In Deep Waters (15 page)

"You were selfish."

Kayla nodded. "I've been selfish from the beginning."

Her admission surprised him. He'd expected her to deny it.

Her gaze met his. "Do you forgive me?"

He didn't like what she'd done, but he understood her logic. Things would have worked out differently had she been honest. Perhaps better, but the past was the past. They couldn't go back and change it. "I forgive you."

She rubbed the top of her left foot against the back of her calf. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He felt a strange relief that he'd forgiven her. Now to forget. He'd always had a hard time with that. Just ask his ex-wife and his father. But Ben didn't like being disappointed by the people he cared about.

"Anything else I should know about?"

"Maybe."

His muscles tensed. "What do you mean, maybe?"

She pulled her necklace from beneath her sweatshirt.

"The necklace your father gave you?"

She nodded. "I didn't show you all my research."

"That doesn't surprise me."

' Tt has nothing to do with the location of the
Isabella,
so I didn't show you." Her eyes held no malice, no deceit. Only compassion, understanding and hope. "It has to do with one of the reasons I've been so selfish about this expedition."

"I'm listening." She was leading them to the
Izzy.
He owed her that much.

"In one of my father's journals, I found notes about the
Isabella
with symbols like these." She held up the talisman. "The writings matched. A few of the markings were identical."

"You think there's a connection?"

She nodded. "None of his other research had the markings, so it was particular to the
Isabella.
"

"You've got to know the odds of finding anything after so many years. The
Izzy's
been on the bottom for--"

"Centuries. I know." She sighed. "It must sound ridiculous, but it's my only clue. I have to follow through."

The hope he'd seen in her eyes echoed in her voice. Part of him wanted to make her see the futility of her search. But another part wanted to take her in his arms and help her find the answers she needed. "It's that important to you?"

She nodded. "I loved having my father all to myself, but I felt like a part of me, us, was missing. I used to fill the missing part up with my father's stories about mermaids, fairies and leprechauns. But those things never came to visit or have dinner with us. They didn't give hugs or kisses."

"They weren't real."

Her soft smile tugged at his heart. "They seemed real to me, but they weren't family."

"You don't have any other family?"

"I don't know." She sighed. "I don't even know where I was born or where my mother is buried. I have lots of questions and no answers."

She sounded like a lonely little girl who wanted to believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. He wanted not to care, but his heart ached for her. She was going to be disappointed. "The
Izzy
won't answer your questions."

"Probably not, but I may get another clue. Something to tell me where to look next." She glanced up at him. "Whether I find answers or not, the
Isabella
will bring me closer to my father. Finding the ship was his dream. Now it's mine."

Danger, danger.
The red alarm light flashed in his mind. The siren blared in his head.

"What's your dream, Ben?"

"I don't have one. Not like you do."

"Finding the
Isabella
is a dream."

"It's a job." He gritted his teeth. "I'm not chasing a dream, I'm finding a ship."

"A treasure ship." She grinned. "Like your dad?"

"No.
Not
like my dad. I'm nothing like him." Ben sounded childish. He was acting that way, too. "My father dreams about a lot of things, but his dreams are nothing but a waste of time."

"Dreams are never a waste. They make each day worth living."

She was wrong. Ben's stomach knotted. "My ex-wife dreamed of being a movie star. When Madison was six months old, Lyssa got a part on a soap opera. It led to
other roles, one in prime time. I offered to sell the operation to Wolf and be with her, but there wasn't enough room for both her dream and us."

Kayla squeezed his shoulder. "That's horrible."

He shrugged, but the last thing he felt was indifference. "She was following her dream. That was more important than her daughter or her marriage."

"Your ex obviously didn't realize what a great thing she had." Kayla touched his cheek. The caress of her soft hand on his face nearly undid him. Ben drew strength from her gentle touch. He should back away, but he didn't want to. "Dreams are supposed to be shared. Otherwise they don't mean as much."

"Dreams are selfish." Both his father and ex-wife put their dreams first. Above family, above everything. Ben wondered why his mom still stuck by his dad after all this time. He thought about Madison and the price she would pay for her mother's dream. "They're no good."

"What a person does with a dream can make them seem bad, especially when it hurts others or leads to selfish choices." Compassion filled Kayla's voice. "But it's not always black or white."

"Yes, it is." He didn't dare dream. He wasn't going to be a failure like his father or a bad parent like his ex-wife. "Dreams lead to disappointment. That's why I need to make sure Madison grows up to be practical and responsible. It's like alcoholism running in a family. She's got the dream gene on both sides so I have to be extra careful. Dreams carry too high a price."

"The cost is worth it." Silver sparks danced in the depths of Kayla's gray-green eyes. "I've always been a dreamer. When I was growing up, kids teased me. I was different because I wanted to believe that anything was possible. I never fit in, I'll be the first to admit that, but
no one tried to get to know the girl they called Kooky Kayla and Wacky Waterton. My classmates never looked beyond those labels. They never saw me. Kayla. And that's what hurt, but it wasn't enough to make me give up my dreams. I couldn't live without them."

"What if your dreams don't come true?"

"Not all dreams are meant to." Her lips eased into a gentle smile. "The dream itself is what matters. Not whether it comes true or not."

Ben didn't buy that. Not for a second.

She leaned toward him. Her warm breath teased his neck. "It's never too late to dream."

Forget about dreams. Ben wanted to kiss her. More than he'd wanted anything in a long time. Too bad kissing was not only against the rules but also out of the question. Not even when he fell asleep tonight and dreamed.

Kayla had to be dreaming. What else could explain how wonderful this afternoon had been? Ben had forgiven her and they'd talked about dreams, about life, about a lot of things. But they hadn't kissed again. They'd come close, but it was better this way. He was going to help her find answers. She was going to help him dream. A fair trade.

Ben needed to regain his sense of wonder. Not only for himself, but for Madison, too.

Kayla was falling for him. It was getting harder to deny the obvious, even though nothing would come of it. Ben Mendoza was tall, dark and handsome, a sexy pirate who sent her pulse racing, but she'd come to realize he was so much more than a pretty face.

The more Kayla learned about him, the more she liked him. He was far from perfect. A little too stubborn, a
little too wary, a lot too practical for his own good and hers. But those characteristics made him all the more real. She saw beneath his rough exterior to the caring man underneath. Patient, giving, loving. He was all those things and more.

She scratched her leg. If only Kayla could explain why she felt so strange as easily as she could rationalize her feelings for Ben. Her hips ached again. Her legs and feet, too. Her muscles felt tight and her skin itched. She'd broken out in a rash. Scaly patches on her legs. She'd taken an antihistamine in case it was an allergy.

But what would she be allergic to? Ben? She wasn't that lucky. Sunscreen? No, she'd used that brand before. Soap? No, she'd brought her own from home. Something in the ocean water? Maybe seaweed? No, that didn't make sense.

Kayla couldn't explain an allergy, but she'd thought of another explanation.

Lovesick.

Not that she was in love with Ben. Love wasn't an option in her life right now. She had too many questions to answer first. But she could live with an extreme case of "like."

Likesick. Didn't sound as good.

Maybe she was coming down with the flu. She felt a little hot and could have a temperature with the way she alternated between chills and hot flashes. But she couldn't afford to get sick.

Kayla padded her way to the sink, downed an ibupro-fen and drank two glasses of water. She'd been thirsty all day. Too much sun? Probably too much Ben.

Funny how everything always came back to him.

Kayla smiled and took a step away from the sink. Her legs gave way. She hit the floor with a thud. Great. One
thought of Ben and she'd turned into a swooning maiden. Macaroni legs. Or was that Jell-O? Probably the antihistamine. Those usually made her a little woozy.

She tried to stand, but her legs wouldn't support her weight. She crawled to her bed, pulled herself up and struggled to catch her breath.

What was happening?

Sweat beaded on her brow, dripped down her back. Hot. She was so hot.

Water. She needed water. Lots of water.

A knock sounded at the door.

Her throat burned. "It's open."

Ben stepped in. One look at her and his forehead wrinkled with concern. He raced to her side. "Kayla?"

"Water, please."

She downed the glass and asked for another. The burning ceased. She felt human again. "Thanks."

He touched her forehead with the back of his hand. "You're hot."

"I'm fine."

Ben raised a brow.

"I feel better now. It sort of comes and goes."

He sat next to her. With his weight on the mattress, she rolled toward him. Her thigh touched his. If she wasn't running a fever before, she was how. Her diagnosis of lovesick was true.

She scooted away.
Away
was a relative term. Calling her bed a twin was generous. At least she wasn't thigh-to-thigh with him now. Another two inches... "I got a little dehydrated. Nothing serious."

Forget about her legs and hips causing her pain. They weren't anything to be concerned about. Not when her heart and pulse and stomach were going crazy with Ben so close. She scratched her calf.

"You've been scratching your legs a lot."

"They itch," she said. "I thought it could be an allergy. I have a rash."

"Let me see."

His touch was as innocent as possible, but heat emanated from the spot of his hand and spread. When he removed his palm, she felt a chill. Boy, did she have it bad.

"There's no rash."

"What do you mean there's no--" She looked at her legs. The scaly patches had disappeared. "That's strange. They were just there."

"Do you want me to call a doctor?"

She smiled at the concern in his voice. "I doubt a doctor would make a house call out here."

"We have the satellite phone."

"I don't need a doctor. Get some liquids in me and I'll be good as new. Better than new."

"Promise?"

Her gaze met his. "I promise."

"I'll take your shift tonight."

"That isn't necessary."

"You don't have a choice." He used his I'm-in-charge-don't-talk-back tone. "If you're coming down with something, you need to rest. I don't want my entire crew to get sick."

"Or Madison," Kayla added.

"Or Madison."