inDIVISIBLE (18 page)

             
Options
… I prayed we actually had some.

CHAPTER 21

We settled for a crevice just large enough for us to lay side by side, the jagged edges of the rocks towering over us and obscuring most of the night sky. The crack curved about thirty feet back into the rock before it completely disappeared, becoming narrower and narrower the deeper it went. We chose to stay near the front of the crevice where we could run if we heard them coming instead of getting trapped when they caught our trail.

T worked quickly to smooth away the loose rocks and brush before throwing
down a couple of dirty shirts—our mattresses—I assumed. I sat and pulled my shoes free again, already chilled by the shadows and dank walls of the tiny canyon. The river ran just outside the opening, but in the dark it had become nearly invisible. I set my shoes beside the rock wall and pulled my knees into my chest, hugging them as the hair on my arms continued to rise.

T stood and swiped his hands across his jeans before retu
rning to the crevice opening. He stood silently, head moving side to side as he watched for any pursuers. Minutes passed before he pushed away from the wall and returned to sit across from me.

Cross-legged, he rested his hands in his lap and stared down at them.

“What do we do now, T?”

He raised his head and a smile touched his lips, his dimple deepening. Without warning, my face warmed, heat pressing up my neck to my cheeks, not stopping even after it reached my hairline. I turned away.

“Haven’t you ever wondered what you would do if you knew no one listened, no one watched?”

I cleared my throat, my heart now pounding in my ears so loudly he sounded muffled. I shrugged.

“You’ve wondered, haven’t you?” His voice had become silky and deep.

I licked my lips and swiped my hair behind my ear. “You mean
…” I struggled to find the right words. “With you?”

He laughed, his voice barely carrying past the pulsing in my head.

I stood and paced between the narrow walls, unsure if he laughed because I understood his train of thought or because I had it all wrong. I turned to face him when a sharp pain caught my arch. I lifted my foot from the ground and hopped on my good one. “Ow, ow, ow.”

T stood beside me instantly, supporting me even as he scanned the ground. He bent quickly, retrieved a rock and tossed it deep into the shadows. “The bugger’s been waiting to ambush you since we got here,” he teased.

I hit him playfully, realizing I’d overreacted to the rock because of the other questions battling in my mind.

“Want me to carry you back to the, uh, sitting area?”

I stood on both feet again. Though sore at the moment, I knew I wouldn’t feel a thing, given time. “I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

I nodded and headed back to my shirt-mattress.

T walked beside me. “What I meant was anything in the world,” he explained. “If you could do anything in the world without anyone listening in or watching, what would you do?”

              I’d never been allowed to think like that, so I honestly didn’t know. I hesitated and T stopped beside me, waiting. Several minutes passed before he gave up on me and said, “Of course, if you’d rather answer the other question, about what you’d like to do with me … I’m actually
very
curious.”

The heat returned
, and I stomped past him, sitting again and pulling off my sock to stare at the red welt on the bottom of my foot.

A breeze must have begun again because it whistled across the top of our crevice, drawing my gaze up, head tilting back until I caught a glimpse of glittering stars.

T’s fingers made contact with my jaw line, light and lingering. He sucked in a deep breath. I lowered my head and met his eyes. His fingers slid down my jaw to my neck, where they hesitated before making their way toward my collar bone.

Chills raced down my arms even as my stomach fluttered. I leaned into him as he began speaking.

              “If I could do anything, knowing we were totally free, no repercussions … no
men
out there chasing us, trying to kill us,” He cupped my cheek, his fingers entwining in my hair and I leaned into his strength for just a moment before I straightened again as his voice changed, became light and mischievous. “I’d like to climb that wall,” he said, pulling his hand away and pointing behind me. “I’d like to scurry all the way to the top without caring that it’s dangerous, that I’m destroying flora or fauna or whatever they want to call it. I want to climb to the top and yell when I reach it, knowing I’m far enough away from any other living soul that nobody would even hear me.”

My eyes widened, and I leaned further away from him. “You’d climb that wall—if you could do anything you wanted in the world?”

He smiled so his dimple showed and the fluttering returned to my stomach. “Yes.”

I looked away, fingers digging into the cool dirt floor. “What about traveling? Sailing across the ocean? Discussing anything you want in your own home?”

He cocked one eyebrow and smirked. “I don’t have a home, Brynn.”

I’d forgotten about that.

“We’r
e not near the ocean—I’m broke … no money—so traveling’s out.” He leaned back on his hands and stared at the cliff wall where it now disappeared into darkness. His face fell to shadows until I could see just the outline of him. “But that wall is right here and it’s calling me.”

             
Convinced he could no longer see the burning in my cheeks, I decided to be bold and flirtatious. “
I’m
right here.”

I felt him look at me, really stud
y me as if the darkness hadn’t blinded him at all. “I didn’t say that wall was the only thing I’d do.”

Now I knew he must
at least be feeling the heat emanating from my face. I ducked my head and suppressed a smile, stomach growling loudly, making us both jump.

I giggled. T unzipped the backpack and pulled a package of dried meat free. “I’m not sure how long we’ll have to survive on this,” he said, handing me several pieces of me
at, “so let’s take it easy until we study that map closer.”

I bit off a thick
piece—the juices that formed in my mouth oozed into my belly, setting off a second round of rumbles. I wrapped one arm around my middle and laid back, relishing the nourishment that seemed to seep into each muscle. “I feel like I haven’t eaten in days,” I mumbled.

T lay next to me and our arms brushed,
the warmth from his arm comforting and yet distracting. “Tastes like heaven, huh?”
              I nodded. “Like heaven,” the words caught in my throat, and I swallowed the last of the meat. “Can I ask you something, T?”

He rolled to his side, propping himself up on one elbow. “What is it?”

“Do you believe there’s a heaven? God?”

He shrugged. “I’ve never thought too much about it.”

Somehow his answer left me empty. “I’ve always learned the science behind life, but some of it just doesn’t click for me, you know? I guess I was kind of hoping for more,” I said, shrugging. “It would be really nice to know there was something else out there …”

“What would it really change?” he asked.

I couldn’t really say for sure. I scrunched my forehead and thought about it. “I don’t know,” I finally admitted. “It would take away the fear of death I guess, maybe even make me try harder so I didn’t disappoint God.”

T trailed his fingers over my forehead, brushing my hair aside. “What about you? Don’t you try hard to not disappoint yourself?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I learned a long time ago that trying my hardest brought on too much attention and it’s better to hide in the crowd.”

A dry laugh echoed between the towering wall
s. “I should know that … as an Olympic competitor, I became property of One United. They told me where to be and when, what to eat, how hard to work out … well, everything. I felt like I was in prison.”

“And you couldn’t talk about it,” I whispered, still nervous to voice the thoughts that seemed to flow easier now.

“No, I couldn’t. We were to be grateful for all we were given, indebted and loyal.”

I sat up again and leaned toward him. “I don’t like being indebted.”

He rolled to his back and rested his wrist on my knee, his fingers making circles across my thigh. “Then don’t be.”

“I won’t.” I set my jaw and felt real power
in saying the words, but somehow wasn’t even sure what they meant.

“Live like they aren’t watching you,
or aren’t monitoring what you say and how you say it.”

I bit my lip, tears stinging my eyes. It’s what I wanted, but how could I really achieve it? I was staring at death right now, not a long term evasion from the Alliance.
I closed my eyes and relished the silence, no matter how fleeting.

He smiled lazily, fingers stilling. “I guess that answers my question,” he said.

“What question?”

“What you’d do.
”

I swallowed hard and placed my hand on his chest. He covered it with his free hand, warming it
against his body.

“You want to taste complete and utter freed
om, freedom of speech, religion and thought …” He silenced and I thought about his words. The truth of them pulsed through me, sending a warmth to my core. My chills disappeared and I felt strength in my resolve like I’d never experienced before.

“I want to live my own life, T.”

“As you should.”

“And I want to believe there’s a God who’s taken my father somewhere beautiful.”

“Then believe it,” he encouraged.

I lay down again and took his hand in mine. The
bulges in the earth below me put pressure on my left shoulder blade and right hip and yet, I don’t think I’d ever felt as comfortable and at peace. “I will believe it.”

“Then there’s one more thing you’ve got to do,” he whispered.

I turned my head to find him watching me, his eyes clear as our faces nearly touched. “You’ve got to live to your potential. Honor yourself and you’ll honor God.”

My heart swelled
. I had to look away, up at the sky and the vast expanse of universe that somewhere, somehow, housed God.

CHAPTER 22

When being followed, silence is often more unsettling than the sound of pursuit. We both felt that unease deep inside and it manifested in our pacing up and down the little crevice. The sound of foot on stone rattled our nerves until T told me to stand guard while he came up with a plan.

H
e sat deep inside the stone walls going over the map and comparing the notes in my father’s books with the markings on the map. I stood near the stream, watching a deer dart to the bank, flick his ears and bend his head down for a drink. I tried to capture T’s attention, but the deer fled before T even looked up from his studies. When I could take it no longer, I blurted, “What’s with the map, anyway?”

T looked up, hands
still and mouth gaping. After a moment, the corners of his lips raised and he motioned me over.

I didn’t hesitate. I crouched beside him as he smoothed the map with his palms. He cleared his throat and pointed to the yel
low X I knew as the shed. “This is where we found the supplies, most of them property of One United, stolen from the City Center where your father worked—probably the reason they were caught.”

             
Stealing
—one more thing I’d never expected my father to do, but one that made a strange sense in this new world where I wasn’t fed beliefs, thoughts and feelings through my PCA, music and surroundings.

He chuckled. “S
tealing from the Alliance carries the death penalty.”

“There is no death penalty,” I argued.

“For regular criminals,” T said. “I think we’ve seen them prove otherwise where the Alliance is concerned.

“So they’re exempt from their own laws?” I asked.

T just raised an eyebrow and ignored the question.

He pulled a knife from his backpack and turned the end of the handle toward me. “See the markings?”

“Property of One United,” I mumbled upon seeing the familiar stamp. We had it marked into our PCAs, in the concrete floor of our home, school desks and nearly every public bench and vehicle. I hardly noticed it anymore … .

He shoved it back in the pack and said, “Nearly everything is stamped like that.”

“So how did they get it all … I mean, they stole it, but how did they get those kinds of things to the City Center to begin with? It’s not like they have weapons and stuff just lying around. It’s an office building.”