In Search of Satisfaction (21 page)

Richard sat until the fire burned down, shaking his head no when the servant indicated putting logs on the fire. He sat until twilight was gone and the shadows darkened the huge mansion where two bodies, mother and son, stayed in opposite ends. Only the servants, unobtrusive, moved about, quietly doing what was necessary for the two lonely people in their strong city of wealth.

Satan thought, I give those people everything! Why aren’t they happy? Busy as always, he flew off to finish giving suggestions to the
scientists he was helping to discover something in the earth that might finally destroy the earth. He went happily.

When Richard returned to Yoville, Richlene was shy of him but so glad to have her “dadda” back home. Everything seemed the same as before. But Mana, the Negress, Richlene’s second mother, knew something had happened in the way people who love you know things about you. Mana had told Sally because she trusted her and knew her love for Richlene was honest. They both talked to Richlene who, in her simplicity, saw no reason to hide anything. Mana was angry; Sally was confused, could not understand. However, no one told Carlene.

One day, soon after his return, Sally passed Richard in the hall as she went about her house inventory chores. She looked into his eyes trying to see deeply into his mind. She saw pain … and fear. They said nothing at first. Then Sally spoke, “Richard, you must never, for any reason, place yourself and your daughter in such a circumstance again.”

“Oh, Sally,” he began anxiously. His voice was full of remorse.

She did not let him finish speaking. “No one ever ‘intends’ to, they say. But you, her father, must never lose your self control again. She is your child. She is not responsible. I thought you loved her. The only one who loved her. You were all she really has. You ARE all she has. Let us pray her mind will survive the memory and may God have mercy on you. Now, let us put these thoughts away, forever, if possible.” She started to move on.

“Oh, Sally,” he began once more.

She swung her body back to him. “No one ever prays in this house! They know no god but themselves and gold and stocks! Build us a chapel or a place we may pray … together! Everything in this world, this house, can be lost. Wisdom is needed in this house.” She moved away hastily.

Later, when Richard was telling Richlene about the little chapel he was building, Mana told him, “Build it a little way from this house so people can go in privacy if they want to and won’t nobody be laughin at em for goin!”

Richard looked at her, “You think someone would laugh at a person going to church to pray?”

Mana put her hands on her hips and asked, “You ever been to any church?”

He shook his head and said, “No.”

“Then just do what I ask you, please.” And so it was done.

Mana and Richlene used the small chapel. Sally went there daily, even if only for a few moments. Richard would go there occasionally and sit very still as though he were waiting for something.

s
everal months later after another business trip, Richard went to Richlene’s rooms to visit her. He was hugging Richlene and happened to look over her head, finding himself looking into the angry eyes of Mana. He smiled anyway and said, “Good evening, Mana.”

“Good evenin, sir.” She pursed her lips as if she was willing herself to speak or not to speak.

He held Richlene away from him; she was laughing up at her father. “Richlene, you are gaining weight!”

“She sure is gainin weight!” Mana’s hands went to her hips.

“I have seen how much more she is eating. Good! She has a healthy appetite.” Richard laughed.

Mana patted her foot. “Yes, suh, she’s eatin aplenty … now.”

Richard sensed there was something else Mana wanted to say. He smiled, thinking, “Darkies are so strange. Why should she be afraid to speak to me?” Aloud he said, “What is it, Mana? Why does her appetite worry you? She is still a growing young girl of fourteen.”

Richlene said proudly, “Four … teen and a … a half, Dadda.”

Mana lowered her voice but still spoke with anger, “She is eatin for two, Mr. Befoe.”

It took a moment for the words to sink in. His smile drained from his face. “For two?” he asked vaguely.

“For two, I ‘magin. Only God knows just how many for sure.”

Richard sat down clumsily. “Oh, my God, I don’t know …”

Surprisingly, Mana’s voice softened, “You do know …”

He looked into Mana’s eyes. He could see she knew all that had happened. He moaned, “Oh, my God, my God.”

“No, Mr. Befoe, not your god, your little chile. This little chile here.”

He wiped his brow. “How long, how far along …”

“Too far, Mr. Befoe, she is already showin. One of them operations could kill her. Betta she have this baby and you all can do what you wants to. But she could have her life over again. One of them operation
things might take her on away from … us. And I know she sho don’t deserve that.”

Richlene sat at her father’s feet, looking up at him. “I am … miss … ing my monthly, Dadda.” She smiled. They did not think she really understood.

Richard could only wipe his brow, shake his head and say, “Dear Lord.”

Mana continued, “She got bout four more months to go. You got to think of something fore her time comes. You know, she can have that baby here at home. Most all these womens round here do. We got Ma Lal and that daughter of hers, Ma Mae. Then … I’ll take care it, I’ll raise it at my house.”

Richard stood, “Don’t be absurd, Mana.” But he was thinking about what she had said.

“Scuse me, Mr. Befoe, but I am not the ab … surd person round here.”

Richlene looked from one to the other of the people she loved. “Dadda? Why you fuss with … Mana?”

“Daddy is not fussing, sweetheart. Mana is right.” He seemed not to know which way to turn. “I, Dadda is going … right now. I’ll be back to … tuck you in bed.” He looked at Mana.

Mana spoke softly, “You know she gettin too old to be tucked in bed, but you come on back, Mr. Befoe, and tuck your chile in bed like you been doing for years when you home. I’ll be here.”

Richard went to find Sally. Anxious, distraught, and almost in tears, he told her that Richlene was going to have a baby. “MY baby,” he whispered in agony.

“Oh, Richard, Richard,” she whispered back as her back bent with the news. Sally was quiet a moment, then she straightened up. “We will do nothing now. We will see that Richlene is healthy. I shall take her one day on a train ride and we shall go to Pittsburgh or some large city and see a doctor. If you tell Carlene.… Don’t tell Carlene. Don’t tell Carlene, yet. Let her, just let everything happen naturally. She will see … soon enough.” And so they did. And so Carlene did, two months later in Richlene’s eighth month.

Satan had not liked Sally, now he did not like Mana. She was not without her wrongs, but she didn’t help him much at all. But then, Satan does not like anyone. He was amused at the situation though, as usual.

m
ana and Sally had dressed her in wide, loose clothes and Carlene seldom really looked at Richlene anyway, but, one day, she did.

One morning, Richlene was out in the gardens helping Joel Jones, the gardener, dig and place the plants and bulbs. She was laughing and playing with Joel’s little son, Lucas. Carlene came out of the house to go to the horse stables. She looked and paid attention only to the fact that Richlene always seemed to be around a Negro. She thought as she stopped, “She likes niggers! It’s because of that Mana of hers that I can’t seem to tear her away from!” Then, she thought of Joel being a man. “Richlene is almost fifteen now, she is too old to be alone with Joel so much.” Joel was her best horse man and had been for several years. He gardened because he liked it and it brought in a little extra money for his new family he was beginning with his wife Ruth. “Or,” Carlene thought, “because he has his black eyes on Richlene because she is so dumb!”

“Richlene!” she called, “Richlene! Come here! It is too hot for you to be out here doing work like this! Go inside the house. Take a nap … do something else!”

Richlene rose from the ground slowly, wiping her hands on the apron Mana had given her to wear for yard work. She said nothing as
she walked toward her mother, her face half-turned to the side, looking at her mother. The extra weight and size of her stomach made her walk a bit wide-legged.

Carlene’s eyes slowly moved down Richlene’s body. The thought took a moment to materialize. “Why does Richlene look so funny? What’s the matter with her legs?” Then her eyes slowly moved up Richlene’s body and the bulging stomach stopped her eyes. Carlene opened her mouth to speak then stopped, then started again. “What’s the matter with your stomach, Richlene?”

Richlene looked down, saying nothing. Then, she looked back into her mother’s face, still with her own face turned to the side as she reached Carlene. Carlene snatched the apron to the side and up … and there Richlene stood, her pregnancy large and so obvious. Carlene gasped, her hand flew to her mouth.

“Richlene!” Her voice was harsh, “What has happened to you?!” She threw the apron tail at Richlene and looked at Joel. “Joel! What have you done to my daughter?! Why, you black nigger bastard!” Then she screamed for help. “Mana! You black bitch! Sally!” She screamed louder. “Joel, don’t you move! I’m calling the sheriff! I will have you killed for this! She is a white woman. A child!”

Mana had come. “Mrs. Befoe, Joel ain’t done none of that! Joel is a good man what got his own new family. He love Richlene like a chile!”

Carlene was livid. “Then who the hell did it?! And how do you know what Joel does? Call the sheriff! I pay you to watch my daughter and look at her! She is going to have a baby! A baby! Or it’s the biggest tumor I’ve ever seen! A grandmother! I’ll be a grandmother! Call the sheriff, I said! Don’t you move, Joel! I’ll kill you myself!”

Mana only raised her voice a little, “Call the sheriff if you want to, but Joel ain’t done this.” Softer, she spoke to Richlene, “Come here Richlene, come here, baby.”

Carlene snatched at Richlene, “Keep your black hands off my child. You are fired! All of you niggers are going to get off my land. You are all in this together somehow!”

Richlene raised her hands in fear. “No, no … you … can’t make … MMMana go. My Mana … is … mine. You … cccan’t make MMana go!” Richlene spoke so seldom, everyone turned to her. She held their attention for only a moment though.

Carlene became even more angry. “I’ll see about that! You just go
into the house. Joel, don’t you dare move from here till the sheriff comes.” Sally was hurrying to the little group of screaming and crying people.

Richlene seemed no longer afraid. “You can’t make Jo … el go. I will tell my dadda! Jo … el is my friend.”

Carlene’s voice was ugly. “So I see. Look what your friend has done to you.”

“Jo … el didn’t … do … any … thing to me.”

Sally moved into the circle. “Joel didn’t do anything to her.”

Carlene ignored everyone except Richlene. “Then what is wrong with your stomach, you little fool? You are so dumb, you wouldn’t know what anyone was doing to you!” She turned to Sally, “Send for the sheriff!”

Richlene looked down at her stomach. “It just … grew out.”

Sally spoke quietly, trying to quiet Carlene. “She is going to have a baby.”

Carlene was still shouting, “I can see that! Whose baby is it if it is not Joel’s?! She never goes anywhere or sees anybody! The only people she’s around are Mana and Joel, you and me and her father!” It became suddenly quiet. Everyone was silent. They all looked at Carlene sadly. Mana held Richlene protectively. Joel stood there, but he was shaking with fear, thinking, “White folks can do whatsomever they wants to … and rich white folks can do more than that! They can kill me! What will Ruth and my babies do? Oh, God, Oh God, help me please. I ain’t done nothin to nobody!” He reached for his son, Luke, who had begun to whimper as Carlene kept pointing and screaming at his father.

Carlene looked around at all of them, one face at a time. Then she gasped, her eyes grew wide. Her voice low and menacing. “Are you trying to tell me … Richard did … You lie! All of you.”

Mana spoke, “We ain’t told you nothin, ’cept Joel didn’t do it.”

Sally reached for Carlene’s shoulder. “Let us go into the house. Go on about your business, Joel.”

Carlene jerked her shoulder away. “Don’t you try to act like you run this house. I told Joel to stay!”

Sally took Carlene’s shoulder again. “He did not do it, Carlene, there is no need for the poor man to be frightened to death!”

Mana was leading a crying Richlene into the house. Sally followed. Carlene threw a last look at Joel then stomped to the house behind the
others, speaking to Sally, “Don’t you think you are taking over here! I’ll get to the bottom of this.”

Sally still spoke quietly, “Let us go into the house. Other people who have nothing to do with this can hear you, and this is Richlene’s life.”

Remembering this on this morning, Carlene clenched her fists as she looked through the windows at the hills beyond the river, not seeing them. Today, as always, she remembered that day so clearly.

She remembered how, when at last the truth was understood, she had raged and wept, then raged again. She seemed a distraught mother concerned for her child, but she was not thinking of Richlene. She was thinking of herself and how all this would reflect on her family name. How it would look to people. Her social life. If she could dislike Richlene more, she did.

“I will have her operated on. I will get rid of that … that … thing!”

But, later, Richlene placed her arms over her stomach protectively, and she didn’t stutter but once. “N … No, this is my baby. I want my baby. This my baby. I will not let my baby go away. This my baby.”

Sally moved to stand beside Richlene. “It is too late. She might die. She must have the baby. Then … you can give it …” Sally frowned at the thought she could not complete.

Carlene turned in anger, “You’re goddamned right I can! And I will!” Then she left them, flinging herself away to her rooms.