In the Lyrics (37 page)

I’ve never done drugs in my life, but right now I feel like I’m high, solely from information. I know it’s not possible, but still, my brain is on overload and the dull headache from this morning is still lingering.

“Mrs. Blair, I don’t mean to be rude and pry here, and please tell me if this isn’t my place, but why doesn’t Logan help you? I mean, he was always so eager to help around the center before.”

“You’re still so naïve, aren’t ya?” she asks as her Southern twang makes its presence known. “Hensley, he was only ever around because you were here. And the same for Colby. You’re what interested them, not the center.”

My cheeks redden. “That’s nice of you to say, but I doubt it. You know how I felt about Logan. He was a friend, but that’s it. And Colby, well, you also know how I felt about him. I think the whole town did, but that’s long gone. I guess I can stop by and see Logan later. Who knows, maybe I can convince him to come around here more often. Would you mind giving me his address before I leave?”

“Lord knows that boy is stubborn, but if there’s anyone out there I think can get to him, I think it’d be you. Just remind me, darlin’.”

Taking a sip of my sweet tea, I hear the sound of a truck outside. Knowing she said Colby should be here any second, my stomach somersaults with nervousness. I don’t want him to think I’m stalking him. First showing up at his place of employment and now here – it’s too much of a coincidence.

“That would be Mr. Grant. Just on time. Please excuse me while I prepare his plate.”

What are we in the 1950s again?

Colby’s voice echoes off of the walls as he enters the front door and says, “Something smells amazing.” As soon as he walks through the kitchen doorway, his eyes land on mine and I freeze.

Neither of us says a word, but I can see Mrs. Blair looking back and forth between us from the corner of my eye. A bemused grin on her face makes me wonder if this was a set up. I wonder if she knew I’d come, and coincidentally she invited me on one of the same days he would be working.

“Colby, I’m glad you came in to eat first. I invited Hensley over. Maybe we could all eat together?” Mrs. Blair asks while wiping her hands off on her apron.

“I’d like that,” he whispers as he leans forward and places a small kiss on her cheek and then leans forward and pulls out a chair. His hair is a little longer than it used to be and is visible from under his ball cap, resting on his forehead. When I said time looked well on him, I meant every stinkin’ word.

“So what brings you here today, Hensley?” he asks before taking a bite of his sandwich.

My lips are too busy staring at his mouth as he eats to answer his question. I feel a small kick on my shin from under the table. Looking up, Mrs. Blair is sitting staring at me.

“Like Mrs. Blair just said, she invited me. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here and I wanted to see her and the farm. I didn’t know you still worked here.”
Boom
, there you go. Unsure why I felt the urge to make clear I didn’t come here to suddenly stumble into him, he frowns.

I don’t know why I feel like I can’t let my true feelings show. Honestly, I think it’s a way of coping with what I did. The choices I made had consequences. The extreme distance between Colby and I right now is one of them.

“Well, it’s nice to see you still care about some things in this town. It’s been a while, and as you can see things around here have changed.”

Why do I feel like his words have double meaning?

“Things normally do change in time,” I spontaneously snap back at him, taking offense to his remark, but unsure why.

“Now, now, you two. Why don’t y’all eat up and maybe if you’re nice, Colby, Hensley will stick around and help you feed the horses.”

“With all due respect, ma’am, I don’t think Miss Hensley here is built for this lifestyle anymore. She might mess up her manicured fingernails.” Colby stuffs a mouthful of coleslaw in his mouth before I have time to protest.

We finish our meal in silence, or at least Colby and I are silent. Mrs. Blair is a talker, just like she was before I left. It’s nice to hear someone talk so genuinely about nothing in particular. After I finish my plate, I get up and rinse it in the sink. Colby finishes after me, so I walk over towards him and grab his plate.

As he stands and wipes his mouth off with a napkin, he asks, “Well, Hensley, are you ready to work?”

There’s no way I’m going to say no, especially as he doubts my capabilities. Nodding yes, I pull my hair up into a high ponytail and follow him out the back door. Walking down the steps, it’s hard not to notice how this place has gone downhill. I’m mad at Mr. Blair for putting her through this. I know how it felt growing up in a broken home. Yes, my parents were able to work through their issues, but I can’t imagine how Logan feels having them go through with a divorce.

“She’s only got two horses now. The rest either got ill or she couldn’t afford to feed them, so she sold them. Mr. Blair milked her dry and left her to clean up his mess.”

My heart aches for her as he talks about her money troubles. Making a mental note, I’ll be sure to send her an extra special Christmas present next month.

“Honeycomb and Erma are the only two left. Here,” he hands me a bucket full of feed. “Why don’t you take Honeycomb? He’s the good one out of the two. Erma, she’s a little aggressive.”

Feeding the horses and cleaning stalls takes up the majority of the afternoon. It’s like I didn’t skip a beat and fell back into my old routines. But Colby was right, my hands are disgusting. Kicking the dirt off my boots, I scrunch my nose up as I try and pick the mud out from under my nails.

“Told you, you left and got all high class on me.”

“I left to make music. There isn’t anything high class about that,” I snarl.

Raising his eyebrows, he stands with a confused look on his face. He shakes his head before saying under his breath, “Defensive and rude, just like I remember.”

Holding my hands on my hips like a true brat, I let my anger get the best of me. “You must not have a good memory then, because I was never rude to you. I loved you and treated you kindly all the time. But maybe you don’t remember that since your brain is busy making memories with your new girlfriend.”

His mouth shuts and his jaw clenches. Looking perplexed, he inquires, “My girlfriend? Are you still drunk from last night? You must be, because I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Roughly grabbing the hose, he points it at me. Jumping backwards, I attempt to get as far away from the line of water as possible.

“I’m not going to squirt you, Hensley. I need your bucket.”

“Oh, okay.” Moving the horses’ bucket over, he pushes it closer to him with his foot.

He silently fills it as I ponder what he said. So he doesn’t have a girlfriend? Why would Brittani text me saying they were together then? And more importantly, how did she get my number? Unless Colby kept the napkin I left for Mitch, but why would he do that?

“You’re not dating Brittani?” I blurt out, unable to control my thoughts any longer.

Dropping the hose, he stares at me with an intense look in his eyes. “Where did you hear that?”

I don’t answer.

“Hensley Elaine Bradley, where the fuck did you hear that?”

“From her,” I forego any other details.

“And when did she tell you that?”

Rolling my eyes, I don’t answer, and play dumb.

“Are you really going to make getting information outta you as hard as pulling teeth?”

“She texted me, okay? She said I needed to back off because you were hers. So answer my question, or are you going to make it as hard as pullin’ teeth too?” My Southern roots get the best of me as I fire off back at him.

“It’s complicated.”

Tears threaten to break free as he says those two dreaded words. Everyone on this planet knows “It’s complicated” basically means yes, or it means yes, but there are some other issues going on. Taking one last look at the man I used to know, I turn and walk out of the stables. Love is hell. I don’t know why in the world people even want to be in relationships. They hurt too bad, and now look at me, I’m not even in one, and my world is still crumbling around me.

“Hensley, wait!” he shouts, but I don’t turn around. Instead I pick up my pace. Leaves crunch below my boots as I all but run towards my car. “Sunshine, let me explain!” His voice draws closer.

I feel his hand grab my arm as he pulls me close to his chest, stopping me dead in my tracks. I’m facing away from him, but I can feel the warmth of his breath hovering behind me. “It’s complicated, okay? No, we’re not dating. She’s not my girlfriend or anything like that, nor has she ever had that title. She’s my roommate. Does she wish she was my girlfriend? Probably. But there isn’t anything I can do about that. I needed extra cash when Dusty moved to New York. She needed a roof over her head.”

My chest tightens as I think about her living so close to him and knowing now that she calls Dusty’s apartment home. Without turning around, I softly ask, “Did you fuck her?”

Time stands still as I wait for his answer, but his pause only confirms my worst fear.

“Please let go of my arm.” His fingers unwrap themselves from around my forearm, and I jerk away from him, open my car door, and speed off.

FINISHING UP THE chores around Mrs. Blair’s house, I keep recalling her question in my mind like a broken record.
Did you fuck her?
Hell no, I didn’t fuck her! I could have if I wanted to. Trust me on that one, but I’d never wanted to. I couldn’t stomach doing anything more than kissing her and that was a one-time occasion, and truthfully she kissed me, not the other way around. I was a mess from losing Hensley. It’s as if one day, poof, our entire relationship didn’t matter. I was so lonely, and other than Trevor and Dusty, I had no one. School kept me busy, and then Mitch offered me a job at the bar once I turned twenty-one. It was nice to get out, but I still felt alone. At least I was until Brittani moved in. She was a female companion to talk to, to go to the movies with on Friday nights. She was there.

One day we were driving home from somewhere, I don’t even remember now, it was late, and I was lonely. I remember she leaned over and kissed me. For a split second, I allowed it. Although it felt foreign, I allowed her tongue to roam, and I even opened my mouth wider. I hadn’t kissed anyone other than Hensley in a really long time, and it felt good for someone to want me again. And then as our mouths danced with one another’s, the song changed on the radio, and it was Hensley’s voice that blared from the speakers. Jerking away from Brittani’s embrace, I acted like an ass and scolded her for doing that. I yelled so loud she cried. When really, I was mad at myself for letting her do it. If it were any other woman it wouldn’t have been so bad. I mean, I was technically single, but it was her. Hensley would have a cow, so I made a vow not to allow such behavior from her again, and I swore to myself that I’d rather have blue balls for eternity than to betray Hensley like that again. Hate me, judge me, do whatever your little heart desires, because trust me, I’ve beat myself up more over it than you could possible dish out.

I didn’t mean for my silence to paint me as guilty; I know that’s what Hensley thinks. It’s just I can’t grasp why she cares. All of a sudden she walks back into town and acts like the past didn’t happen. Like the distance wasn’t real. It was to me. I felt every last bit of solitude, and now she’s here demanding answers and then running away. Just like before. The hell with that. She’s going to leave and go back to where she came from, and I’m still going to be here, stuck, living in a world I had created around her.

After laying down new hay for the horses, I jump in my truck and squeal tires leaving. I hope Mrs. Blair isn’t too mad at me for it.

Dialing Brittani’s number, my blood boils.

“Hey, baby,” she says innocently.

“Don’t ‘baby’ me. Ever again.” My fury is evident from my voice.

“Rawr…what’s your problem?”

Shaking my head, I push the phone up with my shoulder so I can hold the steering wheel with both hands. “My problem is this nonexistent relationship you’ve built in your mind and that you’re my girlfriend. You have to face the facts that you don’t mean anything to me. We’re never going to be more than roommates. It’s my fault for blurring those lines, I admit it. Allowing you to kiss me was a giant mistake. I was a moron, but nothing has happened since then and nothing’s going to happen ever again.”

My chest rises and falls as my anger flares.

“It’s about that little cunt, isn’t it? She came back to town, and you go and get all high and mighty on me. Listen here, Colby. You weren’t saying all this shit when your tongue was shoved so far down my throat I was fighting for air, were you? No, I didn’t think so.”

Huffing into the receiver, I ask, “Did you text her? Did you lie this morning and tell me you didn’t find someone’s number in my jeans?”

“Yes. I texted her, okay? I fucking did it to protect you. I’m no fool. I know we’re never going to be more. I’m not some delusional bitch. Do you remember what it felt like when she left? Do you recall being so torn up about it you skipped classes for weeks? While you’re sitting here playing the nice guy card and acting like she didn’t ruin your life and break your heart, you should try remembering those things. All I was trying to do was protect you.”