In the Blind (3 page)

Disappointment
ticked away at her happy mood. She’d never be with him again. She’d never know
who he was. Jane had a habit of over-complicating relationships. Guys often knew
how to let go and at the moment, she envied them. In the last few months, she’d
lusted over an unavailable guy and now a nameless guy she’d never seen and
never would see. She needed to let them both go.

Jane
decided to mix her fantasies together instead. It was important to have a
fantasy life. She knew the difference between fantasy and reality, but right
now she could use the escape. At least in her fantasy, everything could go her
way. The guy she’d met a couple of months ago, the fantasy, would be ready to
move on, and her mystery man from the club would want to see her again.

Her
wandering fingers swept across her
skin,
taking her
back to the day she’d met Rob. She’d first seen him on the bus the morning of
the Tech convention. He’d tried to give his seat to an older woman, only the
woman had taken offense. For ten blocks, she had listed off all the reasons she
was strong enough to stand and finally suggested he keep his condescending
comments zipped. You could have heard a pin drop at the front of the bus, poor
guy. However, at the back where she was sitting, there were plenty of muffled
giggles.

His
second attempt for a good deed had happened minutes later when she almost
missed her stop. He’d forced the bus door back open for her. She’d thanked him,
and together they walked into the convention center. Once inside, they’d gone in
opposite directions, and she’d kicked herself for not talking to him.

She’d
set up her table the night before in the jobs fair section of the convention. She
remembered the weight of her exhaustion, but at least she hadn’t had to get up
before the sun the morning of the event. She’d still been reeling from her
breakup from Adam earlier that week. Her recruiting business needed exposure,
and technical conventions like that one were perfect. Plus, she needed a
distraction from her healing process that had been struggling to begin.

The
morning had flown by. In between the lectures and demonstrations, the jobs fair
room had overflowed with people. She’d been glad she’d remembered her extra box
of business cards. Her inbox had a fairly steady influx of new resumes to
review ever since.

Once
the lunch rush had cleared the floor, she’d placed her “be back in 15-minutes”
card in the center of her table and made her way to the elevators. She’d hoped
one of the food trucks was still out front.

Many
of the vendors had the same idea. She barely made it onto the elevator. From
her
smushed
spot at the front of the car, she’d
spotted her hero from the morning commute in the back corner. Her position
changed when a mass exodus at the next floor was exchanged for a new group.

Lost
in the shuffle of feet, she’d almost been pushed right into her hero. She’d had
to brace herself on the wall to her left.

“Hi,”
she’d said to her morning savior. The crowd continued to push her closer to him
until she’d raised her right foot and pushed against the back of the elevator
car. It appeared she was trapping him in the corner. Her crazy position had her
mere inches from him. Fortunately, she’d had pants on and wasn’t on the verge
of tearing her skirt or exposing her panties.

“I’m
glad you found me again.”

“Yes,
I was hoping you’d walk past my table.” Her right knee and upper thigh brushed
against him. “I’m so sorry.” Heat had washed over her.
What must he think?
The crowd had pushed against her back, and her
pussy got ever closer to her white knight.

“Would
you be offended if I offered you help?”

“No.”
She’d laughed. “But I’ve got this.” Sweat had rolled down her neck.

The
elevator had dinged its arrival. The crowd had dissipated before she could
prepare herself, and she had fallen on her ass.

“Ouch.”

“It’s
not our lucky day. Is it?” He’d reached out, presumably to help her up, but all
she’d seen was the ring on his finger.

“I
guess not. It’s okay. I can get up myself.” She brushed her hands down her
pants and used her withering strength to stand. She didn’t even know him, but
he was taken and her heart had stung from the discovery. She wasn’t ready for
someone new anyway, was she?

“I
wish that’s all she’d said.” He’d reached down and picked up her purse.

“What?”

“The
woman on the bus this morning, I was trying to be nice.” He’d handed her bag to
her.

“I’m
sorry that happened, but it was so funny.” She’d walked out of the elevator
first while he held the door open.

“I
didn’t dare laugh. I pinched my thigh every time I was tempted.”

“Smart move.
She might have
taken a swing at you, if you had.”

“I
think I actually pulled out some hair from my leg.” He rubbed at a spot on his
leg.

“Last
week I heard a woman yell at a man for
not
giving up his seat.”

“My
mom taught me to offer my seat and open doors. I don’t know how to be any
different.”

“That’s
sweet.”

“Are
you laughing at me again?”

“No.”
She buried her giggle as she pretended to look in the other direction.
“Seriously though, I can respect a man who remembers what his momma taught him.
I’ll admit to quoting my grandpa actually.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.
He’s one of the
smartest men I know.”

“You’re
lucky to still have him around.”

“I
guess we’re both lucky to have family around to guide us.”

“I’m
Rob.” He’d stopped his forward movement and turned to her.

“It’s
nice to officially meet you.” She’d shaken his hand. “I’m Jane.”

He’d
gripped her hand tightly.

They’d
continued walking side by side, all the way to the last food truck on site. Over
pulled pork sandwiches, they’d talked about her recruiting business and the
changes in his career. He’d been working as a consultant since his company was
sold and taken apart. He missed working on a team and the opportunities to
improve his skills, but he enjoyed setting his own hours. He’d finally relented
and stated he’d consider any job description she sent his way.

She’d
almost forgotten to head back to her table. The charming, unavailable man had made
her as comfortable as drinking sweet lemonade on Navy Pier on a warm summer
day.

He’d
followed her back to her table. She’d taken his card and promised to call if
she came across a position for him. As he walked away, she grabbed hold of her
table. He belonged to someone else. All he could be was a friend, a fantasy at
best.

He’d
gotten half way across the room before he turned and came back. A flutter of
impossibility filled her belly. He stopped his forward movement once, but then
continued until he was a foot from her table.

“I’d
really like to see you again, but—”

“You’re
married.”

“What?”

“It’s
okay. I saw the ring earlier.” She’d shoved her hands into her pockets.

“Oh,
that.” He’d played with the ring. “My divorce has been final for a few weeks,
but I can’t seem to take it off.”

“I’m
sorry.” She’d reached out to him, but pulled back. “I have no idea how hard
that must be.”

“Is
it strange the divorce should feel more natural than the marriage?”

“Big
changes, no matter how natural, take time to cope.”

“Wise words.”
An easy smile
had lifted the strain from his face. “Did you get that one from your grandpa?”

“I
did.” She nodded her head.

“I
may not be ready to change my work situation, but call me, if you find
something. Maybe I’ll be ready when you call.”

“I’ll
do that.”

“Thank
you, Jane.” He’d reached out his hand. “It was really nice to meet you.”

She’d
taken hold of his hand, squeezed hard, and let him go.

The
memories from that day replayed regularly in her mind. Once she started her
string of first dates, they were all compared to Rob. Not a one made her smile
as easily or left her needing more like he did.

Jane
whistled while she made her morning coffee. One step at a time, she was taking back
control of her life. She may still wish Rob had been ready to move forward, but
the fact was, she hadn’t been ready to move forward either. Adam had been a
poison to her self-esteem. If only she’d listened to her instincts sooner. He’d
blinded her with the material things he offered, and she’d completely misread
his intentions.

The
night she’d brought him home to meet her family, her grandpa had warned her. He
hadn’t liked the way Adam had talked over her and dismissed her points in
conversations. She should have seen it then, should have seen his demanding
tone and flippant ways weren’t anything like the dominant men she desired.

The
hardest part of it all was no longer being able to trust her decisions. She
could see now that she’d been trying to be the type of woman Adam would desire.
Wanting to make him happy hadn’t been a crime, but buying into his judgment was
a cruelty she’d allowed. She didn’t need to change who she was, and she didn’t
need to hang onto any of his hatefulness.

Regardless
of the time wasted and the sting from not listening to her grandpa, Jane was
proud she’d gotten herself out of the relationship. She took her favorite coffee
mug from the drying rack and filled it. Her thoughts flirted with her old
fairytale dreams from her childhood. She’d always believed a handsome young man
would sweep her off her feet.

Life
wasn’t a fairytale. It was complicated and messy.

She
breathed in the rich smell of her favorite morning tradition. She made a mental
note to call her grandpa later. The tension slipped away as strength tiptoed
back in.

One step at a time.

She
took a sip as she settled in front of her laptop. She wanted to take her little
company to the next level. It had been a year since she’d opened for business.
It was time to push her career forward. First up, find the finances to hire another
recruiter. She wasn’t sure how it was going to happen. She didn’t even have
money for rent on her tiny office space.

She’d
work hard and then figure out her other want in the romance department. Heat
flooded her system with thoughts from Saturday night. Maybe it was time to
listen to Anne’s other suggestion, but the thought of submitting to a
Dominant
 
at
Club
Voyage kept spiking her heart rate.

Even
with their training program, she couldn’t imagine opening herself so widely.
Her instincts told her to go for it, but her instincts had also convinced her
Adam was the one. Vulnerability raced like a brisk wind over her skin, leaving
her shivering.

She
reminded herself she was moving on, living the life she wanted. Club Blind was
the first step, and she’d need to make a second step. If she couldn’t find the
courage to trust herself, she had no idea how she’d find the courage to trust a
Dom.

As
if on cue, Anne called, probably searching for details on how her night had
gone. They’d been friends since preschool. Although Jane didn’t have any
siblings, she had a sister in Anne. A happy smile warmed her all over.

“Hi, Anne.”

“Sorry
I didn’t call yesterday. Keller had me at the office all day, and I was
exhausted when I got home.”

“We
really need to talk about how he treats you.”

“I
know. So, how’d it go?”

“Just as you said.
Well, better.”
Memories of his strong hands holding her filled her thoughts. She pressed her
hand around her warm mug. “It was exactly what I needed.”

“I
knew it, I’m so glad you went. Your ex has no idea what he missed out on. You
deserved this, Jane.”

“I
can still hear his voice in my head.” She took a deep breath and imagined she
could still smell him on her skin. Rich tones of musk pushed her further into
sweet recall.

“He
talked to you?”

“Yes,
it was much more than I expected.” He’d made the night special, with his touch,
with his words.

“Jane.”

“I
know I shouldn’t, but I wish—”

“Jane,
stop right there, get the thought out of your head right now. You are not
supposed to fall for this guy. He was your transition guy. Now you know it
wasn’t you. Adam was wrong.”

“I
know you’re right, one step at a time, but what if—”

“No
buts, Jane, the club will never give you his name.”

“I
know.” She shook her head. “I know you’re right. You might need to wake me up again
though.”

Her
shoulders slumped, and she looked down. She’d already dug herself out of this
dank hole once today. Now, she felt like she’d gotten the wind knocked from her
sails, like she’d been dumped and couldn’t stop herself from getting dumped
over and over again.