Impact (14 page)

“But you’re
not
my Dom and I’m
not
your sub so you don’t have any right to spank me. You haven’t collared me—you haven’t done anything,” she cried, turning her face away to try to hide the tears threatening to roll down her face.

His arms loosened and he stepped back. “You’re right, I haven’t,” he replied in the softest of voices. “I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds. I haven’t claimed you and I have no right to discipline you.”

How had this gone so wrong? “I think it’s best if you go back to your trailer.” Her voice sounded thin and foreign even to her. She turned away so he wouldn’t see how much she wanted him to claim her, how much she wanted him to admit they were more than just bed buddies.

“If that’s what you want. But I’ll see you to a cab first,” he answered.

She stiffened, ready to argue, but knew it was futile. “Fine.” Marching toward the front of the arena, she kept up a good pace but he easily matched her steps. She needed to get away from him before she broke down and begged him not to leave her, not to shove her aside as if she were some anonymous woman he’d screwed.

He held out a hand and a cab pulled forward. Opening the door, he waited until she got inside and then said, “We’ll talk tomorrow when we’ve both had a good night’s sleep.” He closed the door gently and turned away.

As soon as the cab pulled into traffic she allowed the tears to flow. How could she have been so stupid? He’d told her from the beginning he wasn’t looking for a relationship and she hadn’t believed him. She’d thought if only she could get close to him she’d convince him how good they could be together. Well, she’d gotten plenty close to him and all she had to show for it was a couple of nights of kinky sex and a heart breaking wide open.

* * * * *

The next day she called Evan. Even though she had no intention of telling him what had transpired between her and Conner it felt good to hear his voice. Luckily the scratchy connection he had on his cell phone out in the pasture made it hard for too much conversation and she got off the line before he even had a chance to ask her about Conner.

After that she concentrated on her tasks as best she could, dragging her computer from pen to pen around the back of the arena, chasing down the stock contractors to make sure all their paperwork was filed correctly before the start of that day’s competition. She’d hoped if she stayed busy she would be able to ignore the hole the size of a crater in her heart, but so far it hadn’t worked. Conner had called, but she’d let it go to voicemail.

Since then he’d sent a text, which she’d ignored, and called one more time. She wondered how long he would keep it up before he decided she was too much of a bother to keep pursuing. She’d put her money on another day or two, tops. There were enough buckle bunnies around to keep him occupied if he wanted to get laid, and that way he never had to own up to what he wanted, to what she suspected would be the only thing to truly fulfill him.

“So what’s up with you today, anyway?” Ryan asked as they sat across from each other, inputting their data into the system.

“What do you mean?” she asked, not looking up from her notes.

“You look like someone killed your puppy.”

She raised her head briefly and sent him a withering look. “Killed my puppy?”

“Yeah. You’re all…” He motioned toward her as if she was supposed to be able to read his mind. “I dunno, sad or something. You’re always happy. Seeing you like this is freakin’ me out.”

“Well, I’m sorry to be raining on your parade, but everybody can’t be happy all the time.” She glanced up. “I’ve got a lot of stuff to finish up here. Can we have this conversation later?”

He gave her a funny look. Probably because she was usually done in half the time it took him to get everything into the system considering his hunt-and-peck method of typing. “Sure. I wanted to be sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine.”

He stood and left the room without another word. She shook her head to try to clear it so she could finish up. At this rate she’d still be working on today’s stuff when it was time to start tomorrow’s assignments. Grabbing her iPod, she proceeded to put her earbuds in and then cranked up the volume. Hopefully the loud music would distract the extra noise in her brain long enough so she could get this crap done.

She was nearly finished about forty-five minutes later when the door to the room flew open so fast it crashed into the wall and nearly came off its hinges. She jumped up, knocking over her chair as she scurried to the back of the room, hand over her racing heart. There, in the doorway, was a very pissed-off cowboy. She yanked the earbuds out of her ears.

Conner took another step into the room and slammed the door behind him. “What the fuck did you tell him?”

She barely forced the words past the knot in her throat. “Tell who?”

“That guy you work with.”

“Ryan?”

“Whatever. What did you tell him?” He advanced on her and she retreated until she felt the cold texture of the concrete block wall behind her blocking further flight.

“N-nothing.”

“Then why did he get up in my face, telling me if I’d done something to hurt you he was gonna kick my ass?”

“He did
what
?”

“You heard me, darlin’. He threatened to kick my ass, in front of a whole mess of cowboys, if I’d hurt you.”

Jessica felt a bead of sweat run down her back. “What did you say?”

“I told him he shouldn’t be telling tales outta school and then reminded him where we were. By then the damage had been done, of course. I hope you don’t mind folks knowing about us, because it’s gonna be all over soon thanks to your friend. I’m pretty damn sure that’s exactly what he intended too.”

“Why would Ryan do something like that?”

Conner gave her an incredulous look. “Because he wants to fuck you.”

“No he doesn’t. We’re friends—”

“Not by his choice, I’m guessing.” He moved farther into the room. “I wanna know what you told him, just so I’m prepared when people start askin’ questions. How did he know we were involved?” She felt the blush start and he seemed to pick right up on it because he frowned and asked, “What?”

“Our rooms were adjoining in Anaheim. Maybe he saw you coming or going.”

“Or maybe he heard us,” Conner finished her thought. “Fuck!” He spun back toward the door, hands laced behind his neck. “Are you gonna get fired for this?”

“I don’t think so, but who knows? And by the way, I didn’t tell him anything.” She paused and twisted a lock of hair around her finger, pulling it tight. “I haven’t told a soul.”

He turned back and approached her, slowly, as if he were afraid she might run, and she considered it, but she knew he’d never hit her in anger.

“I’m sorry, darlin’. I’ve behaved like a real asshole to you. I know you haven’t told anybody about us. And for what it’s worth, Brady’s the only one who knows on my end. Kinda impossible to keep him out of the loop. It’s no skin off my nose if people know we’re together, I’m only worried about you.”

“I know.”

“Look, I’m just real confused right now. I don’t know exactly what I want, but I do know what I don’t want. I don’t wanna lose you, Jessie girl. You’re the first good thing that’s happened to me in an awful long time, and I don’t intend to let you go without a fight.” His eyes were turbulent with emotion as he came closer. Her breath caught in her throat as he reached up and extracted her hand from her hair.

“I want you. I can’t promise you anything right now though, and I know that’s not fair. I’m working through shit in my mind, but if you’ll give me some time I promise I’ll try to figure it out.” He trailed the rough pad of his thumb over her bottom lip, dipping it inside her mouth briefly. She licked it and he growled softly. “Playing with fire,” he whispered.

The second when she could’ve turned her back on him, when she could’ve resisted him, passed unheeded. She stared at him, her gaze falling to his lips. He swooped down and captured hers, tilting his head and pushing inside with a quick sweep of his tongue. His hands came up to bracket the sides of her face as he continued to seek and retreat in a frenzied pattern.

In the back of her mind she knew she should stop him, if only because someone could walk into the room at any moment, but her body didn’t want to listen to her head. When he pressed all his hard-packed muscle and sinew into her she let out a low, hungry moan.

“Tell me you want me, tell me it’s enough,” he rasped out, leaning back and lifting her chin to look into her eyes. “You are so fuckin’ beautiful. You take my breath away.” He kissed her, a featherlight caress of his lips, before straightening. “Jessie girl, talk to me.”

“I don’t want to get hurt,” she answered, closing her eyes against the emotions weighing her down.

“I know, and I don’t wanna hurt you. That’s why I didn’t wanna start this stuff with you in the first place. I knew I was having trouble trying to reconcile my life on tour with the life I want for myself afterward. But the way you responded to me, your natural submission, it was like a drug. I had to have more, selfish bastard that I am. But if you tell me to leave you alone, I will. It’ll be harder than hell, but I will do it.”

“I don’t want you to leave me alone,” she murmured.

“Tell me what you
do
want.”

“I want you to admit it’s more than just sex. I want you to at least give us a chance.”

He rested his forehead against hers. “I will give it a chance. I’ll give it everything I can, darlin’. When you walked away last night I felt like a piece of me was gone.”

“Conner…” Glancing past him, she said, “Shit, you’ve got to go. I need to finish my work and you need to get prepared.”

He turned around and looked at the clock. “You’re right. Can I see you tonight?”

“Yeah. I’ll call you when I’m done.”

He pulled her to him for another kiss, this one hard and full of pent-up passion. After finally releasing her, he went to the door. “I can’t wait, baby.” He disappeared down the corridor and Jessica blew out a loud breath.

“Neither can I.”

Chapter Eight

Conner prepped his stuff and then watched his fellow competitors. When it came time for his ride he settled himself on the bull and wrapped the bull rope around his hand with a strange sense of calm. It was as if he knew he was going to stay on this go- round. How, he had no idea, but this bull was not going to buck him off. He nodded to the official and the gate opened.

The bull bucked and spun to the left, then bucked again and spun back to the right. Conner stayed with him, steady on his back as he continued to spin to the right. He made sure his free arm was up high to get those extra few points and soon enough he heard the buzzer indicating he’d stayed on for the full eight seconds. Dropping the rope, he jumped off the beast’s back and landed on his feet, scampering away as the bull fighters distracted the bull and got him to the exit.

Hanging off the rail, he waited for his score, trying to ignore the lingering pain in his shoulder. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he turned around to find the source of the sensation. Jessica was standing not fifteen feet from him, watching him. Had she been there all along? Maybe she’d turned into a good luck charm. Turning back to the scoreboard, he was pleased to see he’d scored an 89.5, putting him in first place with only four riders to go.

Of those four, only Brady and Marco stayed on their bulls, and Conner finished the day in first place with Brady right behind him and Marco in third heading into the second day of competition. His shoulder was still really sore, but he expected that and iced it down before leaving the arena to go back to his trailer and shower. He’d just gotten out of the shower and was toweling off when Jess called.

“I’m finally done here. You’d think these stock contractors would be ready with their paperwork. They should know what to expect if their bull gets drawn in the draft. This is not news to them, but
nooo
, I have to go chasing people down, harassing them constantly.”

“Breathe, baby, breathe…”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to shove all my bitching on you.”

“It’s fine, I can take it. I just didn’t want you to faint from lack of oxygen. There are far more exciting things to do if you wanna pass out.”

Jessica laughed. “I’m done now. Where are you?”

“The trailer.”

“Why don’t I grab a cab and I’ll swing by and pick you up?”

“Sounds great.” Conner turned to Brady, who’d come in during the conversation. “I’m goin’ to Jessica’s room for the night.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Conner grinned. “That leaves an awful lotta fun stuff on the table.”

“That it does, bud.” Brady flopped on the cushion for the dinette.

“Tired?”

“Yeah. Long day.”

“I hear you, man.” He stuffed his feet into his cowboy boots and pulled them up, stomping on the floor to get the right fit. He settled his black Stetson on his head and grabbed a duffel bag, throwing a change of clothes in it before making for the door, throwing on his duster as he walked. “Later, man. I’ll call you tomorrow. We can work out and have lunch before we prep.”