Impending Reprisals (15 page)

“All right.” She was willing to drop the confounding conversation as well. Though the suggestion in his response seemed clear, she could not be sure. And even if she was, what could she possibly do about it? 

Once they got out of the city, Kael glanced to Anya and reared up his horse, kicking it into action and tearing away from her toward the woods. He glanced back to ensure she was following and was surprised to see the wicked gleam in her eyes as she dug down and kept the pace.

How could I forget? he wondered, stupefied. How could I possibly forget that gleam, that adventurous spirit?

Aside from her beauty, he had always thought those were two of her most attractive attributes, the most alluring. It suddenly seemed clear now, that he chose not to remember, for it was easier, less painful, to simply ignore and forget. But it left him worried.

What else had he forgotten or suppressed? What else was going to sneak up and leave him stunned?

Chapter 20

After she finished her lunch, Anya settled back against a tree stump and stared up through the tall canopy of leaves. The clouds peeking through were bleak and depressing. Granted, this was only her second day in Decessus, but she had yet to see a single beam of sunlight since she had arrived.

“Merivic said it was always warm here,” she commented.

Kael glanced at her, confused, as he packed up their supplies. “You are not warm enough?”

“I am, but do not understand how I could be with all the gloominess.”

He sat on the stump next to where her head was tipped back. “The sun rarely shows itself, but it remains warm.” He shrugged. “I do not understand it myself—it simply is the way of it here. You will get used to it.”

A strand of her hair caught in the breeze and came to rest on his thigh. “Your hair will lose its auburn coloring, perhaps for good this time, with no sun to alter it.”

She heard the regret in his voice and peered up at him curiously as he nonchalantly brushed her hair off his leg and studied their surroundings. His expression in no way matched what she read in his tone, and she was suddenly sure she had misinterpreted him.

It seems I no longer know him as well as I thought, she pondered as his eyes narrowed at something across the way.

Anya lifted her head and scanned the area, but saw nothing. “What do you see?”

Kael glanced down, pleased she was aware and alert, but still felt the need to insist she continue to be. “I thought I saw something in those bushes over there, but I was mistaken. Because of the lack of sunlight, there are many shadows in this place and they can be deceiving. You must always be mindful of everything around you. And, you must react with your gut, with your instincts. If your body wants to run, then run. If you want to hide, then hide. And always, always, wear your amulet.”

His tone sliced through her, and by the end of his small lecture, his body had grown tense, his deep blue eyes turning cold.

Sitting upright, she turned to him. “I do not need instructions from you, Kael. I am well aware of how to take care of myself.”

“I had thought so once, but apparently I was mistaken about that as well. It seems you cannot take the most basic of precautions.”

“Meaning what, Kael? Please, enlighten me with your vast knowledge of my life. You have been absent from it for the past two years, so what do you really know of it? Nothing.”

“I know about the alley.” His fists clenched with his jaw.

“How do you…,” she began to ask, but then realized Merivic must have told him about it. “It turned out just fine.” She huffed and stood.

Kael launched to his feet and bent down, shoving his face toward hers. “Fine?! They nearly… They could have… You should have been wearing the damn amulet!”

“Do not yell at me, Kaelestis, great Weapons Master of Decessus! Who are you to judge me?! You were not there! You left! It was Merivic who was there for me, not you! He saved me from those men when I needed someone the most!”

“If you had Taj with you,” he spit venomously, “Lord Merivic would not have found himself in the position to kill those men.”

Her mouth popped open as she stared at him with wide eyes. “What is it that offends you here? The fact that I was almost raped, that Merivic killed two men, or that Merivic was the one that saved me?”

“None of it sits well with me. The point is, if you had been responsible for your own safety and wellbeing, and simply worn your amulet, the entire situation would never have gotten out of hand.” He poked his finger at her shoulder. “From here on out you will listen to me at all times, you will obey any direction I give you, and you will not argue with another breath that leaves your mouth.”

“Why you arrogant, self-serving, egotistical horse’s ass—”

“Quiet, Anya! Not another word or I will paddle you myself—Taj or no Taj.” He stalked away from her with a curse, back rigid and neck flushing.

Anya let him go without another word. She had plenty to say, to be sure, but she no longer saw the point. She knew he would never paddle her as he so eloquently stated, just as she knew anger was not her best defense at the moment—payback was.

They spent the remainder of the afternoon scouting the woods around the kingdom. Kael mechanically explained every area in relation to the surrounding communities and the castle, pointedly ignoring the pout Anya donned the entire time.

Stopping at a small pond, he slid off his horse and led it to the water. Anya did the same as she shot a mournful gaze at Kael.

“Must you keep doing that?” he asked, turning away from her.

“Doing what?”

“You know very well what I am speaking of.”

Anya chanced grinning at his back before clearing the expression as he faced her. Yes, she was very aware of what her pout used to do to him, and it seemed it still had the power to make him feel guilty. “You yelled at me.”

“You yelled back,” he retorted.

“You started it.”

He snickered and shook his head. “Always so headstrong. I see that has not changed either.”

The term ‘headstrong’ sparked a memory, accompanied by an annoying pull. At least now she knew for sure what Gerhard had said that night on the road, and who he had gotten it from.

What else did he say to Gerhard about me? she wondered. Obviously, he told him about the amulet, but what else? Is that why he is so nasty to me? Because of stories Kael shared? And what must Kael think of me now, to tell stories that would make others dislike me?

The thoughts put her on edge and she glared with the insecurities it brought forth in her.

“Now, now, Anya. I am not looking to start another fight with you. I admit, I got carried away. But just the thought of what those men tried to do… I cannot stomach the thought of harm befalling you.”

His sincerity caught her off guard, her defenses still high and strong. “It seems the only harm around here may come from you and your foul temper.”

“It is only because I care.”

“You still care for me.” She meant it as a question, but it came out as a statement.

“Certainly. Everything I do is with your safety in mind.”

“That is not what I meant.”

He blinked and stared before responding quietly, if not cautiously. “That is all I can offer you.”

She sat on her words a moment, questioning the wisdom of uttering them, but realizing the mystery of what was going on in his mind loomed over her—a weight she could not ignore. “There was a time when you offered more.”

He took a defensive step back. “That was some time ago,” he muttered.

She nodded and sat on a boulder by the pond’s edge, staring into the distance.

Kael, uncomfortable with the silence, eased closer. “Are Seda and your father well?”

“Yes, they are well.”

“Have they…”

Anya smiled, but did not look at him. “No, Sedalene has not yet told him how she feels…that I know of, anyhow. I encouraged her to do so before I left.”

“You miss them.”

“Of course, I do. It is nice having Lenna as an attendant though. She reminds me a lot of Sedalene, same warm eyes, same nurturing fire inside.”

“Yes, she reminded me of her, as well. That is why I chose her to see to your needs. I thought you might find comfort in that.” She looked at him then, with eyes full of wonder, joy, and appreciation, and he had no defense against it. “It is nothing.” He shrugged, becoming aloof and formal with his reply. “I thought you would miss her. That is all the thought I put into it.”

“Yes, I miss her.” Anya measured her next words before she spoke them. “Just as I missed you when you left.”

His gaze shifted to her, then away. Jerking his head up, he threw his shoulders back, a sneer spreading across his face. “Yes, well, you found other distractions, as I knew you would.” 

Anya snorted, her own back straightening with defiance. “As if you did not find your own distractions, as well.” He arched a brow. “With Zabela. Apparently, she has been distracting you for quite some time now.”

“Lord Merivic told you of that?” His anger in that moment was hot and fierce, but mingled within it was guilt and shame. “In what context does something like that come up? In what way is
that
an appropriate conversational topic?”

“He mentioned his weapons master was unwed and had no family to speak of. I merely stated—with empathy—that it sounded like a lonely existence. And he assured me, for you, it was not. However, it does not matter what Merivic told me. I saw it for myself last night.”

He stared, blankly.

“When you grabbed Zabela and pulled her into your room.”

“You saw that?” He was mortified.

“That was what I spoke of earlier when I mentioned you partaking in a public display.”

“I did not know anyone was watching.”

“And that would have stopped you?” She smirked and issued a humorless snicker. “Somehow I doubt that.”

How dare she, he thought. Make me feel guilty for bedding another when she went off and became engaged to be wed! She has no right! And more importantly, she has no place in judging me!

“You know nothing of it.”

“Yes,” she admitted quietly, almost sorrowfully. “And it is clear I know nothing of you either. Not anymore.” She mounted her horse and turned back toward the castle.

Kael stared after her a moment before following, the tear in his heart ripping deeper, as one lingering thought rang clear and true.

What have I done?

Chapter 21

Anya paced in front of the hearth as she waited. Merivic had stated he would join her for dinner, and though it had been ready for some time, she fully believed he would arrive at any moment. He was simply not the type of man to promise one thing, then do the complete opposite—unlike other people she may know.

Surely she could count on Merivic to keep his word. In this, he was the one man she knew would not fail her. He was constant and true. And what her focus should be, forevermore. No more ridiculous nostalgia, no more foolhardy notions of what could have been.

In the past, Kael had failed her. In the present, Merivic would not.

“Lady Anya?” Lenna approached with a worn leather satchel.

“What is it, Lenna?”

“This just arrived by messenger. Unfortunately, Lord Merivic has been unavoidably detained. He sent this for you.” She held out an envelope.

With a sigh, Anya opened the parchment and read the contents.

For tomorrow, in case I do not make it home by first light. I love you
.

Confused, she looked at Lenna. “Is this all there is?”

“No. He sent this as well.” Lenna held out the satchel.

Anya peered inside and smiled as she pulled out the deep purple rhododendron.

“Oh, he sent you a flower!”

“Representation for another day,” Anya murmured, choked with emotions.

“Milady?”

She shook her head. “It sends a special message…to do with the flowers he gave me this morning.”

“Secret meanings between lovers. Oh, it is so romantic!”

Anya laughed as she smelled the beautiful blossom. “I shall need a vase for this until I can put it with the others. And, I suppose, I will be dining alone this evening.”

“I will have them bring in the food.” She put a hand on Anya’s arm. “I regret that he could not make it.”

“All is well, Lenna. At least I know he made the effort to keep his word, and did what he could in the moment to make it up to me.”

Lenna nodded and gestured toward the table. “Please, be seated. The food will be brought shortly, along with your vase.”

“Thank you, Lenna.”

As Anya was settling into her chair, her heart leapt at the sound of boots clicking on the stone floor of the corridor. She smiled as the sound grew closer, anticipation building as she eyed the opening to the alcove, expecting Merivic to come into view at any moment.

It was Kael’s face greeting her instead, and it took all she had not show her disappointment. Her heart sank as he approached the table, but her smile remained, feigned but pleasant.

“I heard Lord Merivic would not be arriving for dinner.”

“That is correct.”

“I did not want you to dine alone.” Something flashed in Anya eyes, something Kael could not quite place, though it seemed to be a cross between pain and bewilderment. “If you would like me to leave—”

She waved a hand, averting her eyes to the kitchen staff bringing in the food. “Stay if you like. There is certainly plenty to eat.” She smiled politely and took a drink of her wine.

Kael sat opposite her and cleared his throat to cut through the obvious tension between them. Her gazed darted to him, then back to her food.

“It was a pleasant ride today. I forgot to thank you for showing me around. I do not know what has happened to my manners. Please, forgive me.”

“Think nothing of it, Anya.” Her eyes shifted in surprise at the casual reference of her name before visibly composing herself. “You said you prefer Anya instead of Lady Anya.”

“Yes. Of course. Besides, we have known each other far too long to be quite so formal.”

And yet here you are, Kael thought, as cordial as one could get, as if I am a stranger you are forced to make light conversation with.

She flashed another easy grin, and took a bite of her food, chewing so slowly and deliberately he was sure it was her way of avoiding the need for words. He took a drink of his wine, studying her over the rim and deciding how best to clear the air. He could not purposefully and effectively do his duty with the past continually sprouting between them. He needed to make amends, to apologize for his brutish behavior, and establish sensible boundaries as to how they should proceed. And, apparently, boundaries were in desperate need. So he sat, he ate, and he watched, gauging her mood and determining the best opportunity to broach the subject.

“You seem sad,” he finally stated.

“Not particularly.”

“Allow me to rephrase—you
are
sad.”

Her brow furrowed. “Why do you say that?”

“I know you, Anya.”

“Maybe not as well at you thought,” she stated, lightly.

“Whenever you are sad, your eyes get slightly darker and wider, you get a faint crease between your eyebrows, and the right corner of your mouth draws down a measure.”

She studied him a moment before replying, “All right.” She dabbed her napkin against her mouth and set it aside, reaching for her wine. “Perhaps you still know how to read me.”

“I should. We have known each other a long time.”

She nodded. “We have at that. At times, it seemed we were one in the same—able to know each other’s thoughts and read each other’s faces. When I looked at you, it was like being in your head.” She smiled warmly. Quickly averting her gaze, she shrugged. “It seems so long ago now.”

“We are in different places now, but that is no excuse for us to fight as we did today. I do not wish to be at odds with you, Anya. It pains me to see you so affronted by me.” He sipped his wine. “I apologize for the tension between us. I imagine we both require adjusting to the new relationship we find ourselves in.”

“I can agree with that.”

And because he sincerely thought she did, he pushed forward with the rest of his logic, ruthlessly ignoring the ache it brought inside of him. “But for this arrangement to work, we cannot allow it to become personal. There can be nothing more; no further arguments, emotions, tension, or distractions. You are betrothed to Lord Merivic, and I am your sentinel. Whatever we were in the past, no longer exists. The sooner we accept that, get past that, the sooner we can be at ease around each other once more.”

Anya’s head snapped up and she stared hard, not with malice nor distress, but with a budding, although reluctant, acceptance. “Very well.” She stood and nodded, picking up the vase with the single flower in it. “I bid you good night, Kael. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

“Wait.” He abruptly shot out of his chair and strode to her side. “I will accompany you to your room.”

“It is not necessary,” she stated, stalking away once more.

“Actually, it is my duty to do so, if not my pleasure.” He tried to break through her icy facade with an easy smile and kind words, but he barely managed to melt her gaze.

“Kael—”

“Please. Do not be angry with me, Anya. I said what I must so we can find a better place, a common ground.”

“I know that. And I do agree with you, but it is too much right now. So many changes in such a short amount of time: You leaving without a word,
not one damn word
, Merivic coming along to swoop me off my feet, and then all of a sudden I am engaged to be married, and overnight I find out I have to move immediately to a city I do not know, in a territory I have never been to. And for what? To preserve my safety, to ensure Merivic ascends to the throne. People want to hurt me to get to him. Sentinels are required to keep me safe. A whole damn garrison watches my every move and listens to my every breath! It makes me dizzy to think about it. And then there is you—
You!
—and the fact you are
here
of all places. Just four months ago I was planning to find you when—” She cringed and spun on her heel, heading toward her quarters.

Kael easily kept pace, and matched her silence with his own stunned version of it.

She was going to come find me? All this time she had been planning it, waiting for…what?

And then it hit him—her twenty-third birthday, when she could choose her own husband, plan her own future. In that moment he felt monumentally foolish and contrite. He had doubted her—How could he have doubted her? And how could he have expected her to react any less than how she had? He had left her with no other choice than to accept the future being offered to her, for she was not certain there was any other alternative to choose. Although unintentional, he himself had made sure of that.

Anya halted at her door, staring at her feet as she sighed, still mentally berating herself for her slip of tongue. “You need to give me some space. I have…things to straighten out in my head.” She put her hand on the door, but still could not look at him. “It makes it harder, Kael. You being here makes it harder.”

She shoved the door open and slipped inside.

Just as she was closing it behind her, she heard Zabela’s voice sound from the corridor. “Kaelestis?”

Before she closed the door completely, Anya glanced back to see Kael turn to Zabela. Although it was now very clear as to where she and Kael stood—and him and Zabela—she did not want to witness him grabbing another woman in passion again. At least, not yet.

Perhaps someday it would not bother her so, and perhaps one day she could actually be happy for him.

But that day was not today.

*****

Zabela swaggered toward the very tense weapons master, although she interpreted it as a pleasant reaction toward her. She curled her arms around his neck and leaned into him. “After last night, well…I thought you may have reconsidered, given our history. So I am giving you another chance, Kaelestis.”

He reached up and yanked her arms down. Staring into her wide eyes, he grabbed her shoulders and easily lifted her, gently setting her off to side and out of his way.

“I do not want another chance.”

Opening the door to his quarters, he did not even glance back before slamming it in her face.

*****

Anya heard Kael’s door slam—assumingly with Zabela once again in his clutches—and heaved another sigh as she walked to her vanity. She took the fresh rhododendron she had received and slipped it amongst the flowers. She gazed at the blossoms, stroking the edges of them with the tip of her finger as her mind wandered.

Too much to think about, she decided, especially after another long day. Best to wait until morning, when I am better rested.

She was in no great hurry to go to bed though, for she knew once the candles were blown out and she snuggled down into the mattress, her thoughts—pleasant or otherwise—would not simply go away and give her peace. They would eat at her and prey on her mind until she went mad.

Why could it not be easier than this? Why must it be so complicated? she demanded of herself.

And then she realized it did not have to be.

She was with Merivic—plain and simple. Was anything going to change that? No, nothing could. Not the danger she seemed to be in, or Merivic’s journey to the throne. Not Kael’s presence, or her remnant feelings for him.

“I am with Merivic,” she whispered, assuring herself with the simple statement. “No matter what happened to get here, I have to believe this is where I am meant to be.”

It gave her a measure of peace to say the words aloud. And it helped to know that nothing actually would change her mind. No matter what happened around her, she gave her word to Merivic, and she meant to keep it.

A knock at her door gave her a start, and she strode to it quickly, assuming Lenna would be on the other side. But, to her delight, it was not.

“Anya,” he murmured as he stepped in, booting the door shut behind him and drawing her close.

He ran his fingers up her neck, across her jaw, and knotted them in her hair before brushing his lips against hers. Her breath caught with the suddenness of the embrace, the quick contact of the kiss, and she gripped his shoulders as he nuzzled her neck.

“I could not bear to be away from you tonight,” Merivic confessed, backing her slowly across the room. “I left shortly after the messenger did. The mere thought of not seeing you crushed me.” His mouth was warm on her throat as it trailed toward her ear, his arms strong and secure across her back as he cradled her body.

She tipped her head to the side, not thinking about her actions, only reveling in the sensations. “I am glad you did. I missed you today.”

“Not nearly as much as I missed you. I could not get you out of my mind. All day, no matter what I was doing, images of you flooded my vision.” He nipped her earlobe causing her to moan.

“Not that I am complaining,” —she giggled as his breath tickled her neck—“but why the sudden need to see me?”

“Our conversation this morning has been haunting me.” He stroked his hands slowly up and down her back, his tongue blazed a path across her shoulder.

Her mind fogged over as she tried to make sense of his words. “Conversation?”

“Of our last night alone together.”

The memories registered and she felt her whole body flush in response.

“I want to be with you like that again, Anya.” He gripped her hips and angled her toward the bed. “Please. I have to touch you.” He took her mouth with his, drawing her into a kiss so deep and so full of longing that she felt it radiate throughout her body. “I need to taste you.” His palms traveled up her sides to cup her breasts and he nipped at her peak through the fabric of her gown.