In the Shadow of Angels: The Guardian Series 1 (31 page)

He places his lips to my temple. Light flashes behind my eyes, my heart jumps up and he grips me tighter. His breaths are slow and deep, his chest rising and falling. Another light flashes, a picture tries to focus, but the edges fade and it disappears.

Bright sparks appear in the corners of my eyes, it slowly brightens, and an image forms, the edges blurred. It is moving, flickering like film on an old movie reel, unsteady. Color bleeds in and brightens. There are two girls sitting close together. The sky around them is dark, the trees in the background a silhouette with small flecks of green hidden in them against the dark blue of the night. Stars dot into focus, glowing like bokah lights. Complete silence envelops me and the picture forms bright and clear. There is light on the edges of everything, like every life-form glows with the stars.

I know instantly it is Emily and I. We are ten years old and sit in the garden behind our home. The porch light makes a small circle around us, reaching out into the night. The smell of damp earth fills my nose and something else, warm and airy, it reminds me of the ocean. Emily sits behind me and is braiding my hair. We wear thin white nightgowns that stick to our skin, the air so humid and thick.

I remember this night. I couldn’t sleep and we had crept outside to sit in the garden. I was restless, too excited by the lightning in the air. Emily sits behind me, trying to calm me, smoothing my hair down and twisting the strands. My head is resting down on my knees, hiding my face. She had asked me to tell her a story. This is the night I made up the tale of the ghosts in the woods. How they charged the air we breathed and watched us, their eyes peaking out behind the skinny pines and low ferns.

Every time she speaks, encouraging me to continue, she presses her hand to her mouth, catching the words in a kiss, before rubbing them over my hair and back. We used the do this so that no matter if we were apart, we only had to look in the mirror to see each others promises over our skin.

Emily turns and she looks directly to where Aydin must have sat, as if she can see him in the darkness. She turns back to me and I can hear her voice, sweet, but insistent. “It is not ghosts. It is the Beast, but he is kind. He is waiting for the one he loves.”

The pieces start breaking and the picture fades. I don’t want it to go. This was how she was. There was good in her, Emily was kind. From a distance, Aydin had loved us, so much, he risked his life to keep the memory of ours from being stained. I know now, my life had been beautiful. My childhood was as golden and peaceful as I remembered. We were loved and treasured, by everyone around us. Most of all, Emily was what I had remembered her to be, she was my other half and she loved me, cherished me, as her friend, her confidant. She was my sister. Her actions the night she crashed Daddy’s car don’t shape who she really was. Emily was life, vibrant and so full of love; she shined, guiding me through my own darkness.

Aydin presses his lips harder to my temple. My entire body shakes consumed with the pain of remembering. His hands leave my skin and smooth my shirt down, leaving my heart aching. He places me back on the bed next to him. Pain slices through me, tearing at my chest. Tears fall down my face. When I finally look at Aydin, he is smiling and the pain eases. He takes it away and I know that he will hold pieces for me. I don't have to carry it alone.

Aydin reaches around his neck and he pulls the metal links from inside his shirt. The candle catches the links as he closes his hand around the charm. He clasps the chain around my neck, his hands grazing the skin, rubbing the links between his fingers as he places the angel charm at my throat. His eyes land on the small scar. His face changes, subtle, only a faint glimmer of sadness. The cool skin of his fingers graze over my collarbone, feeling the raised skin, the only visible evidence of the night Emily died.

His jaw clenches and he releases a shallow breath. “I think five years has been long enough,” Aydin says. His hands cup my face and he leans in, kissing my nose, before he stands and walks out.

It is my birthday. I had thought we skipped it over in silence. I feel the charm around my neck and swallow around the ache in my throat. Five years is enough time to heal, long enough to let Emily go.

Chapter
Forty-two

The things that happen to us in life are what make us who we are. They stay with us, they haunt our dreams and pull at the corners of our mouths, turning them down. If we let them. We carry the memories around, cradled in our minds, but they won’t stain us if we wash them away.

I am not that strong. No matter how many times I bathe, the marks are there. Ludari’s teeth cling to me, making me weak. I despise myself that I let it invoke such fear. It doesn’t matter that I lie in the dark and promise my soul that I will be stronger. I will awake the next day and be changed, by my sheer will alone, I will let go of the fear. But as the nights grow long, the darkness settles in and I shake. My will breaks. They have cracked it. Stole the nut and bolts that keep me going. They have become what defines me. I let them. I’m not strong enough. Not yet, maybe not ever.

Aydin chases Ludari away. His presence helps keep the images locked in their box. It isn’t something I can dwell on. My mother my not be alive. She had spent my entire life scheming to protect me. Lucius may lay in shreds, torn apart in his efforts to help the brother he clearly loves. I can’t think of Henri. Every time he weasels his way in I have to shove him back. His whispers and kisses. They weren’t stemmed from love, but of lies and his yearning for power. The thoughts crack my mind, I push them back and add more locks to the boxes that I hold his memories in.

There are powers beyond me, ones I don’t understand, a fight happening with Aydin at its center. He is determined to keep me from them. Aydin is the only thing I focus on. He has welded himself to me, cared for me since I was a child. I don’t know what any of it means. I don’t know why I need him so desperately. When he leaves to rest in his room, I am lost and scared.

My future is unclear and I have no idea when, if ever, I will return to a life that resembles some sort of normal. I take every waking moment as it comes. I don’t think long enough to form questions. The events of the last month are too vast in size and reach out with too many threads. I know he hasn’t told me it all and there is more to come.

Ludari and Ashur become the focus of my rage. Claudette’s cruel laugh embeds itself in with them. They feed my nightmares, Ludari always at the center. Aydin always comes before the screams can leave my mouth and wakes me. His gray eyes rescuing me as he has always done. He chases them all away, and I am safe with him. Even though his body is still weak, the few small burns deep and still not healing, I know he would fight to his death to protect me. I look to him now, he was watching me, but has looked away.

“Are you in pain?” I ask. We sit in the open cavern of the dungeon. I am on the pile of blankets I have drug out. My cell is too small, haunted by the many lives that have passed through it. The damp stone walls have seen too much death and too much suffering. I lie on top of the deep blue throws, the red velvet pillows and plush comforter. It is a bright little nest, where I sleep, while Aydin sits watch at night, sometimes during the day. I ignore the chains on the walls. They try to remind me of the lives of men that have wasted away in the dark.

“No,” Aydin lies.

Too much time has passed. Lucius still hasn’t shown up. Aydin doesn’t speak of him. When he tells me stories, they focus mostly on Lucius, his brother. That is what he is to him, but I can tell there is more. A deep bond of trust, more than a simple childhood would create. Maybe out of sharing in a hard and brutal life. I don't know. He refuses to tell me those parts. But, I know Aydin’s worry and the deep sickening fear. I have at least two months worth of supplies left, but the time in the cavern is wearing on us both. Aydin needs nothing, he keeps telling me.

Except blood.

“You’re not getting better,” I state the obvious.

“I’m fine, Charlotte. Go to sleep.”

“I’m not tired.”

“Then let me be, woman.” His tone is mean. A razor sharpened by his pain.

“You don’t have to yell,” I sulk. “I’m not a child.”

“Then stop acting like one.”

I sigh, irritated. Fine, he can be mean if he wants.

“I can feel it, you know,” I say.

“What?” He looks at me, his face searching.

We haven’t spoken of it. Not since we arrived in our sanctuary. I am scared to bring it up after hearing his anger, worried about his reaction. I’m not supposed to feel it, but I know what it means. His eyes tell me, the times I catch him watching. I belong to Ludari

“Ludari’s mark.”

“That is because you are traumatized,” he says, but he can’t look at my eyes. “You just think you can.”

I shake my head. “I don’t know why you try to pretend like it doesn’t bother you.”

Aydin’s eyes flash in rage. I really am a child. Always pushing him, trying to get a reaction, anything from him. He has let me see under his mask, given me a glimpse and I’m always greedy for more. Even if it is the form of his anger. I take it, hungry.

“He is cruel, of course, it is upsetting,” Aydin stands. He can’t sit for long, not anymore, this alone tells me the depth of his worry.

“What do I do?” I ask, ignoring the dismissive tone. “To get rid of it?”

“You can’t. Once a human is marked, there is nothing that can be done.”

“Well, what happens if another vampire marks a person after they have already been?” I ask him.

“They don’t. They are not to be touched.” He talks like I should have known this, and I do, I have already been told.

“What? Like they can’t? There is some magic force that keeps them from biting someone who is marked? Like a shield?”

“No. It’s just an unwritten law.” Aydin shakes his head at my stupidity. “Don’t be silly.”

“We’ve already established how silly I am.” I watch as his lips turn up and he smiles. Finally. It has been days since I have seen his smile. Aydin returns to his chair. “What do I do to help you?”

“Nothing, Lucius will be here soon and then I can leave to hunt,” he says simply. He still believes it.

“He’s late,” I remind him, not that he needs it. “What if he doesn’t come, what then?”

“He’ll be here.”

“He’s not coming, Aydin. He would be here by now.”

Aydin puts his head in his hands. I wish I could take my words back.

“I’m here, I’m human.” I don't know what I am saying. I haven't planned it. The words just spill out from my lips unchecked. “You helped me, let me help you.”

“How can you help me?”

“My blood, Aydin,” I say, exasperated. “Are you being purposely obtuse?”

“You’re not an option.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t.” Aydin refuses to look at me, but the walls of the room become charged.

A disgusted sound comes from my throat. “You have broken every vampire rule I know of and then probably some I don’t. You have betrayed your father. Gave me your blood, and then, as if that wasn’t enough, you stole me from the oldest vampire in the world. After he marked me. I say whats one more?”

He is laughing. I love his laugh. But he turns away, refusing my offer.

“It’s a leash around my neck, like it calls to him.” That, I know, will get a response.

His eyes move to my neck, his face twists in rage and he looks scary, almost demented. “You can really feel it?”

“Yes,” I say, quietly.

“You are not supposed too.”

“Let me help you,” I plead, desperate. I hate the idea of being chained to someone. I'm not supposed to feel it, just like I'm not supposed to feel him. If I have to carry around marks and feel their teeth, Aydin’s at least will be welcome.
Maybe.
“I want you to.”

“That is a very manipulative statement.”

“I prefer the word, persuasive.”

Aydin’s shoulders shake as he laughs, quietly. He unfolds himself from the chair and moves forward. I feel his hunger grow, it is monstrous and fills the entire space. That was easier than I thought it was going to be. By a lot and my pulse starts to race. Ludari had hurt me. He had made sure I felt every inch of his teeth, maybe even made it worse than it was.

“I’ll kill you.” Aydin starts to pace the room, both hands run rough through his hair. “I’ve not had human blood in too long.”

“No you won’t.” My words make him stop. I have lost my damn mind.

Aydin stands still and looks at me for a while. I don't know what he is thinking, though at this moment, I really wish I could. There are things I want to tell him. I want ... no need... to do something to help him. He has given me too much. I want his touch and his power. I trust him, completely. He has no idea what he has done to me. I am bound to him and he doesn't even know it. But I sit mute, my voice stolen.

His face changes, his eyes soften and he settles down on my little nest. The steel gray of his eyes catches mine, forcing me still. Aydin reaches out and takes my wrist in his hand, his touch is soft and tender. Aydin turns my arm exposing the thin veins under the skin, his thumb brushes over them. My arm is small and fragile in his massive hand. My heart beats faster, my breaths quicken, and my hands start to tremble

“You’re scared,” Aydin says, quietly.

“Yes.” My heart pounds, thumping in my ears. How can he be so calm? I am leaning over a ledge, my feet barely keeping me grounded. The pull of him threatens to throw me over.

“Then why are you offering yourself to me?” His eyes never leave mine.

“I offer for selfish reasons,” I swallow. “The marks are for protection.”

“Among other things.” His voice is breathy, a small laugh.

“I prefer these marks belong to you.” My breaths are shallow, my voice shakes. I am scared, and nothing can hide it.

“Do you know what you offer, Charlotte?”

I nod, terrified to say the words, their meaning too heavy. I am placing my life, my trust in his hands. He has proven that he will do anything to protect me. I know what I offer. His marks will bind me to him, and in his world, I will be his alone. But, he will be mine as well.

“Say it out loud.”

My mouth opens, but I can’t get the words out. I swallow. “Yes. I know what I offer.”

Aydin smiles and I see it; a flash of possessiveness that makes my stomach clench. “I don’t want to hurt you,” Aydin says, and it is gone. So fast, I question if it was there.

“You won’t hurt me.”

His eyes cloud and close, he takes long breaths trying to calm himself, trying to keep control. My eyes focus on his lips, they part and sharp, mean teeth are exposed. Long and hard, just as I knew they would be. His tongue glides over the tips before he speaks.

“Do you want me to calm you?” I can't take my eyes from his month. His teeth look cruel, glistening in the flicker of the oil lamp. Deadly.

“No,” I say, my voice shaking and pull my wrist from him, settling closer so that our legs touch. Mesmerized, I reach with a trembling hand and press the tip of my finger into one elongated tooth. Somewhere I am terrified. Somewhere I feel drawn to him. “They are big.”

The laugh that comes from him is quiet, a rush of air that gives him away. It tingles over my skin, claiming me. I straighten and pull my hair back exposing my neck, the pulse throbs. His eyes darken, wild, but he keeps it caged. I wonder how long he has wanted this.

Aydin brings me closer so that our foreheads touch. My eyes close and I can smell the charged, spicy scent of him. My entire body starts to shake. He brushes his cheek against mine, his hand caressing my face, pulling me closer. Soft lips brush my skin, deliberate small kisses over my eyes, my brows. Touching my nose and cheeks. My throat swells and I swallow hard past the lump, fighting the pressure in my chest. His mouth moves to my neck and presses against the pulse, first soft then harder, with need. His teeth graze my flesh, a light scrape. My breath sucks in.

“Are you sure?” His mouth moves against my neck, a quiet plead.

“Yes,” I say, breathlessly. My fingers dig into his forearms, my pulse races as pressure builds inside me.

The first tinge of pain hits me hard and I gasp. It is white hot, a lit match to the skin. Fear starts to take over and I clutch at him, holding on. The slow burn sinks deeper. Warmth spills out, slowly, smooth over my neck and collar bone. His tongue touches, cool over the heat of my skin. Hot air rushes from him, releasing a soft moan in my ear.

Aydin’s fingers weave in my hair, soothing, bringing me even closer. His teeth sink deeper, a hard burn that just barely doesn’t hurt. His mouth pulls, his want dragging up from my core and toward him. My blood burns neon red, rushing to the surface. My breaths burst out, hard and fast. Everything fades, nothing exists in the black space behind my eyes. Nothing, but his hands in my hair, the smell of his skin, and the faint pain of his mouth against my neck.

I moan, this deep desperate sound. I twist, and he almost lets go, but I grip his hair and keep him pressed to me. He is coming unhinged, charging the air around us. His mouth pulls ... taking ... possessing. I press harder, groaning and force his teeth deeper. Aydin grips my hair, yanking my head back. I cry out as his mouth pulls harder. A cool hand moves under my shirt, around my waist, pulling me into his lap.