In Memory (11 page)

Wrapped
my arms around him gently, careful not to put any pressure on him.
Ju
st enough to hold him close.
R
ested my cheek against his head, and stroked his hair.

F
elt his arms come up and hug me back. There, his hand touched my arm, and a burst of new emotion flared in my chest like he left a spark there that caught fire. Something
like
pain, with pleasure. Ecstasy mixed with agony. I could feel his heart aching.

The weirdest part of that moment, though, was that I had no idea how long it lasted.

“This is… the first time someone…” he broke off, leaning into me, “…someone held me and cared for me… in years…” He sniffed, and tightened his grip on my shirt. “Thank you.”

I smiled, in spite of my worry and fear, “You’re so welcome.”

W
as going to in
vite him for dinner today, but
decided not to, figuring it was best for him to go home. I had to really think about this. If he goes home, he’ll be around his father, this is true, but if he doesn’t, the next time he returns there, it’ll be a punishment for sure.

W
ish he could have had a father like mine. Parents are supposed to love their children. It’s so unfair.

Terra was happy to see me today, and requested spaghetti
for supper. O
bliged happily, and supervised her closely while she made the toast. Even toast isn’t safe in her hands. Good grief.

140 Days, 10 October, Friday

Today was a relatively normal school day; Noah attended our classes, and seemed less down than usual. He pretty much completed my Math work for me, which was really helpful, and we studied Shakespeare together today.

We had lunch outside, because it was so nice out, although there were some brown and orange leaves falling.
Summer’s
dying today, little by little. The weather started a mild conversation about favourite times of year, which we had completely different opinions on.

Generally, I favour the wintertime, because everything is beautiful, and I really enjoy the spirit of Christmas. Noah’s favourite season is summer, because he likes the colours of the flowers.

It occurred to me today that we are very unlike any of the other guys in the class, who might deem a conversation such as this as girly or wimpy or whatever. I don’t know, maybe they all talk about sparkles and flowers when no one is within earshot.

He also gave me a gift today, claiming it wasn’t for any particular reason. He gave me a small blue glass heart on a silver chain. I put it on immediately, and tucked it in my shirt.

After I did so, he looked at me quite seriously and requested that I protect it.

“Well, of course! But what does it need protecting from?”

“That is one of the few things I have kept that has never been broken. I request you keep it that way.”

“Sure thing!”

It’s quite nice, I think, but now I find myself questioning the reason he gave it to me. It seems a bit… romantic.

However, I doubt he thought of it that way, I don’t think he quite grasps the idea of most social conventions.

I’m really happy
though,
it’s akin to him giving me his heart. I’ll protect it with my life.

139 Days, 11 October, Saturday

I’m writing after
a particularly difficult day;
think I almost died. Obviously I didn’t because I haven’t reached my expiry date yet. Oh, I’m talking about myself as if I’m a dairy product, and have a limited time before I spoil. Which I guess is a sort of dark way at looking at life and death. No wonder everyone has that mentality to reach to the very back of the shelf for that milk that won’t expire for another day.

So today, I was just cooking some macaroni, and fiddling with the necklace Noah gave me when my throat started to itch.

At first I just assumed I swallowed weirdly or something, and coughed to clear my throat. That’s when I realised s
omething was actually wrong. F
elt my throat constricting, air was barely getting through.

Terra was in the living room, but I couldn’t even manage a sound to warn her what was happening. In a weird moment of practicality, I turned off the stove and moved the pot off the burner, figuring whatever was happening to be serious.

Tears sprang into my eyes as I c
oughed and choked for breath;
gripped the counter and edged my way along it, almost falling into the living room.

K
ept trying to call for Terra’s help, wheezing out unintelligible sounds. I barked out a rough cough, which made her look around, and she jumped right off the couch and ran over to me.

“Aerian, what’s wrong? Are you choking? Did you swallow something?”

S
hook my head, holding my throat and clinging to the wall for support. She guided me down carefully as my legs gave out, and held me in an upright sitting position against the wall.

“Are you- are you having an asthma attack?”

Her surprise was not totally
unfounded,
I’ve never shown symptoms of asthma before today. I guess it’s in our family history though.

C
ouldn’t reply, and soon found my attention drifting in and out. My chest really hurt, and now I was getting scared. What if I was wrong in assuming I had 139 days left? Just because the prediction said I had that much time didn’t guarantee a free pass until then.

Getting scared did not help
matters,
it only pulled harder at my chest and shot spasms of pain through my whole body. I was partially aware of Terra talking; she was holding my head straight so my airway stayed unhindered. She must have been talking on the phone, now that I think about it.

I
nhaled a few more choppy disjointed breaths, trying to calm down. Even in that situation, some weird logical part of me determined that getting scar
ed wasn’t helping me at all. M
anaged to breathe a little more smoothly after calming myself.

All I can really remember after that is holding Noah’s heart through my shirt, and the smell of Terra’s hand moisturiser.

Then, getting up, walking, driving, almost falling, be
ing carried, a hospital bed.
R
emember coming back to a clear reality when someone placed a soft breathing mask on my face.

Now I’m at home, with absolute strict orders from Terra to not move under any circumstance until she had come back with my prescription for an inhaler.

W
ish
she’d hurry up
,
I really have to pee
.

When Terra came home, she had two pizzas with her, which sm
elled absolutely delightful. W
as allowed to move downstairs, as long as I sat really still on the couch and pe
rmitted her to fuss over me. S
uppose it’s her nurse-like tendencies. She wrapped me up in the giant red fuzzy blanket that she always claims when we watch television together, so I guess she must really be worried.

I understand her, though. We’re all we’ve got. There, my heart broke for her again.

I’m so sorry, Terra.

138 Days, 12 October, Sunday

I’m glad it’s Sunday. I would’ve felt like a slacker if I missed school and work if it was Monday.

Terra absolutely demanded I stay in bed as much as possible today, and kept a close watch on me throughout the day. However, she had to let me cook supper, cause she didn’t want to make something that could possibly kill me after yesterday’s episode.

K
ept it simple, I made some chicken fettuccine. Which Terra always asks for my recipe for, and I won’t tell. Maybe I’ll write it in here so she can have it when I’m gone.

Hm, well. It’s weird breathing today, kind of shaky, and I take a really deep breath every four or so normal breaths.

I’m just writing this and going to bed now. Goodnight.

137 Days, 13 October, Monday

Okay, last night was unple
asant. H
ad another mild attack, which
started off as just a cough. D
idn’t think much of the cough, figuring it was normal after nearly asphyxiating. When it became more persistent, I realised what was happening, and reached for my inhaler, scrabbling for it in the dark.

Terra had given me a basic lesson on how to use it, but I’m still a
total newbie at this thing. G
ot it ready, coughing harshly as I did so. The first inhale on it went down weird, making me cough even harder. Tears ran down my face, and I tried again. I managed to make it work this time, and felt air rush down my throat, refreshing me.

R
eached for the light, and clicked it on, swallowing deeply.
Wow. That wasn’t fun at all. T
ook a swallow of water and went back to bed, making sure to lie on my side, because Terra tells me this is better for breathing at night.

W
ent to school for lunchtime, after making a really nice lunch for Noah and I.

He seemed happy to see me, and even managed to smile his weird closed-mouth smile. When we sat down at our usual corner table in the cafeteria, he tilted his head to the side curiously.

“You don’t seem as well today. Are you ill?”

“I had an asthma attack yesterday, it was pretty bad, so I’m feeling a bit wiped out.”

A thoughtful look crossed his face, mixed with concern. “Are you in any pain?”

“No… well, yeah, I guess my throat is a little sore.”

He pressed his lips together; I’ve observed this means he has made a decision. He reached forward, and placed his slender fingers against my neck. They were cold, but seemed to drag the rough scrape out of my throat.

After a few seconds, he sat back, “I hope it feels better soon.”

“Y-yeah, it feels a bit better already. You must have some kind of magic, huh?” I
laughed a little nervously,
wasn’t sure what to think. “Like a healer.”

All he did was breathe out a little chuckle and then took a bite of his sandwich.

“So what are you doing tonight?” I asked, enjoying the opportunity to make small talk. It’s nice to discuss things other than his injuries and stuff like that.

He cleared his throat, coughing a bit, “I believe I shall spend some time with my sister, and possibly read a book or two. What is on your agenda for this evening?”

“Well, I was going to just go home, since I wasn’t feeling so good, but now I guess I’ll go to work. Thanks to you and your crazy healing powers, I’m feeling much better!”

“You are very welcome.”

“Hey, do you think you could come by sometime this week for dinner? I’d like you to meet my sister under better circumstances.”

“It is possible, I suppose. I must request permission first.”

“Sure thing! Can you ask for tomorrow or the next day?
Terra’ll
be home those days.”

“I will not forget to ask.”

“Great!”

“I feel I must tell you something, however.”

“Hm? What’s that?”

“I have omitted a full truth, and am feeling conflicted on whether or not to let you know the entirety of it.” He coughed, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Hey, you ok? Did you choke?”

“The truth, do you want it?” He asked, ignoring my question.

“Um, eh, sure?”

“I cannot heal people. Healing dispels pain and impurity from both subjects involved. There is a skill that certain individuals possess that allows the transition of feelings and ailments from one to the other. Since I possess this skill, I am able to take all of your pain and injury into myself to save you from it. Therefore, I am not a true healer, but have the ability to remove people’s pain, if I am able to bear it myself.” He swallowed deeply, “I am happy that it works on you.”

S
at there, totally stunned. Then I got angry. “
What?!
Why would you do that? You’re in pain now because of me, and you’re happy about it? That’s ridiculous
!!”

He looked taken aback, a bright blush burning up his cheeks. “I’m- I’m sorry… I thought you would be happier if you felt well. I’m very sorry.”

R
egained control of my temper, pinching the bridge of my nose, “Look, don’t apologise. I…”

“Please forgive me, I will not disobey you in the future.”

“Hey, what? You don’t have to obey me, do whatever you want, but at least let me know if you’re
gonna
do something like that. I’m not in charge of
you,
you’re your own person.
D
on’t want to be healed or whatever if it hurts you. You’ve got enough to deal with.”

The bright blush still lingered on his face, but he nodded, swallowing. He looked so ashamed of himself. What else could I say?