Imperative: Volume 1, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (142 page)

“He was under the influence for years.  The arsenic probably gave him some sort of pleasure, but I am positive that it was the laudanum he ingested along with it that was his true addiction.  He took that to counteract the symptoms of the arsenic, and then when the arsenic was taken away; he supplemented the laudanum with opium.  He was probably doubling his dose.  No wonder he acted so erratically and approached Elizabeth as he did.  How he managed to be aroused is quite honestly amazing to me.”  Seeing her confusion, he patted her hand.  “My dear, not that you had any reason to fear in the first place, but I assure you, while I was under Carson’s care, I could not think of rising to any occasion.”

“I find that comforting somehow.” 

Judge Darcy took her hand in his.  “Did you worry?” 

“I worried about everything.”  She looked down at their clasped hands.  “I still do.”

“Susan.”  Opening his arms, he pulled her into his embrace and kissed her temple.  “I am so sorry.” 

“It is not your doing.”  She closed her eyes when his arms gripped her tighter.  “Does the viscount’s behaviour seem familiar?”

“Yes.”  He said honestly.  “The trouble with sleep, the overwhelming depression, you just witnessed the irritability . . . at least my hallucinations have stopped.  Thankfully I no longer have George paying me calls.”  He spoke almost to himself as he stared off into a corner. 

“George?  Your brother?”

“Yes.” 

Susan waited and watched his expression become pained.  “What did he want?”

“He wanted me to do the right thing.  I tried.”  He murmured and his brow creased.  “Is Georgiana well?”

“I believe so.  Is she worrying you?”

“Of course I worry about her.  She reminds me of you at that stage of a pregnancy.  Tired and teary, but feeling brighter.”  He kissed her hand and whispered.  “She is showing.”

“I was hoping that I was the only one who noticed so I did not say anything.  I did not want you or Samuel to look at her . . . too much.”  She sighed.  “Well, Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam will arrive soon, and they can work out their plans.”

“We should just take her up to Scotland now, let Darcy join us there in a few months and let him enjoy this time alone with his wife.  It is only a matter of time before Georgiana turns the wrong way or stands in silhouette before a window and then . . .”  He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his hand over his face.  “The staff will know, and then everyone will know.  How can this work?  She is ruined, utterly ruined.  And it is my fault.” 

“How can you possibly claim fault in this?”  Susan took his hand away from his face, but his eyes remained closed.  “Harding . . . I know that I pushed you away when you tried to tell me your worries, and I regret it so much.  You were opening up and now you seem to be retreating again.  It was not because I did not want to hear you, it was just . . . so much was happening and the children were just recovering from the accident . . .”

His eyes opened and he looked at her sadly, “You think of Darcy and Elizabeth as our children?”

“Of course.”  She shrugged a little.  “I cannot help it.” 

“Of course.”  He said softly and kissed her hand.  “Georgiana looks at me like a father.  She . . . she came to me and . . . asked me why I have not shown my fury with her.” 

“Your fury?”

“I gather that every other member of the family who knows the truth has one way or another expressed their disappointment and she said that she has been living on pins and needles waiting for me . . .”  He stared down at his hands.  “I failed her; it is my fault that she was seduced.” 

“Harding . . . it is not your fault.” 

He swallowed.  “It is.”

“Did you tell her to forget her upbringing?  Did you tell her to keep secrets and run away?  Did you manage to keep her from writing a letter or asking for help, or even using common sense?”

“I did not stop Wickham.”

“I have no idea what that means other than you did not help Fitzwilliam with him.  Harding, the more that I have thought of this, the clearer it becomes to me that Georgiana was ripe for such a mistake to be made.   If it was not Wickham going after her, it could have been any other man.”

He shook his head.  “No, he knew her; he was armed with the reassurance of knowing her family and seeming to be Darcy’s friend.”

“But she still went with him.”

“A child of fifteen cannot make decisions for herself.” 

“Girls of fifteen are married women with children.”  

“Why are you fighting me on this!”  Judge Darcy cried.

“Why are you trying to take the blame?”  Susan caressed his face. 

Evans appeared at the door.  “Pardon me, but the master and mistress’ carriage has been spotted in the park.  I will notify Miss Darcy.” 

“Thank you Evans.”  Susan smiled as he bowed and left, and took Judge Darcy’s hand.  “Harding?”

He looked down at her hand clasping his.  “I love you.” 

Samuel appeared at the door.  “Mother, Father . . . did you hear?  William and Elizabeth are back?”

“Yes, dear, we will be right with you.”  Susan smiled and looked back to her husband.  “I love you, Harding.”

“Thank you.”  He kissed her hand and stood.  “Well, let us meet the Master and Mistress of Pemberley and . . . leave them to their home.” 

“HERE IT COMES.”  Darcy said softly.  Elizabeth was clasped in his arms and they were looking out of the window of their carriage as it moved slowly along the ridge.  “There.”  He whispered.  The view of the manor appeared, surrounded by snow.  A flock of birds rose up in a noisy cloud from the trees as they passed and swooped out over the lake and back to their perches.  Sunlight glinted off the windows and Darcy felt her shoulders begin to shake.  Judy and Parker did their best to appear invisible as Darcy looked around to find her head bowed and tears running down her cheeks.  “Dearest . . .”  Suddenly the horses took off, beginning their ingrained run down the slope and she cried out, turning in his arms to bury her face and hold him tightly.  Darcy’s embrace was like steel and he closed his eyes, rocking her as the horses slowed and continued on down the long drive.  “We are safe, love.  You see?”  He kissed her cheek.  “We are safe and we are home.” 

Elizabeth looked up to his face.  His eyes were bright with unshed tears and she touched the small scar across his cheek.  “I had been dreading that.”

“Me, too.”  He smiled.  “But now we have lived through it.”

“Bad choice of words, Mr. Darcy.”  She sniffed.

“I thought they were quite appropriate.”  He hugged her.  “Look, love.  Pemberley is just waiting for us to come home and make it ours again.” 

“You are silly.” 

“And dear.”  He reminded her seriously.  “Never forget that.” 

“How could I?”  Drawing a deep breath, she relaxed into him and watched the house grow larger in the window.  They pulled up to the side entrance and the carriage door opened.  Darcy practically leapt out and before Elizabeth could take a step, he swooped her out of the carriage into his arms and laughing at her surprise, carried her across the courtyard and over the threshold.  “Oh Will!  Are you mad?”

“Probably.  Aren’t we all a little mad?”  Kissing her, he carried her down the panelled hallway and into the great foyer where their family awaited.  Georgiana gasped and started clapping.  Samuel laughed and hugged her, while Susan and Judge Darcy clasped their hands.  Darcy spun Elizabeth around, ignoring them all.  “Welcome home, Mrs. Darcy.”

“Oh, Will.” 

She closed her eyes when he came to a stop and brushed his mouth to hers, then kissed her gently, murmuring against her lips.  “And how do you find Pemberley, my dear Elizabeth?”

“It is beautiful.”  She smiled and began to laugh.  “Oh dear, Fitzwilliam, will you regret this in the morning?”

Laughing, he finally set her down.  “If I do, then I am a fool.”

Chapter 43

E
lizabeth stepped into the sitting room separating their bedchambers and had nearly passed through when she noticed Darcy leaning against the window frame, staring across the vast expanse of the lawn towards the lake.  She could see his eyes roaming over the land while his fingers worked the ring on his finger.  The expression on his face was nearly unreadable, but his eyes showed the struggle within.  Elizabeth’s palm rubbing down his back startled him from his thoughts, and he looked down to find her holding his waist.  

“Where did you come from?”

“I can think of any number of ways to answer that.”  Her eyes sparkled and he chuckled, and slipped his arm around her shoulders.  “A penny for your thoughts?”

“It is so good to be home.  And I dread leaving again.”  He rubbed his face.  “The issues that Mr. Barnes is anxious to speak to me about could fill a week’s worth of steady debate, and then as time passes, more of them will appear.  Spring is but a month away, there is the lambing, the shearing, the new horses will be born, the home farm to be readied, not to mention all of the tenant farms . . .  rent day is coming, then the staffing fair . . .   He told me of a letter that came proposing a meeting of the landowners to discuss our views on the price of corn and sending it on to Parliament . . . and it seems that the King has sent men out to cut down the tallest oak trees on neighbouring estates to make masts for his ships.”  He saw her frown and smiled softly, “They have laid claim to a number of ours and will come back for them one day.” 

“Will you be compensated, at least?”

“No love, by law they belong to him.  We are at war, and our navy must be strong.”  He kissed her forehead and hugging her, he rested his cheek on her hair.  “The stack of correspondence on my desk is daunting.”

“May I help you with it?” 

What am I going to do with you?
 Darcy smiled.  “Of course, but I imagine that Mrs. Reynolds and Evans want your ear.” 

“They ran this household just fine without me three months ago.”  She murmured.  “I do not really feel at home here yet.”

“You do not?”  Letting go, he looked at her with great concern.  “Why?  This is Pemberley!”

“I know where I am, Will!”  Elizabeth laughed and tapped on his frowning lips.  “But . . . like you just said so well, we have barely been here.  I feel more at home with the house in London, at least there we have had time together and I know the staff . . .” She looked out at the beautiful estate spread before them.  “I want to know this place as well as I . . .” She blushed and stopped, but Darcy’s gaze demanded she finish.  “As well as I know every inch of you.”

“Oh, Lizzy . . .” 

“I imagine exploring all of those beautiful places in the warm sunlight.” 

“The vistas and meadows?”  Darcy whispered, “Or do you mean places on my person?” She nodded shyly and he hugged her tight.  “And I will gladly mount an exploration of your hills and valleys.”  They both laughed and smiled into each other’s eyes.  Darcy caressed back the curls framing her face and his smile fell away, “But we will not be back until . . . August?  When the baby can travel?” 

She nodded sadly, “We will miss Aunt and Uncle Gardiner visiting the Peaks.  Even if they did go far enough north, we could not invite them to Sommerwald, could we?  The fewer people who know, the better.” 

“Otherwise we would just stay here.”  He looked back out at the view and murmured, “We will miss the spring and most of the summer . . . I have not lived here for longer than a few weeks at a time for . . . a year, and
that
was while fending off Miss Bingley.”  Elizabeth held him possessively and his eyes closed.  “Those plans that we made with such excitement are becoming heavy burdens now that they need to be implemented.” 

“The thought occurred to me that we need to explain who Georgiana is when we reach the lodge.”  Elizabeth saw the furrowed ridge appear in his brow.  “She cannot be introduced as Miss Darcy, can she?”

“Oh Lord . . . I did not think of that.  She must be married?” 

“Ideally, but I think that would fool nobody.  Our arriving with a pregnant girl and leaving so soon after the baby’s birth when you have been absent from the home for better than five years practically cries out that this is a ruined girl hiding her pregnancy.”

“What are we to do then?  What is the point of this deception?”  He thought out loud, “We are to name the child Cargill in honour of the grandmother whose home we are occupying . . . I suppose that she can be a young cousin . . . Georgiana Cargill.”

“Miss?”  Elizabeth asked softly.

Darcy hesitated, and nodded.  “Miss.  To claim she is married would only lead to more lies, where is her husband, why come to this remote spot, would not her husband’s family wish to be with her if he had died.” 

“I do not think that we will be out and about the neighbourhood socializing, dear.  And she certainly will not be going further than the garden.  There will only be a few house servants there, correct?  And someone in the stable?”  He nodded and listened carefully.  “I have asked Judy to discreetly see if the staff has noticed anything.  And of course she will speak to her sister.”

“I asked the same of Parker.”  He rubbed his hands up and down her arms.  “I saw the change in her face . . . and felt the . . . increase in her body when I held her . . .   Lizzy . . .” 

“No, you are not being selfish wanting to just stay home.  And you have every right to be angry.”

“Thank you.”  He murmured into her hair.  “Uncle offered to take her and remain for the duration, or for a few months until the end is near and we could come.  I know that he and Aunt would be excellent and would take good care of her, and I realize that it would be wonderful for us to be left here alone for more reasons than I can count . . . but . . . she is my responsibility. 
We
must take her.”  His sigh matched Elizabeth’s and he was grateful for the embrace he felt around his waist.

“I love you more than I can ever say, Will.  And I admire how you will not abandon her.”  Elizabeth smiled when he squeezed her so hard that she gasped.  “We will survive this.”  She looked up to him and they kissed.  “I promise.”