Imperfectly Bad (10 page)

“Have to be. You want me to say something? I think we just need to forget that we saw each other, and go back to our lives when we thought we were never going to see each other again.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

And with that, I got up and walked out of that shop so fuckin’ fast it wasn’t funny. Who did she think she was? The anger ate away at me as I made my way to work and I didn’t know if I would manage to make it through the day without totally flipping my shit. Going to see her hadn’t actually achieved anything and so I decided that I needed some more typical Robbie Boy self-destruction time to recuperate. I just needed to make it through the day at work first.

Loads of boring stuff happened that day. I was assigned a new case. I discussed said case,
ad naseum
, with my boss. He stroked my ego. I stroked his. The day ran its course in the usual fashion in that I went about my business and managed to flirt with the new mail girl at the same time.

Once quitting time came around, I made my way to one of the pubs near my office. It didn’t take me long to set my sights on some poor girl with daddy issues. After the day I’d had she didn’t stand a chance, and it didn’t take me long to get her back to the apartment. In fact, I think it might have been a personal best for me. It couldn’t have taken more than an hour. Seriously, I was that good… and she was that easy.

We crashed through the front door, rather loudly, but I honestly didn’t care. Tyler could kiss my ass if he was pissed about it. We made our way to my room, leaving a trail of clothes behind.

“God, you’re so hot,” she muttered against the skin of my neck.

“Shut up.”

Any other man would have lapped this up, but I wasn’t any other man. The fact that she thought I was hot was not a surprise, nor was it new information. Some might call it arrogance. I called it being comfortable with what God gave me

I thanked my lucky stars that she listened and we took it from there without another word. There were times when I liked my women vocal, but this was not one of them. Tonight was all about getting laid as I numbed my pain the best way I knew how—by drowning myself in some girl that I barely knew. Some girl that I’d just met. But mostly, some girl that wasn’t her.

It was official, I hated myself.

But then again, that was really nothing new. I’d been working on this self-loathing bullshit for years now, and I had to admit I was getting pretty damn good at it.

“Next time you decide to fuck your anger out, would you mind doing it a little more quietly?” Tyler asked as I brewed my coffee.

I shrugged. “You can’t down play amazing.”

“Your overconfidence is endearing.”

“I speak the truth my friend, or didn’t you hear her calling me ‘God’?”

I had him there. Tyler laughed.

“So is that it?” he asked, and I knew he wasn’t talking about last night’s lay.

“Yep, that’s it. Fuck Jenny Jenkins, I was living my life fine before her. I don’t need her and our past muddying up the waters. We’re going our separate ways. Cutting our loses so to speak.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Does it look like I’m
not
okay with that?”

Tyler shook his head. I was just as carefree today as I had been last week. That was all part of the ruse.

Over the years I’d become really good at pretending I didn’t have feelings, but the truth of the matter was that I was dying a little on the inside. I couldn’t stand the thought of letting her go, yet again. At least when I hadn’t known where she was, what she was doing, I could kid myself. Believe whatever I wanted. Knowing that this was actually the end of the road for us was harder to stomach.

But what choice did I have. She’d laid it all out there for me, and I wasn’t about to fight her on it. Just because I still had feelings, whatever feelings they were, didn’t mean I had to force them on anybody else.

Needing to get off the topic before my balls completely shriveled up and climbed inside me, I cleared my throat and said, “So, I’m thinking we need an old times night?”

“Yeah?” Tyler asked.

“Yeah. You, Me, Shane, Emma—hell, even Elizabeth can come. It’ll be good fun.”

Tyler smiled, obviously liking where I was going with this. “You know I think you’re right on this one, Rob. I’m sure the girls could split a sitter.”

“See.” I grabbed a banana from the counter. “I’m always full of the best ideas.”

“I wouldn’t say the best, or always, but sometimes you have pretty good ones.”

The banana would do for my breakfast and I poured my coffee into my travel mug while I listened to Tyler saying he’d take care of planning the evening. He was thinking some place new for a relaxed night, but truth be told, I wasn’t looking for relaxed. I wanted to get shit-faced—let Robbie Boy out on the prowl—and if I wanted it to happen it would happen. No doubt.

Work wasn’t any better than any other day, and the monotony was beginning to get to me. Same shit, different day, but all total bullshit. The case I was working on had me defending some piece of shit that was totally guilty, but I kept reminding myself of the reason why I’d become a lawyer in the first place. Sitting in the stuffy and airless conference room discussing my most recent case, a memory suddenly takes over my conscious…

I’m driving too fast. Jenny is beyond drunk and standing on the center console, her head through the moon roof. She’s yelling, and I think she may or may not have just flashed her tits to everyone on the boardwalk. She’s crazy and I love her. The meeting with my parents could have gone better, and she hadn’t helped matters, but I can’t blame her. They are being dicks about the whole situation.

At least I stopped drinking a few hours ago and my head is clearing rather quickly. In any case, if I hadn’t already been sobering up, the flash of blue lights behind me would do it. Fuck.

“Jenny, get in the car!” I yell as I start to slow.

“No way! I’m having too much fun.”

“Jenny, there are cops behind us.”

“Oh shit.”

In a flash she’d back in the passenger seat next to me. As the car slowed to a stop I see all the color leave her face. She seems to be sobering up a bit, wringing her hands, shaking.

As the man in the relationship I know I should be brave, and not worry about this. I could handle a couple of cops.

Nah, too late. I’m already shitting my pants.

She looks at me and I see the whites of her eyes as she becomes more frantic. “Rob, I’m so shitfaced.”

Needing to do something to calm her down before she completely loses it, I grab her hand. “I know. It’ll be okay. I got you, baby.”

Wanting to keep good people out of trouble had been the reason I got into law in the first place. Jenny had deserved as much, but hadn’t gotten it, just because her parents couldn’t afford a good lawyer. After our run in with the law and Jenny’s inability to defend herself, she’d gotten a bad deal… and an even worse reputation. Truth was, everybody had a story, and I’m sure this guy was just as worthy of my defense as the next.

“I got this,” I stated proudly to my boss. “Let me talk to the client and I’ll see what I can dig up. I’m sure there’s something we can use.”

My boss nodded at me and told me he’d arrange the meeting for sometime the following week. Collecting up my shit from the table, I thanked God that the day was over. The files I had were confidential and so I had to lock them away so I made my way to the office, checking my phone to see a message from Tyler, telling me to meet at Emma and Shane’s at 7:30 p.m. A quick check of the clock told me that it was just before six. Plenty of time to make my way to their new place.

Even though they’d never made me feel anything but welcome, I’d only been there a couple of times. For some reason, I always felt like I was intruding. I know they insisted that we stop by whenever, but it just didn’t seem right now that they had their own little family.

It didn’t take long for me to flag down a cab. Hey, I already explained this—I was awesome at getting cabs. We drove past a cop pressing some drunk up against the side of his cruiser and slapping cuffs on him. Having Jenny back in my life was driving me insane because it seemed like everything I saw reminded me of something I’d been through with her. This situation was no different…

With my hands cuffed behind my back there’s nothing I can do except watch the cops fight with Jenny. She’s just about the feistiest girl I know, but when she’s had a few drinks she’s almost uncontrollable. She’s screaming and slapping at the cops as they try to get her in cuffs.

“Get your fuckin’ hands off me you pigs!”

The cops are fast losing their patience. This doesn’t bode well for either of us. I really wish she’d shut up, but I can’t talk to her without drawing more attention to myself. “Miss, you better calm down or you’re going to get hurt.”

That’s it. I’m going to have to say something or she’ll going to make a bad situation even worse.

“Jesus, Jenny, baby, just let them do their job,” I plead from the other side of the cop car. My voice cracks. I’m seriously nervous, and worried about my future. My parents are going to kill me for this. I’ve been so stupid. But Jenny has that effect on me. Bringing out the worst in me. The decisions I make when we’re together are never the best.

She continues to freak out until the cops finally have to use force. I watch them drop her to the ground and finally cuff her. Her body goes limp like a ragdoll and they throw her into the back of the cop car. I tense, fighting every instinct telling me to go to her. Seeing me twitch, the cop standing to my right glares at me.

“Don’t even think about it, buddy.” He opens the door to the car and I get in, so alone and full of regret.

The taxi pulled up to the curb of Shane and Em’s building and I paid and made my way up to their condo.

I flung open the door, announcing my arrival with, “Party’s here!”

“Unc Wob!!” Felix screamed as he launched himself at me.

“Hey you, little terror!”

I caught him and picked him up just as he squeezed my cheeks together causing my lips to pucker. “Have you done anything naughty today?” I asked through fish lips.

“Rob,” Emma scolded, “don’t encourage him to act like you. He’s a handful enough as it is.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Being naughty is fun, isn’t it, Felix?”

There was no way Emma was going to let that one slide and I ducked just in time to avoid the dishrag that she hurled at my head. Chuckling to myself, I flipped her the bird behind Felix’s back.

“That’s a dollar, Rob!”

“What? I didn’t swear!”

“Gestures count now, dude,” Tyler added as he walked past me with a beer in hand.

At this rate I’ll be putting both kids through college
, I thought to myself as I pulled out my wallet. “This is bull—” I began but stopped myself when I caught sight of Emma’s death glare. “Sorry, Em, I’m a little rusty at the kid thing. It was much better when I had you around to keep me in line all the time.”

“Whatever. Beers are in the fridge.” She held her nose high in the air as she waddled past me.

I laughed. “Shane give you a good one last night, Em?”

She spun around and shook her head. “Will you ever grow up, Rob?”

I reached into the fridge and grabbed myself a beer, shooting her a wink as I popped the top off. “Probably not.”

She laughed. “Good.”

By the time everybody was ready it was almost 8:30. The pregnancy was taking its toll and Emma was moving seriously slow which was quite the change for her seeing as she prided herself on always being the first ready to go out. Hell, she was even the last in the pack as we walked down the sidewalk. Shane was so busy chatting to Tyler and Elizabeth that I didn’t think he even noticed that she couldn’t keep up with him.

“You’re like molasses, Emma.” I dropped back with her and offered her my arm.

She sighed as she linked up with me. “I know it. I feel like I was drop kicked in the crotch.”

“Sounds painful.”

“Yeah, it is. Thanks for the reminder.” She placed a hand on her lower back and rubbed. “So, I haven’t had a chance to talk to you since the Jenny thing. That was crazy. You gonna let me in on that?”

“Not tonight, Em.”

She nodded in understanding. She knew better than the others that I was just not big on talking. “Well, when you’re ready Rob you know I’m always ready to listen.”

I smiled. “Looks like you’re the sober bitch tonight, huh?”

“God, don’t remind me. I’d kill for a beer right now.”

When we made it to the door of the bar, I opened it for her. “I’ll be sure to drink one, or ten, for you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

“Anything for you.”