In the Land of the Lawn Weenies (3 page)

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Authors: David Lubar

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“
N
ever let yourself get caught alone with a crizzle,” Danny's grandpa told us that evening. It was the first thing he'd said to me since I'd arrived at Danny's place two hours earlier. Up until then, he'd just sat in his chair and stared out the window.
I looked at Danny, puzzled. He looked back at me and shrugged, then asked his grandpa, “What's a crizzle?”
“It's an awful thing,” his grandpa said. “Looks just like a person. On the
outside,
that is. Looks just like you or me.” He pointed at Danny, then at himself. “But inside, it's all dark and hungry. A crizzle lives for just one thing. A crizzle lives to get you alone and chomp your bones.”
“How interesting,” I said. “But we're a little old for fairy stories.” I was hoping that he'd go back to
ignoring us. I was in no mood to listen to him or any other adult. It was bad enough that I'd gotten into a fight with my folks. They're always bossing me around, and they're always trying to make me eat things I don't like. I can't believe the disgusting foods adults gobble up.
Well, I was sick of it, and I told them how I felt. Then Mom said if I didn't like it, I could find someone else to feed me. I was so angry I walked right out of the house with no idea where I was going. I'm not stupid, though—I grabbed a bag of cookies on the way through the kitchen. No way I was planning to go hungry.
I'd kept walking for a long time—long enough to eat all the cookies. I was almost at the edge of town when I realized how tired I was. But there was Danny's house, sitting at the end of the last side street before the woods. I barely knew him well enough to stop by, but he seemed happy to let me come in. Maybe he didn't have a lot of friends. The only problem was that Danny's parents were out, and that left us with Danny's grandpa. And once he'd gotten started, Grandpa didn't seem to want to stop talking.
“They get you alone,” he said, “where no one can see. They don't even want another crizzle around when that special time comes. It's the way they are—very private. And then they change, like a candle dripping. The skin melts off and there's the crizzle, all mean and hungry. There's nothing nastier in the whole wide world. It's not a pretty thing. And if you see a crizzle, that's the last thing you'll see, let me tell ya, the last thing
you'll see.” He stretched forward in his chair and shouted,
“Chomp!”
I jumped.
He started laughing.
“Very funny,” I said, trying not to act embarrassed. I hadn't been scared, just startled. “Thanks for the fascinating story.”
“Anyone want to go for a walk in the woods?” Grandpa asked.
“No thanks,” I said.
He got up and shuffled to the window. “Beautiful night,” he said. “Lovely night for a walk.” He turned and stared at me. “Come on, young man. How about a little stroll?”
“No, thank you,” I said. “It sounds absolutely wonderful, but I'm not sure I could handle the excitement.” There was something hungry in the old man's eyes. I'd never admit that his silly story had spooked me, but there was no way I was going to go anywhere alone with him right now.
He took his hat and coat from a hook on the wall, then spoke to Danny. “Beautiful night, isn't it?”
“Yes, Grandpa,” Danny said.
Danny's grandpa opened the door and gazed outside. “Ah, smell that night air. Nothing like a good long walk. Really helps build up an appetite.” Again, he stared at me. “Are you
sure
you don't want to go for a walk?”
“Maybe some other time.”
“Suit yourself, but you don't know what you're missing.” He stepped outside and closed the door. It shut with a clunk that shot through the room.
“Wow,” I said, turning to Danny. “No offense, but your grandpa is kind of spooky. I could swear he was trying to get me alone.”
Danny shook his head. “Nah, he wouldn't do that.”
“How do you know?” I asked.
“He was just teasing,” Danny told me. “He knew you wouldn't go with him.”
I nodded. “You got that right.”
“Besides, we take turns,” Danny said. “Grandpa's real fair about that. And tonight, it's my turn.” He grinned and winked at me.
“What?” I still didn't understand.
“Alone at last,” Danny said. He started laughing. The grin spread wider as it dripped down his chin like stretched taffy.
I moved away until I felt the wall press against my back.
“Alone,” he repeated. “Alone with a crizzle. Only one way that can turn out.” Danny kept laughing as the flesh melted from his face like wax on a candle. And his eyes, even as they slid away to reveal what lay beneath, looked hungry. Very, hungry.
 
 
T
hey'd been playing the game all summer, and it had sort of worked, but Sharon suspected they hadn't really done it right. Each evening kids from around the neighborhood would gather on one of the lawns, and they'd select a victim. Sharon believed it had to be someone heavy. With a light kid like Ray or Julie, it wasn't much of a trick. But with a heavier kid, they'd know if the game was real.
The group wasn't exactly the same each night, but there were certain kids who usually came. And there were certain kids who usually messed everything up. Billy, for instance, would do almost anything to get a laugh, even if it meant ruining the game.
Sharon had spent most of the day playing with Julie. Now she noticed that several kids had gathered
half a block away on Kate's front yard. “Come on,” she said to Julie.
“I don't know,” Julie said. “I don't think I want to play.”
“Why not?” Sharon took a step away from her friend. She had to join the others before the game started. Once they formed the circle, it would be too late.
Julie wrapped her arms around herself as if trying to hold onto her decision. “Kate's so bossy. I hate that.”
“I know how you feel,” Sharon said. She looked down the street anxiously. The game would start any minute. “Just don't pay any attention to her. It'll be fun. And it's the last day of vacation. You can't miss it.”
Julie shook her head. “I really don't want to go.”
“Please,” Sharon said. “It won't be as much fun without you.”
“Oh, all right,” Julie said. “If it means that much to you.” They walked down the street and gathered with the rest of the kids. Behind them the last of the sunlight melted away in puddles of red and purple against the sky. It would be dark soon.
Up ahead, Sharon saw that Kate had already taken charge of the group.
“Let's do it,” Kate said.
Anne stretched out on the ground and crossed her arms over her chest. She closed her eyes.
“No,” Kate said, poking Anne's arm. “You're too light. Get up.”
Anne stood without arguing, but Sharon could tell that the girl was disappointed.
Kate scanned the group like a shopper looking for the nicest piece of meat in the display case. “Hmmm, what about Todd?”
“Sure,” Todd said, grinning at the honor. He took Anne's place on the ground.
“I knew your weight would come in handy someday,” Billy said.
Everyone gathered around Todd. Sharon knelt by his left leg. She could feel a change in the air as the kids grew serious.
Kate, kneeling by Todd's head, started the game.
“Light as a feather, stiff as a board,” Kate said.
In a circle, starting at Kate's left, each of the others repeated the phrase: “Light as a feather, stiff as a board.”
Sharon spoke when her turn came, making sure she sounded properly serious and somber. Each of the remaining kids took a turn, ending with Ray.
“Todd was in a car accident,” Kate said as she sent the next phrase around the circle.
Again, they each repeated the words.
As Sharon took her turn, she heard Billy snicker.
When his turn came, Billy said, “Todd wet his pants.”
It wasn't that funny, but Sharon giggled along with some of the other kids. Even Todd started laughing.
“That does it!” Kate shouted. She stood up and glared around the circle. Sharon looked away,
feeling angry with herself for laughing and ruining the game.
“This is the last day of vacation,” Kate said. “We get messed up every time. I want to do this right just once. You kids always ruin it. You,” she said, pointing at Billy. “Out! You”—she pointed at Nora—“out! And you, too.”
Sharon found herself staring at Kate's finger, hovering like a dagger just inches from her face. “But …”
“Out!” Kate screamed.
Sharon got up and backed away from the circle. It was a stupid game, anyway, she told herself. It never worked right. After chanting all the phrases, you were supposed to be able to lift the “victim” in the center with just two fingers. The victim was supposed to rise into the air. But there were so many kids playing that it was no big trick. It wasn't like the person really floated.
Julie started to get up to join Sharon. “Stay,” Kate ordered. “We need you.”
Julie stood, her eyes shifting back and forth between Sharon and Kate.
“We don't have enough,” Kate said. “You'll ruin everything if you go. It will be all your fault.”
“Go ahead,” Sharon said to Julie.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
Julie shrugged and rejoined the others on the ground.
“Light as a feather, stiff as a board,” Kate began.
The chant went around the circle. Sharon
watched, part of her hoping that someone would mess up but part of her wanting to see the game done perfectly just one time. She wasn't a member of the circle, but the chance to see it happen would still be special. She realized she'd lied to herself before—it wasn't just a stupid game. It was more than that. If it was done absolutely perfectly right, Sharon believed something wonderful would happen.
“Todd was in a car accident.”
The chant made its path around the circle.
“Light as a feather, stiff as a board.”
Perfect.
“Todd is in the hospital,” Kate said.
Around it went.
“Light as a feather, stiff as a board.”
As always in the game, the victim's condition grew worse with each turn.
“Todd is in a coma,” Kate said.
It went around with no mistakes.
“Light as a feather, stiff as a board.”
“Todd is dead,” Kate said.
Each person in the circle repeated the phrase, quietly and seriously. The jokers were gone. Nobody seemed to want to ruin the magic this time. In the air that surrounded her, Sharon felt as if the night was listening, watching, waiting.
“Light as a feather, stiff as a board,” Kate said.
The words took their path.
“Todd is in his coffin,” Kate said.
The chant went around.
Kate started the last turn. “Light as a feather,
stiff as a board.” Her voice trembled slightly on the final word, but she spoke it clearly.
Sharon held her breath, wondering if the phrase would reach the end without error.
It did. For a moment, everyone in the circle remained still, as if they couldn't believe they'd succeeded. Then, all together, the group stood. Holding two fingers of each hand beneath Todd, they raised their hands. Light as a feather, Todd rose. They lifted their hands to shoulder height. Then they raised their hands above their heads, supporting Todd on their extended fingers. Finally, when they reached the limits that their bodies could stretch, they stopped.
But Todd didn't stop.
At first Sharon thought it was a trick of the moonlight. But Todd floated slowly above the outstretched arms.
“It worked,” someone gasped.
“Stop him,” Sharon shouted. She ran through the circle of kids and leaped to catch hold of Todd. Her fingers brushed the back of his shirt, but he was too high for her to grab.
“Do something,” Anne said.
Kate stood, staring up at Todd. “Stop that,” she demanded. “Come down right now.”
Todd continued to rise.
Sharon had an idea. “Do the whole thing backward,” she said. “That might bring him down.”
“I'll do it,” Kate said as she pushed Sharon aside and knelt. “Quickly,” she said. The others from the original circle joined her on the ground. Kate paused, moving her lips as if she was having
a hard time working out the words. Finally, she said, “Board a as stiff, feather a as light.”
“No, it all has to be backward,” Sharon said.
Kate glared at her. “I just said it backward. Don't you know anything?”
“But it isn't all backward,” Sharon said. “You still went first. You have to go last. And you have to go in the other direction and start with the last phrase.”
“That makes sense,” Julie said.
“Get out!” Kate yelled, pointing at Julie. “And you be quiet,” she said, glaring at Sharon again.
Julie stood and joined Sharon. “It won't work,” Sharon whispered to her. “I know it won't.”
“Anyone else have anything to say?” Kate asked.
Nobody spoke.
“Board a as stiff, feather a as light,” Kate said.
Sharon looked up. Todd was a dark splotch above her head. She hoped he would come down as slowly as he rose. But she was afraid it wouldn't work—not the way Kate was doing it.
“Accident car a in was Todd,” Kate said, struggling to reverse each phrase.
But they were doing it without a mistake.
“Board a as stiff, feather a as light,”
Perfectly …
“Dead is Todd.”
No mistakes …
“Board a as stiff, feather a as light.”
Sharon fought the urge to shout, to stop them. “This is very wrong,” she whispered to Julie.
Julie nodded. She seemed to know, too.
“Hospital the in is Todd.”
“Board a as stiff, feather a as light.”
“Coma a in is Todd.”
“Board a as stiff, feather a as light.”
“Coffin his in is Todd.”
“Board a as stiff, feather a as light,” Kate said for the very last time.
Each in the circle repeated the phrase.
They were done. Sharon raised her eyes to the night sky. Todd was now barely a smudged dot far over their heads, one dark star among all the bright ones. Sharon couldn't tell whether he was still rising.
“Is he coming down?” she asked Julie.
Julie didn't answer. Sharon felt a hand clutch her shoulder, fingers digging painfully into her skin. “Hey, that hurts,” she said as she jerked away.
Julie was pointing with her other hand and making sounds that weren't quite words.
Sharon looked to where Julie pointed. She, too, froze. The kids in the circle were still kneeling. But they were no longer on the ground. The whole group was rising. They rose silently, each one staring straight ahead as if locked in place.
Finally, Julie spoke. “They should have done it your way,” she said.
“I guess so.” Sharon watched as Kate and the others rose. She couldn't even see Todd anymore.
“Should we try to bring them down?” Julie asked.
Sharon shivered as the night grew cooler. She really didn't want all those kids to float away like
chimney smoke. “If we do the game wrong, who knows what might happen to us?”
“Yeah,” Julie said. “We could just float away, too.”
Sharon nodded. “That's not all—think what will happen if we do it right.”
“What?” Julie asked.
Sharon took one last look at the rising circle. “We'll get Kate back. And that would be even worse.”

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