In the Fire (26 page)

Chapter Thirty-Five

Ethan

Jamie leaned down and brushed his lips over mine again, and I felt his fingers slide out of me, leaving me empty and aching. Without a word, he kneeled between my legs, pushing them up higher against my body. I was more exposed to him than I had ever been with anyone else. I slowly let out the breath I hadn’t known I was holding. This was Jamie—the only man I’d ever loved. The only lover I’d ever truly trusted. Our past was in the past and I knew, with absolute certainty, he wouldn’t hurt me.

The extreme concentration on Jamie’s face as he slowly inched forward, bracing himself on one hand above me, was beyond sexy. The moment he breached the tight ring of muscle, I immediately gasped and tensed up. Jamie paused and looked down at me with concern. “You okay?”

I nodded, my fingers digging into the sheet under me. “Just need a moment.”

He stilled over me, his body tight and shaking as he held his weight above me without moving. I’d experimented with a lot before I knew Jamie, and had too much meaningless sex after we broke up, but I had only bottomed a few times in my life. I was too much of a control freak to bottom to anyone I wasn’t emotionally invested in. During our six months together in school, it had just never come up. Jamie was a natural bottom. I was a natural top. We had experimented sexually with every other position there was except for this one. Now, I wanted it all. Six months hadn’t been long enough with him, and eight years had been too long without him. I wanted all of him, but more importantly, I wanted to give everything of myself to him. I had no clue where we’d end up or if this, whatever this was between us, was going to work out. But I knew I loved him and wanted to give him this part of myself.

Jamie’s voice wavered as he pushed another inch inside me. “You have no idea how incredible you feel.”

He had always been handsome, but with a light sheen of sweat on his body and need etched all over his face, he was stunning. I reached up again to touch the blond strands mussed from my fingers and drank in the way the muscles of his arms flexed as he held himself above me.

My voice was low and gravelly as he slowly rocked his hips again. “You have no idea how sexy you look like this, not to mention how you feel.”

The burning made me catch my breath a few times, and each time Jamie would pause over me, his eyes never leaving mine. When he was fully seated inside me, the feeling of being filled was almost too much. I closed my eyes and breathed through the sensation as I wrapped my arms around him, running my fingers through the shorter hair at the nape of his neck. A soft brush across my lips made me open them. Above me, Jamie’s heavy lidded, dark blue eyes held concern and passion. But they also held more emotion than I’d ever seen in them. Almost too quiet for me to hear him, he whispered, “By the way, I love you too.”

My heart thumped wildly in my chest as his words sank in. With a shaky hand I pulled him down for another kiss. As he began to move, my body adjusted and the full sensation turned into pleasure. I dragged my hands down his back, loving how my touch affected him. His eyes closed in pleasure as his teeth sank into his lip.

“We’re doing this again, just so I can watch you,” I murmured. His eyes snapped open and a pink flush spread down his neck and chest. Through every push and pull of his body, I could feel the tension which kept his muscles taut against me as he tried to hold back his release.

“Jesus, Ethan.”

I leaned up to kiss Jamie, tongue sliding against his, the heat slowly building. I gasped, breaking the kiss when he rocked his hips sharply, his cock hitting deep.

“More,” I gasped.

“Bossy,” he taunted, his voice turning breathy when I wrapped my legs around his hips.

“Always,” I bit out as I rocked my hips up to meet his building thrusts.

Jamie leaned back, tugging my hips up higher against him. When he reached between us to stroke my cock I arched up hard, the change in angle pushing him deeper. Heat arced through my body and pleasure followed. Jamie’s thrusts slowed, his hand on my cock matching his rhythm.

“You feel too good to rush this.”

I opened my mouth to urge him on when he rotated his hips and snapped them hard. My eyes rolled back, nonsensical words coming out of my mouth as I felt him everywhere inside me. The soft brush of his lips over mine brought my attention back to him as he slowed his rhythm again. “If I’d known this was all it took to stop your rambling, I would have done it years ago.”

When I opened my mouth to reply, Jamie leaned back farther and thrust harder. I gasped and dug my fingers into his hips, urging him to keep going. When he slowed again, I tightened my muscles around his cock, instantly gratified when I felt him tense over me. Digging my heels into the bed, I arched up harder, gasping out when he hit my prostate over and over.

Jamie’s control shattered as he draped his body over mine once again, rocking his hips faster as he buried his face in my neck, his breath hot against my skin. All the lost time, the pain, the longing welled up inside me as my body shook with my own loss of control. He was everywhere, consuming all of me with every move he made. With a final snap of his hips, Jamie tensed over me as he cried out in pleasure, his voice sending heat through me again. I wrapped my legs tighter around his hips to hold him close, arching up toward him when I felt his cock spasm inside me, his body shaking against me with the force of his orgasm.

I groaned when he reached down and slowly pulled out of me, the loss of him aching more than the initial pain when he had first entered me. I leaned up to kiss him, but he placed a hand on my chest to push me back down against the bed. “Not even close to done yet.”

He wrapped one hand around my cock and began to stroke me. His lips brushed across my chest until his teeth scraped my nipple, making me writhe as I thrust harder into his hand. As he tugged on my nipple piercing, his hand on my cock tightened, the strokes becoming rough, just like I needed.

Arching my back completely off the bed, I cried out as my orgasm crashed over me. My cock pulsed in Jamie’s palm while he continued to stroke me, sending jets of come over my stomach and chest. The aftershocks wracked my body and I tried to catch my breath as Jamie’s hand slowed, the touch becoming almost painful on my sensitive skin.

When I felt him go still above me, I finally opened my eyes. The radiant expression on his face took my breath away. His blue eyes shined with an emotion so intense it was blinding. When we were younger, I’d thought I had seen every side of Jamie there was. But this...this was different. The Jamie of eight years ago was always affectionate and loving, but he had just begun working on being proud of who he was without his shitty parents telling him he was less than the dirt under their feet. The Jamie in this bed was sexy because he knew who he was and what he wanted. There was no shyness or awkwardness about him. He was out to the world and comfortable in his own skin. To be on the receiving end of his intensity and certainty was a heady feeling.

I lifted my hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down. Gone was the frenzied desire we’d lost ourselves to earlier. Instead, I kissed him long and slow, infusing as much of what I was feeling as I could into my touch. When his lips left mine, he smiled before shifting his weight off me.

“Be right back.”

I stretched out my arms once he had gotten off the bed, my body aching in ways it hadn’t in years. As I watched him walk across the room, he suddenly stopped and smirked over his shoulder. “I know you’re staring at my ass.”

“It’s a very nice ass. One I have plans for later.”

Jamie’s eyes immediately darkened as he raked them over my body. “Pretty sure we have the same plan.” When my mouth dropped open in shock, he snorted and turned to enter his bathroom. A few minutes later, Jamie sat down next to me on the bed and gently cleaned me off with a warm washcloth. Once he was done, he tossed the washcloth to the floor and laid down beside me, his head resting on the arm he had propped up next to me.

“So. This was a surprise. A very nice surprise, but still a surprise. You okay?”

I nodded tiredly, the lack of sleep and cross-country flight finally catching up with me. “Better than okay. Are you okay? With—” I paused and waved a hand between us, my tongue feeling thicker the closer we got to talking about what was really going on, “—this? With us?”

His answering smile told me everything, but I couldn’t stop the thundering of my heart when he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my temple. “More than you’ll ever know. I’m not saying I don’t think we should take it slow. Eight years is a long time, and I want us to get to know each other again. I don’t want to lose you this time just because we decided to rush things. Now go to sleep. We’ll talk later. I promise.”

When I opened my mouth to protest, he nipped my bottom lip and snorted. “Sleep. Once you’ve rested, maybe we’ll get to the plan you were talking about.”

With his arm wrapped around my waist, he pulled me against the length of his body. Before finally succumbing to sleep, I reached down and laid my hand over his, our fingers twining against my stomach as the world faded away.

* * *

My body was still sore when I rolled over to my side. Without opening my eyes, I stretched out my hand to search for Jamie. When I only felt warm sheets under my hand, I opened my eyes. My stomach dropped until I heard Jamie’s voice coming from the other room. I gingerly pulled on my jeans, stopping at the end of the small hallway leading to his living room. A stack of boxes against the far wall caught my eye. I’d missed them the night before.

“Yes, I’m sure. In fact, I’ve never been more certain about a decision in my life. I know it’s a long way from New York, but it’ll work. There won’t be much for you to do for the next little while, anyway.”

Jamie entered the bedroom and looked at me, a smile spreading across his face. “Yeah, he found it. I appreciate it. I’ll let you know. Thanks again, Trev.”

He ended the call and put the phone on the counter. “Sorry to wake you. There were a few things I had to take care of this morning that couldn’t wait.”

“Are you moving?”

My stomach dropped as I waited for his answer. Not once had Jamie mentioned during our phone calls and texts he was moving. At the moment, I wished I’d known before my stupid impulsive decision to haul ass cross-country.

“Yeah. In a month. Maybe two.”

“A month?” I repeatedly numbly as he moved closer. “Where?”

Jamie’s smile returned as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “Seattle. I hear it rains a lot. But the coffee kicks ass.”

For a second I blinked at him in shock. “Seattle? But why? Why are you leaving New York? Your job is here. Hell, Jamie, your life is here.”

He chuckled at my expression. “There happens to be a certain temperamental chef I’d like to see more than once a year. I want to wake up every morning and know I’m going to see you. That’s the kind of life I want.”

What was he saying?

“I’m not happy here in New York, Ethan. I haven’t been for a long time, and the truth is cooking has become less of a passion and more of a job for me. I told myself I’d never let this happen, but it did. I’ve still got a few contractual obligations I’ve got to fulfill with the TV show, but after that, I want to be in Seattle where I can have a real job, where I’m not a celebrity anymore. What it all boils down to is I want to be a chef again. And I have a certain guy in mind I’d like to share that with.”

“Are you serious?”

He just laughed. Full-out laughed as I gaped. “Yes. I’m serious. If he’ll have me and let me take him on a few dates so we can get to know each other again.”

When I shoved my hands into his hair and slanted my mouth onto his, I knew he understood my answer. My heart tried to pound its way through my chest.
Jamie loves me.
He’d said the words earlier but the fact he loved me enough to move back to Seattle to try again for real with me was overwhelming.

Breathless, I finally pulled back to stare at Jamie, a goofy grin spreading over my face. Overwhelmed by his radiant smile, I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his. “I hear the temperamental chef is kind of an asshole. But he does love you. If you’ll have him.”

“I happen to love him too. Very much.”

“Move in with me,” I blurted out, then I froze, holding my breath.

He smiled at me. “I will, when we’re both ready. I promise. Until then, we’re going to go out on dates, we’ll cook for each other like we used to, piss each other off for no good reason, and you’ll make me laugh with your dirty jokes again. I want my real family back. You and me and Claire. I’ve missed you both too much. But mostly you. Just don’t tell Claire I said that or she’ll kick my ass.”

I knew my grin was plastered across my face, but I didn’t care. I gave him a serious look.

“When you move in with me, I promise to pick up my dirty clothes so it doesn’t look like a clothes bomb went off. I’ll cook with you whenever you want. But most important? After we fight about the stupid shit I’ll no doubt freak out about, we’ll have hot make up sex, okay?”

He gave me his own goofy grin. “Okay.”

“And no more running away from each other again.”

“I can handle that.” He smiled and kissed me lightly.

“No more running.”

His fingers traced over my shoulders and I leaned into his touch as he mused, “I can’t believe you came here before I could go to Seattle. You and your grand gestures, Ethan. You never do things the easy way, do you?”

“Yeah, well...you’re worth it.”

Jamie Lassiter is worth every single mile.

Epilogue

One Year
Later
Jamie

The alarm startled me out of my deep sleep. My morning wood ached as Ethan spooned behind me. His arm tightened around my waist, holding me close as I fumbled to grab my phone. I almost dropped it when his hand flattened against my abs and his palm slid lower.

“Why the fuck is your phone screaming?” His gravelly voice in my ear made me not want to get out of bed. As soon as I silenced the alarm, I turned in his arms. I nuzzled his neck, my teeth grazing the spot just under his neck that drove him crazy and murmured, “Good morning.”

“It’s not a good morning if we’re getting out of bed.”

I loved the way he looked at me in the mornings, sleepy, dark eyes filled with love and lust and all the things I’d ever wanted.

“Did you set the alarm to go off early?”

I looked at the clock and frowned. “Nope. We have about an hour to get to the restaurant.”

His hands trailed down my back, pulling me closer, the latest piece of jewelry he’d started wearing gleaming in the morning light. “More than enough time.”

I smiled and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “As much as I would love to stay in bed with you, we have a big day today. We told the staff to come in early for the challenge. It wouldn’t look good if we dragged our asses in later than everyone else.”

Ethan cupped my ass, pulling me hard against his body, and gave me a longer, hotter kiss. “I’m sure it’d be okay just once. After all, you
are
fucking the owner.”

I laughed and reluctantly pulled back. Any more kisses and we’d definitely be late. I slid out of bed before my libido had Ethan pinned underneath me, writhing in pleasure. “Yeah, so are you.” I shot a wicked grin back at him while I walked to the bathroom. “I’ll wash your back if you can drag your ass out of bed.”

My husband snickered behind me, and I heard the telltale sound of the bed creaking as he finally made the effort to get out of it. “Make it my front, and you’ve got a deal.”

* * *

I stood at my prep station, my mind wandering as I minced the garlic and parsley I planned on using in my chimichurri marinade. Ethan’s back was to me, but I could hear his knife flying across his cutting board as he prepped the ingredients for his own dish. The back door was propped open to diffuse the heat already building in the kitchen.

A year. It was hard to believe it had been a year since Ethan had flown across the country and pounded on my door in New York at six-thirty in the morning. Returning to Seattle was the best decision I’d ever made. I was in the kitchen fourteen hours a day cooking, and it was heaven.

“Hey, Tyler, can you grab the flank steak for me?”

“Sure, Chef. You two ready to do this?”

I winked. “It’s always fun to make Chef Martin’s eye twitch.”

I could hear him laughing as he disappeared into the walk-in fridge.

A month after Ethan’s cross-country trek, I moved to Seattle. Six months later, Ethan handed his apartment keys over to Tyler—whom we’d brought on as sous-chef-in-training—and moved in with me in my loft near the restaurant. Tyler had nearly fainted when Ethan had also handed over the paperwork indicating the rent was paid up for the next year. Ethan had summed it up better than I ever could have when Tyler started to refuse his gift. “Can’t live at Enrique’s forever. And now you’re in school, you need a place of your own. You know. In case you want to invite company over for studying, or hanging out, or...”

Tyler had missed Ethan’s eyebrow wiggle, but over the course of the day he had pulled the paper out of his back pocket more than once during his shift at Bistro 30 when he thought no one was looking.

Ethan

“Are you almost ready for me to kick your ass?” Jamie’s amused voice from across the kitchen did, in fact, make my eye twitch as I paused at chopping onions. He shot me a smug smile as he crossed his arms over his chest, pulling his immaculate white chef’s jacket taut across his shoulders. The supremely confident look on his face made my cock twitch too, despite my annoyance. The gleam of the shiny band on his left ring finger might have had a little to do with it, as well.

“You’re awfully cocky for a man who’s only beaten me a few times.”

“Five times.”

I rolled my eyes at his boasting.

Having two executive chefs with differing styles at Bistro 30 meant we often had radically different approaches to making the same dish. Each month when we looked at the seasonal ingredients available from our suppliers and the local farmers’ market, we’d brainstorm ideas for potential menus, then we’d challenge each other to make the same dish. Afterward we’d present each dish during the staff meal in a blind taste test and our cooks, dishwashers, bussers and waiters would pick their favorite. The winning dish would make it on the menu and whoever currently had more dishes on the menu had bragging rights.

As infuriating as it was to lose to Jamie, at the end of the day I never took it personally. Out of everyone at Bistro 30, he was the only person I knew cared as much about the restaurant succeeding as I did. He worked the sixteen-plus-hour days along with me but the difference was, at the end of the night instead of going home to an empty apartment, we went home to our shared place. It wasn’t always easy and we still butted heads over the menu and how to run the restaurant, but it worked for us.

We’d taken on about half of Cal’s original crew, the other half signing on to work for Claire at her new restaurant. I missed working with Claire on my crew but it was way past time for her to open her own place. I was sure her new hot sous chef had made the transition less painful for her.

“Almost ready, Chef?” New Guy had lost his title, becoming simply Tyler when he’d been promoted to sous chef.

“Yeah, I’m almost ready to kick Lassiter’s ass. I’ll let you know when we’re ready for you to grab the staff for the tasting.”

Jamie snickered from his station as he started firing his steak for the dish we were both making. “Did you totally miss what you just said? Grab the staff for the tasting?”

“Heaven help me, I’ve created a monster. You win a few times and—”

“Five.”

“Yes, five. Now all of a sudden you’re the kitchen badass.”

He grinned at me, all teeth. My stomach flipped as I stood there staring at him. His grin was the same one he sported when he topped me in the bedroom. Or in our shared office or in Bistro 30’s kitchen after everyone had gone home for the night. Sometimes I lost our cooking challenges, sometimes I won them. But at the end of the day, with Jamie by my side, I always won.

Ten years ago I’d never imagined being in this position. Sure, I’d dreamed of being head chef of my own restaurant, but being surrounded by my family made it worth all the years I’d lost with Jamie. Even if he owned half my restaurant. Our restaurant.

“Ethan?”

“Yep?” I put the final touches on my dish.

“You know there’s no one else I’d rather do this with, right?”

“Yeah, well there’s no one else I’d rather do this with either. Even when you kick my ass.”

The look he gave me was filled with everything I knew was plastered across my face.

“Love you too, E.”

The smile I gave him was ridiculously goofy but I didn’t give a shit—it was the smile I reserved only for him. Long hours to create this place together, seeing our friends and family happy and coming home with him made it worth it.

It may have taken us almost nine years to figure things out, but a lifetime together more than made up for it.

* * * * *