In a Mother’s Arms (15 page)

“Fool woman,” Gabe muttered as he neared the sheriff’s office. Didn’t she realize he’d take care of her?

Worn out and hungry, Gabe went through the door, lit a lamp and saw a napkin-covered tray on his desk. He wondered if Cassie had left it until he raised the linen and saw Thelma’s lemon cake and a hearty sandwich. She’d also left a note that said, “We’re praying for you both.”

“We need it,” he said out loud. Twice he’d walked by Cassie’s store. Both times she’d been standing in the window and had shaken her head, an indication that Luke hadn’t come home. He’d resisted the urge to knock on her door. He could help her most by finding Luke, and he had to respect her request for friendship and nothing more. Once her situation settled down, he’d start courting her. Until then, he’d be wise to avoid the temptation to rush her.

Instead of saying grace over his meal, Gabe bent his head and prayed out loud for Cassie. “Be with her tonight, Lord. Keep her boy safe and guide me in my search for Luke. Grant me wisdom, Lord. And patience.”

Gabe groaned at the last word. Patience tested him like nothing else. After a heartfelt plea for Luke’s safety and for Cassie to know peace, he said, “Use me, Lord. Amen.”

He ate the sandwich in silence, thinking of the hard ways God sometimes used a man. Men died for people they loved. Jesus had suffered a cruel and haunting death. Gabe would have willingly died for Cassie to spare her pain of any kind. He was doing it now…dying
to his desire to go to her…dying to his own need for companionship so he could meet
her
needs for time and understanding.

I love her enough, Lord. I’ll wait.

As he cut into the lemon cake, Gabe heard a train whistle. He stopped with the fork in midair. The Denver Special arrived every evening at ten o’clock and left after boarding new passengers.

“That’s it,” he said out loud. Luke wasn’t just licking his wounds somewhere. He was planning to run away. Pushing back from his desk, he raced out the door for the train station.

W
hen the night fell and Luke still hadn’t come home, Cassie put a lamp in the window with the hope of attracting him like a moth to flame. It hadn’t worked. The mantel clock had struck every hour since dusk, each time adding a chime until it struck nine times. She had to face facts. Luke wouldn’t be home tonight.

Shaking inside, she pulled her shawl tight around her shoulders. After leaving Gabe, she had walked through Guthrie Corners herself. She’d asked everyone she’d met if they’d seen Luke, but no one had. She’d even visited Miss Lindstrom, the schoolteacher, to ask about any boys Luke might have befriended. Just as she’d suspected, he didn’t have anyone but himself.

Neither did she. She had nothing but the store. If business didn’t improve, even that comfort would be taken from her. She’d have to sell the building and move back to Chicago. Her stomach filled with moths beating their wings. To Luke, the noisy city was home. He knew
every inch of their neighborhood and had friends, disreputable or not, who’d take him in. Earlier she’d checked Luke’s room. Nothing had been touched. She was certain he hadn’t come into the apartment, but she hadn’t checked the store. Her son knew exactly where she kept the cashbox. It didn’t hold enough money for train fare to Chicago, but the contents would feed a stowaway.

Cassie snatched the lamp, hurried down the stairs and went to the desk where she kept the cashbox in the bottom drawer. As the light spread across the floor, she saw that someone had left that same drawer ajar. She didn’t need to open the cashbox to know Luke had stolen from her, but she opened it anyway. Instead of bills and coins, she saw a single greenback, as if he’d left it out of concern for her.

Cassie blew out the lamp, then raced to the street. The Denver Special passed through town every night, signaling its arrival with a warning whistle. When she and Luke had ridden the train west, he’d been interested in everything—the route, where the lines switched. He’d have no trouble finding his way back to Chicago. If he hopped on the Denver Special, she might never find him. She had to get to the station
now
.

With her shawl whipping behind her, she sped down the boardwalk to the east side of town. The train station was situated a half mile away if she took the straightest path, but decent men and women drove their buggies down a road that skirted the block of saloons and questionable boardinghouses. Desperate for Luke, Cassie chose the straightest path.

As she neared the first saloon, she heard raucous laughter and women singing bawdy lyrics to the tune of a piano playing “Turkey In The Straw.” Cassie crossed the street to avoid the open door, but she couldn’t escape the smells of liquor and cloying perfume. Above her the stars burned bright, but she saw only Cassiopeia with her neck bent in shame. Thelma and Reverend Hall believed in God’s mercy, but Cassie had her doubts. She desperately needed a break, but between Maude’s gossip and another broken window, no one in this town would give her a second chance…except for Gabe.

As her heart cried out, she heard the thud of boots on the boardwalk. Startled, she turned and saw a man striding in her direction. He looked big, tough and mean. He also resembled Gabe, though she couldn’t be sure. Guthrie Corners had its share of ruffians, and the shortcut to the train station had taken her to a place she would never have gone. To avoid the man, she picked up her pace.

So did he.

She started to run, but her skirts got in her way. She caught her toe on a warped board and stumbled.

“Wait up,” the man called.

Cassie knew that voice, that bossy tone. It belonged to Gabe. He reached her in five strides, clasped her arms to steady her and raked her face with his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded

What did he think? That she’d come here for fun? “I’m looking for Luke,” she snapped. “What else would I be doing?”

“Getting yourself hurt, that’s what.”

His fingers tightened on her biceps, then loosened to gentle circles of warmth. His eyes held hers, lingered, then filled with a jealous possession that made her feel both loved and lonely. She couldn’t lean on this man, but she had to find Luke and he could help.

She stepped back. “Luke stole money from the cash box. I think he’s running away.”

Gabe’s jaw tightened. “To Chicago.”

“Yes.”

He hooked his arm around her waist and hurried with her down the boardwalk. In the distance she saw the station, a low building with lanterns illuminating an empty platform. Her gaze rose to the train where she saw a man in a derby looking for a seat. The train had already boarded. Any minute it would leave the station.

She wanted to run but couldn’t in her long skirt. “Go ahead of me!” she cried to Gabe.

After a squeeze of her hand, he broke into a run. Cassie ran as fast as she dared. A boiler shot a blast of steam into the sky. She smelled hot oil and heard two toots of the whistle. The engine chugged once, twice, then began to move.

She shouted Luke’s name at the top of her lungs and ran faster. Instead of climbing the steps to the platform, she veered left and chased the slowly moving train. She saw steps and an open door to a passenger car, but she didn’t have a prayer of reaching it. The engine picked up speed and the clattering cars turned into a blur of tears, grit and steam. As the caboose raced by, Cassie fell to her knees and wept.

“I’m sorry, honey.”

She felt Gabe’s hand on her back, then his arm around her shoulders as he dropped to his knees and pulled her head against his chest. “We’ll wire ahead to the next stop. If he’s on that train—”

Cassie raised her head. “I want to go after him.”

“I know you do, but you can’t. We don’t know where he is.”

She looked into Gabe’s eyes and saw an understanding that shot her back in time to another train, another parting. Had he chased after the train that had taken her away to Chicago? Had he watched it disappear around a bend? Had he heard the fading whistle and felt as if his body had been ripped in two? Cassie lowered her eyes in shame.

He lifted her chin. “Luke might not even be on that train.”

“He is. I know it.”

“Did you see him?”

No, but he had
her
blood as well as his father’s. “I just know.”

“I don’t.” His fingers slid off her chin. “Let’s go see the stationmaster. He might have seen something.”

Gabe stood and offered his hand. Cassie took it and let him guide her back to the station where he opened the door and ushered her into the narrow room with a counter. She recognized the clerk as Carl Martin.

Carl looked from her to Gabe. “Good evening, Deputy. What can I do for you?”

“Mrs. O’Rourke is looking for her son.” Gabe described Luke and gave his age.

Carl puckered his lips. “Ain’t seen no kids around. It’s usually business folks takin’ the evening train.”

“What about earlier?” Cassie asked. Maybe Luke had gone west instead of east.

The clerk shook his head. “What’d he do? Run off?”

“Yes,” she said quietly.

When the clerk grunted with irritation, Cassie read his thoughts.
What kind of mother are you? Why weren’t you watching your boy?

Gabe touched her back, then spoke to Carl. “I’d like to send a wire to the next stop.”

The clerk handed Gabe a pencil and paper.

With Cassie watching, he wrote a terse message describing Luke and asking the stationmaster to check the train for stowaways, then he signed it “Deputy Gabriel Paul Wyatt.” His badge commanded a respect she couldn’t have gotten on her own and she felt grateful. As he handed the paper to Carl, the clerk promised to send it right away. Gabe thanked him, then guided Cassie through the door and into the night.

The air still smelled of steam and hot oil. With her heart aching, she stared up the empty track.

Gabe put his arm around her waist. “I’ll walk you home.”

“No.”

“Cassie, it’s late—”

“I have to keep looking,” she insisted. “If there’s a chance he’s here, I have to find him.”

She pulled away from his arm, but he tightened his grasp. “Let me.”

“But I’m his mother.”

“That’s right,” he said. “For all we know, he could be home right now. You need to be there for him.”

She’d never felt so empty in her life, not even when Ryan had hit her. That night she’d had a child to protect. Tonight she had nothing but empty arms. As much as she hated the thought of waiting in her silent apartment, she knew Gabe had a point. If Luke came home, she’d be ready with a meal.

“All right,” she said.

“Good.”

As they faced each other in the moonlight, Cassie blinked away her feelings. Earlier she’d cried in this man’s arms. She’d leaned against his chest and taken the comfort she’d vowed to forsake. For a few brief minutes, she’d shared her load and it had felt good. She couldn’t read Gabe’s thoughts, but she knew her own and they scared her to death. She loved this man. They belonged together, but she feared the consequences of braiding their lives.

Judging by Gabe’s expression, he had no such reluctance. Slowly…carefully…he drew her into his arms until his jaw scraped her temple. She felt the bristle of the whiskers he’d shaved before church, then the pressure of his hand as he tucked her head between his hard shoulder and the flesh of his neck. His breath caught the rhythm of hers. Their hearts matched in perfect time, reminding her of the past and how deeply she’d hurt him.

She’d hurt him again if she wasn’t careful. Intending to step back, she raised her head. His mouth was a whisper from hers. If he turned his head, they’d be
kissing. The thought made her tremble, but even more tempting was the stillness of his embrace. The man she’d left had been impatient. He’d have already kissed her breathless. The new Gabe had the patience of Job. The future, she realized, was in her hands.

Looking down, he spoke in a rough voice. “I better take you home.”

“Yes,” she murmured. “Luke could be waiting.”

He nodded, but the look in his eyes had nothing to do with her wayward son and everything to do with a man’s wayward thoughts. Or worse, the noble thoughts of a man in love, a man considering marriage, children and the holiest of commitments.

They stepped apart and turned toward town. Instead of walking past the saloons, Gabe steered her down the longer road that curved by homes and gardens. Whether he’d done it to avoid the saloons or because he wanted more time with her, she didn’t know. Either way, she enjoyed walking at his side, sharing her burdens and worries with a friend…Just a friend, she reminded herself. If Luke had run away, she’d be destined to search for him forever. If—when—she found him, she’d still be unwelcome in Guthrie Corners and unable to support herself. With each step in the direction of her apartment, the future looked bleaker. It looked bleakest of all when they reached the mercantile and the stairs leading to her empty home.

“Go inside,” Gabe said. “I’ll come by in the morning.”

She wanted to stay with him, but instead she climbed the steps, slipped into the dark room and lit a lamp. Like before, she carried it to the window and put it out for
Luke. This time, though, instead of an empty street, she saw Gabe watching for her through the glass. Wordless, she touched the pane with her fingers as she thought of an old Bible verse.

But now we see through a glass darkly. But then face-to-face…

She’d been in the dark for so long…She hadn’t dared to pray for herself since the day she’d left Gabe at the altar. She hadn’t felt worthy and she didn’t feel worthy now, but she could pray for others. With a lump in her throat, she closed her eyes. “Be with Luke, Lord. Keep him safe. And Gabe, bless him, Lord Jesus. He’s a good man.” In the sudden silence, she recalled her promise to Reverend Hall. “Be with Billy, too, Lord. Help Maude and me to be good mothers to our sons.”

As she whispered amen, her heart pounded. She had more to say to God but couldn’t find the words. Feeling weak, she opened her eyes and looked down at the street. Gabe hadn’t budged. If she motioned to him, he’d come up the stairs. He’d stay until she felt strong again. Somehow she stayed still. Another minute passed, then he tipped his hat and walked away, leaving her with knotted fingers and the knowledge that she didn’t want to be alone after all.

Could she have it all? Her business
and
Gabe? Could they make a family with Luke and children to come? If business picked up, she could stay and find out. If it didn’t, she’d have to leave. And if Luke didn’t come home, none of her plans mattered. Looking at the empty street, Cassie touched the glass. For all her hard work and good intentions, she’d been rendered helpless by
her own son. Feeling bereft, she raised her eyes to the stars. She hadn’t stopped believing in God, but she’d stopped trusting Him. Tonight she couldn’t stand on her own. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t save her son.

Trembling, she bowed her head so that the crown touched the glass, then leaned enough to feel the pressure like a hand. “I’m sorry, Lord Jesus. I’ve made so many mistakes…I’ve failed everyone.” Tears welled. The glass grew warm against her forehead, like a touch. “Please help me, Father God. Please bring my son home. I can’t do it myself.”

A sob broke from her throat. She felt weak all over and more helpless than she had all night. She didn’t know if God would answer the prayer of a sinful woman like herself, but she hoped He’d look out for a troubled boy.

After leaving Cassie, Gabe went home. He figured Luke had either hopped the Denver Special or holed up somewhere for the night. Gabe couldn’t go looking for him without causing a ruckus, so he slept a few hours, put on fresh clothes and left the house with Cassie’s worry coursing through him. He knew how it felt to be left with doubts and questions. Fourteen years ago he’d been in her shoes.
Where did you go, Cassie? What did I do? Why did you leave me?

He never wanted to ask himself those questions again. That’s why he’d left her on the steps to her apartment. Earlier, when she’d tipped her face up to his, he’d almost caved in and kissed her. Now he was glad he
hadn’t. She needed her son far more than she needed the confusion of an ill-timed kiss, and Gabe intended to find him.