Imperative: Volume 1, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (83 page)

“I have never seen one so beautiful, madam.”  Judy tried the comb in several spots, and then satisfied; she placed it securely into the upsweep of hair. 

Elizabeth turned her head to admire the effect, then catching a look at her face, a feeling of overwhelming inadequacy came over her.  The time spent with Lady Matlock and her daughter had been challenging to put it mildly.  This was no visit with a curious woman for a quarter hour.  This was a full day of being critiqued on every move she made.   Tears pricked her eyes and she began to hug herself when she noticed Judy watching her with an expression of concern.  She touched the comb and straightening, lifted her chin.  “Is there anything that the staff feels I can do better?  I know that I have only been here a week, but please let me know if they are unhappy.  Mrs. Reynolds, it seems, would say the sky was green if it would please Mr. Darcy.   And Mr. Evans is equally accommodating.  I am relying on your honesty as well as your discretion.”

Judy smiled with pleasure.  “Thank you for trusting me, Mrs. Darcy.  You can be assured that the staff is very happy with you.  They admire your fortitude in the face of Lady Matlock.  I understand that she has not visited for years, but Mrs. Reynolds told me that she has always taken inventory of the household with her eyes.  And that Lady Cathy, well the staff is grateful she is not the one giving the orders.” 

“I barely have given any myself.”  Her smile faltered. 

Immediately Judy fussed over her hair and fixed the shoulders on her gown.  “There, just perfect.  I daresay any lady of the
ton
would be clamouring to know your modiste’s name.  Is there anything else, madam?”

“No, go ahead and join the rest of the staff for services.  Thank you, Judy.”  Elizabeth watched her depart down the servants’ stairs and after a moment of quiet, rose and walked into the master’s bedchamber.  Hearing rattling in the dressing room, she entered and found Darcy kneeling next to an open cabinet door, taking out boxes and blindly placing them on the surface above.  One such box was about to fall and she caught it in time, but not before the cover fell off and the floor was littered with dozens of paper sleeves.  “Oh!”  She cried.  Darcy startled and seeing the mess, instantly blushed.  “I am sorry, I was not quick enough.”

“No, no . . . I will take care of those.”  He tried to beat her to picking them up and sighed when she opened one of the envelopes to peek inside.  He sat back against the open cabinet and watched her curiosity spark. 

Elizabeth’s brow creased and she looked at him.  “Will?  What is this?”

“You tell me.”  He said softly, and his fingers went to work on his ring.  Nothing could have intrigued her more.  “Careful.”

“Will it bite me?”  She laughed as she withdrew the delicate object. 

“Richard will if you tear it.”  He smiled.  “I am . . . they are to be his . . . gift.  A bit of a joke, really.”  He glanced at the cabinet, “I was sure there were more somewhere.”  Elizabeth held the translucent object up and studied it.  “What does it resemble?”  Darcy prodded gently.

“Sausage casings.”  She said honestly.

“Indeed.”  His eyes twinkled.  “A particular sausage . . .”

 “It is sewn . . .”  She examined it, “On one end it is . . .”  Suddenly her eyes widened and she dropped it to the floor.  “OH!” 

Darcy retrieved it and started laughing.  “It surely did not bite you!”

“That . . .that . . . is that a . . . a . . .”

“Condom, yes.”  He held it up.  “This was to be our saving grace.” 

“I am grateful it is not.”  Frowning and without thought for her fine gown, she plopped down on the floor amongst the scattered condom sleeves.  “Rather an ambitious size, don’t you think?” 

“What do you mean?  Surely it is too small for me!”  He caught her eye and his head dropped to his chest as he laughed.  “I thought I was a stallion.”

“Perhaps I exaggerated a bit.”  Elizabeth leaned against him and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held one of her hands.  “This must be a foot long . . . Ohhhh, length is not the problem is it?”  Darcy shook his head.  “How does it . . .”  She blushed and he kissed her cheek.

“Stay on?”  She nodded and he searched around the packets until he held up a length of ribbon. 

“Oh.”  Her eyes started to dance.  “I would not mind dressing you up with some ribbons.”  

“Lizzy . . .”  

She snatched the ribbon from his hand and dangled it before his eyes. “Would you not like to have me play?”

“Very much.”  He snatched the ribbon back and tossed it over his shoulder, and then grabbing her arms pulled her onto his lap and kissed her forehead.  “What game do you suggest?”

“Anything that keeps you smiling.”  She rested her head on his shoulder and took his hands into hers, hearing him sigh as their fingers meshed together. 

“I am not noted for my shining personality.”

“You are a man who would love to be joyful, you simply need to practice.”  She smiled when his teeth nipped her ear.  “You were making progress with that, I think.”

“Until we came home.”  He sighed again, looking down at their hands.

“What has you sad?” 

“Need you ask?”

“Yes.”  She looked up and seeing his eyes still downcast, she took his face in her hands and kissed him.  His mouth lifted and the warmth returned to his eyes.  “I think that you are used to disappearing into your thoughts, which is fine, but not when the subject that bothers you so deeply affects both of us.”  Drawing a breath, she plunged on.  “I am no expert on Fitzwilliam Darcy yet,” he kissed her softly, “but you are not the same as you were before the family arrived.”

“How can you tell?”

“Well, for one thing, I slept undisturbed the last two nights and woke entirely on my own, so I know that even though you talk about it, you are not feeling like . . .” She picked up the fallen condom and held it up.  “Filling this.”

Darcy’s eyes lit up and he snorted, then immediately wrapped her up tightly.  “Oh, dearest love.”  He laughed.  “I am so sorry; and so happy all at once.”

“Why?”  She caressed his hair back. 

“I am sorry for withdrawing from you and I am so happy that you miss me.”

“Well?”  She looked at him pointedly and he shook his head.  “Must I put words in your mouth?”

“That is a nice place to start.”  He kissed her again and feeling her pressing for more, obliged.  Elizabeth could feel the tension lifting as their kisses deepened.  Darcy at last let go, and found her warm smile waiting for him.   “I love you.”

“I love you.”  His eyes cast down and Elizabeth smiled, gently combing her fingers through his hair.  “You are unfamiliar with carrying the guilt your elders are heaping upon you.”  His mouth opened and he looked up in surprise.  “That is it?”

“Yes!  How did you know?”

“Oh, Will . . . I am an expert at feeling inadequate and insecure.  I may not have the weight of riches upon me, but Jane and I, and to a lesser extent my younger sisters, are very aware that we were to save our family by marrying.  And every time a new gentleman appeared in town, we were pushed forward.  And of course all of my life I have been disliked for not being a boy, which only added to the burden of finding a spouse.  And then there is simply the fact that I am not beautiful like Jane.”  Darcy’s gaze became very serious and she looked down before drawing herself up again.  “So I can certainly expect you to be unfamiliar with shouldering the guilt your uncle has gifted you.  It is quite different from the burden of failure you already tote around regarding Georgiana.”  She bit her lip when he said nothing.  “Have I gone too far?”

“No.” 

“Forgive me, Will.”

“No, no, there is nothing to forgive.”  His eyes closed and he held her tightly.  “I pray that you will always feel happy in our home.  Thank you for speaking so clearly.”

“Oh this is not what I was trying to achieve!”  Elizabeth cried.  “I wanted to cheer you!”

Darcy caressed her cheek.  “Despite my darkened countenance, I am happy dearest.  I do not display my feelings on my sleeve.”

“Yes, you do, to those who have the sense to look.”  Elizabeth said unhappily.  “How I wish I had proven my father’s claim that I was his most sensible daughter and looked at you clearly from the beginning.”

“You did, and you remembered your feelings when it mattered, that is all that is important.”  Darcy’s thumb rubbed over her ring and he spoke softly, “You deserve so much more than I have been able to give since I tore you from your home and brought you into this mess.”

“If you had not saved me, I would be spending Christmas at Hunsford with my husband Mr. Collins, and would still be unable to escape your family as I would have the honour of your aunt’s company.”  Elizabeth smiled and it faltered when she read his pained eyes.  “I can say nothing well, can I?”

He looked down at their entwined fingers.  “We shall visit the gallery tonight when everyone retires.”

“No . . .” She leaned comfortably against him.  “Save that for the daylight when we are alone again.  We can think of better things to occupy us tonight in the privacy of our rooms.”  Her one brow rose and she pursed her lips.  Darcy at last laughed and kissed her hair as she breathed a sigh of relief.  “How would you have survived this visit without me?” 

“Lord knows.”  He sighed.  “But as difficult as it has been, its purpose appears to be a success.  Nobody has noticed a thing.” 

“Your relatives are too self-absorbed to look.” 

A small lift came to his lips.  “I propose that we be the self-absorbed ones this morning.  We do not need to entertain anyone in church, do we?”

“No.”  She kissed his smile.   “No, we will be alone in the crowd.”

“Mr. Darcy . . .” Parker called and started when he saw the couple on the floor and embraced, surrounded by condoms.  He looked up at the ceiling.  “Sir, the carriages are here to take you to Kympton.”

Darcy lifted his cheek from its resting place in Elizabeth’s hair.  “Thank you, Parker.  We will be right there.  If you could clear up this accident and have the boxes delivered to the colonel’s chambers, I would appreciate it.” 

“Certainly sir.”  He nodded and stepped from the room. 

Laughing softly, Darcy looked to Elizabeth.  “What do you think is running through his mind?”

“His master is joyfully happy.” 

“Or out of his mind.”  Giving her a little pat, she climbed from his lap and held out her hands to help him up.  “We should find better positions for having discussions.”

“We have not finished this one, yet.”

“You are a terrier, Uncle was correct.”  Darcy kissed her worried brow.  “Now, we need to go to church, temptress.” 

Elizabeth looked behind her as he rubbed her bottom.  “I am not finished with you, sir.”

He smiled and gave her a kiss.  “Those are the happiest words I have ever heard.” 

JUDGE DARCY LAY STARING at the canopy above his bed, seeing not the rich blue fabric, but rather the disturbing spots and flashing lights that preceded the onset of another seizure and headache.  “Not again!”  He begged and held his head in his hands, rolling over to bury his face in the pillow.  “I am going mad!”  Feeling the wave of nausea come over him, he crawled from beneath the covers, blindly feeling his way across the room to find the chamber pot. Overcome by dizziness, he nearly collapsed on the floor when a pair of strong hands reached beneath his arms and guided him back to the bed. 

“Drink this, sir.”  The faraway voice urged.

“No, no, I . . . I can bear it.  Just let me be . . . I think I will be fine if I just rest . . .”  He declared weakly as the glass was pressed to his lips.  “No more.”  Reluctantly, he swallowed the laudanum.

As he sank back down against the pillows, his valet looked around the room.   Evidence of one of his rages was everywhere.  “I knew that I shouldn’t have stopped giving him the medicine.  He is better with it than without.”  He murmured as he began to pick up the furniture.  Hearing a sound, he looked over to the bed where his master’s eyes were blinking shut. 

“Susan.”  He whispered before falling asleep.

“Aye sir, that’s who you need.  But I will not tell your secrets, I will keep you from Bedlam and your wife safe.”  He picked up a sheet of paper and saw the word ‘Darcy’ scratched all over it.  Carson’s brow creased, and wadding it into a ball, he tossed it into the fire.

“OH MY.”  Elizabeth said softly when they entered All Saints.  “The exterior is deceiving.” 

“How so?”  Darcy whispered.  “It is no more ornate inside than out.”

“All of these monuments . . .”  She looked above the doorway to see Norman symbols carved into the ancient stone, and a man on horseback surrounded by animals.  All around them were more beautiful effigies of countless ancestors, and simple stone slabs marking graves were set in the aisle.  Along the walls were elaborate crypts, the final resting places of so many Darcys.  “d’Arcy.”  She whispered, seeing the name on one tomb.  Darcy looked down at her and smiled a little, hearing her trying out the proper pronunciation of his original family name.  She was drinking in all of the details of the beautiful church located in the village of Kympton on the grounds of Pemberley, and her arm wrapped tighter around his.  “I do not belong here.” 

Darcy’s brow creased.  “Yes, you do.  You and I will sleep here forever.”  He nodded to a tomb nearby and she saw a beautiful carving of a mother and father, surrounded by their many children.  She looked back up at him and his serious gaze held her eyes.  “It will not be for a very long time, dear.  You and I are just beginning.” 

“Good morning, Mr. Darcy.  Congratulations, sir.” 

“Good morning.”  Darcy murmured to the man standing with his family and nodded.  Elizabeth followed his lead and continued down the aisle.  They were the subject of great scrutiny and received many deferential greetings, far more so than the visitors from Matlock.  The church was filled with Pemberley’s tenants and residents of the village.  Everyone knew of his marriage, the important news had been announced to a great cheer weeks before.  And now, as Darcy expected, they were being examined.

He opened the door into their pew and took his seat beside her as the rest of the family joined them in the box.  Darcy’s warm presence helped to offset the chill that seemed to rise from the stone all around them and his absolute silence reminded her of his warning that the slightest whisper seemed to be magnified.  His stiff posture also indicated his discomfort with being the object of intense interest by their fellow parishioners.  Suddenly a flourish of sound filled the air as the organist began playing.