In His Dreams (19 page)

She pressed her finger over his lips. “Do you have anything in the house? She’ll need pads.”

He looked frantic. “I haven’t cleaned out the linen closet. Maybe you’ll find something there.”

Marsha backed away and headed into the bathroom, recalling her first experience. Her mother had explained things to her when she was eleven, probably because she, too, had begun to blossom into a woman. Yet even knowing, she’d nearly fainted when she saw the evidence of her first menstrual experience.

Bonnie’s recent moodiness settled into Marsha’s mind. Though her tantrums had diminished, she’d shifted into mood swings. Why hadn’t Marsha realized?

She pulled open the linen-closet door, shifting things around, hoping she’d find what she needed. Her stomach twisted for Bonnie. Now Bonnie truly had to understand what this meant and the danger she could be in, the fears that Barb had expressed so much. Jeff couldn’t baby Bonnie, anymore. She needed to learn to be an adult and monitor her behavior around boys.

When Marsha moved some tissue in the back corner of the lower shelf, she relaxed. She found the package she needed, drew out a pad and placed it on the sink counter.

She needed to approach Bonnie with a quiet understanding, the kind of understanding that God gave his children when they gathered together. The experience bound people, united them in a common fellowship and, now that Bonnie had become a woman, she, too, was bound in the fellowship of womanhood. The beauty of it all covered her negative thoughts.

When she returned to the hallway, Jeff stood nearby, waiting. The silence surprised her, and she realized the storm had faded. “I’ll explain what this means and how to use the pad, Jeff, but you need to be in on the rest. You need to talk with her about what it means to become mature and the dangers.”

He agreed and strode to Bonnie’s door. He tapped and spoke through the wooden barricade. “Bon, Aunt Marsha’s here. Can she come in?”

Bonnie’s voice was so soft Marsha couldn’t hear her response.

He motioned to Marsha and pushed open the door.

Marsha stepped inside alone and sat on the edge of Bonnie’s bed. “You want to talk, first?”

She shrugged. “Daddy said it means I’m a woman.”

“Pretty close. It’s something God gave us so we could have babies when we’re old enough to get married, but not before.”

“I’m too young to get married.”

“You sure are, but He’s preparing you to be a woman.”

She held Bonnie in her arms and explained how to care for herself. When she’d finished, she sent Bonnie to the bathroom to take a shower.

Jeff hovered by the doorway, his face wrought with anxiety. “Thank you.” He drew Marsha into his arms. “I didn’t know what to do. I told you I feel so inadequate about things like this. My mother never talked with me. I learned everything from Don.”

“I bet he was a good teacher.”

Jeff grinned. “Actually, he was. He believed in morality and saving himself for marriage. I’ve always followed his lead.”

“I wouldn’t have thought anything else of you. You’re a good man and so was Don. He would have made a good father just like you.”

Jeff held her more tightly. “You’re a good mom.”

Gooseflesh rose on Marsha’s arms, hearing the words.
Mom.
She’d never longed for motherhood, but she loved her connection with Bonnie, and she hoped Jeff was right. She might never be a mother now, but she could certainly mother Bonnie.

“You mean everything to me,” Jeff whispered in her ear.

Her pulse jumped and her mouth opened to tell him the same, but the bathroom door opened and Bonnie came out, ready for bed, looking shy and uneasy. She headed back to her room, then stopped in the doorway and looked at them.

The moment had passed. Marsha decided to save her declaration for tomorrow. No matter what else, she knew in her heart she loved Jeff.

“It’s your turn,” Marsha said, gesturing to the bedroom door. “The storm’s passed, and I’m going home. Hopefully, the lights will be on in the morning.”

“You can stay here.”

Marsha shook her head. “I’ll borrow your flashlight, if you don’t mind, and I’ll talk with you tomorrow.

He stepped toward her, but she held up her hand. This is the time for you and Bonnie. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He didn’t move for a moment, then closed the distance between them and kissed her gently. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say good night.” She gave him a quick kiss, then grabbed her coat and motioned to Bonnie’s doorway. “She needs her dad.”

She opened the door and stepped into the dark night without waiting for his reply.

S
unlight peeked through the bottom of Marsha’s shade, and she covered her eyes. The storm had ended just as she prayed her personal storm would end soon. She’d made a decision last night while she’d lain in bed, thinking of Jeff and all they’d been through. How could she doubt what God had in mind for her?

She knew exactly when she’d fallen in love. His first kiss had been so brief and so unexpected it had frightened her. But that was the day she knew that Jeff was more than a friend. She’d tried to pretend otherwise, but her heart knew the truth.

Recently, she’d given God thanks so often for all He’d done for her—for the relationship she’d found with Jeff, for his new-found faith, for the love she felt for Bonnie, for opening doors between her and Barb, for the myriad blessings He’d poured over her. Now she had to act on those blessings and make things right. Sorrow rolled over her, thinking how she’d doubted, how she’d ignored God’s leading.

Marsha adjusted her head to miss most of the sunshine that stretched along her pillow. She thought about her plan. She hoped Jeff wouldn’t be disappointed when she told him.

As she tossed back the blankets, she shifted her feet to the edge of the bed, then slipped to the floor. She needed to get moving and call Jeff. She hoped Bonnie felt better this morning.

Marsha plodded into the kitchen and started the coffee, then dialed his phone number and her heart tripped when she heard his voice.

“How’d it go?”

“I told her how proud I was of her handling becoming a young woman and how much she’s matured in her behavior.”

“That’s good, Jeff. That’s what she needs to hear. All those positive things.”

“Oh, yes, and I told her how talented she was and how happy that made me.”

“I prayed about it last night, too. I hope both of us look at Bonnie with new eyes. You’ve made a great start with her.”

“Thanks. It’s taken me a while, but with your prodding, I finally did a few things right. I know last night I nearly botched things up, but you came to my rescue. Again.”

“That’s what I like to do. I’m a rescuer.”

“You’ve rescued me, Marsha, and you’ve given me so much more. I wanted to talk about some things last night. You asked me about the truth and you startled me, but, with Bonnie, we didn’t have a chance—

“We will today. I’m going to church this morning, and then we can talk about it. I have some thoughts, too.”

“Should I be worried?”

“I hope not.”

She heard a release of breath. “I’ll check with Bonnie and see if she wants to go to church this morning. She’s still in bed.”

“I’ll drop by in a little while,” she said, feeling as if things were finally falling into place.

“Bonnie.” Jeff rapped at her bedroom door. “Are you awake?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Can I come in?”

“Okay.”

He turned the knob and stood in the doorway. “Do you want to go to church?”

She stretched her arms out from her sides and yawned. “Sunday school.”

“Okay. Sunday school.”

She nodded.

“Then, you’d better get up. I’ll make breakfast.”

He stepped into the hallway and closed her door. He still reeled when it struck him that his little Bonnie was starting to grow up. The change had happened before his eyes and it had taken his awareness too long to catch up.

Breakfast took only a minute to prepare. He made coffee, pulled down cereal boxes and bowls, and, by the time the coffee was ready, Bonnie had come into the kitchen, dressed in pants and a cute top.

He handed her a bowl and let her choose her cereal, and they sat together, eating while his mind struggled with what he wanted to say to her.

“You like Marsha, don’t you?” he asked, knowing it was a rudimentary question but a way to begin.

Bonnie lifted her head, a piece of cereal clinging to her lip and studied him. She lifted the napkin and wiped off the food before speaking. “I love Aunt Marsha.”

“I thought you did.”

“Do you love her?”

He caught his breath. “I do.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” Excitement rose to her face. “Like in the movies?”

“I guess you could say that.” He hid his grin.

“Will you get married?”

“That’s a good possibility.”

“Hooray!” she said. “Then, Aunt Marsha would be my new mom.”

“She would be your stepmom. Would you like that?”

Bonnie nodded. “I miss Mom.”

He couldn’t respond for a moment. “I miss her, too, Bonnie.”

She patted her dad’s hand. “It’s okay, Daddy. She’s with Jesus.”

“I’m sure she is.” His heart melted hearing his daughter’s words and filled with joy at her acceptance.

They quieted again, finishing breakfast until the back door opened and he heard Marsha’s voice.

“Everyone up?” she called.

“In the kitchen.” He focused on the doorway, waiting for her to appear.

She stopped and looked at him with questioning eyes.

“We’re great,” he said, assuring her that Bonnie seemed perfectly normal.

Marsha moved to Bonnie’s side and bent over to kiss her cheek. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Better.” She gave Marsha a shy smile.

“You look good. You have rosy cheeks today.”

“So do you.”

Marsha chuckled. “I cheated though. Mine are from a compact.”

Bonnie gave her a quizzical look, then grinned. “You’re daddy’s girlfriend.”

Jeff wanted to sink below his chair. “Bonnie, that talk was between you and me.”

“You, me and Aunt Marsha. She’s supposed to know, too.”

Jeff chuckled at Marsha’s fiery blush. “You didn’t need that compact this morning.”

“I wasn’t expecting to be greeted with this kind of information.” Her eyes searched his. “Should I know anything else?”

“After church. Can you wait?”

“She can wait,” Bonnie said. “It’s time for Sunday school.” She rose, set her dish in the sink and grinned. “Ready?”

Jeff wagged his head, amazed. “I think we are.” The words held far more meaning than Bonnie could guess, but he hoped Marsha was as ready as he’d become.

As they headed to church, Marsha sorted through the things she wanted to talk about with Jeff. First, she was most curious about the girlfriend comment. What had he said to Bonnie? The thought made her grin.

Finding the Lord had been the greatest gift for Marsha. She wanted Jeff to know how much it meant that he’d begun to worship with her. He’d made the first big step and, each day, she noticed a difference in his faith. He prayed at meals and talked about blessings instead of luck. Daily, she praised God for the wonder.

During the service, Marsha’s spirit lifted. Her closeness to Jeff seemed right as they sat side by side, listening to God’s Word.

When the pastor read the Old Testament scripture, she sat captivated by the thought.
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young.

Weren’t they all like young lambs, needing the shepherd to lead them as they lost their way? Jesus gathered them in His arms close to His heart.

She thought of Jesus’ love and how the Lord had guided Jeff back to Him. She’d found comfort in the Lord’s arms and in Jeff’s strong arms. He’d held her when she’d struggled with issues and he’d cuddled her to him when her heart had overflowed with joy.

The final hymn rang to the rafters and, when the service ended, they headed toward the Sunday school to find Bonnie. She came to greet them with a new project, a cross made from Popsicle sticks that she’d painted and decorated with a flower.

Marsha held the cross while Bonnie beamed. “This is really lovely, Bon. I missed seeing your pictures. You were too busy when the company was here.”

She said thank you, then skipped off to show the project to one of the Sunday-school teachers.

While they waited, Marsha couldn’t resist asking about Bonnie’s girlfriend comment.

Jeff grinned and told her what had happened.

Marsha felt amazed at what he told her. Last night, she’d gone home with his sweet words ringing in her ears. But marriage? He’d never mentioned marriage, but then it hadn’t been Jeff but Bonnie who’d brought it up.

“I realize we haven’t discussed all of this,” Jeff said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, “but I think it’s time.”

“We do have lots to talk about. For one, I made a decision last night, and I hope you won’t be disappointed.”

A scowl settled on his face. “What kind of decision?”

Marsha cleared her throat. “I think I’ll go back home today.”

Jeff’s eyes widened. “Home? Why?”

“Barb. I need to talk with her, and I don’t want to do it on the phone. I want to be open with her about us.”

His scowl shifted to acceptance. “I’m happy to hear you say that, but stay today. Let’s do something together. I know we’ll have Bonnie with us, but it’s the first day I’ve felt we’re a
we
instead of a
you
and
me.
”

The words thrilled her. “Okay, but I’ll leave tomorrow. It’ll probably take me that long to get ready, anyway.”

His eyes brightened, and he slipped her hand into his and kissed her fingers. His gentle touch rushed through her with the same sweet tenderness as his kisses.

How could she ever say no?

Jeff listened to Bonnie shuffling in the bedroom, getting ready for bed. The evening had been long. He’d taken Bonnie and Marsha to the Stoney Acre Grill for dinner, and then they’d brought pie home for dessert and sat outside to watch the sunset. The hues had spread over the water like watercolors on a wet canvas, so special he thanked God for the precious moment with the two women he loved.

Jeff sat up, remembering that Marsha would leave in the morning. He wished she’d wait, but he understood. He was pleased she wanted to talk with Barb, and he’d suggested to Bonnie they could go home early, too, but she’d been disappointed so he’d dropped the subject. They’d be leaving at the end of the week, anyway.

He patted his belly, feeling full both in body and in spirit. A long time had passed since he’d felt so complete and so ready to move on. His mind stretched back to early June when he’d run into Marsha at Daddy Frank’s. He could only shake his head, amazed at how the Lord guided people into the course He’d planned for them.

When Bonnie finally went to sleep, Jeff and Marsha walked outside and looked at the amazing sky.

“When I look at the millions of stars, I can’t imagine how anyone can deny God,” Marsha said. “They’ve hung in the same path forever. To create such a perfect system couldn’t be a coincidence. Creation takes a mind much greater than any living being.”

Jeff stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her. “I think back and ask myself how I could have tried to deny the Lord when I knew in my heart He was there.”

She nestled closer, thrilled to hear him speak with such sincerity. “We all make mistakes, Jeff. Look at how I’ve bungled things every step of the way with my worries and need to control.”

“But you’ve changed, and so have I. I recall so many things I did wrong these past years. I wanted to prove to the world that I could be father and mother to Bonnie. Maybe it was to spite the Lord, I don’t know. It was ridiculous. I made myself so unhappy and so resentful, and I did such a disservice to Bonnie.”

“Jeff, don’t say those things about—”

“No, let me say them. I was thinking last night how my attitude also messed up our relationship. You love God with your whole heart and mind, and there I was stomping around trying to be God to myself.”

“But it worked out, Jeff. It’s over.”

“It is, and I’m so grateful. Again, I thank you for your patience, but mostly I thank God for His.”

She snuggled closer to his side. “I’m sure we all try the Lord’s patience too many times, but He always forgives us.” She paused, thinking of her own confession. “I have something to tell you.”

Beneath his furrowed brow, his questioning eyes pierced hers.

“I’ve been jealous.”

“Jealous?” His brow lifted. “Of what?”

“Al. The way you two talked so comfortably, and I realized I created such stress between us with my worries.”

Jeff brushed his cheek against her hair. “I would never let that stop me from cherishing you. We all have feelings we wish we could erase.” He looked away. “The thing I need to admit just kills me.”

He turned her body to face him and, in the dusky light from the living room, she saw his anguish. “I not only blamed God for Marilou’s death, but also I was furious at Him for giving me a daughter with a disability. I resented Bonnie after Marilou died. I felt inadequate and totally lost. I’m ashamed of that.”

Marsha rested her palms against his cheeks and looked into his pain-filled eyes. “It’s been forgiven, Jeff. Despite your feelings at that time, you love Bonnie with all your heart. You couldn’t have been a better father.”