In the Garden of Disgrace (19 page)

“I remember him, filthy bastard,” Adrian
muttered.

“My sentiments exactly. But the point is,
not one of those men intended to take me back to London, not one. I
could live in the country, thankful someone wanted to marry me—or
simply wanted me—and rot away. Some of the gentlemen coveted my
inheritance and others coveted my body, but none of them wanted to
acknowledge me. Yet every gentleman to a man thought I should be
grateful for his efforts to ‘rescue’ me. Somehow those offers did
not seem an improvement on my lot. Aunt Pru does love me when all
is said and done, and I still have my autonomy.”

“I will take you back to London, proudly, on
my arm for all to see.”

Jillian heard the compassion in his voice,
and at that instant lightning tore across the sky, exposing his
features. The look in his eyes mirrored the ardent words. A barrier
of long duration, tight and unyielding, gave way in her chest, and
she felt tears spring to her eyes.

The earl must have realized her sudden
vulnerability, for he set his drink on the floor, and reaching
across the space between them, eased away the glass she held,
placing it next to his. Taking her hand, he pulled her toward him
and it never occurred to Jillian to resist. She came up on her
knees and Adrian, still seated, enveloped her in his arms, resting
his head on her breast. She laid her cheek against his forehead,
steeping herself in the warmth of his comforting embrace.

The kindness was her undoing. She knew why
he had come, knew what he wanted. She had known when she first
opened the door and saw him standing there, half-naked, bringing
the brandy in case his body was not enough enticement. Jillian
supposed if she had meant to turn him away, she would have done it
then. Whatever her motivation—and admittedly she hardly understand
herself at present—she could not refuse him.

Perhaps Adrian sensed her surrender, for she
recognized the moment his effort at solace became something more.
His hands, motionless up till now, began the slow exploration of
her back, her hips. He slipped his hands beneath the hem of her
gown, finding the sensitive flesh of her buttocks and thighs. Where
he touched her, her skin tingled deliciously. She heard his
breathing intensify as he turned his head and took the tip of her
breast in his mouth through the fine muslin of her gown.

Jillian shuddered, overcome by a flash of
ecstasy that streaked through her belly and ended in her throat.
She moaned aloud, the sound shocking her but clearly inciting
Adrian. He dragged her down beside him so she sat between his legs
and, taking her face in his hands, forced her to look at him.

“Kiss me, Jillian,” he commanded, his voice
now heavy with passion.

His light eyes glittered strangely,
lustfully, and she felt a corresponding thrill in her pelvis that
was equal parts excitement and apprehension.

“Kiss me!”

Jillian had no wish to refuse him. She met
him halfway, their lips joining fiercely as she wrapped her arms
around him.

Outside the storm wailed with new intensity
as tree branches slapped the window and thunder rumbled constantly
through the malevolent night. The rain came in turbulent gusts,
beating the panes of glass like tiny stones.

Adrian released her mouth and her hold on
him to tug at the tiny ribbons that closed the top of her gown,
untying each one until the neck was wide enough to slip the garment
from her shoulders. Pulling her hands through the armholes, he
lowered the nightdress to her waist.

“My God—as beautiful as I remembered.” He
groaned the words as he stroked the soft peaks, the nipples
puckering in response to the intimate contact.

Jillian cupped his jaw, covered with a fine
dark stubble, in her hand. “And you’re beautiful, my lord.” She
lowered her fingers to caress the muscle of his solid chest.

The earl watched the movement before
bringing his gaze back to hers, his eyes crinkling at the edges as
he smiled his appreciation. He touched her lips with his own then,
lightly, almost reverently while drawing her to him again. Jillian
was enthralled by the seductive pleasure of skin against skin. He
filled his lungs with air, and she could feel him soaking in the
texture of her just as she was doing with him.

Adrian came to his feet, bringing her with
him. He pulled impatiently at the nightdress that clung to her
hips, and the wispy garment slid down her legs to her feet. She was
naked and it was an amazingly erotic experience, one she knew he
shared with her.

He continued to kiss her, determined kisses
meant to stem any protest she might have, but Jillian had no
intention of reneging now. His urgency flowed over her, consuming
her. She was caught in the rapture, desire tearing through her
system like quicksilver, leaving her exposed and wanting.

Her thoughts were oddly jumbled, distracted
in one way and keen to the point of being obsessive in another. The
tiny part of her that was still rational recognized the compulsion,
and for the first time she understood.

Feeling wondrously wanton she brought
questing fingers to the front of his breeches. One by one she
released the buttons.

Adrian went immobile as she began her
endeavors, but she was aware of his greedy gaze as he watched her,
his quickened respiration, his accelerating need. When she reached
opened hands into his waistband, he threw his head back, a pained
expression on his face. Suddenly flustered, Jillian began to pull
away from him.

“Adrian? Have I done wrong? I only
meant…”

He grabbed her wrists, forestalling her
retreat, and she was shocked by the savage hunger contorting his
features.

“A woman who enters into the lovemaking in
earnest is what a man desires most,” he whispered in a lust-filled
voice. “No, you have not done wrong.”

The earl scooped her up into his arms and
crossed to the bed, setting her on the counterpane. He then swiftly
stripped off his breeches and drawers, all the while his sight
focused on her unclad form as if he intended to devour her. Now
also naked, he joined her there, covering her with himself.

For Jillian time became a nebulous thing
while Adrian worked his magic, finding responsive places on her
body unknown to her until that moment—the nape of her neck, the
small of her back, an inner thigh. His hand came to rest on her
lower belly, and he reared up to look at her as he slipped his
fingers between her legs. His eyes glowed triumphantly.

“Ah…you do want me, Jillian,” he ground out,
his excitement palpable.

She stared at him, dazed by the wondrous
pleasure his touch produced. She wanted something, she thought
frantically as she pressed against his palm. The need was becoming
unbearably insistent, impossible to ignore.

On the periphery of her mind she heard the
crescendoing of the storm, the windows rattling with each
thunderclap until it felt as though the house might collapse around
them.

Adrian removed his hand, his manner also
frenzied as he thrust his hips between her thighs. One dazzling
bolt of lightning blazed through the heavens, illuminating her cozy
bedroom and the magnificent man who loomed above her.

The thunder roared as he buried himself in
her.

Jillian panicked. A pain that left her
gasping doused the joy and she cried aloud. Adrian wrapped his arms
around her, bringing his hot mouth to her ear as he whispered words
of comfort, murmuring his understanding. But he did not withdraw.
Instead, he stroked within her, first slowly, then more rapidly,
and she clung to him, caught somewhere between ecstasy and
anguish.

Adrian stiffened as a low guttural sound
tore from his throat. His breathing was rapid, harsh, and for long
moments he held her in a vise-like grip, but when he pulled back to
look at her, the savage expression had dissipated, and his vision
seemed to clear. He kissed her tenderly.

“Have I hurt you, love?”

Still reeling from unbelievably diverse
emotions, Jillian merely stared at him, unable to speak over the
tears of frustration that all at once clogged her throat.

The rain was reduced to no more than a
gentle shower, tapping timidly at the shutters.

The wind was gone.

“Jillian?”

With much difficulty she found her voice.
“Perhaps it would be best if you went back to your room now,” she
said, desperate not to let him see her cry.

He shook his head slowly. “Not just yet,
sweetheart. This would be an unforgivable moment for me to leave
you alone.”

“Adrian…please.”

The earl shook his head again, more
vehemently this time. “Whether you know it or not, you need me
right now, Jillian—and damn it, I need you.” He spoke gruffly as if
he were only now realizing that he told the truth.

Adrian rolled off her and pulled her
possessively into his arms. Her back facing him, Jillian squeezed
her eyes tightly shut, trying to come to terms with the magnitude
of what had just happened to her. She ignored the tiny tear that
finally managed to escape her control, dripping onto the pillow
beneath her head.

*****

The feeling began unhurriedly, no more than
a wisp of sensation, rising then ebbing, too nebulous to grasp but
too intriguing to ignore. Desire washed over her as if she floated
in an ocean of sensuality, water lapping against her skin with a
silken touch, tempting her to respond. Through the erotic mist she
perceived that the fever was centered in a secret place and it
rippled forth in sweet hot waves, filling her with longing.

Jillian moaned aloud and startled herself
awake. For a moment she was confused, lost in the seductive dream
that still gripped her. She was panting for air and the pleasure,
rather than easing with awareness, burst into flame. She moaned
again.

Only then did she realize Adrian was still
with her. Jillian’s back was to him as it had been when she fell
asleep, and he had wrapped himself around her. Now she understood
the source of the incredible feelings that scorched her. Adrian had
placed his hand between her thighs and, having found an exquisitely
sensitive nerve, was stroking her, slowly, rhythmically.

As the reality of the situation finally hit
her, Jillian jerked away from him. However, the earl was not so
easily dissuaded. He increased his hold, throwing his leg over her
hip to forestall her escape.

“Oh no, love, don’t fight it,” he rasped in
her ear.

For her very life she could only be grateful
that he made it difficult to say no, for the passion Adrian was
coaxing from her had an intoxicating effect that begged for
completion. He continued to caress her, clearly sure of his
methods, and Jillian found herself straining against his hand as
she sought what he offered. Over and over he repeated the motion,
and she began to move with him, quivering with the effort.

Oh, dear Lord, she thought frantically, her
desire swelling out of control, what’s happening to me?

“Come, sweetheart,” she heard him whisper,
as though he knew—
as though he knew!

At once she was seized by a fiery eruption
that flooded her pelvis, shattering what remained of her composure.
Overcome by ecstasy, she gasped raggedly. Adrian hugged her tightly
to him, rocking with her, and with the part of her that could still
think, she sensed that he steeped himself in her release, drawing
his own gratification from the unbridled energy flowing from
her.

Jillian lay unmoving, dazed. Now spent, she
savored the last delightful tremors that radiated through her lower
body. Adrian still embraced her, and she knew he was aroused, for
she felt the tension in him, could feel his swollen member pressed
to her backside. Dragging damp fingers upward, he splayed them on
her stomach, easing his hold on the rest of her as he did.

“Now we are even.” He groaned, the statement
raw with feeling. He drew in a deep, shaky breath, releasing the
air as though he had been through an ordeal.

Jillian came up on her elbow then and turned
to look at him. Adrian’s eyes gleamed in the darkened chamber as he
stared back at her, his gaze warm with something she could not
identify. She opened her mouth to speak but her throat closed
inexplicably over the words. Seemed strange after the profoundly
intimate moment they had just shared, that her thoughts should be
too personal to voice, too painfully revealing. But already her
body had betrayed more than she wanted to acknowledge even to
herself.

As if understanding her confusion, he placed
a tender kiss on her neck, his lips lingering behind her ear but he
made no effort to take her. Bemused, Jillian rolled away from him
and he reached for the coverlet, pulling it over her shoulder.

Then she slept once more.

*****

Adrian had stayed with Jillian as long as he
dared. The servants would be rising soon, and he would be doing her
a disservice if he were caught in her room. He eased from the bed,
watching her sleeping form as he donned his drawers and
breeches.Odd thing was, he didn’t want to leave. In the past sex
had been an end unto itself, something to be accomplished before
moving on. He was surprised by the tender emotions that had
assailed him as he lay awake next to Jillian these last hours while
she slumbered.

Arousing her that second time had been a
wrenching experience, leaving him drained. He had wanted her again,
but not nearly so much as he had wanted her to find the
gratification she had been denied when he had taken her maidenhead.
In all his adult life he could not remember having put the needs of
a partner ahead of his own. Mutual satisfaction was a goal,
naturally, although it had never occurred to him to sacrifice his
enjoyment for another’s. Still, he had taken Jillian’s virginity,
had hurt her, and he couldn’t leave it at that.