Impulsive (The Soldier's Firm Hand) (6 page)

Strangely though, there wasn’t any guilt. I’d gone to sleep with a gorgeous man wrapped around me after more orgasms than I could count, and while we might not have had sex, every inch of my body remembered his touch. I already wanted more, but he was dressed and looking like he was getting ready to leave.

That part I didn’t like.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come back to bed?” I licked my lips and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, drawing him down so I could tempt him back under the covers.

Jared smiled and stroked my cheek with his thumb. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling. It was hard to believe we’d only known each other a couple days. He felt like he belonged here with me.

“I’ve got a long day ahead of me. Grant called earlier, I need to take a shower and get down to the marina to help out now that the storm has blown over. Can I trust you not to get into trouble while I’m gone?” His face was stern, but his voice was full of humor.

“I’ll do my best, even though I am but a simple impulsive woman.” I pressed the back of my hand against my forehead with a melodramatic sigh.

He laughed and poked me in the stomach. “You forgot sarcastic.”

“Only on days ending in ‘y’,” I teased, as I snuggled under the covers and watched his fine behind make its way into the bathroom. “But I have to warn you, I’m getting an impulse right now!”

“Save it for later!”

I stretched out, feeling pleased with how normal things were between us. How long had it been since someone last shared my bed all night? Too long maybe, but I was pretty sure it had never been like that, easy and comfortable.

By the time he was out of the shower, I’d forced myself to get up and was going through my camera equipment, making sure I had everything I needed for the day.

“Have you always wanted to be a photographer?” he asked.

“Yeah, but I’m not yet. Not really.” I don’t know why I felt the need to tell him that, he didn’t have to hear about all my insecurities quite yet, if ever. “That’s why I’m here.”

“What do you mean? You are or you aren’t, so which is it?”

“I am, but...” I took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. “My Dad, he’s a real photographer. A
photographic journalist.
I take pictures.”

“There’s a difference?” Jared scrubbed his hair with a towel and looked at me, confused.

“Drugs, disasters, wars, terrorist bombings, you name it, Dad has a story to tell you. Remember how we met and you said you kept the world safe so people like me could do our stupid little things in peace? You weren’t far off. I take pictures of resorts and night clubs. Pretty people in pretty places.” Snapshots Dad called them, and worse, I worked in digital. As if not having a basement full of chemicals made me less of a photographer.

“I take it he doesn’t approve.”

“Bingo.” The man was entirely too perceptive. I’d lived my entire life in my father’s shadow. “That would be an understatement.”

Jared crouched down next to me and gave my shoulders a squeeze. “Listen, what I said yesterday was out of line. I wasn’t in a good mood and you got in the way of it. Trust me, kitten, the measure of our lives isn’t weighed in blood and tears alone. Pretty pictures of pretty places make people happy, and when you see enough misery, it should be obvious that even if you can’t see it or touch it, there is a hell of a lot of value in happiness.”

My heart squeezed, and I nodded. If I hadn’t already been a little bit in love with him, that would have set me well on my way. “But, what if I
want
to do more? That’s why I’m here.”

He kissed the top of my head and walked to the door. “Then do it, but do it because of that. Because you want to. Not because you feel you have to justify yourself to someone who probably has his own issues to work out.”

I sniffled. “You’re pretty smart for a big, dumb ape.”

“Shucks, I do my best, ma’am.”

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T
he room phone rang just as I was getting ready to head in for my own shower. I snatched it up, hoping to hear Jared’s voice on the other end. “Hello?”

“What’s wrong with your phone? Did you feed it to a shark or something?” My boss, Tim. “Are you ready to come back yet? There’s a job in I need you to get to, like pronto. Easy money.”

“I’m off this week. As you obviously know because you had to call my hotel. Get someone else, or wait a few days.” It’s not like I was the only photographer he had on staff. Just the one most likely to drop everything and jump when he asked. But not this time.

“No can do, babe. They saw the promo stuff we did for that nightclub opening last month and asked for you specifically. Come on, what are you really doing in that rathole anyway? Taking pictures of rotten rowboats and dreaming of a Pulitzer? Get real. The only thing you are going to get up there is influenza. Get back here and work your magic.”

Ugh.
Was it possible to be flattered
and
offended at the same time? “Like I said, I’ll be back on Friday just like we talked about, okay?”

“Fine, whatever. Go do your artist crap if it makes you feel better, but I can’t promise they’ll wait. Heads up, Lauren, if you putting me off becomes a regular thing, you won’t continue to be the first one I call. You got me?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got you. Business as usual again next week, I promise.” I sat down on the bed and hung my head.

“Good. I like you, and the clients like you, but
nobody
is irreplaceable.”

One week off in three years of working together and he was already threatening me. Missing an assignment or two wouldn’t leave me on the street, but how long could I keep going if Tim started passing the good shoots to other people? Younger, probably cheaper people. I couldn’t afford to work my way back up from scratch and I knew there were more than enough talented rookies eager to take my place for peanuts if it meant getting their names in print.

Welcome back to the real world, kitten.

The one with bills due at the end of the month. The one that didn’t include a certain sexy soldier whose spare clothes were still piled up in a messy lump by the bed. Who had I been kidding these last few days? Jared was in the Army, likely gone more than home. Hell, I didn’t even know where home really was for him. I was only in town for the week, not in the market for a long distance relationship.

This had been a fling. Nothing more, nothing less.

I stayed in the shower for a long while, visualizing my problems swirling down the drain with the water. It wasn’t really working. The scratch on my arm and the slight ache in my backside were constant reminders of the night before, never letting me pretend nothing had happened, no matter how hard I tried.

Twice we’d been together, and twice he’d taken control as easily as pushing a button. I slid my hand over my bottom, almost disappointed that there wasn’t more than an echo of the sting remaining. He’d punished me, treated me like a naughty little girl, except there was nothing childlike about the feeling, for either of us. Getting disciplined had made me feel so close to him, and then afterwards, it was like having everything washed clean.

The feeling could easily become addictive, and I knew I had to cool things down between us if I didn’t want to get my heart broken when I left. There was no point in pretending we had a future when I had such a short time left to do my project and get back home. All signs were pointing to Jared being a genuinely nice guy, but he certainly hadn’t said anything about wanting more, and even nice guys weren’t opposed to a little fun.

“
So he showed me I like a little spanking. It could have been anyone,
” I lied to myself. The alternative was too painful to consider, because I had pictures to take, a job to secure, and a life waiting for me that didn’t include him.

Time to get back to work.

*** Lauren ***

T
he storm had moved away in the night, leaving a mud-spattered mess and dramatic skies in it’s wake. I swallowed the last of my muffin and brushed the crumbs off my hands. George and Betty had been more than happy to give me a ride down to the marina on their way out to their cottage.

It hadn’t been easy, but I’d evaded their attempts to get me to talk about Jared. The look George gave me when I ran into them at breakfast said quite plainly that he knew something was up, but Betty seemed none the wiser which was a relief. I had no intention of being the star in the next round of local gossip.

I’d grown up near the water, but we were beach people, not boat people. It surprised me how close knit the crowd at the marina was. People were everywhere, laughing and helping each other haul in boats that had pulled free. Kids ran around gathering up the bits and bobs that had blown around. Compared to the gloomy, abandoned atmosphere of the last couple days, it seemed like a whole new town.

“Smile!” I grinned and snapped a few pictures of kids playing catch while their parents worked.

Tim was right, this wasn’t going to win a Pulitzer, but it would make a nice, solid series for a small gallery exhibit. I could probably even get some decent shots for stock photos, and drum up local interest in the pictures. He could laugh all he wanted, it felt good to stretch my artistic wings and do something different once in a while.

Once I started shooting, my stress evaporated. I was in my element, lighting, framing, searching for moments I could capture to show the spirit of the scene. Bad weather and complicated men aside, Amaro Cove had been the perfect choice. It was a picturesque little town, full of community spirit that would make for some great pictures.

I was actually starting to feel pretty good about how things were going, when a familiar figure caught my eye through the lens. Standing on the deck of a houseboat not far away, Jared was hard at work. He hadn’t seen me yet, but I had a great view of him.

He must have changed before leaving the hotel, because he was in a muscle hugging t-shirt and beat-up old work jeans. There was no vanity or artifice with him, he was just all man, hard at work, and basically the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. I clicked a few guilty pictures of him before noticing that he wasn’t alone.

A pretty brunette with long, dark hair braided down her back came out of the interior with a cup of coffee and a huge smile on her face. She put her hand on his arm and laughed at something he said. I watched in shock as he stopped what he was doing and bent down to pick up a curly haired toddler.

Jealousy squeezed my chest hard, and I swallowed the lump that suddenly appeared in my throat. I didn’t know who she was, but I wanted to go slap the smiles off their faces. Instead, I took a deep breath and counted to ten. I let the camera hang from my neck and reconsidered. As easy as it was to get angry, he didn’t strike me as the cheating type. Quite frankly, he seemed way too grouchy and straightforward to deal with the drama.

I wanted to slap myself instead when I thought about it. Of course, a woman with a little girl, Grant’s girlfriend.

My anger burned away, leaving me with a strange empty ache in my heart. One night together and I was already feeling possessive of someone who wasn’t mine. I had to finish up and get out of here before I ran into him or I’d probably throw myself into his arms yet again.

An hour later I had more than enough pictures, and was packing up while waiting on my shuttle back to the hotel, when a soft voice interrupted my gear check.

“Hey, I was hoping to find you here.” Jared smiled, bringing out a dimple in his left cheek I hadn’t noticed before. “I bet you’re happy to finally be able to get some work done.”

Keep it cool, don’t fall for his charm again.
“Yup.” My hands clenched to keep from brushing away a smudge I noticed on his chin. “Was there something you needed?”

I steeled my expression so he couldn’t know how badly I wanted him to just kiss me and convince me I was an idiot for wanting to end this before it went any further. But what was the point? Even if admitted to myself that I was falling for him, he hadn’t said anything about wanting more either.

He must have picked up on my attitude, because his expression cooled a bit, looking more guarded. “Yeah... did you want to grab lunch together? I have some stuff to finish up on Janie’s boat still, but then I thought I could give you the insiders tour this afternoon.” His words sounded more cautious than I think he’d first intended.

“Thanks for the offer, but I think I can handle things on my own from here out. I don’t need you to boss me around for the rest of my stay. I have work to do,” I said with a shrug. Where was that van? I knew I sounded like a bitch, and I didn’t like it one bit.

His head jerked back. “Boss you around? What’s your problem today? I didn’t know lunch would be such a sensitive topic for you.”

“Exactly. You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. Thank you for... everything, but I think it would be best if we didn’t pretend this is going somewhere it isn’t.” It was the truth, but saying the words hurt nevertheless.

“How are we supposed to know where it’s going if we don’t give it the chance? Look me in the eyes and tell me you aren’t interested.”

“No.” I shook my head, not trusting myself because he was right, I couldn’t. ”I don’t have to prove anything to you. It’s not personal. I’m just not interested in a relationship right now, okay?”

Jared’s lips tightened into a thin line. “Fine. It’s not me, it’s you. How original. If that’s really how you feel, then just do me a favor and try to stay out of trouble.” He opened his mouth like he had more to say, but snapped it shut again and stalked off.

He didn’t deserve to be brushed off like that after our night together and how sweet he’d been this morning. I wanted to call him back and apologize, but it would only have made things harder in the long run.

If he had turned around and looked at me, or said one more word, I might have apologized and thrown my arms around his neck, but he never did, and even though I knew a clean break was the right call, it didn’t make my aching heart feel any better.

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