I was home. This was my home. I met his gaze, happiness filling every pore of my being. “Sweet dreams.”

He leaned in and his urge to kiss me wrapped around my body like a warm, comforting blanket. I welcomed it. My mind was filled with nothing but contentment.

But he hesitated, and instead planted a firm kiss on my forehead. I was a little disappointed but it was so endearing, and when he stroked my cheek with his thumb, shivers rippled down my body. I watched Arrick walk down a hallway and disappear before heading to my room.

The Château was unusually quiet and I made my way back to my room without seeing more than a few humans walking about in their hooded robes. I didn’t understand why they dressed like that. Walking around like floating figures with little to no part of their bodies exposed.

I could feel that the sun was quickly breaking the horizon, so maybe that was why it was so quiet. I was the only crazy vampire who was up super late. It almost felt like I was sneaking back in after a night out with a guy. I snickered to myself. In a way I kinda was.

The large curtains in my room had already been closed, to block all rays of the days light. I walked toward them, and tugged on the knobs of the French doors, to ensure they had been locked. Not that they would do much to protect me. I knew firsthand how a lock like that could do nothing to protect me, but I checked them anyway.

I walked around my dimly let room, letting the light of the few candles dance across the walls. Since coming home, the hole in my heart had been filled, but nothing in my life had become less complicated. A war was brewing on the horizon, Ana was out there somewhere planning how to kill me, a mystery figure was watching me in the darkness and Arrick was… well after tonight I knew I wouldn’t be fighting my feelings for him any longer.

When I awoke the next evening, the worries of the night were still heavy in my mind. I snuggled deeper into my covers, not wanting to face the night. I wondered if Arrick had left yet. We should at least say goodbye to each other. I rolled over to face the door, trying to talk myself out of getting out of bed when something caught my eye.

Lying atop the thick, white down comforter on my bed was black spot. I sighed thinking that I must have made a spot, coming home so dirty from the beach but as I sat up I was sadly mistaken.

Even with as dark as the room was, a single black stone twinkled on the bed beside me. It seemed to capture the light of the only candle and allowed it to sparkle on its surface. Dread instantly tightened my chest. Without any thought I knew exactly what this meant. The Dark was coming.

I held my breath and leaned in closer to inspect the stone. A strange energy emanated from it. A desire to pick it up tickled my senses, but I resisted. I bit my lip, my fangs piercing the soft flesh. I felt a drop of warm blood trickle down my chin.

The energy from the stone grew stronger and started to hum. It wasn’t loud, yet seemed to pound into my ears. I licked my lip and jumped off the bed. Whatever this stone was, I didn’t want to be anywhere near it.

I burst out of my room with incredible speed, the sound of wood splitting echoing in the distance. I probably ripped apart my bedroom door but I didn’t care, nor did I care; that I was running through the Château in my underwear. The Dark was here, I was sure of it. Things were much worse than we all thought they were.

I flew through the open doors of my father’s strategy room. He, my mother and Jarvan were deep in conversation, all of their brows wrinkled in thought. I crashed into a chair, knocking it over. Holding myself up by the end of the table, I gasped for air; my run hadn’t exhausted me, but I’d held my breath the whole time. My vision swirled for a moment before coming back into focus.

“What’s wrong?” my mother asked concern seeping from her tone.

My father flashed to my side, wrapping a soft shawl around me. “What has happened?” His voice was stern but laced with worry.

“In my room,” I gasped. I fell down into a seat, realizing the effects of the stone still plagued me. Fear still squeezed my insides, but the sight of my parents was slowly overcoming it.