Independence (4 page)

"Thanks, Dad," I hummed. "No, I'm not upset. I thought it was about time."

He hugged me sideways
with one arm
, but that wasn't enough. I hug
ged him around his middle like the
little girl
I used to be
and squeezed. He
gripped me in that knowing way and held me tightly. He whispered, "I'm sorry about Rebecca, baby."

I nodded. "I'm gonna go see her parents now."

"Want us to come?"

"Nah," I insisted. It was going to be hard enough to face them without an audience. "You can just come with me to the viewing tomorrow
, all right?
"

"That's fine. Whatever you want."

"This'll give you two time to settle in anyway." I glanced at Fiona as she stood off to the side, regal and quiet. "We'll sleep at Caleb's tonight." I didn't add anything further. I didn't want to get into intimate details about…that.

"And I'm just here to get some stuff," Bish spouted quickly. "I guess I'll stay with Jen at Peter's for a while."

"Don’t faint when you see the place," I told him. "It's massive."

He didn't smile, but he did come and give me one of his big bear hugs that I had been missing. "Maggie," he sighed at a loss for words. His mind was literally blank of anything comforting to say. I shook my head at him to tell him it was OK. He kissed my cheek and said, "We'll see you later, won't we? At Peter's?"
"Nah," I said and looked at Caleb. "I thought we'd stay at your apartment, if that's all right?"

He nodded and gave me a look.
"Of course."
"That way you can get settled in, too, without anybody else to distract you."

And once again, I left it at that.

"If that's what you want," Bish
countered. "We'll come tomorrow, to the viewing."

"Sure." Caleb still had our bags in his hands. I realized we didn't even have a car here. Caleb's bike was at Uncle
Ken's. I swung my gaze to Dad. "Can we leave our stuff here and get it later?"

"Of course."

I nodded. "OK. I'm ready when you are," I told Caleb, the ever stoic bodyguard. I jiggled the key ring he'd given me in the front pocket of his hoodie. It clanked against the star bracelet that he'd replaced from the 25 Hour Skillet crew and reminded me that no matter what happened from now on, I had people who loved me and cared about whether I was happy or not.

I let that thought hang there as Caleb led me out the door with his hand on my lower back. I heard Dad and Fiona talking to each other in their minds about me; poor me, sweet me, me who'd been through so much. What about poor Beck? Poor Ralph? They were the ones paying for my mistakes.

My Converses smacked on the pavement as w
e made the short trek to Beck
's house. Caleb was quiet and I was thankful
as he held my hand
. I didn’t want to talk about it, not really. I just wanted her to be alive and she wasn't
,
and it was my fault. Gosh... I thought about what Beck would say at hearing me talk like this. She'd tear me a new one for sure.

I laughed at the memory of her
yelling at me when I cried about her being grounded when we were twelve. She had gotten caught and I hadn't. I wanted to turn myself in, confess all, but she scoffed and made out like I was being a complete idiot. "Now why would you do that? Then we'd both be in trouble instead of just one of us! That's makes no sense, Mags."
But I felt so guilty that I wound up telling on myself. They may as well have printed up 'Wanted' posters for me because my conscience plagued me everywhere I went. So naïve, so simple, so easy…such a different time in our lives.

Caleb's thumb rubbed gently across my fingers, bringing me out of my memory. I looked up to find his sympathetic face watching me. When we came up on Becks' house, I saw her car in the driveway. They must've taken Ralph's. The ache in my chest got almost unbearable as her parents
'
silhouettes could be seen through the window.

Caleb stopped me and turned me to him. "Wait."
"I'm gonna lose it, Caleb," I told him, my voice shaky. "I'm not going to be able to-"

His warm lips were on mine, halting anything else I might have said. I wasn't
exactly
kissing him, but he
sure
was kissing me. He wrapped me into his chest and kissed the breath
right
out of me. My hands were trapped between us. I curled my fingers so I could feel productive in the
hanging on for dear life
department. The harder he kissed me, the deeper I fell.

I knew what he was doing. And as grateful as I was to him for trying to fill me up with calm instead of sorrow, I was
now being wracked with a need for Caleb that seemed suddenly desperate.
I forced my hands out from between us and
curl
ed them around his neck. My tip
toes pushed me up to meet him of their own accord.

"Hell,
Maggie,
" he murmured aga
inst my lips.
His hands became paws as he gripped me closer to him.

The hoodie was suddenly very warm. It was strange. I'd never felt like this before. It was like my body was done with being on the backburner to my responsibilities. It didn't give a
darn
what was going on around us, it just knew that Caleb was here, he was touching me and he was mine.

It was too much, but I couldn't stop myself. I was on autopi
lot and my imprint was driving. I felt completely out of control.

Caleb brought his hands up to my face and exhaled harshly against my cheek as he pulled back a little. "It's OK," he soothed and rubbed with his thumbs. "It's OK. It's been like this for me since the beginning
and
it's totally normal
. Our bodies are just…tired of waiting
to be together
, that's all."

"You've felt like this the whole time?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

"Well…not exactly like this, but it's been pretty bad at times," he answered wryly.

"The boxer briefs
incident?" I said and found myself smiling.

He laughed and chewed the corner of his lip. "Yep. Top of the list."

"So what does this mean?"

"Remember when I said most significants are married within a couple of weeks? Well it's been a few weeks already, babe. We can wait, but it's not going to get any easier."

He was trying not to grin. "Oh, you seem
so
broken up about it," I teased.

He laughed and gripped my hip
s
tighter. "Not really broken up about it, no. The fact that you finally want me almost as m
uch as I want you does feel
kinda
nice
though."

I rolled my eyes good naturedly and we both seemed to know that our little 'calming session' was over. I looked at Beck's car once more
and whispered, "Thanks
, ba
be
."

He smiled at the 'babe
'. "I love you and you can do this. I'll be right behind you
,
remember? I'll always be here
to keep you together
."

I wrapped my arms around his middle just like I had my father and let him squeeze me and kiss my hair. A part of me almost hated being so dependent on him, but he was right. He always kept me together and I needed to cling to that, not push it away.

After I felt like I had taken all the time I could, I turned to go inside, but found Mrs. T coming outside with the trash. As soon as she saw me she started to cry. She
opened her arms for me and,
like the little girl I felt, I ran to her.

She cried and I cried, but eventually we parted and I said I'd be back the next day. When I was walking away, I couldn't help but touch Beck's Dodge Neon…and was smacked with a vision.

Caleb rushed forward.
I held on and watched as
Beck and Ralph made the mountain pass, laughing and singing to the radio. They got to the last exit before taking the highway when the car broke down. Ralph was furious. He was saying there was no way that they were out of g
as because he'd
just filled up in town. But they were bone dry and not a person or house in sight. The pass wasn't used very often unless you had a summer house up there or something.

They were alive!

So they started walking. And as the days dragged on, they ran out of water and food and eventually, lost their way. They were in a small alcove or cave on the mountain side in the valley. Ralph was worse off because he had refused to take the last bit of water, giving it to Beck instead. As I looked at the vision, and saw Beck's face, dirty, sad, defeated and beautiful as she brushed back Ralph's hair, I knew there was still a chance for me to save her.

I glanced up
at Caleb, who nodded, having see
n
the vision. He was ready to go, too. Ready to take me to save my friends.

And just like that I joined hands with Caleb and we ran all the way to his uncle's house.
We bypassed Dad's house because he would try to stop me and Bish would try to go with me. No one else was dying or being hurt for me. This was my mess and my fight.

Well, and Caleb's by association.

He laughed at my thought.

We had no clothes to chang
e into and nothing with us, but as we jumped into Caleb's uncle's black SUV, I didn't care. I just wanted to get there. We were hours away and then still had to try to find them.

Caleb said we would stop for some supplies on the way as he flew in reverse down the driveway and then zoomed down the street.

We did just that.

About an hour into our drive we stopped at a little gas station for some water bottles and food. More than enough food, because Beck and Ralph would need to eat once we found them.
And we would find them.

We drove for hours. Caleb blared the radio and sang along, toying with my fingers in my lap. He did
anything but talk about Beck
and I was grateful. I kicked my shoes off and pulled them into the seat under me. I pulled the hood up on his hoodie and snuggled in for the long ride.

But my vision had been vague. So when we reached the last
gas station before heading into
the
backside of the mountain
, we stopped to fill
up and get another gas can to fi
ll up as well, just in case. We knew it was the last gas station because the sign that stated so was bigger than the freaking store was.

He gave me his debit card and wrote the code on my hand. I smiled and tried not to laugh. Now that's love; your bank card and pin code.

I slipped back on my shoes and went to the bathroom while he pumped. I was getting us both a drink when
I heard him.

Grab a couple of honey buns, too, babe. I've got a hankering.

I laughed at him in my mind.
Then I better grab about ten then, 'cause I ain't sharing.

Aho!
Well, you better get ten
more
'cause I ain't sharing either.

Fine! I will!

I heard his laugh.
Will you grab me a couple st
icks of beef jerky, too, pretty please?

Of course, my love.

I did that and grabbed a few honey buns,
along with s
ome crackers and Gatorades
,
too. My arms were loaded down when I flung it all onto the counter. The attendant's raised brow was not in jest and I cleared my throat in apology. He swiped everything with annoyance and stuffed it into the bag. I swiped the card and punched in the code.

When he handed me the receipt I grabbed our spoils and met Caleb outside, where he had pulled the car right up to the door. I
hopped in.

"I texted your dad and mine to let them know what was going on," he admitted. "Didn't want them to worry."

"
Thank you," I said in relief. "I hadn't even thought to do that." I pulled his beef jerky out and handed it to him along with his huge can of Arizona sweet tea. I laughed and pointed to the can. "See? It's fate that you go to Arizona."

He chuckled a little, but it was reserved. I sent him a questioning look. "It's nothing. I mean…it's something, but you're not allowed to know it yet. We can't talk about the future right now, remember? You're not supposed to know until the wedding."

I smiled good naturedly and nibbled my honey bun as he plowed through two long sticks of jerky.

About an hour later he pulled off the side of the road. I saw in his mind that he wanted to sleep. "We're sleeping here?"

"No hotels, babe."

"I know…but…"

He gave me a sympathetic smile. "I know, but we can't look for them in the dark. We'll sleep here. It's not in the valley yet, so we may have a little traffic, but no one should mess with us. First thing in the morning, we'll get up and go find her."