Inclination (23 page)

“The meeting went
awesome with the coaches.” Public speaking is still far from my favorite thing
to do, but I stand up in front of my new youth group, His Way
,
that meets twice weekly at my place of
worship, Journeys Worship Center. “It was tough to find a time where they could
all get together because of practice and game schedules, but most of them
figured out a way to make it last Friday at four. Three of them actually cut
practice short in order to be there.”

“What did you say
to ‘
em
?”
Rinaldo
, one of
the newest members of His Way, blurts out his question. “You must have been
nervous as he…as
heck
.”

Everybody laughs
and it is the relaxed sort of laughter that feels as good as it sounds.

“Yeah, I was
sweating bullets. But I got it done. I talked to them about my experiences in
the locker room with bullying, and I reported stuff other kids have told me
happened to them in sports situations. The coaches were all very attentive and
appreciative of the inside information.” I’d reported my personal experience
with bullying to the coaches without naming names, since
Laz
and I are still trying to sort out our friendship.

Twelve eager
faces suggest that the teens sitting in the circle around me are ready to
contribute to the youth group discussion.

I ask, “Have any
of you guys gone to the coaches at your schools yet?” Our youth group has spent
much of our meeting time in the month of September designing a presentation
that we plan to offer to the all of the coaches and PE teachers at our various
high schools. Unlike Our Way
,
where
the kids live almost exclusively in Wedgewood, the members of His Way come from
a variety of local towns, allowing us the capacity to reach a lot of adults who
work with kids. I’ve been placed in charge of this project.

One teen member
after another reports their progress in presenting the speech His Way has created, titled, “The status of
locker room and playing field bullying: suggestions on how to create bully-free
zones in our schools’ athletics departments” to the Physical Education
departments and coaches of their respective schools. It’s a long title for a short
presentation, but we voted and that name won.

After the
updates, David, who is the leader of His Way
,
stands up and thanks us for volunteering to speak to our coaches and PE
teachers. “And now I’d like to announce something real cool. Our next project
is
gonna
be to make Christmas stockings for every
resident of The New Horizons Elderly Center. We’re
gonna
give those
grampas
and grandmas big fuzzy red socks
full of candy canes and lip balm and decks of cards and tea bags and, well, you
name it, it’s
gonna
be in that stocking.” There’s a
definite buzz of excitement in the room. “Another real exciting part of this
project is that we’re
gonna
join forces with this
other local youth group. Our Way, St. Mark’s Church in Wedgewood’s youth group,
is
gonna
partner up with us to get this job done.”

Most of the kids
look sort of surprised and then it grows very quiet.

“Hey—it’s not super
shocking—we all love and serve the same God, don’t we? Anyway,
Rinaldo
, Anthony, and I have already met a couple times
with Pastor Sutton and Father Joseph from St. Mark’s, who’s super cool.” The
smile falls off David’s face, and he clears his throat. “But there is a… a
slight
complication. You see, Father J
and Pastor S look incredibly alike. I’m afraid you guys will not be able to
tell them apart. Same blue eyes, same blond hair, same height and weight. We
suspect that maybe they are identical twins who were separated at birth.”

Cam stands up.
“Tell me another one, Gandy.”

Melodramatically,
David turns to stare at Cam, as if he’s shocked and appalled by Cam’s
suggestion. “Whatever do you mean, Cameron?”

The members of
His Way start to giggle and chatter.

“I mean, admit
it, you’re yanking our chains.”

“Me? Yank your
chains?” David pretends to fan himself as if he’s terribly offended. “Why, I
never!!”

I speak up.
“David
is
yanking your chains, but
these two men of God seriously do share a resemblance.”

David easily
reverts back to his usual calm, cool leader persona. “You guys all into this
project?”

As the other kids
voice their approval,
Rinaldo
, David, and I exchange
satisfied glances. Father Joseph’s idea to have the two youth groups team up
had been a great one, and I have a feeling it’s going to be successful, and a
lot of fun. In addition, hopefully it will be an eye-opening experience for all
of the kids involved. Sure, we have some differences, but we all worship the
same God.

After the
meeting, David and I sit down on one of the couches in the corner across from
Rinaldo
and another new member of His Way.
Rinaldo
, while still a practicing Catholic, has switched
youth groups, as Journeys Worship Center allows teens from any denomination, or
no denomination at all, to participate in its youth program. The other person
who stays after the meeting is a new girl named Stella, who experienced intense
bullying at the Christian high school she’d attended the previous year. The other kids at school had discovered
through social media, that she was a lesbian. A concerned teacher from her
school, who witnessed the hard time Stella was experiencing, had called the
girl’s parents and suggested that they check out His Way youth group. She told
Stella’s family that His Way is a positive, welcoming Christian organization
for all different kinds of teens.

“It’s just, I know
I can’t be straight—believe me I tried really hard—but I can’t give up on
Jesus, either. This is
so
hard.”
Stella has managed to contain her tears to this point. “I didn’t
choose
to be this way. Who in their
right mind would
choose
this?”

My gaze meets
David’s. We’ve both been exactly where Stella is.
Exactly.

“Last spring
before school got out, the other kids wrote all of these notes—like maybe a
hundred of them—that said
God hates homos
and they folded them up and stuffed them into my locker and then—”

“Do you think you
know Jesus, Stella?” David interrupts her story. “I mean, do you think you know
Him
at all
?”

Stella sniffs and
then wipes her nose with her sleeve. “I’ve read the New Testament, if that’s
what you mean.”

“Did you listen
to what Jesus said in it? Did you get a sense of what he’s all about?”

She looks
confused. “I think so.”

David pulls his
chair toward Stella’s, and
Rinaldo
and I lean toward
them in order to hear what he’s going to tell her. David’s talented at this
sort of thing and we both know he’s going to say something important that we
don’t want to miss. “Would the Jesus you know—the Jesus who spent far more of
his time with the outcasts in society than with the religious righteous—well,
would
that Jesus
hate you because of
who you love?”

Stella’s eyes
widen.

“You’re loved,
Stella. Our Father in heaven loves us all passionately.” He stops for a second
to let it sink into Stella’s head. “You. Are. Loved.” When he repeats it for
the second time, he does so very slowly as if to brand every word into her
mind. Even my spine tingles with the effect of his words.

“There are always
going to be people who hate. But we don’t have to listen to what they say.” I
try to speak with a level of conviction that will match David’s, but I’m not
sure I pull it off. “And we don’t have to hate them back. We can forgive them,
and look to God with trust that he loves us just as we are.”

“It might take
time for you to buy what we’re telling you, Stella. But believe me, I’ve been
there and done that. Tony has, too. And me and Tony can help you to understand
that God loves you. We can go through certain Bible passages with you—it’ll
make everything clear.”

David and I have
continued to get together to study the topic of homosexuality in regard to
Christianity, and at every meeting I gain a deeper understanding of what God
expects of me. And I value our enlightening private Bible studies—they comprise
an important part of our relationship. I decide to tell Stella some stuff I
learned from Anthony and have come to fully embrace. “Jesus never spoke on the
topic of same-sex relationships directly, but we can show you the way we see
it. There are purposes behind God’s rules for Christians, and we can find no
purpose behind a rule against same-sex relationships—as long as the
relationship is loving, monogamous, and Christ-centered.”

Rinaldo
chooses that moment to add,
“My dad left my mom for a man and divorced her, married him, and broke his vows
to her. I think that’s big time wrong, but now I know he must have led a very
confused and messed-up life trying not to be gay, when he actually was, and
there was no changing that. But he also turned his back on our family, which is
what hurts me, and pisses me off.” He glances at me for a second and I smile
and nod, so he’ll finish what he’s saying. “I’ve forgiven him, and I know now that I’m not pissed at him for being
gay—but I’m disappointed in him for hurting Mom and forgetting about me.”

We all nod at
him. Even Stella.

“I’d like to look
at the Bible with you guys,” Stella says quietly. “If you don’t mind.…”

“Course we don’t
mind, Stella. Let’s meet here an hour before the next His Way meeting and we
can get started.” David is always happy to help, and that’s only one of the
countless things I love about him.

“Don’t forget to
bring your trusty red marker. ” I nudge the side of his hand with the side of
mine.

David nudges me
back. “I’m nothing without that marker.”

As we head for
David’s truck, he asks me, “Any progress with
Laz’s
parents?”

I shake my head.
“Nah.
Laz
told me that Father Joseph has spoken to
them several times, and they still won’t let him hang around with me.”

David takes my
hand as we walk and I feel connected to him. “Well, that sucks.”

“But he says they
do ‘forgive me’ for being gay.”

“Lucky
you—forgiven for being how God made you.”

“Yeah, I guess. I
feel bad for
Laz
, though. He seems different at
school lately—he stays sort of separate from everybody else. And he’s not going
to be allowed to do the Stockings Project because I’ll be there.”

“That
so
sucks. He’s probably
disillusioned…and confused.” David squeezes my hand a couple of times in a row.
“Plus he lost his wingman at the mall arcade—it’s much harder to pick up babes
alone.” He winks at me again and then continues. “Um…at least from what I hear.”
At that, we both laugh. “Any word from Father J since we met with him last week
for planning of the Stockings Project?”

“He called my
house a couple of nights ago. Father Joseph still wants our family to know that
we can return to St. Mark’s at any time. And, you know, every once in a while I
miss going to Mass. I always loved it—it was really peaceful to me.”

David opens the
truck’s passenger door for me, and I watch him trot around the front of the
truck and hop in beside me. I experience the rush of attraction that I’ve grown
quite accustomed to, and that I now am totally okay with. Because I know my
feelings for him are not sinful, and that if David one day becomes my husband,
our intimacy will be incredibly special and meaningful. Not that it isn’t difficult
for us to wait to be close every now and then, because it totally is.

“But I’m happy
with how everything turned out,” I add. Our gazes meet.

Every second of
the wait will be well worth it and we both know it.

As soon as David
starts the truck, music fills the cab. He’d managed to slip a disc in the CD
player before we got out of the truck without me noticing. It’s “Amazing
Grace”, which doesn’t shock me—but it’s an arrangement I’ve never heard before.
Ever since last spring when we listened to Josh
Groban
singing it upstairs in David’s bedroom, we’ve periodically surprised each other
with different musical versions of this classic hymn. It’s a strange choice, but it’s definitely
our song.

Maybe
,
though, “Amazing Grace” isn’t such a
strange choice.

A few nights ago,
I had the urge to conduct one of those late night Google searching adventures
that had brought me intolerable stress at this time last year. I searched for
“definition of grace” and I focused on what came up in terms of Christian
belief. The best answer, in my opinion,
was found in About.com Christianity, which stated:
“Grace is God's unmerited favor. It is kindness from God we don't
deserve. There is nothing we have done, nor can ever do to earn this favor. It
is a gift from God.”

There’s no doubt
I’ve received abundant grace.