In My Arms Tonight (11 page)

What he couldn’t figure out is why Glenn had put up with it. Why he’d come down here, why he seemed to give a shit. Why he hadn’t left yet. Although, to be fair, that last bit might not have anything to do with him. He hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the man since that day in the kitchen, and it seemed like, from what he’d overheard, Glenn was making friends, at least with Xavier and Chase. And intending to stay.

That gave James the same funny feeling he always got when he thought about Glenn, once the guilt and all the other stupid shit got out of the way. It was a warm, tingling sensation, kind of like all his DNA was getting happy in there and sending waves of joy through his system. It was weird and scary, but not in a bad way, not like he’d been scared when he’d been held captive and hurt. This was the kind of scary feeling he’d always wanted to feel, the kind that he’d longed for once, that let him know Glenn was someone he really wanted to know better.

Except he didn’t think that was possible. James wasn’t anywhere near better, although he could take short trips from his place now. There was the whole issue of that, plus dealing with the idea even of a sexual relationship. Dr Shariva had informed him that soon they were going to start discussing the possible affects his experience might have on a future relationship. James was nervous about that, but he wouldn’t shy away from it. He’d already begun doing some reading on rape and its effect on a person, not because he’d been eager, but because he’d needed to stop being a victim. He had been, part of him would be, but that wasn’t the main part of who he was. James was done letting his past control him, even if sometimes he still had a panic attack, a flashback, and the nightmares.

But giving up wasn’t going to happen, and somehow, finding out that Glenn was still here gave him a shove in the direction he wanted to go. There was a hope he didn’t want to acknowledge yet, because hope had been a fleeting thing when he’d been held in Rollins’ hell www.total-e-bound.com

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then the mental facility, but James couldn’t quite stomp it out. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, what he expected, exactly, but he wanted a chance to figure it out.

James closed his eyes for a moment, leaning against the porch, his head pressed against the screen as Xavier and Chase went back and forth about whether or not they should take Glenn and whoever else helped with moving Glenn’s stuff to The Xxchange after they finished tomorrow. James’ heart lurched at the thought of Glenn surrounded by eligible, attractive,
normal
men, and damn it, that hurt, but what right did he have to protest Glenn going out and getting whatever he needed? Glenn didn’t owe him anything. James bit at his bottom lip. It was nothing to him if Glenn got laid, but he…he didn’t want Glenn hooking up with anyone for more than that. James wanted a chance. He just hoped Glenn would be willing to give him one when the time came.

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70

Since he’d started making the short walk between his apartment to the main house to join Xavier and Chase for lunch—or their breakfast, since The Xxchange closed so late—

daily, James shouldn’t have had any problem doing it today. When he stepped outside and the warm sunlight caressed him from head to toe, normally he felt a sense of relief that he didn’t flip out, or gratitude that he wasn’t confined to his own apartment, not completely.

This morning—afternoon, he corrected, he just felt agitated and in a hurry to get to the house.

James pounded down the steps without taking his usual time to appreciate being able to leave his place. A sense of urgency was pulsing at the base of his spine, and he found himself pulling open the screen door to the house without even noticing the usual details like the way the oleander was blooming in shades of pink and white, or the flitter of metallic colours as hummingbirds dived for feeders. He didn’t notice if the sky was that solid, bright blue or if it was dotted with clouds. For once, he just didn’t care.

He strode into the entry way then towards the kitchen, pausing by the door when an unfamiliar voice rumbled in response to Chase’s question about how whoever that was wanted their coffee. James might have, at that point, turned around and left, but Xavier’s voice brought him up short as he started to turn around.

“So, you seemed to hit it off with Glenn.”

James’ breath hitched in his chest and he felt such a throbbing pain there he thought his heart was actually seizing up.

“He’s a nice guy,” that voice rumbled, “sexy as fuck. My sister would be happy if we hooked up for a while.”

The pain in James’ chest exploded into a fury not unlike the one he’d felt in his kitchen so long ago. But he had better control now, didn’t he? James closed his eyes and dropped a shoulder to the wall as he fisted his hands. He didn’t have any right to be angry, he knew he didn’t. That deep voice kept rumbling on about how hot Glenn was, how funny, how www.total-e-bound.com

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attractive, how his ass looked in ‘those jeans’ and the way his shoulders stretched the seams of his T-shirt and James thought fuck it, self-control was over-rated.

“And his mouth—the man knows how to kiss”—the voice purred,—“makes me

wonder what else he knows how to do with it.”

In the silence that followed, James thought he could hear his heartbeat as well as everyone else’s. He held his breath and tried not to lunge into the kitchen and do anything stupid. His pulse pounded in his ears for several minutes as he tried to calm down, tried to breathe quietly.
I have no reason to be pissed, to be jealous. None. At. All.
James kept telling himself that, but his head wasn’t buying it, or his heart wasn’t, something, he didn’t even know at this point. All he did know was that he felt like someone had taken a red-hot poker and shoved it in his chest, and that was his own fault.

He still wanted to kick the ass of the owner of that rumbly voice, and his feet were moving before he could think about it.

“—might be pushing him too far,” James heard Chase say in that warning voice of his.

“Maybe we shouldn’t—”

James stepped into the kitchen and immediately sought out the person who wasn’t Xavier or Chase. The sheer size of the visitor made James glad he had some impulse control, because the big burly guy who had been talking about Glenn would surely have torn James to pieces with his pinkies.

The guy looked at James with some weird mix of emotions flickering in his brown eyes—or maybe he had some of those creepy contacts, James didn’t know or care. He was too busy noting the perfect body and face, the long nose with the slight bump, the lips—
lips that
had been on Glenn’s—

I did
not
just growl!
Two sets of amused eyes told him otherwise. The huge horny jackass who wanted Glenn didn’t even bat a lash, though.

“James,” Xavier began as he took a couple of steps over until he was almost fully between James and the Giant Asshole. “You haven’t met Troy. He’s the head bartender at The Xxchange.”

And Glenn’s future fuck buddy?
James wanted to ask, didn’t want to ask, just wanted this Troy guy annihilated if he wouldn’t stay away from Glenn. He focused on Troy’s brown www.total-e-bound.com

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eyes, unable to handle seeing something that could have been sympathy on the giant’s expression.

“Glenn and I really aren’t suited,” Troy said, and James didn’t miss the glare Chase shot the man. James narrowed his eyes at Troy but he was already putting it together in his head, and his anger at the man was lessening with each piece of the puzzle snapping into place. James managed what he thought was a smile and nodded at Troy.

Then he pushed Xavier back a step and glared from Xavier to Chase. Xavier cracked first. “We were just trying to—”

“Make me see the light?” James snapped, adding another shove as he took a step forward. “Fucking with me? Because you were—”

“James, we weren’t fucking with you,” Chase said softly, a plea in his voice James rarely heard. James arched a brow at him. “We wouldn’t, you know that. It’s just, Glenn seems to be—he’s…” Chase darted a pleading look at Xavier, but it was Troy who answered.

“Moving on, I think that’s what they’re trying to say.” James looked at Troy. If there’d been sympathy in his eyes a few seconds ago it was long gone now, replaced by a hard look instead. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, or if anything is, but Glenn seems like a nice guy, one anyone would be lucky to have. Add to that, he’s really sweet and…eager when he’s had a few drinks. It’s a good thing he has friends looking out for him.”

But they couldn’t look out for him all the time. Then the eager comment slapped him upside the head and he glared at Troy. “How eager?”

Troy merely shrugged and said, “Eager enough.”

James curled his hands into fists and he took a step forward only to have Xavier shove him back. “Get it together, James,” Xavier rumbled in a voice that shot straight to James’

spine, snapping it straight and stilling his feet. “Troy didn’t do anything more than dance with Glenn and make sure he got to his new place safe and sound.”

“How do you know?” James asked, narrowing his eyes at Troy.

“I trust Troy, and if he says nothing happened, then nothing happened.”

James would have felt more reassured had Troy not taken that moment to glance away. “Call Glenn,” James said, fear building in his stomach, spreading to his bowels and up through his chest.
Why did Troy look away?
“Just call Glenn and make sure he’s okay. Please, Xav.” James was ready to drop to his knees and beg, if that’s what it took.

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Xavier blanched when he seemed to realise James was really worried that Troy had done something to Glenn, but he nodded once then murmured, “Sorry, Troy. I have to do this for James.”

In other words, James was crazy and making shit up in his head, but Xavier would call Glenn just to prove to James he was fine and James was still a mess. Maybe that wasn’t exactly what Xavier meant, but James wouldn’t have blamed him if he had. He wasn’t capable of being rational all the time.

Chase hadn’t missed Troy averting his eyes, either, though, because James saw Chase settle his bright gaze on the bartender. And Troy squirmed. “Tell me,” Chase demanded once Xavier left the room, muttering about needing to find his damn cell phone.

Troy sighed and held his hands up in front of himself, palms out before pointing at James. “You need to stay where you are. I’d feel like shit if I hurt you. I don’t know what your story is, but I’ve never been good at being anyone’s punching bag.”

James stopped moving forward. Troy’s muscles were a deterrent, but not as much as his need to hear what happened with Glenn. Chase’s shoulder bumped James’ and he knew his friend would have his back—and Troy’s balls—if the man had done anything Glenn didn’t want.

Troy’s big shoulders sagged and he dragged his hands over his face. “Fine,” he sighed before lowering his hands to rest at his hips. “I kissed him at his door, then he asked me to come in, said he needed to forget someone and nothing else was working.” Troy glared in a way that sent a shiver down James’ spine, even as guilt flooded his veins so heavily James expected to drown in it. “I told him no, because he was more than a little drunk, and because I don’t think he’s the kind of guy to do casual. The fact that he’s hung up on you ought to be proof enough of that. Otherwise,” Troy came up from his casual pose of leaning against the cabinets, “I’d have been all him. So you need to make up your mind, buddy, and quit fucking with Glenn’s head. Either cut him loose or keep him. If you don’t want him, I’d be more than happy to take him on.” And with that, Troy walked out of the kitchen, bumping Chase hard enough to bounce him off James.

Chase snarled and started to go after the man, but stopped, then glared at James instead. “Fucker winked at me!
Winked!
”

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“He does have a warped sense of humour,” Xavier said from behind them. “And Glenn’s fine, James. Chase, you did ask Troy to come over here and try to make James see the light where Glenn is concerned, which was kind of…”

“Stupid, I know,” Chase admitted. “I am sorry James, but I didn’t know what else to do. You won’t ask about Glenn but you perk up like a dog offered a bone if we say his name, and he’s…he can’t wait around forever. Then at the club he was getting so much attention, I just—” Chase sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It won’t be long before someone else catches his eye, just for sex. I asked Troy to keep an eye on him, and even worked the bar so Troy could hang with Glenn and try to keep him safe from all the predators circling around. I didn’t know they’d really hit it off.”

“There’s a difference between hitting it off and just being horny,” Xavier pointed out.

James didn’t care at this point, he didn’t want Glenn being with anyone else, despite thinking just the previous day that he could deal with it. Now he just had to figure out how to let Glenn know he was interested, and had been for a while. And that he was still screwed up… James dropped his gaze to the floor and blocked out Xavier and Chase as they went on about the differences between being horny and—whatever.

Was it fair of him to get involved with Glenn, if Glenn was willing, even? What did he have to offer the man, after all? An image of Troy, all big muscles and handsome and perfect flitted through James’ mind. His stomach knotted. Glenn would be better off with someone like Troy, but as James stood there in the kitchen, he knew he couldn’t let that happen.

Whether it made him selfish or not, he couldn’t forget Glenn, and it sounded like, from what Troy said, Glenn wasn’t having any success in forgetting James, either.