In My Shoes (27 page)

Jake’s mom chimed in, “You’re always welcome
here, Nicole. We’d love to have you.” Awww.

“Thank you. I guess I’ll stay,” he finally
said. I could tell he was happy.

“Oh,” I said, just realizing, “you should
probably call your mom and tell her you won’t be home for
dinner.”

“Right. Thanks.”

Jake stepped out of the room to make the call
and Jake’s mom walked over to me discreetly. “So, are you going to
tell me how it worked out that you have a date with one of Nicole’s
friends? You are spending all of your time with Nicole.”

“It’s a really long story, and it’s kind of
hard to explain,” I said.

“So, you aren’t interested in Nicole
anymore?”

“I don’t know.” Truthfully, I didn’t know.
We’ve become really good friends, which I would have never guessed,
but I had no idea if Jake still was interested in me.

“Well, are you sure Nicole’s not interested
in you?”

“No?” That was supposed to be a statement,
like ‘no, Nicole’s not interested in Jake.’ I don’t know what
happened there. “I mean, I don’t think Nicole has any interest in
me.”

“Well, just be careful. Nicole is a nice
girl. You don’t want to get yourself caught up in a mess between
these two girls. Make sure you’re upfront with them and look for
signals.”

“Signals?” I asked.

“Just make sure you pay attention to how they
are acting around you, and each other. You don’t want to hurt their
friendship or yours. Jealousy can cause a lot of problems.”

“Thanks for the advice, but I don’t
think
it will be a problem.”

Jake walked back into the room. I wondered if
he could hear our conversation, because he had a strange look on
his face.

“Is everything okay, Nicole?” I asked.

“Actually, no. I’m really sorry, but I’m
going to have to go after all. Jake…could you walk me out to my
car?”

“Sure,” I said nervously.

“Sorry, Angela.”

“No problem, Hon. I hope everything is
okay.”

“I think it will be. Thank you.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we walked out to
the car.

“Let’s get in the car and talk.”

I was getting really nervous now. We both got
into the car and shut the doors. “What is it?” I asked
impatiently.

“First, it sounds like he’s going to be okay,
but…your brother has been in a car accident.”

I gasped. “What?”

“I guess he has a few broken ribs, and a
broken leg, but…he should be fine.”

I didn’t know what to say. It was hard to be
relieved that Tyler was going to be okay, knowing he was somewhere
with a broken leg and broken ribs. I struggled to find my voice.
“How did it happen? Where is he?”

“I don’t know the details, just that he was
in a car accident, and I guess he wasn’t the one driving. He’s at a
hospital in Stanford, and he’s stable.

“Your parents are flying out to be with
them,” he added.

“What about…” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
I just started crying. Jake put his arms around me and held me.

“Your mother said I could come, or that I
could stay with Jessica so I didn’t miss any school.”

“What did you say?”

“I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know him.
You should be there, but…I just don’t know how that could work. I
told them I would think about it and let them know when I got home,
but…I really don’t think I should go. Do you?”

I was trying to talk through my tears. “No…I
guess not. There’s too much that could go wrong.”

“Your mother said he was stable. I think
that’s why she gave me the choice. It sounded like she was leaning
toward me staying.”

I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to
gather myself. “Okay, I guess you are staying then. But, please pay
extra attention to your phone. I want updates as soon as you get
them…no matter what time it is. If we weren’t like this, I would
definitely be there. School or no school.”

“I figured. I will let you know everything as
soon as I know it. Do I…have to stay at Jessica’s?”

“No,” I answered. “She just offered that
since I would normally prefer to be there instead of at an empty
house. If you are okay being in my house alone…”

Jake laughed, mostly to himself. “I think
we’ve gone way past what we are okay with. But, I think it’s better
than being at Jessica’s house for…however long this lasts.”

“True,” I agreed. “You really should get
going.”

“Are you going to be okay?” he asked.

“I think so.”

“Get yourself together before you go back
inside. My mother would kind of wonder why you were crying about
someone you don’t really know.”

“Okay. Talk to you soon,” I said, as I got
out of the car.

Jake drove away and I went back inside as
soon as I had my composure.

“Is everything alright?” his mom asked. She
was sitting at the table waiting for me to eat, and she looked
truly concerned.

“I don’t know. Nicole’s brother, Tyler, has
been in a car accident. He has some broken bones, but they say he
is stable.”

“That’s terrible. I sure hope he’s going to
be okay.”

“Me, too.” Please be okay, Tyler.

We ate in silence for the first five minutes
or so. I can’t speak for Jake’s mom, but I was lost in thought
about my brother. We have always been really close. Being brother
and sister, we’ve had our occasional disagreements, but he’s always
been there when I needed him. It was eating me up that I couldn’t
be there when he needed me. It was even worse that I had to keep my
emotions bottled up inside of me.

Eventually, Jake’s mom broke the silence. She
asked me about my day. At the moment, it was hard to recall my day.
I did the best I could, and I asked her about her day. It was
easier to listen to her talk than it was to talk myself.

“Let me help you with the dishes,” Jake’s mom
offered.

“Thanks, but I’ve got them,” I replied. I
needed to keep busy.

Jake’s mom sat down as I started washing the
dishes.

“Well, even as a friend, you picked a good
one there,” she said, and I smiled. “I really do hope her brother
is okay.” Me too.

It was silent for a while, before she
continued. “So, this girl you have a date with on Friday, what’s
she like?”

For a little while, I had managed to forget
about the date. “Oh, Jessica is really nice. She and Nicole have
been friends for a long time.”

I wrapped up washing the dishes, and Jake’s
mom got up from where she had been sitting.

“You’re a good boy, Jake. I’m very fortunate
to have such a good kid.”

“Thanks Mom,” I said as I started heading to
Jake’s room.

“Would you like to sit and watch some
television with me for a bit? It seems like I haven’t seen you much
lately.”

“Well, I guess I could for a little while,” I
said, feeling a little sad for her, “but I do have a little bit
more studying to do tonight. I could hang out for…maybe an
hour.”

She smiled. We sat down on the couch, next to
each other. We watched
Wheel of Fortune
and
Jeopardy
.
It was actually kind of nice, but watching television with Jake’s
mom made me miss my parents. I missed spending quality time with
them, being myself, and just being together. Not doing anything,
really. Just relaxing.

“Well,” I said finally, “I should get back to
studying.”

She kissed my forehead. “Thanks for spending
some time with your old mom.”

“Sure. It was nice,” I said with a smile.

I went back to Jake’s room and resumed my
studying. At least, I tried to study. It was hard not to think
about Tyler. Before I knew it, ten o’clock had arrived and I was
tired. I hadn’t gotten as much studying done as I had hoped, but I
needed to stop. I put all of my things away, and got myself ready
for bed.

Usually, lately, my mind starts wandering
closer to bedtime. I think about everything that has happened and
try to think about what might change us back. I’m growing tired of
thinking about it. Like I told Jake today, I just don’t know what
caused this. I pray every night to be changed back, but if God has
changed us, then I am guessing there is a reason for it, and we
will change back when the time is right.

Wait, we changed on Thursday night. Maybe we
will change back this Thursday night! One week. That would make
sense, wouldn’t it?

Ugh…I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t
know whether it’s worse thinking about this every night before bed,
or ever getting to the point where I stop thinking about it. I
don’t want to be a guy for the rest of my life. I’m a girl. I like
being a girl. I like boys. I...

I jumped up in bed, startled! I was
disoriented, and it took me a minute to realize where I was. I was
breathing heavily, gasping for air. After a few moments, I gathered
myself and started putting the pieces together. I had just woken
from a terrible dream. Well, more like a nightmare!

It was so vivid, I could remember every
detail. I was on a date. Jessica and I were at the movies and we
were there with a large group of people. In the dream, I knew who
all of the people were, and supposedly they were my closest
friends. As I’m recalling the dream now, I don’t know who any of
them were. Just people playing the part for my dream.

So, we were at dinner, and Jessica and I were
having a real nice time. I liked her, and I could tell she liked
me. We had a lot in common, which surprised me in my dream. We
weren’t even paying attention to our friends, because we were just
lost in conversation with each other. One of the friends said
something to me, and once I realized they were calling me, I looked
over.

All of a sudden, all of our friends started
getting up and sitting down in different seats. I looked at Jessica
and she just smiled at me. I looked back, and they were changing
seats again. I was embarrassed by their behavior, so I asked them
why they were doing that. One of the friends replied, “I don’t
know, it just seemed like a good idea.”

I told them to go back to their normal seats,
and they said they couldn’t. I looked at Jessica and suggested that
we leave. Jessica seemed unfazed by our friends, but agreed to
leave anyway.

As we were walking to the theater, Jessica
put her head on my shoulder. We held hands and talked. She became
cold and I put my jacket around her to keep her warm.

We watched a horror movie, and Jessica held
on to me tightly throughout the movie. Every time she got scared,
she would hide her face in my chest.

As the night wound down, we found ourselves
walking to her front door. I turned to face her and she turned to
face me, hopeful, and then we kissed. When I opened my eyes,
Jessica was gone, and I was looking at myself. Not in the mirror. I
was standing right in front of…me.

“Jake, why did you just kiss me?” this other
me said.

“I’m not Jake, I’m Nicole,” I replied.

“No you’re not, look,” she said pointing at
my reflection in a window.

She was right, I was Jake. But no, it wasn’t
right. I’m Nicole. “Something’s wrong. I’m not Jake,” I said,
turning back, but instead of the other Nicole standing there, it
was Jake.

“You’re right.
I’m
Jake,” he said.

I sighed with relief. I looked back at my
reflection, expecting to see my face again, but instead, I found
myself looking at Jessica. “No,” I said despairingly. When I looked
back toward Jake, he was now Mike.

That’s when I woke up startled. The good news
was that it was just a really bad dream. The bad news was, when I
opened my eyes, I still saw Jake’s room, which meant I was still in
Jake’s body.

One week in Jake’s body. I don’t know how
much more I can take. I’m a little afraid I’m losing my mind. That
is, if I haven’t already lost it completely.

I dragged myself out of bed, begrudgingly
ready to start another day. I checked my cell phone…no messages. I
showered, shaved, dressed, did my hair, brushed my teeth,
made…Jake’s...bed, gathered my things and headed to the kitchen for
breakfast. Jake’s mom was already up and dressed for work.

“Good morning, Jake.”

“Morning.”

“Did you sleep well?” she asked.

“Not really. I think I tossed and turned all
night.”

“I’m sorry. Have you heard anything about
Nicole’s brother?”

“No,” I said. “But, no news is good news,
right?” She smiled thoughtfully.

I grabbed a bowl and made myself some cereal.
When I was done, I rinsed my dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
I grabbed my things once more, said goodbye to Jake’s mom and
headed for the front door to wait for Mike.

“Have a good day at school, Hon. I hope you
feel better.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

I was a little early, but I wasn’t in the
mood to have a conversation with Jake’s mom this morning. Nothing
against her, but I was just feeling particularly uncomfortable. It
was probably from my dream and thinking about my brother, and
talking to her wasn’t going to make me feel better.

I was just getting ready to call Jake when I
received a text message from him. ‘Mom and Dad arrived early this
morning. Tyler is sleeping…stable. See you at school.’

I sent a text back, thanking him for the
update, and put the phone away.

Mike arrived about fifteen minutes later. I
was so lost in thought, it seemed like it had been minutes.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi Mike.”

“Are…you okay?” he said, looking at me
funny.

“Yeah, I just didn’t sleep well last night.”
I didn’t think he needed the details, so I left it at that.

“Bummer,” he said as he pulled away from
Jake’s house.

“Yeah, bummer.”

Mike left me to my thoughts for most of the
way to school. When we were a little more than half way there, he
pulled me out of my trance.