In Memoriam (12 page)

Pam had none, so she followed the doctor back to see Bernice, who was extubated but still hooked up to the monitors and had an oxygen mask on.

Pam decided after seeing her that she’d stay the night with Bernice. She’d never forgive herself if something happened to the old witch when she was all alone.

Chapter 12

During the ride back to Brooklyn, Tom maintained the hopeful attitude he’d gotten from Pam and the positive outcome of Bernice Smith’s resuscitation. Pulling in front of the brownstone, he was happy to see lights. He needed to speak to Nelda. Wishing there was a narrative app on his phone, he was immediately sorry he hadn’t taken notes when Pam was advising him. Knocking on the door, he didn’t feel right about letting himself in. As Sandra came to the door, Tom watched her enter the vestibule and pause when she saw who was there.

Remembering that it was just that morning that he slapped her, he waved and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

“What do you want, Tom? It’s ten at night.”

“First of all, I’m sorry about this morning. That was uncalled for. I promise you it will never happen again. But I have some news that isn’t related to us, and I need to speak to Nelda if I can come in.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, but she stepped aside so he could enter the house.

“I went to Pam’s tonight.”

Mouth dropping open, she was shocked. “What in the hell would you go there for?”

“I thought you might be there, and I wanted to see you, to apologize,” he said. It wasn’t completely true, but it sounded good, and she bought it. “While I was there, Bernice had a cardiac arrest.”

Sandra gasped and grabbed his arm. “Oh my God!”

“She’s doing well, just needs a pacemaker, but Pam wanted me to tell Nelda. Then you and I have to talk.”

“Tom, it’s too late. I don’t mean too late to resolve anything; it’s too late at night. I’m exhausted.”

“I promise you I won’t take more than five minutes of your time.”

Resigned, she opened the door to the living room. Nelda was rocking the baby, watching a sitcom. Tom stood back while Sandra went to get the baby.

“Tom was at the beach tonight, and he has some news,” Sandra said to her questioning look.

Gently, Tom told Nelda what had happened, emphasizing that Bernice was fine now, but that she’d need a pacemaker. They spent time calming her down and answering her questions.

“We’ll put the baby in his crib,” Sandra said, leading the way to the nursery. When they were out of earshot, she spoke again. “So what is it that can’t wait?”

“I’ve had second thoughts about everything, Sandra. I want to make sure he isn’t mine before I walk away. Is it true you have a baby picture of yourself that looks like him?”

She nodded and motioned with her finger for him to follow her to their formerly shared bedroom. Opening the nightstand, she brought out a framed studio portrait of a towheaded baby wearing a white pinafore. Handing it to him, she studied his face to see his reaction.

“Why didn’t you show this to my mother? Why hide this from us?”

“You didn’t believe he was yours from the very beginning,” Sandra replied. “You even had me convinced he was Brent’s. I still think he’s not yours because of your
precision condom use
, as you called it. Because I’m so goddamned tainted you’re extra careful.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. We have Miranda. Had Miranda. I didn’t want to get sick because of her, because I need to keep working if the time ever comes that you can’t. I never considered you were tainted, I was just careful.”

Sandra didn’t reply right away. “So what do you want from me?”

“I want a paternity test. Then we can be sure. If he isn’t mine, we can separate. But if he is, I have some restitution to make. And you owe me an apology.”

She nodded her head. “Yes, I guess we owe apologies to each other. But I have to tell you, Virginia is on my shit list.”

“Mine too, Sandra. But let’s deal with that when we know for certain what the DNA test is.” He pulled her to his chest, and she submitted. “I love you,” he said, hoarse. “I can’t stand what has happened to us. But I have to know if you loved him.”

Sandra felt her heart rate increase. It was for her son’s benefit that everyone believes she was in love with Brent,
if
he was the father. That big
IF.

“No,” Sandra admitted. “But if it turns out Brent is his baby, I will say I did love him for the baby’s sake. Please understand that. The truth is I didn’t even know him. He was confused, on a dangerous path. It’s clear that his girlfriend was running for her life when she left him.”

“Have you talked to her?” Tom asked.

“Not directly. But Pam has repeated everything she said, and it was horrifying. He was clearly troubled—obviously if we believe he drugged me and raped me.”

Tom started to kiss her. He hadn’t kissed her like this in over a year, and it was good, the way it used to be between them. He loved Sandra, had waited all his life for her to come along. She was his first serious girlfriend. That baby had to be his. Life wouldn’t be worth living if he weren’t. And while he kissed her, pouring his heart into the kiss, Sandra thought of the late Brent Smith and wondered if she’d ever be kissed like that again.

~ ~ ~

Baby Marcus woke Lisa up every two hours through the night, nursed and went right back to sleep. She didn’t remember Megan being such an easy baby, but maybe she had just grown up in the last two years.

Watching Dan sleep soundly while she fed the baby stirred something inside of her, not exactly resentment that he’d sleep while she was awake, even though it was Sunday and he didn’t usually go into the office on the weekend. She remembered feeling so lonely with Megan, blaming it on Ed. Now she was with a different man, someone she’d pegged as being exciting and supportive, and she was feeling the same way. Maybe it was just the condition of being married. Through every life event, the man’s life didn’t change. He still thought only of himself, was able to sleep undisturbed, fed his meals, focused on work, and the woman made all the adjustments.

And in Dan’s case, even meet his old girlfriends for a beer while his wife was home with the new baby. Lisa would make sure it would not happen again. She pulled the sheets away and quietly got out of bed, putting the baby back in his bassinet. Tiptoeing to Dan’s side of the bed, she took his phone and crept into the bathroom with it, first grabbing a pen and paper out of her nightstand. Putting the toilet seat down, she started scrolling through the calls he’d received that day, and sure enough, there was one from Cara Ellison. At least he hadn’t lied. Lisa had been worried he’d called her first. She jotted the number down on her paper and turned the bathroom light off, creeping back to Dan’s bedside to return his phone.

Cara would be receiving a call from Dan’s wife, and Lisa didn’t care if Dan was embarrassed or not. He could even leave her if he wanted. She just knew there was no way in hell he was going to see other women, even casually. Those freewheeling bachelor days were over for Dan Chua.

Gladys could hear Lisa getting up with the baby through the night. She longed to go and sit with her, but it wouldn’t be appropriate to barge in when Dan was there. Finally, at six she felt like it was late enough to get up. Trying not to disturb Ed, she got out of the sofa bed, holding on to the metal sides and hoisting herself up. It was like sleeping in a hammock. Quietly, she went into the hallway bathroom and washed up for the day.

The house in New Jersey would be silent until noon; her children kept late hours after being up all night, playing games and entertaining their friends. They needed to be out on their own. It wouldn’t be long before Big Ed could retire; they’d sell the house and go somewhere else, away from Mount Holly. It had too many sad memories for her; just around the corner was the parish Ed had belonged to when he was in the priesthood.

Ed was her magnificent first child. When he was born, he slept through the night at four weeks old. The pediatrician said he needed to eat every four hours at the very least, but when she tried to wake him up, he just wouldn’t nurse. He wasn’t ornery or cranky like other babies, didn’t go through the terrible twos, was a delightful teenager. And when he announced he wanted to go into the priesthood, she was so proud of him.

Big Ed always upheld there was something wrong with him, but Gladys couldn’t accept it. It wasn’t until the very end that she admitted he was odd. The neurosurgeon said he could have had a slow-growing tumor for years. Deciding to blame a tumor for his behavior gave her relief from guilt she had for ignoring his problems.

Measuring out coffee, Gladys puttered around the big, airy kitchen, comfortable in Lisa’s house as if it was her own.

The smell of the brewing coffee wafted up the stairs and woke Dan. He looked over at Lisa; she was sound asleep. Throughout the night he’d heard her carefully get up so as not to disturb him, so he tried to do the same for her. Tiptoeing out of the room, he went into the bathroom and pulled a T-shirt and sweatpants on.

Maybe he’d have a chance to talk to Gladys privately over coffee. As much as he wanted to be kind, having her there around the clock was becoming a problem for him. He felt conflicted; it was great having the help with Megan, someone to cook meals, a shoulder for Lisa, but he could pay for those services and not have the mother of her late husband lurking around all the time. That sexual interlude at midnight was the last straw. Having the husband there, too, was a little over the top.

“Hey,” he greeted her, going into the kitchen. “I smell coffee.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Gladys replied. “I should have figured it would go right up those stairs.”

“No problem,” Dan said, going to the cabinet to get a mug. “So what’s on the agenda today?”

“Nothing much, just playing with Megan, I guess,” Gladys said. She wasn’t completely comfortable talking with Dan. He’d never been anything but gracious, but there was still that underlying fact that she was Ed’s mother. It had to be awkward for Dan.

“I’m sure that if you wanted to take her back to New Jersey with you, Lisa would be fine with it.”

“We’d
never
do that,” Gladys said, more forcibly than she meant to. “We don’t have a crib or anything for her to play with there. I’ve always been comfortable being here with her.” Like it had been staged, Big Ed walked in from the den.

“I smell coffee,” he said. Gladys got up to get him a cup. “What’s going on today?” Gladys avoided looking at him, and Ed picked up on it right away.

“Getting used to the new baby,” Dan said. “My family will probably come over. They don’t want to intrude, though.”

Gladys looked over at Dan. “I hope they aren’t staying away because of me.”

“I’m not sure why they didn’t come back yesterday,” Dan said, lying.

Gladys and Ed murmured to each other, words Dan tried to hear but couldn’t, so he ignored it.

“We should probably take off, then, so your family can have their turn,” Ed said.

“Lisa will be angry if she thinks I’ve run you off,” Dan said.

Gladys snorted loudly enough that Dan could hear. “I don’t know what else to call it,” she said, letting out a sob. “I guess it’s natural you wouldn’t want us hanging around here. Even though this is my son’s house.”

“Gladys, don’t go there,” Ed said.

“Yeah, because I think
Pam
bought it for them,” Dan said. “A teacher’s salary couldn’t buy something this palatial.”

“Well! I guess that’s our exit cue,” Gladys said.

They put their cups down and went back to the den to gather their belongings. Dan just hoped Lisa or Megan wouldn’t wake up until after they left. He didn’t go after them or try to make nice, just wanting them gone.

Quietly going upstairs, he was prepared to help with Megan until his sisters could get there to take over. Not caring about the early hour, he quickly texted Catherine, telling her to come over as soon as she was awake. Lingering in the hallway, he thought he heard the front door close. He went to an empty bedroom and peered out the window as an older model Ford was just pulling away from the curb.

Dan ran back down the stairs and to the den. Surprisingly, the sofa bed was still out, the sheets tossed about. Gladys, always so pristine, had left her unmade, soiled sheets for Lisa to deal with. Dan quickly pulled them off the mattress and folded the couch back up. He’d straighten up and wash the sheets before Lisa came down.

After he stuffed the sheet in the washing machine, he thought of Megan. Not knowing what Megan’s routine was, he didn’t want her to wake Lisa, so he went back up the stairs and peeked in her room. She was sitting in her crib, quietly playing. He’d never had much interaction with her before, so figured now was as good a time as any.

He walked up to her crib and looked down at her. Megan was cute, in a blubbery, dull sort of way. Blond curls hung around her face, and she had a little upturned nose that reminded Dan of a snout.
Megan must look like Ed
, Dan thought,
because Lisa is beautiful
. Megan only inherited Lisa’s coloring.

“Do you want to get up?” Dan said softly. “Out of the crib?”

The little girl pulled herself up and stood at the crib rails with her arms outstretched. “Out.”

Dan put his hands under her arms and lifted her up. He was surprised at how light she was. “Don’t you eat?”

She shook her head.

“No wonder you’re so light. We need to get you some breakfast.” He turned with her in his arms and gasped when he found Gladys standing in the doorway.

“Sorry about our dramatic exit. And thank you for cleaning up after me in the den. I apologize for leaving the mess.”

Dan gestured down the stairs; he didn’t want Lisa privy to their conversation. “And I’m sorry about my shitty remark about Ed’s income. I was way out of line.”

Big Ed was standing at the bottom of the stairs, and Dan repeated his apology to him. He figured if they had the balls to return to the house after that treatment, he better revisit their place in his life.