In the Line of Fire (13 page)

She sighed into the silence as he turned her to her back with a gentle pressure on her hip. He slid up her beautiful body and she welcomed him with open arms
and open legs. Sliding her arms around his neck, she said, “Colton, I—”

He kissed her, cutting her off. As surely as he knew his own name, he knew she was about to declare her love for him. He knew how she felt about him. He knew it every time she held his hand, every time she welcomed him into her body. And surely she knew he loved her, as well. It imbued every facet of his interaction with her. But, somehow, saying it, declaring it, changed everything. With a spoken declaration, it wouldn't be nearly as easy to walk away…and in the end that was what he needed to do.

So, he kissed her, saying in the kiss what he couldn't and wouldn't put into words. And as the kisses deepened and became more intense, he put everything he had into making love to her one last time.

H
OURS LATER,
Andi stared out the window. It was quiet in the car between them as the Buick ate up the miles on the interstate, relentlessly narrowing the amount of time they had together, sending them back to their families and the realities of their obligations and day-to-day life. It was as if the fairy tale that had been the two of them together faded with each roll of the tires on the asphalt.

Every fiber of her being rebelled at the notion of giving up her time with him, of returning to whatever they'd been to one another before. Although Colton sat right next to her, she could feel his steady withdrawal, his retreat from her with each mile that passed.

“So what's the game plan?” she finally said. “Do we pretend that none of this happened between us?”

“It's really no one's business.”

That wasn't what she meant. “It's our business and
I'm talking about between us. This has changed everything. I think we thought it wouldn't, but being the people we are, it has.” That sounded slightly convoluted, but she thought he knew what she meant. There was nothing casual about him and there was nothing casual about her. “I can't go back to what we were before, which was essentially strangers who grew up next to one another.”

“I don't want that, either,” Colton said quietly. “I'll give you my email and we can stay in touch.”

She knew she was going against every “rule” of dating and relationships. According to the rules she wasn't supposed to make herself too available. She was supposed to make him chase her, pursue her. And those dating rules might work with most men, but Colton wasn't most men. He wouldn't chase. And those rules were bogus anyway when she considered he could very well be dead next week. A woman didn't play games and follow silly rules with a man who was in a war. The stakes were too high.

She loved him. It wasn't a girlish crush. It wasn't the manifestation of a physical relationship. From the moment she'd accepted Blanton's proposal she'd known a tension inside, a sense of foreboding that had increased the closer the wedding got. And that was because her heart was already spoken for. Somewhere in the back of her psyche she'd known he wasn't the man for her. Perhaps because she knew he wasn't the
man Colton was. No one would ever be Colton, no one else would ever measure up to him.

“That's not going to be enough,” she said.

Startled, he glanced over at her. “What?”

“I said, that's not going to be enough.” Maybe her timing was bad considering he was driving, but then again, maybe her timing was perfect since he was essentially a captive audience and had to hear her out. “I love you. I think I have for a long time, so emailing isn't going to be nearly enough.”

He was already shaking his head. “Andi, we talked about your situation. You're on the rebound—”

She laughed. “I am not on the rebound. And it's not as if Blanton is the one who dumped me or left me at the altar, if you'll recall. And I know you care for me or you would've never slept with me because you're not a casual-sex kind of guy. And I'm not a casual-sex kind of woman.” She thought of her brother and several of her close friends and felt beholden to tack on “Not that I think there's anything wrong with that, but it's just not either one of us.”

“Andi, I do care about you, but you knew going into this what I could offer.”

“You're shortchanging both of us. We're still in South Carolina. They don't require a blood test. We could stop and get married on the way home. Or we could pick up the paperwork and come back tomorrow if you wanted to bring our families.”

“Everything else aside, what do you think your
mother would have to say about the two of us getting married? There's already her resentment over Rion—”

“Unfounded.”

“But real nonetheless. And I'm certain I've secured my spot at the top of her shit list by helping you leave the wedding and then being gone with you for four days…and nights. And we both know I'm going to be at fault when you tell her you've decided to move.”

This was all true enough. And at least she had him talking about getting married, even if it was in the hypothetical sense and he was arguing against it. “So how much worse can it get if we were married?”

“Oh, it could and it would. She won't be happy about you striking out on your own, but she'll cling to the hope you won't like it or will simply be so homesick you'll return to Savannah soon enough.”

Now that she'd finally made up her mind, she was resolute. “I won't.”

“I don't think you will either, but she'll convince herself because it's going to be all she has to hold on to. But if you married me she wouldn't have that hope anymore. I'll never be stationed near here. So, it would be much, much worse.”

“When I climbed out that window, it was a turning point for me. I think I realized then and there I was done making decisions based on what my mother wanted. I want her to be well, I want her to be mentally healthy but I can't be responsible for her mental
health. And if I wasn't willing to marry a man I didn't love to please her, I'm certainly not willing to give up a man I do love to please her.”

His profile could've been cast in stone. “I've told you how I feel about marriage and my career.”

It stung that he had yet to acknowledge that she'd said she loved him, not just once, but twice now.

“And I'm sorry but it doesn't make any sense. Look at our fathers. A freak accident took mine and a heart attack claimed yours. What? According to your rationale, no one should get married because eventually one person is guaranteed to lose the other one.”

“But neither of our mothers lived with the day-today uncertainty. Is today the day an IED tears my husband apart? Is today the day a sniper's bullet finds him? If he comes back, will he be missing parts? Will he be the same man who left, because most of us aren't? How will we adapt to living together again?”

She wasn't naive. She didn't think it would be easy to live with that uncertainty, but she'd rather live with the uncertainty than live without him. “I'm willing to take that chance. I want to make plans with you. I want us to build a future. I want us to grow old together, and if that time is cut short, I'll be thankful for the time I have you.”

“Andi, we had a great time together but you're young and you'll meet someone else—”

She cut him off because if he finished, her head
might just explode on her shoulders. “Stop. Stop right there. Don't you dare patronize me. There will never be anyone else. I think from the time I've been ten years old, you ruined me for any other man. I'll never find someone else because someone else won't be you. Do not even begin to trivialize what I feel for you by saying that, ever again.”

“Fine.”

He wasn't happy with her for having her say but that was okay because she wasn't particularly happy with him either. The terse silence stretched between them, the only sound the hum of the tires over the blacktop. She replayed previous conversations in her mind and it clicked for her. He might not say it, he might not tell her what she wanted to hear, but she
knew
.

“I'm the one, aren't I? I'm the one who was never available and in your crazy way of looking at things you're still keeping me unavailable.”

He said nothing, just continued to stare straight ahead as he drove.

 

C
OLTON PULLED INTO
his mother's driveway and killed the engine. He and Andi had discussed much of nothing the rest of the way home, but their earlier conversation had hung there between them.

“I'll get my dress later,” Andi said.

He had come so close to telling her how he felt about her in the car, but it would've simply made her
more dogmatic and resolved. And hearing her tell him not once, but twice that she loved him had been bittersweet. He needed some time away from her, some time to think. Of course, he was about to have that in spades when he left tomorrow morning.

“You want me to carry it over?” he offered on the dress. In a moment of rare irrationality he didn't want to see her cross that yard, swallowed by the sameness of their past. But hadn't he just told her that was precisely what he wanted? But he also didn't want to send her in there to face Daisy alone. “You want me there when you talk to—”

She cut him off. “No. I need to talk to my mother alone.”

“Are you sure? I'll go with you.”

“Thank you, I appreciate the offer, but I have to do this alone.” He doubted she was even aware she stood a little taller and straighter when she said that. “And I don't want her jumping on your case if you walk in with the dress. It's sat in the car since Saturday. It can sit in the car a little longer. I will warn you, though, I'm going to tell her how I feel about you.”

“Why?”

“First, because it's very real. Second, because I want her to know that I'd follow you to the ends of the earth, but you won't let me.” She took her suitcase out of the trunk and smiled but it was full of melancholy. “It was a Grand Adventure, wasn't it?”

“It was that.” He stood stock still, next to his door, by the path that led to her mother's house.

She rounded the rear of the car and paused next to him. Reaching up, she caressed his jaw with her fingers. “We could have lots more times like that.” She dropped her hand to her side. “I'll see you.”

“Good luck with your news. Call me if you need reinforcements.”

“Thanks, but I'm a big girl, I can handle it.”

He nodded. “I know you can.”

She crossed the lawn, following the path he and Rion had worn years before, going back and forth, a path their mothers still trod.

He was pulling his bag out of the trunk when the kitchen door opened and his mother came out into the garage, which might as well have been a carport since no one ever bothered to close the garage doors. “I thought I heard a car door.”

He closed the trunk and crossed to where she stood waiting. He gave her a one-armed hug. “How are you, Mom?”

“Fine. Glad to see my son again,” she said with a smile to make sure there was no sting behind it. He followed her into the house. “Did you have a good trip?”

“Yeah, I did,” he said as he walked down the hall to deposit his bag in the guest room. He returned to the kitchen and propped against the door frame. “There was one little incident.” He relayed the story about the
tires being stolen without going into detail regarding the circumstances. “So, the car now has new tires.”

“I'll look at them when I get this in the oven,” she said as she mixed egg, ground beef and seasoned breadcrumbs for a meat loaf. She was making that for him before he had to go back tomorrow. Meat loaf and mashed potatoes were one of his favorite meals. “I'll pay you back for them.”

She shaped the seasoned meat into a ring in a square pan, the same pan she'd used for meat loaf for as long as he could remember. “No way,” he said, checking her on paying for the tires. “I took off in the car, it was in my care when it happened and I can easily afford it.”

After popping the meat loaf into the oven, she started peeling potatoes. He could easily head to his room, but for some strange reason he felt a need he hadn't in years—to spend time with his mother. “Need any help with that?” he offered.

“No, but you can keep me company.”

He poured himself a glass of iced tea and then settled on one of the bar stools at the counter. “Look, Mom, there's something you should know.”

She looked up from peeling the spuds with a big, happy smile. “Son, it's all over your face and I'm fine with it. Mattie guessed. It'll take Daisy a while to come around, but she will. I'm personally thrilled. I've always liked Andi. I did witness that little exchange in the driveway. And not to be pushy but I
want to go on record as saying I'd rather have grandchildren sooner than later. And you know, you're not exactly getting any younger.”

What the hell? “You're way off base,” he said. Technically, she wasn't but that wasn't the issue they needed to discuss. “I'm telling you this, not to tell you Andi's news, but because you'll be the one fielding the fallout. Andi's leaving Savannah.”

She nodded. “But of course she is if you're—”

Sometimes his mother only heard what she wanted to hear. “Mom, slow down and listen. Her leaving Savannah has nothing to do with me.”

His mother paused in the potato peeling, a frown drawing her eyebrows together over the tops of her glasses. “How can that be? She's not moving to Natick?”

“No. She's striking out on her own.”

“Alone?”

“Alone.”

“But why? What happened to the two of you?” She looked at him sharply with a faint edge of maternal disapproval, as if this was his fault.

“There is no us.”

“I'm confused.”

He could understand that. She was beginning to confuse even him, and he knew what was going on. “It's sort of complicated. Andi decided on this trip she's leaving Savannah. Apparently she's been trying
to talk to Daisy about it for a while and Daisy just won't hear it.”

“Where's she going?”

“Either New York or Boston.”

“Mercy.” His mother paused, peeler in hand, and leaned against the work island. “You know Daisy's going to fall apart and she's going to blame you for this.”

“I know. I didn't have anything to do with it, but I know she'll blame me.”

Resuming the task at hand, she threw a seemingly innocuous question his way. “Colton, why didn't you want to stay for Andi's reception on Saturday?”

He damn sure didn't like where this was heading. “I don't like weddings.”

His mother didn't buy a minute of it. “I never noticed that before.”