Incomplete (3 page)

“You’re almost done with school. We have the summer and that’s it, Grayson. After that you’ll be going off to college and I’ll probably hardly ever see you. I mean, come on, you’ll be in
California
, not exactly the next state over. I know you want to,
need
to, get away from here. And I don’t blame you, I really don’t.” Her words come out in a rush, stabbing me like sharp little knives. “It’s just that…everything will change. Everything will be different.

“I just want…I just want the summer with you before it all changes. That’s all. I want to see you as much as I can. I told my parents I’m not going on the annual summer trip unless you can come too.” She stubbornly juts her jaw forward and I have a maddening urge to kiss her and smooth the frown line between her brows.

“Lily—“ I begin as the warning bell rings.

“I have
to go. I can’t be late for my speech class. It’s my day to talk.” Lily backpedals with sad eyes, after a moment spinning on her heel, leaving me.

“Lily, wait!” Uncontrollable fear shoves me after her, down the emptying hallway. “Lily!”

“I’ll talk to you later, Grayson,” she calls back before disappearing into a classroom. The soft click of the door shouts with finality.

The last bell rings.

I stand in a vacant hallway, staring at the line of tan lockers, not seeing them. My stomach is in knots and my throat is tight. Every time she walks away lately, I wonder if it will be the last time. I feel like I’m losing her. Only I never really had her, not the way I want to. What the fuck is wrong with me? I shove a hand through my unruly hair and heave a deep sigh.

“Are you lost, Mr. Lee?”

I jump at the sound of the deep voice and connect eyes with Dean Young, the principal. There’s something eerie about the silent way he is suddenly upon students when they are where they shouldn’t be—he always catches me anyway. He’s a bear of a man; six and a half feet tall and all muscle. Mid-forties with short sandy brown hair, glasses, and a gray suit, he stares me down from the end of the hallway near the office. Principal Young’s hands are as big as my face and they’re on his hips; his expression completely blank. He’s intimidating, I have to say.

“No.”

“Good. Get to class.”

I spin around and head toward the gymnasium and boys’ locker room,
my thoughts a tumultuous mess that twist me up inside. I’ve been accepted to the San Francisco Conservatory of Music, something that should have me ecstatic, but saddens me more than anything. Lily knows this because she was there when I opened the letter. She saw the look on my face and she got mad at me for not being overjoyed. Lily knows I have to go, she knows I need this. How can I leave the only good thing in my life? I need her more. She doesn’t know that, but I do.

And my brother.
A heavy weight resides on my shoulders. Who is going to look out for my brother after I go? I know Lily would check up on him as much as she could, but she wouldn’t be around to shelter him from the nights and those, in my house, are the scariest. The monsters in my house aren’t evil or hiding under the beds or lurking in the closets—they’re in the indifferent people meant to
protect
us from the real monsters but don’t care enough to. I thump my forehead against the cool wood of the door to the gym, briefly closing my eyes, and shove it open.

The
gymnasium smells like sweat and the air is stifling hot with bodies running up and down the length of it. It’s a free day in gym class and most of the guys are playing basketball while the girls are pretending to exercise as they gossip and size us up with their eyes. I feel the heat of their gazes, suffocating me, drilling into me. They’re eyeing me up like I’m a piece meat and they’re starving; comparing me to every other guy on the floor—yet they act like they hate me. I’ve realized girls are scary; confusing and contrary without fail. Except for Lily—she doesn’t play games.

Sweat trickles down my forehead as I make a half-ass attempt at shooting a basket. I miss.

I’ve had a few girlfriends, but nothing serious. My relationship with Lily tends to disrupt things between me and the opposite sex. I don’t care. Nothing is capable of coming between us and no girl has even been minutely comparable to her. Ever. Dating has kind of turned pointless to me and I can’t even remember the last time I went out with a girl. They’ve all pretty much disappeared to me; all of them except Lily.

“Think fast, Lee!” is shouted just before the basketball slams into the back of my head.

Pain flares into my skull and red hot anger with it. I whirl around, my eyes grazing over the white walls of the gym and coming to land on Garrett Adams. He stands across the gym, smirking. He is going to pay for that. It doesn’t matter that I wasn’t paying attention to the game.

“Whoops.” The tone of his voice and the look on his face are at odds with that word. It’s a perfect face with perfect features, perfectly styled brown hair, perfect teeth, perfectly toned body, perfect height,
perfect fucking everything.

I’d like my fist to make it not quite so perfect. They clench in anticipation as I stride for him. Hands grab at me; worried voices try to distract me. I shrug the hands off and keep going; the voices nothing but a buzzing in my ears. Garrett straightens, his eyes locked with mine.

I reach down, my gaze never leaving his, and pick up the basketball. It’s rough against my palms and oily from all the hands touching it. My hands itch to slam it into his face. Not just because he intentionally hit me in the head with a basketball, but because he wants Lily, and because she likes him, and because he probably deserves her more than I do. Wariness creeps into his expression as I spin the basketball between my hands as I approach.

“Were you aiming at me,” I cock my head, “or the hoop?”

Garrett swallows, the cocky smirk gone from his face. “The hoop.”

“Ah.” I nod, dribbling the ball against the shiny floor without looking at it. I played ball for two years and I was good. I’m still good; I just don’t play much anymore. “You must have the suckiest aim out of the whole school then.” I smile, my eyes telling him all the things I’d like to do to him, none of them pleasant.

Face red, Garrett stiffens. “Or the best.”

My eyes narrow as I slam the ball into his chest so hard his breath leaves him in a grunt. I hold it there, digging it into his flesh. He stumbles back a few steps and I move with him. “Try it again and see what happens. Maybe your aim’s improved within the last five minutes.” My jaw is tight as my gaze locks with his.

Garrett’s eyes are brown and full of loathing. His lips thin and he says quietly, “You’re going to be gone soon. I got one more year, just like Lily. I’ll be here, with her, and you’ll be gone.”

The urge to hit him is tremendous. Mostly because what he says is true. The thought of Lily with him instead of me is unacceptable. He can
not
replace me. My breaths come faster, and my stomach feels sick. I picture them laughing together, holding hands, maybe even kissing, and I want to puke. His face blurs, turns into something I want to annihilate. His face represents the future for Lily, minus me.

I grit my teeth and shove the ball harder into his chest. “Shut the fuck up, Adams,” I growl.

“What’s the problem, ladies?” Mr. Benson, the gym teacher, demands as he stops beside us. He’s fat and bald and clearly has not exercised within the last twenty years. He also smells like onions and always sweats, even when he’s standing still, which is most of the time.

I stare Garrett down as I answer, “Nothing. Everything’s fine.” My voice is rough, tight.

“Then maybe you can walk away.”

I can’t. I am unable to move. Fury has me locked in place. If I move, my fist is going to come up swinging. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down, trying to steady my rapidly beating heart.

“Walk away, Lee.
Now
,” Mr. Benson commands.

I step away and the basketball drops to the floor, rolling toward the cluster of kids watching us. I glance at the faces of girls and boys I’ve known the past ten years of my life; not seeing faces but eyes; eyes judging, staring at me in horror, in disgust. I look away from the mass of spectators. Garrett rubs his chest, glaring at me.

“Adams, Lee, ten laps. The rest of you go back to whatever you were doing,” Mr. Benson announces, dividing his squinty-eyed gaze between the two of us. “You two have been at each other all year. Anything else happens I don’t like, you’ll be having detention. Get. Go run. Stop being idiots. And if that’s beyond you, just run.”

I run.

***

The day systematically gets worse with each hour that goes by. I can’t concentrate. I’m edgy. Everything, all the shit that makes up my life, seems to be crashing in around me today. I don’t share any classes with Lily, so lunch is the next time I’m allowed to see her other than a glimpse of her in the hallways while we’re both going from class to class.

The school lunchroom is large, white, and has high ceilings. It’s packed full of students, their loud voices echoing and turning into a nondescript buzz. It smells like tacos in the room and the air is humid. I scan the cafeteria for her familiar head of dark hair, my pulse jumping when my eyes find her. I can’t breathe until I’m beside her, within touching distance. She sits with two of her girlfriends, Bethany Williams and Mia Kalinowski, and one of the few people other than Lily I consider a friend, Ben Wolfe. I quickly dump two soft shell tacos on my plate and a container of chocolate milk on my tray and make my way toward them.

“Hey, drama queen,” Ben greets, his full lips turning up. Ben is wiry with brown hair and eyes and skin. For some reason, he always has a girl waiting to date him. I personally think it’s the Native American in him. He has sculpted, sharp features and a slightly wild look to him girls seem to be attracted to. Girls always want the untamable because they think
they’ll
be the one to do the taming. News flash: You can’t tame what doesn’t want to be tamed.

I sit across from Lily, still not close enough to her, and glare at Ben. “Shut up.”

“Drama queen?” Lily echoes, nibbling on a Golden Delicious apple, her dark blue eyes trained on me. Those eyes are pulling me in, disorienting me.

“Ben doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” I mutter, staring at the unknown meat substance on my plate passing as taco-seasoned hamburger.

“I heard about that,” Mia says, nodding. “You hit Garrett Adams in Spanish class this morning, totally unprovoked.”

My head shoots up and I scowl at Mia. Mia is a gossip and usually, like this time, doesn’t get the story right. She’s basically harmless as long as she doesn’t talk. I don’t think she intentionally means to stir things up, but she does.

“
What?
” Lily blinks.

“That’s not what happened. I was there,” Bethany supplies and I give her a grateful look. Bethany is a taller, washed out version of Lily. She’s almost as pretty as Lily, but somehow she doesn’t shine like Lily does. Her nose is smaller, her eyes a paler blue.

Bethany continues, “All I saw was Garrett throwing a basketball at Grayson’s head and Grayson getting mad, which is understandable. Then Benson made them run laps.”

“I’m not even
in
Spanish class,” I point out to Mia.

Mia twirls a lock of chin length red hair around her finger and shrugs, clearly disinterested in actual facts. She’s short and curvy with brown eyes and freckles along the bridge of her nose and cheeks. I suppose she’s cute, but she is too annoying for me to think so.

“Garrett’s an egotistical dick who thinks he’s better than everyone because his family has money.” Ben shoves half a hard shell taco in his mouth, shredded lettuce dangling from his chin as he chews.

I haven’t looked at Lily yet. I’m scared of what her expression will be. Anger at me, empathy for Garrett, what? Whatever it is or isn’t, I don’t want to know. My eyes find hers anyway, sucker that I am. She’s staring at me, her head tilted. There is no judgment on her face, only curiosity.

“What happened?”

I shrug, opening the carton of chocolate milk and chugging it down in one long
swallow. I grimace at the aftertaste it leaves in my mouth. “What Bethany said.”

“He hit you with a
basketball
?” Her voice gets high on the last word. “Like, on the head? How? Why?”

“We were playing basketball. I wasn’t paying attention. I should have been paying attention.” Why am I saying this? I should be making him look bad and me good. “He threw the ball and it hit the back of my head.” I crumple the empty milk container and toss it on top of the uneaten food on the plate.

“For no reason?” Lily’s voice is shaking and I wonder at that.

“Like I said, I wasn’t paying attention.” I catch Ben’s grin and look away.

“So what did you do after that?” she asks in voice without inflection of any kind.

“I, uh…” I shift in my seat, suddenly uncomfortable. I’m usually able to control my anger, but sometimes, and more than usual lately, it threatens to consume me. I want to lash out, hit things,
lose it completely. I think I might feel better if I did, or maybe I’d just feel really stupid and guilty. I’m not sure.

“Spit it out, Grayson,” Bethany says, her eyes amused.

“I picked the ball up and pressed it against his chest, saying something about he’s gotta have the worst aim in the school and to try again.”

“He didn’t
press
the ball, he
shoved
the ball. Slammed, even,” Bethany corrects. I give her an irritated look and she smiles innocently back. Clearly she enjoyed the show.

“Good.” I look at Lily in surprise. There is a grimly satisfied look on her face that I wasn’t expecting to see. “Next time, though, you really should just punch him in the face. Hard,” she adds, her eyes flashing gray blue.

The worry dissolves and an unexplainable heaviness leaves me. I laugh, feeling a little more like myself, feeling better than I have in weeks. The day suddenly seems brighter, better. I haven’t lost her; she’s still mine. Lily grins back, chucking a piece of lettuce from her salad at me, and everything is okay, at least for now.

***

“You are
so
going down!” Lily announces, bumping her arm against mine and making my hand jerk enough that my guy wrecks.

“Really, Lily!
You cheat.” I work my fingers on the controller and my guy is on his board again, heading in the right direction, but way behind Lily’s.

“I don’t have to cheat. I am
just
that amazing.”

We’re sitting cross-legged on the floor of my living room, playing Aidan’s Wii. The game is
‘Shaun White Snowboarding Road Trip’ and Lily is in the lead, like she normally is. She has a video gaming gift, proof that she isn’t as cool as she lets on—either that or she is astronomically cooler than she lets on. I am going with the latter. Any girl that is better at playing video games than a guy is unspeakably awesome. Of course, it helps that she plays with Aidan all the time, even having him take his Wii console and games to her house when I’m not around.

“He’s catching up, Lily!” Aidan shouts from the couch and I glare over my shoulder at him.

Lily laughs. “You just wrecked again.”

My eyes shoot to the television screen to see that, yes, my guy did wreck again. Sighing, I set the controller down and lay on the rug, placing my hands behind my head. “This is so embarrassing,” I mutter.

“You want to play, Aidan? I think Grayson is getting tired of losing.” Lily’s grinning face is looming above me, hair blanketing either side of her face. “How many times is that now? Sixteen?”

I flick a lock of her dark hair and watch it sway above my face, the sweet scent of it hitting my senses.
“Seventeen. Not that I’m counting.”

“Me either. Because if I
was
, I would have it made known to the room that it was actually nineteen times. I was just being nice and taking a few losses off the tally.”

“You’re so nice,” I murmur, staring into her pretty eyes.

“I
am
so nice. There is no denying that.”

My eyes narrow. “You know what happens to nice girls, don’t you?”

Her breath hitches as she says quietly, breathlessly, “What?”

“They…” I lean up.  “…get…” Lily falls back on her elbows as I sit up. I inch toward her and put my mouth next to her ear, grinning when she shivers.
“…tickled.”