In the Grey (55 page)

“
I saw a lot of smoke,”
Steve said.

“
The world on fire,” Gando
said. “Do those words mean anything to you, Alex?”

Alex nodded.

“
You men, you’re drawn to
her fight for the world,” Gando said.

“
We’re firefighters?”
John’s skepticism crept into his voice.

“
No,” Gando said. “You’re
going to stop the fire before it starts. What about the rest of it?
Did any of the rest of it make sense?”

“
Max says I was scared by
a clown thing when I was a kid at Fort Bragg,” Alex
said.

“
He turned out to be an
axe murderer,” Max said.

“
Really?” Raz
asked.

“
Really,” Alex nodded. “I
thought he was horrifying. Sami was so mad that we had to leave the
fair; but I was hysterical. He took a kid home from the fair and
chopped him up.”

Alex shivered.

“
I have nightmares about
him,” Alex said.

“
Is he the guy from your
hallucination in the room?” Raz asked.

“
From the LSD in the
water?” John nodded. “I bet he is.”

“
Probably,” Alex
said.

“
What about the bees and
sunflowers?” Gando asked.

“
I don’t remember anything
that happened in the last six months or so before everyone was
killed,” Alex said. “Anything could have happened.”

“
There’s a lot of bee
death now,” Max said. “Colony Collapse Disorder. I think that was
the year we noticed it happening in our hives. You were working so
much that your days off were in other countries. You and Jesse were
going to talk to beekeepers around the world.”

“
I remember that,” John
said.

Raz gave a slight
nod.

“
I don’t,” Alex said. “Did
I?”

“
You found that the
epidemic was global,” Max nodded. “Of course, now we know it’s the
pesticides.”

Alex shrugged and looked
at Gando.

“
Why did you cry?” Alex
asked.

“
You were standing in the
smoke watching the world burn,” Gando said. “I felt overwhelming
sorrow at the world burning. I stood with you to watch for a while.
It was horrifying and so . . . heart-breaking to see
all life consumed by flame.”

Gando’s eyes filled with
tears.

“
You don’t seem surprised
by the world burning, Alex,” Gando said.

“
Is there anything I can
do to keep it from burning?” Alex asked.

“
That’s what I asked you,”
Gando said. “It seems like you’d never thought of it. You’ve been
so terrified of it happening that you never thought you could
prevent it. The moment the thought occurred to you, your power
animal came, and you transformed into her sauntered out of the
smoke.”

“
My power animal?” Alex
asked.

“
Grey panther, big and
powerful,” Gando smiled. “There was another panther, a male,
identical to the female watching with you. I assumed that was you,
Max. An eagle overhead – John watching. And a fox at your right
hand – you, Raz. Of course, the coyote, Jesse, kept trying to get
you moving.”

“
And the snake?” Steve
asked.

“
You saw yourself, my
friend,” Gando said. “The very symbol of transformation. The only
power animal for you while you adjust to your new
world.”

“
We’ll have to talk more,”
Steve said.

“
I’m always available to
you, Pershing,” Gando said. He turned to Alex and said, “You said
this thing: ‘You can’t save the world and watch it burn at the same
time.’ What does it mean?”

“
It’s one of the General’s
sayings,” Steve said.

“
I think it means that you
have to choose whether to be an active participant or stand around
and watch,” Alex said. “Like me, he’s not a big fan of brass and
politicians with clean hands and dead soldiers.”

“
So, I know you have much
to do today,” Gando said. “And my brother’s daughter and I need to
get moving as well. I ask you to think of this – as the dynamic and
active people all of you are, why are you watching the world
burn?”

“
I’m just one girl, what
can I do?” Alex shrugged.

Max and Raz
nodded.

“
It’s too much,” John
said.

“
One person can change the
course of the world,” Gando said. “You taught me that,
Alex.”

Gando looked at John and
smiled.

“
Her spirit body is out of
the smoke; she should heal very quickly now,” Gando said. “The rest
of you have gone there for her. You are firmly in your bodies now.
You will have no trouble getting on your feet. It’s time for you to
go home.”

Before they could thank
him, he shoved the MP3 player into his backpack and walked to the
door. He turned at the last minute.

“
I saw myself with you,
and many others – living and dead,” Gando said. “There are many who
will fight this battle with you.”

He gave a quick nod and
left the room. Stunned by his fast exit, Margaret ran after him.
The door swung on its hinges. Before they could react, the nurse
came in with their discharge papers. Less than an hour later, Max,
Raz, and Steve were on their way home, and Alex was in a private
room.

She lay back against the
bed intent on sleeping when she heard a woman’s voice in the
hall.

Now that she was finally
alone, her mother had arrived.

She set a smile on her
face and waited to be annoyed.

F

Three days
later

Wednesday
evening

December 1 – 5:23 p.m.
MST

Buckley Air Force Base,
Aurora, CO

Alex turned on her desk
lamp and sat down at her desk. It had taken her all day, but she’d
finally managed to get there. Her secure home office was off limits
until the security was upgraded. She rubbed her face and gazed
longingly at her coffee pot. She was already in big enough trouble
for coming to work. The coffee would send John straight over the
edge. He’d probably chain her to the bed.

She smiled at the idea and
looked at the stacks of work in front of her. To her left was a
stack of opened mail. To her right lay a stack of urgent security
memos. She swept the security memos into her trash can with her
right arm and gasped.

“
Ow, ow, ow, ow,” she
grabbed her right chest.

“
What did you do?”
Sergeant Dusty stuck his head in the door.

“
Those memos hurt me,” she
pointed to the memos in the trash can.

He gave her a wry look and
called down to the team room for MJ. A few minutes later, MJ came
into her office. He checked her bandage and re-situated her right
arm in the sling. He tightened the strap to restrict her range of
movement.

“
Your wound is seeping.
Again,” MJ said. “Must be important memos.”

“
Urgent,” she
grinned.

“
Do I need to tape your
arm down?” MJ asked.

She shook her
head.

“
What are you doing here?”
Alex asked.

“
Waiting for you,” MJ gave
her a ‘what else’ look. “The team wanted to ask you about
something. We heard you were coming in, so we waited.”

“
Why are all the lights
off?” Alex asked. “Where is everyone?”

“
Hiding,” MJ
smiled.

“
They sent
you
as their emissary?”
Alex grinned.

“
Yeah right, send the guy
who can’t talk to ask the question we’ve wanted to ask for more
than a year,” MJ smiled. “No, Dusty was supposed to do it but he
chickened out.”

“
Hey!” Sergeant Dusty
said, and stepped into the office.

“
I
came in to see if you were drinking coffee and injuring
yourself,” MJ said. “We’re waiting
for . . .”

Her door opened, and Raz
stood in the doorway. He wore a wool cap over his turban of
bandages and his wool outdoor wear. MJ rushed to his side and help
Raz to the couch.

“
You’re not supposed to be
here,” Alex got up.

“
Takes one to know one,”
Raz said.

“
What’s going on?” Alex
asked.

“
The team would like to
get a Fey armband tattoo,” Raz said. “Like your green ‘F’ tattoo,
but in a different color.”

Alex raised her eyebrows.
She felt a wave of sorrow, and her eyes filled with
tears.

“
Um . . . ,” Alex cleared her throat and
shuffled the papers on her desk.

“
That’s why no one has
done it or even asked,” Raz said.

Alex bit her lip and
nodded.

“
My uncle is in town,” MJ
said. “He and his family came for Thanksgiving. They wanted to meet
Honey and all that. They’re staying through Christmas. He’s willing
to do it – just the armband – but only if you say it’s all
right.”

“
What . . . ,” Alex cleared her throat.
“What color?”

“
That burnt orangish
cinnamon color you wear sometimes,” MJ shrugged. “I don’t know, the
women picked it out. They say it will work on everyone’s skin –
even Royce’s.”

“
You want one too?” Alex
asked Raz.

“
Oddly, I do,” Raz smiled.
“My first tattoo.”

“
The whole team?” Alex
asked.

“
Including me,” Joseph
said from the doorway.

She looked up at him. For
a moment, their eyes met and lingered in grief and memory. He
nodded.

“
It would mean a lot to
the team,” Joseph said. “And I think it’s time.”

His eyes flicked to the
picture of the Fey Special Forces Team photo on the wall, and back
to Alex. She smiled.

“
Let’s do it,” Alex
said.

“
Great,” MJ said. “We
thought we could do it in here. There’s more space.”

“
Why not?” Alex shrugged.
“That way I can get caught up while you work.”

“
Oh, you’re getting one
too,” MJ insisted.

“
My right arm is a little
tied up right now,” Alex said.

“
There’s nothing wrong
with your arm,” MJ deadpanned. She smiled.

“
I’ll get one,” Alex said.
“I will. I just . . . it took me all day to get
here. I’d like to get done what I can while I can.”

“
Fair enough,” MJ
nodded.

“
Sergeant Dusty? Can you
get everyone?” Alex asked. “MJ, you go too. I want to ask Joseph
something.”

Raz moved to get
up.

“
Stay there,” Alex pointed
to him.

“
Thank God,” Raz lay back
on the couch.

Joseph walked to her desk
and MJ left the room.

“
You sure you’re all right
with this?” Alex asked.

“
It’s hard, Alex,” Joseph
said. “Really hard. But . . . we have to grow or get
in the box and let them bury us. I’d rather grow.”

Alex smiled at his use of
one of Charlie’s favorite expressions. He gave her a self-conscious
grin.

“
I’ve been thinking about
this lately,” Joseph said. “I think it was hard for Charlie to
start our team. He’d been on your dad’s team and worked with really
amazing people. I think starting over, doing it all again, it
wasn’t easy. I think that’s just how life is.”

“
Everything always seemed
so . . . official with Charlie,” Alex
said.

“
Our team seems that way
to our younger team members,” Joseph said.

“
Good point,” Alex said.
“Thanks.”

He nodded to her and left
the room.

“
I’m going to start
working,” Alex said. “I probably only have at most two hours before
I fall over. How are you and Sami?”

Raz smiled at her. She
shrugged.

“
Honestly, she’s
heartbroken,” Raz said. “She’s begged me for forgiveness. Twice.
She’s hiding at your parents’ house so that she doesn’t have to see
you, mostly. But she doesn’t want to see me either. She’s ended our
relationship.”

“
Forever?” Alex
asked.

“
That’s what she says.
I’ve never seen her so distraught. She’s talking about selling her
place and moving back to DC. If the official deed wasn’t in your
father’s name, I think she’d already have the flat on the
market.”

“
I’ll talk to her,” Alex
said.

“
I wish you would,” Raz
said. “I don’t hold her accountable. I don’t, but this running away
thing doesn’t work for me. You know she told me Eoin thought
something was going on.”

“
No,” Alex said. “When did
she say something?”

“
That night,” Raz said.
“When we went to bed.”

Alex scrunched her nose
and looked away from him.