In Memory (45 page)

As I was heading up to bed, Noah caught my arm, “Please, could I…”

I shifted his hold so he held my hand instead of my wrist. “You’d have followed me anyway.”

“I’ll always follow you.”

I blushed a bit at the seriousness in his voice. The way he can just say things like that is kind of amazing.

So we slept. It was quiet and without any sort of awkwardness.
Just a calm, peaceful intimacy.

The perfect sleep.

17 Days, 10 February, Tuesday

We decided not to go to school today. I know we must be worrying Julia and Ariel, but I figured I’d call Ariel later and let her know we’re okay.

As I woke up, I noticed Noah was just lying beside me, and watching me.

Now, I used to perceive that whole “watching someone while they’re sleeping” thing as a bit creepy. But since it was
him
, I didn’t mind.

It was a long, peaceful day, mostly spent relaxing in my room.

I have
no complaints nor
anything particularly interesting to report today.

I think tomorrow will be another matter.

16 Days, 11 February, Wednesday

I gave him the letter from May today. It occurred to me yesterday evening, that I had completely forgotten about it, but…

I
dunno
, for some reason, I felt like I should just wait for today.

Maybe May knew I’d wait this long to give it to him. She is psychic, after all.

I gave it to him in French today, after digging it out of my binder, which is where I had been keeping it.

“
Merci
.” He murmured, making Madame Tremblay smile.

She rattled something off in French, which Noah answered. They spoke for a few more moments, and she cheerily went off to her desk.

I guess it must make her really happy to know that someone is learning what she’s teaching
them
.
Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if he already knew French.

I copied down the vocabulary notes with a very detached interest, wondering what the letter said. I hope it wasn’t anything that has to do with my expiry date.

As the work period got into full swing, I turned around in my chair, beaming at him. “Did May have anything interesting to say?”

“She wants to meet me for my birthday on the 28
th
outside our aunt’s house.”

My heart dropped. “The 28
th
…” I smiled again, to hide my initial horror at the mention of that day. I won’t be here. It was a terrifying notion. That Noah was making plans and unaware that everything was going to end on the 27
th
.

I wish there was some way I could just live one more day.

That could be my gift to him.
To just live for that final day, and sleep through the night to the next day with him.
There’s really nothing else I can ask for now.

One more day.
That’s not too grand a request, is it?

I bought a new dictionary at the bookstore today. I’m going to go through it and find his perfect words. I’ve got a red pen.

15 Days, 12 February, Thursday

More adverts for Valentine’s Day. Terra is going out, and it seems Julia even has a meeting with someone. Ariel didn’t mention anyone in particular, but I did notice she kept staring at Noah during lunch.

She really must have a crush on him. I do feel sort of lousy about that. I wonder if they’ll be better friends when I’m gone.

I really mustn’t be thinking thoughts like that.

I was re-reading old entries today, as well, and more questions came to light.

What were the names of Noah’s friends who died? Do they have graves?

What was that thing he couldn’t tell me, that I let slide?

It’s odd to read the old entries, and to sympathize with my past self. Those situations are over, and, even though I experienced them, I still feel like a character in some grand tragedy.

It’s an unsettling feeling.

I also swear that I saw the Prophet wandering around the school today as well. Now
that
was unsettling. I thought I saw him leaning against the wall in the library, and walking past me in the hallway.

It’s like he’s a reaper, just waiting for me to die so he can collect my soul.

Creepy.

He’s such a creepy guy.

I got up to the letter N today. I’m hoping to get all the way to the end so I can give Noah the dictionary for Valentine’s Day. It really would make a good gift.

I think in order for a gift to be very suitable, it must be meaningful.

14 Days, 13 February, Friday

No school Friday!

Which meant that last night, we stayed up late watching telly and reading books. We also worked on our sketchbook assignments, which I can’t seem to really get into. I think the whole idea of assignments is messing with me.

Not to mention, they’re all too damn hard. Our assignment was to get together with a classmate and draw each other.

Now, of course this means that I’m supposed to draw Noah, which I was hesitant to do because I know I couldn’t do him justice. (And I’d have to draw the scars on his
face,
I think he might be upset about that.)

After struggling with the drawing, (or lack thereof), I decided to do the laundry. Noah always offers to help me, but I always decline. I kind of like the mindless meditation that accompanies the menial task.

As I was coming to collect the throw blankets in the living room, I was completely stricken by the way Noah was sitting.

He’s eating a lolly.

Oh my god.

He’s sprawled over the big armchair and he’s sucking on a cherry lolly while he’s reading a book.

That has to be the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

Every
time he turns a page, he takes the lolly out of his mouth really slowly, his lips forming an O around it, and I see a little flick of his tongue. The lolly makes a little smacking noise as it parts ways with his tongue, and catches a shine from the lamp. He licked his lips, unaware of how incredibly attractive that makes him look.

Then, slowly, he sticks his tongue out and catches the lolly on it, pulling it back into his mouth.

All the time he’s teasing me, his eyes are focused completely on the book, scanning over the text. He doesn’t even know I’m watching.

I can hardly contain how irresistible I find him right now. I wish I
was
that lolly.

…
my
gosh I sound like such a pervert.

I’m going to do the laundry.
Lalalalala
!!!

I also got to the end of the dictionary. (Somehow.
Geez
, that took forever.) There were so many words to apply to him. Amazing, Beautiful, Caring, Delicate… the list goes on and on.

But at least now I can prove to him that there are beautiful words. It’s hardcopy proof.

13 Days, 14 February, Saturday

It was a beautiful day. I can’t believe I only have two weeks left. I’m going to live and love… and then I’ll leave.

I’ve made peace with it.

I’m happy I get to spend my last days with Noah, and we can live happily together until my end.

Last night, I visited Tobias. The blood seemed to have reached a staying height at just above the desks, so he was sitting on the counter.

He was writing something furiously when I arrived, and didn’t stop when I sat down beside him.

“Hey there.” I smiled, looking at his paper with interest. “What are you writing?”

“I am rewriting. I am allowed to do that. I am using a red pen.”

“I see that. What are you re-writing?”

“Gemini.”

“Alright then.”

There was a long silence, where he continued to write. Then, he threw his papers and pen into the blood, frowning at them as they slowly sunk down. “I ran out of ink.”

“I’m going to die soon.”

“I know. I am not happy about this. I do not want you to die.”

“That’s nice of you to say.”

“Noah will lose his mind. That is his most precious thing. He is going to lose everything that day.”

“…Will he lose you?”

“Yes, even I will be lost to him. Everyone will become strangers to him. Tragic.”

“This too shall pass. In the end, we’re all going to be happy.”

Tobias considered me for a while, before sighing deeply. “I hope you are right, Casmaran.”

I woke beside Noah, observing he was sleeping peacefully. I counted three deep breaths before shuffling deeper under the blankets and pulling him close.

Noah was delighted with the dictionary when I presented it to him. At first, I’m certain he just thought it was a normal dictionary, and then his expression changed when he read the dedication in the front.

This is what I wrote.

To Noah,

I know you think that words only ruin things, and that we can’t see beauty for the description… but what if all we’re given is the description? We find beauty in words, just like words can find beauty.

These are your words
;
the perfect words.

Love Aerie

There.

1.
               
Make Noah smile for real.

2.
               
Begin a collection of something.

3.
               
Make snow angels on New Years Eve.

4.
               
Sew a
marvellous
dress for Terra for Christmas.

5.
               
Dance in the rain.

6.
               
Paint a picture.

7.
               
Learn to knit.

8.
               
Buy a lava lamp.

9.
               
Write something really interesting and profound, that people will remember. (Note: perfect words)

10.
            
Fall in love, even for a few seconds.

Now the only things left are trite.

I have completed the important items. I feel like I’m just biding time now.

There are still moments to be had.

Like the most beautiful moment I’ve ever experienced, earlier today.

Terra left for her date at around seven, and made a point to tell me she wouldn’t be home tonight. Initially, I took this to mean that she was going to go and hook up with her Tony or whatever, but then I realised her actual intent.

She was telling me this to let me know that she wouldn’t be home to disturb
us.
Right. She knows what I was planning.

Which I suppose means that I must not have been disguising my attraction as well as I thought. At every opportunity today, I’d be touching him somehow. I am your typical teenage guy. There’s no escaping that, I guess.

We went to my room, as a sort of mutual agreement of what was going to happen. Once I closed the door, he pushed me into it, and captured my lips in a quick, hot kiss.

“The perfect words…” he murmured, “My perfect word. Aerie.”

I grinned, and we fell onto my bed. We lay on our sides, facing each other for a few moments. Noah touched the collar of my shirt, unbuttoning three buttons before stopping. He just stared at my chest, with an almost mournful look.

I realised that he looked that way because my skin is relatively unblemished. I suppose there is some beauty in the blank canvas. I took off my shirt completely, allowing him a complete look.

As I reached for his shirt, he grabbed my hand, twisting my arm gently, taking in the complete blankness of my skin. I touched his face, already aware of the rough bumps of the scars below his eye. Noah shrank away from my touch, obviously still bothered by the scars.

“These scars are your words. Without them, there’s no record of your story, right?”

He blinked slowly, a smile forming on his lips. “Yes…” He kissed me again, and allowed me to unbutton his shirt. Each button slid open with a satisfying tug and release, displaying more of his wrecked body. I threw his shirt somewhere into my room. It didn’t matter where.

“Tell me about all of these. Then I can share the story with you so it’s less painful.”

Noah stared at me for five full seconds, with a curious expression on his face.

“This one…” he indicated a large scrape up his side, “I received this when I tried to escape from him and fell into a glass table. This was also what caused this,” he pointed to a few pockmarks on his left pectoral. “And this.” He grabbed my hand, twining his fingers around it. I took this to mean that he was indicating the scars on his palm.