In the Grey (37 page)

“
Joiner was ten years
older than you?”

“
Thirteen, sir,” Alex
said.

“
He could have easily been
at the lecture,” the Admiral said. “Or in Bosnia for that
matter.”

“
Would you give us
permission to investigate?” Alex asked.

“
Discretely,” the Admiral
said.

“
Yes, sir,” Alex asked.
“One last question.”

“
Go ahead,” the Admiral
said.

“
Did Dr. Yakovlev write
any books?” Alex asked.

“
He wrote chapters in a
few physics text, but nothing about this,” the Admiral said. “I’m
sure that’s easy to check.”

“
Yes, sir,” Alex said.
“Thank you, sir.”

“
You know that a few of
those Paperclips were involved in the mind control studies,” the
Admiral said.

“
Yes, sir,” Alex said. “As
an expert on Operation Paperclip, do you have any sense if that’s a
key factor to pursue?”

“
The power of Operation
Paperclip was getting those great minds in one place,” the Admiral
said. “It seems to me that this entire project is about who knows
whom. The mind control experts were probably friends of Yakovlev’s
or his wife’s. As you know, friendships are very hard to
track.”

“
Yes, sir,” Alex
said.

The Admiral poured himself
another cup of coffee and offered the pot to Alex. She took another
cup. He dug another chocolate croissant from the bag. She drank her
coffee while he ate his pastry.

“
In case you’re wondering,
I’m delaying a trip to Pakistan,” the Admiral said.

“
I understand tempers have
flared since the SSG ruined that awards ceremony,” Alex
smiled.

The Admiral gave her a
rueful look and shook his head.

“
When this is over, sir,”
Alex started.

He looked up at
her.

“
Yes?” he
asked.

“
I’d like to take leave,”
Alex said. “A month or so.”

“
To get your affairs in
order?”

“
Yes, sir,” Alex
said.

“
No,” the Admiral
said.

“
But
sir . . .”

“
No. You are on active
duty,” the Admiral said. “Your country needs you. You’d better
figure out a way to remain on active duty.”

Alex smiled at him, and he
nodded.

“
When your team is back
together, Captain Ramirez’s extended vacation is over, I will agree
that you and your team can take a month of leave,” the Admiral
said.

“
Thanksgiving to New Year,
sir?” Alex asked for the time her team wanted leave. “The team
would love to have that time for their families. There’s talk of
having Christmas at our house again.”

“
If you can swing it, I’ll
sign off on it,” the Admiral said. “But go on a vacation; work on
the house; take the time off to be with your family; don’t put your
affairs in order. Trust me. I’ve seen plenty of death. The affairs
that matter aren’t the ones that get sorted out by lawyers. That’s
an order.”

“
My husband quit one of
his jobs just a few days ago,” Alex said. “He had a few weeks to
finish up there, but we’ll have some time while he transitions to
another position.”

“
He quit the job with the
horny wife swapper?”

“
You heard about that?”
Alex smiled.

“
Everyone who knows your
father has heard that story at least once,” the Admiral smiled.
“It’s a good story. I like the part where you escape by ladder
while Dr. Suave is trying to get you to screw him and the missus is
trying to get a queue forming.”

“
Yes, sir,” Alex
said.

The Admiral checked his
coffee cup and set it down. He gave Alex a long look before getting
up. He knocked on the door and the ensign escorted him out of the
room. Alex waited a few minutes for Raz and Colin to appear.
Together, the team flew back to Paris.

F

Wednesday, early
morning

November 17 – 11:13 a.m.
CET

Paris, France

Alex glanced back at
Matthew before stepping into the vault that stored the gold. There
was no mysterious book or paper or magazine, or whatever it was
that Cooper was supposed to retrieve, in the Fey Special Forces
vault or the vault across the hall. If something was stored in the
vaults, it had to be in with the gold.

Matthew closed the door to
the gold vault behind her. Alex stood in place for the body scan.
When the scan recognized her, she took three steps to the metal
fence placed in front of the gold bars. Alex used her key to open
the padlock which opened the security pad. She entered her code and
went in the locker.

Like she did every time
she was in this locker, she stood for a moment and looked at the
stack of gold bars. She never got used to the sight of all that
shining gold. Her eyes moved to the top of the stack.

Jesse was sitting cross
legged on top of the gold. His eyes were closed as if he was
meditating. She smiled, but he didn’t say anything.

“
Okay, I get it,” Alex
said in Spanish. “You’re mad because I keep sending you
away.”

He didn’t
react.

“
You’re mad because I’ve
been ignoring you,” she said.

He didn’t move.

“
You’re mad because I’m an
asshole,” she said.

His head moved up and down
in a nod. She grinned, but he didn’t open his eyes.

“
You’re mad because I’m an
asshole and . . . uh . . . and what?”
Alex asked. “How is that news?”

Jesse chuckled.

“
I don’t know, Jesse,”
Alex sighed. “I’m doing my best. I truly am. I’m
just . . . stuck.”

“
Why don’t you just be
honest?” Jesse was suddenly right in her face. “No matter how much
you do, no matter how much the people around you invest and support
you, you still wish you were dead.”

Alex was so surprised by
his words and anger that she reeled back.

“
These men and women rely
on you,” Jesse said. “They risk their lives with you, for you, and
you . . . you don’t really care about them. You only
care about solving this stupid puzzle so that you can finally
die.”

“
I . . .”

“
Just admit it,” Jesse
said. “Everyone around you
knows
this is true. Why can’t you just admit to
yourself, your family, and your team? You don’t like living very
much. You still haven’t overcome your guilt for surviving when
everyone else died. You can’t invest in today, because you’re too
stubborn and too stupid to change.”

Alex staggered like she’d
been hit. She leaned against a stack of gold to steady
herself.

“
If we hadn’t been shot,”
Jesse said. “What would you be doing right now?”

Not sure how to respond,
Alex shook her head.

“
Answer me,” Jesse said.
“What would you be doing right now?”

“
I was offered a teaching
position at the Fort,” Alex said. “The Admiral wanted me to set up
a training program for SF and Navy rats. Do you think you would
have started that construction company?”

“
No,” Jesse said. “I would
have wanted to or said I did, but I would have missed the action.
You too, probably. We’d be right back in the middle of it all,
doing our thing, in a year tops.”

“
I think Jax would have
been a doctor,” Alex nodded.

“
And Charlie would have
retired,” Jesse said. “But us? We’d have wanted to be in the middle
of a big puzzle. We always wanted to
be . . .”

“
Where the action was!”
Alex said with Jesse. She smiled.

“
And the moment when life
leaves your body, don’t you think you’ll still want to be where the
action is?” Jesse asked.

“
Did you?”

Jesse nodded.

“
Probably,” Alex
said.

“
Why trade it away like it
doesn’t matter?” Jesse asked. “Why not engage in life? Suck the
marrow out?”

“
What would that look
like?” Alex lifted a shoulder in a shrug.

“
Have a child,” Jesse
said. “Two even. Start training people to go fight the ninja fight.
Get chickens or special bees, or whatever it is that makes you
smile.”

“
And forget all of this?”
Alex shook her head. “I don’t think I can.”

“
Why?”

“
Because it’s about me,
around me,” Alex said. “They are coming to kill
me
. That’s why I’ve been such an
ass.”

“
When did you ever give
anyone what they wanted?” Jesse asked.

“
Um,” pretending to think
about it, Alex tapped her finger on the side of her head.
“Always?”

“
Bullshit,” Jesse said.
“No commander at SF training wanted you to succeed. You kicked
their asses and brought everyone along for the ride. Those jerks in
Bosnia wanted you to curl up in a ball and give up. You didn’t. You
were supposed to die across the hall; you didn’t do that either. In
fact, you’re the most
obstinado
person I’ve ever met.”

Alex smiled.

“
It’s what I like about
you, because I’m ornery too,” Jesse said. “Child of a teenaged
Mexican prostitute. Who would have ever bet on me?”

“
I would have,” Alex
said.

Jesse smiled.

“
Why aren’t you ornery
about this?” Jesse asked.

“
Seems like sooner or
later they’re going to succeed,” Alex shrugged.

“
Why?” Jesse
asked.

Alex looked at the
apparition of her best friend and then closed her eyes. In her
mind’s eye, she saw team member after team member ripped apart by
the AK-47. She saw the shocked expression on Larry’s face when she
crawled over him. She saw Heath’s head in that stupid box and his
mother’s silent tears at his funeral.

She’d loved
them.

They’d died.

“
Why should I be any
different?”

Alex wasn’t sure if she’d
said the words out loud. When she opened her eyes, Jesse
nodded.

“
I know,” Jesse
said.

She nodded.

“
And you don’t want to
lean on people because . . . ?” Jesse
asked.

“
They die,” Alex
said.

“
And what would they do
otherwise?” Jesse asked.

“
What do you mean?” Alex
asked.

“
Everyone’s life ends in
death, Alex,” Jesse said.

“
But not an early
death!”

“
You’re splitting hairs,”
Jesse said. “It’s beneath you.”

Alex shook her
head.

“
Admit it,” Jesse said.
“You don’t like it that your big life plans are messed
up.”

“
You died!” Alex shook her
head. “I don’t like it that you died and Charlie died and Mike died
and Dwight died and . . .

“
And you couldn’t stop
it.”

Stunned by his words, Alex
gawked at him.

“
How do you know it wasn’t
all my fault?” Alex asked.

“
If it was all about you,
then why didn’t you stop it?” Jesse asked.

“
I . . .
um . . . ,” Alex’s mind went blank. She shook
her head.

“
Why didn’t you keep Larry
from dying?” Jesse asked.

She had no answer for
him.

“
And Heath,” Jesse said.
“I know you used to say you wanted him dead. Did you just let him
die?”

Alex shook her head and
looked away from him.

“
You must have wanted
everyone dead,” Jesse said.

“
No,” Alex’s eyes welled
with tears. “I miss you guys so much. I . . . never
wanted . . .”

Jesse let the words linger
in the stagnant air.

“
Then maybe, just maybe,
it’s not about you,” Jesse said.

“
What do you mean?” Alex
asked.

“
Maybe they want to kill
you, because they didn’t the last time,” Jesse said. “Maybe they
wanted to kill all of us.”

“
But why?”

“
To get whatever it is
that Cooper thought was in the vault,” Jesse said. “Because we knew
something. Because Mike screwed someone’s wife. Have you even asked
that question?”

“
What
question?”

“
Why did someone want to
kill the entire Fey Special Forces Team?” Jesse asked.

“
Except Joseph,” Alex
said.

“
They did try to shoot
him,” Jesse said. “A couple of times. But it’s a good
question.”

“
What is?” Alex
asked.

“
How is Joseph different
from the rest of us?” Jesse asked.