Independent Women - the Complete BWWM Romance Series Boxset (35 page)

#Chapter1

“I don’t know if you are ready for what I have going on.”

Crystal

Tamika breathed deeply, she was stuffed and there were still four more courses to go. She and the girls waited for quite a while to finally grace the doors of the Per Se restaurant that boasted of a five star 9 course meal and an amazing view. They came through on all of their promises.  She sighed as she listened to her friends chattering away, and looked out at the beautiful view of the Columbus Circle and the Upper East Side skyline.

She wondered how the world could go on and continue to be so beautiful, when she felt so miserable inside. The only thing that was keeping her going was her friends, her career and Jin. Her parents still didn’t know about her divorce, Reggie was being unresponsive to the divorce papers, and she just wanted some damn peace.

The world was buzzing around her but everything felt like a complete blur. The days and nights melted into one another, she missed her husband and no amount of being pissed off or scared could ever change that. She missed who she thought that he was, but that image was shattered and there was no going back.

He tried to call her almost every day, but every day his calls went unanswered. Everything that they had to say to one another could be talked about through their lawyers. She couldn’t afford for her resolve to weaken. It was time to break all ties with him, he’d gotten way too much of her life already, and she couldn’t listen to anymore of his lies. Knowing that she’d been sleeping with a man that was carrying on a full-fledged relationship with someone else almost the entire time during their marriage, was killing her on the inside. All of the times that he said ‘I love you’ felt like a lie. How could be possibly love her when he was with old Mimi? It was more important to him to have a sugar momma than to be loyal to the one woman that would have done anything for him.

Tamika was never attracted to Reggie because of his money, car, or the gifts that he got her. She always just wanted him for him. She grew up with money and she could make her own but she knew that there was much more to life. The fact that he was in school and playing football showed that he had a tremendous amount of drive and initiative. He could have lived in a cardboard box and she would have loved him just the same.

Why couldn’t he be honest with her? Instead he preferred to keep the lies going until they bit him on the ass. Things got so bad that he put his own family in danger, and that was unforgivable. Every day she prayed that God would heal her heart, and every day the pain seemed more pronounced than before.

“I swear, she’s not listening to anything that I’m saying!” Crystal said as she snapped her fingers in front of Tamika’s face. “Are you in a food coma? Maybe we should have cut you off two courses ago.”

Tamika looked at her friend with mild annoyance, “Chick, if you don’t stop snapping your fingers in front of my face, I don’t think that you’re going to have fingers anymore.”

“Meow,” Crystal said before she made a slight hissing noise.  “Excuse me, then.”

Kalena giggled, “Tamika is going to kill you. You know she hates people putting their hands in her face.”

“It’s the only way that I can get her attention,” Crystal said, “She’s been zoning out all evening. We’re here in this expensive ass restaurant, the least she can do is talk.”

Tamika grinned, “I’m sorry boo, I know how much you miss my voice. I’m just off in la la land over here. The food is really good, I’m enjoying myself, and I’m enjoying the company.”

“Yeah, that’s more like it. Appreciate me, dammit,” Crystal laughed.

“What’s been going on with you today anyway?” Kalena asked Tamika.

Tamika took a deep breath. She still hadn’t told her friends about the kiss that she and Jin shared a couple of weeks prior. It was so sweet and nice and it was exactly what she didn’t need. Her feelings were all over the place, she missed her husband, but she loved how comforting Jin was. He was her rock, and the reason that she got through her work days. Although, she’d finally started to take some of her much needed vacation time.  Today was no exception, she’d taken the day off because she didn’t feel like dealing with anyone.

“Well, I’ve been at home for most of the day, I came out to be with you two and that’s about it.” Tamika said.

Kalena looked at her with squinted eyes, “I didn’t ask you for your schedule, I asked about what’s going on with you. You know, on the inside. Don’t give me some surface level crap, you didn’t just meet me yesterday.”

“Jin kissed me,” Tamika said quickly.

“Well duh,” Crystal replied before she rolled her eyes, “You’ve already slept with him, you’re in the middle of a divorce, and he wants more. Of course he kissed you, the real question is if you kissed him back.”

“Okay, I lied. I kissed him and he kissed me back.”

“See, now we’re getting somewhere,” Kalena said. “So what made you kiss him?”

“I don’t know, he was being so nice to me, he looked really good, and I got the urge to do it. I miss the human contact and I really like him,” she admitted.

“So now what? Are you two together?” Crystal asked.

“Absolutely not. I’m not ready for another relationship of any kind. I need to slow down.”

“If you know that’s what you need to do, then you have to do it even when it’s inconvenient for you,” Kalena said.

Tamika knew her friend was right but she wasn’t in the mood to hear sound advice, she just wanted to continue to stuff herself with amazing food and great wine. “I hear you, so tell me what’s going on with you? You’re all in my business, so it’s time for me to get all in yours.”

Kalena bit her lip, she wanted to tell her friend about what happened with Tommy but it felt dumb to admit that she’d been played. She felt stupid and naïve to think that he was going to wait for her to make up her mind before he moved on.

“Oh lord, I know that look,” Crystal said, “We’re going to find out sooner or later, so you may as well let us know.”

“So, I took your advice and I went to patch things up with Tommy. I had to go over there and let him know that I wanted to try us again, for real this time. Watching my mom and dad argue, and thinking of all of the things that my father put my mom through, it made me appreciate him so much more.”

“Okay, so what happened?” Crystal asked.

“I got to his house and another woman was there, and not just any woman, it was the same chick from before. Before he could say anything I left. He didn’t waste any time moving on.”

“You can’t be upset with him for dating, the two of you weren’t together,” Tamika said.

“I know that, but if he claimed to truly like me as much as he said that he did, then why didn’t he wait longer? Shit, according to him, he loved me! Those aren’t the kinds of actions that reflect love. You don’t move on that fast when you love someone.”

“Just because he is dating that girl doesn’t mean that he moved on, some people use others as a way to help them get over the pain. It doesn’t even have to be anything special about the person,” Crystal said.

After she said it, she realized how close to home the words hit her. She’d been doing that for longer than she could remember. She pushed her feelings back down to the place inside of her where she hid them and continued, “So don’t read too much into it. If you want that man, get him. He’s yours for the taking; don’t miss out on a good thing because you’re too damned stubborn to make it right. Trust me, if you stayed there, he would have asked her ass to leave again.”

“It’s not right to go back and forth between people like that. They deserve better, and it’s very immature,” Kalena protested.

“It may be wrong, but it’s human. We all make mistakes. When we choose a partner, it’s ideally for life. So yeah, things can get messy until you decide what you truly want,” Tamika said.

“I know, but it really hurt my feelings. I didn’t expect to see that girl answer the door with that smug look on her face. I just wanted to slap her.”

“It’s not a competition if you’ve already won,” Crystal said, “Trust me, that girl knows what’s up which is why she tried to intimidate you. She can’t make him leave you alone but she can try to get you to back off instead.”

“I didn’t think of it that way. I did let her cause me to react, maybe too soon.”

“Mmmhmm,” Crystal said as she drained her cocktail glass and ate her next course.

Kalena didn’t want to think about Tommy anymore. She’d been silently obsessing over it since the day she ran off of his porch. The only thing that got her through was work. She’d been staying later and volunteered to go to events. Going back to her empty house was just too much for her and her mom was busy a lot. She thought that her mom would mope around for a lot longer but she was out enjoying herself, and it seemed odd.

“Okay,” Kalena said quickly, “Crystal, spill the beans, what’s going on with you?”

“I don’t know if you are ready for what I have going on,” Crystal said.

“Girl, quit stalling and tell us all about what you’re into now.”

Crystal wasn’t ready for the verbal ass whooping that was about to come from her friends. She knew what they were going to say before they opened their mouths, which is why she kept her last experience to herself.

“Okay, if I tell you, you have to promise not to be too hard on me,” Crystal bargained.

“Uh oh,” Tamika said, “Is it that bad?”

“It’s not bad, it’s just…different.”

“Now I really have to know,” Kalena said.

“Well,” Crystal began, “I met this amazing man named Kai through my job.  He’s sexy as hell and I couldn’t wait to get his ass in my bedroom, I could have really done some things with him.”

“You didn’t sleep with him? What happened? Did he have a tiny dick? Crazy stalker ex? Missing a leg?” Kalena asked quickly.

“Girl, if you don’t stop!” Crystal laughed.  “Just let me finish the story without asking me those psycho questions.”

“What?” Kalena asked, “You’ve dealt with a lot of crazies before, so nothing would shock me anymore. Wait, is he a midget?”

“Kalena!” Tamika scolded, “Let her finish the story.”

Crystal rolled her eyes, “As I was saying, he is a great man and we had a great date. Well, it was going well until I found out that he has kids. You two know how I feel about men with children. I don’t have any and I don’t want a man with any. I like kids but when I get married, I want to be the one to give a man his first child. I’m sure that it sounds selfish, but I think that I deserve that.”

“Did you say that on the first date?” Kalena asked.

“Yes, I pretty much told him. However, I didn’t see that as a reason as to why we couldn’t have a little adult fun. Then he basically told me that I was crazy and that I had issues. Sex and love are two different things, so I didn’t see the problem. He then went on a mini-rant about how he doesn’t have casual sex.”

Kalena snickered lightly, earning her a scowl from Crystal.

“What’s so damned funny?” Crystal asked.

“Someone turned you down for sex, and you were so sure that you were going to get in his pants. He actually wanted to get to know you and you passed it up! If he’s as great as you say that he is, isn’t he worth it?” Kalena asked.

“I just can’t settle for anything less than what I want,” Crystal said.

Tamika watched her friend and shook her head. When was she going to open herself up to the possibility of love? It had been far too long since she was in a meaningful relationship. She hadn’t been the same since her relationship in college, since then she was fluttering around from one relationship to the next. They hardly ever talked about it; it was forbidden although it was unspoken.

“I haven’t heard from you,” Crystal said to Tamika, “I’m sure that you have a lot to say.”

“I just don’t understand why you’re giving him such a hard time. He could have spoken to you in a much better way but I can see why he was so upset. When people have children, they’re a package deal. You don’t get one without the other, and it’s unfair for you to think that he should be okay with that. Imagine a woman putting up with that kind of shit, would you be pissed off for her?” Tamika asked.

“Ugh, I’m so not ready for this conversation right now. Can we finish eating and make plans for a vacation?  I’m in need of some tropical weather,” Crystal said.

“Don’t try to change the subject,” Kalena said, “We will talk about our vacation. However, I feel the need to point out that a man’s stock isn’t lowered just because he has children, especially if he is being a responsible father.”

Crystal filled her wine glass and said a simple, “I’ll give it some thought.” In her head, she’d already thought about it. He had no right to speak to her the way that he did, so there was no point in rehashing the subject. They could continue to work together but anything outside of that wasn’t optional.

“Oh I forgot to tell you, Kalena,” Tamika said, “I saw your mom at my attorney’s office, we have the same one.”

“Yeah, she told me. She said that you were sitting there looking like you were ready for war and that your suit was on point,” Kalena laughed.

“Well you know how I do,” Tamika grinned.

“I do. Alright, ladies, let’s try to eat the rest of this food and plan our trip,” Kalena said as she raised her wine glass to toast. The other two raised their glasses in agreement and the planning began.