Immortal Need (28 page)

“I’m for that. My only condition is Valerie will know it, too. You give me that, and my home is open to you forever.”

“I think I can work on that,” Lei returned, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

“Let’s go home,” Sevani said then, and flashed them there.

Chapter Nineteen

“Well, I got Lei and Alexander situated. I hadn’t even realized that the whole time you have been here you haven’t been using the spare rooms,” Ayah said as she stepped into her bedroom. “I couldn’t separate Lei from Valerie. It’s hard to see them like that, but he put her in the room with him.”

“Are you uncomfortable with it?” Sevani asked as he shrugged out of his shirt and sat down on the bed.

“I guess I would be under normal circumstances, but I know she’s not truly dead, that her soul is just now out of her body and her spirit has gone to Hel. Which is not the hell that I have been thinking of, right?” Ayah asked.

“No. Hel is actually a goddess. Yeah, I know,” Sevani said when Ayah gave him a confused look. “Hel is the part-alive and part-dead daughter of Loki. Her realm is called Helheim. It’s sort of like your hell, I guess. It doesn’t have any color, happiness, or anything. It’s just one drab location. There are different levels to it. There are parts of it where punishment is meted for the life that you have led. Another area is for children and old men.”

“Children and old men?” Ayah asked.

“In my time, we believed that if you did not die in battle, then you did not have a glorious death. These gods are from my time. It was something to be sad about when a child died, not just because they were taken in their youth, but because they died before they ever became a warrior. They would never know a pleasurable afterlife. Many warriors would find a way to die in battle, or even fall on their own swords, to not live to old age. Living until you were old and gray wasn’t an accomplishment, but a failure,” Sevani finished.

“Right. So there’s a place in this Helheim for them?”

“Yes. Shortened, we just call it Hel. The goddess is just as drab as the land, I am told, so we just lump them together. Another side is where she resides. Her palace is where the only beauty to be found in the realm is. That is where Valerie is hinting that she’ll be. As a goddess, Valerie cannot completely die the way that she did. Her body is still living because it’s completely intact and her soul is near it. Her spirit is gone, and so she has ‘died.’”

“But I thought the gods couldn’t die.”

“They can. She just did it in a way she can come back from. She removed her soul, which splinters the three parts. The soul can’t live without the spirit or the body, and vice versa. Lei has two of those pieces, and all he’s missing is her spirit. By combining the three once more, she will be back to life.”

“So, that was what left her body at the end?” Ayah asked.

“Yes. If Lei can get into Hel and release her spirit, then he can have her back. Put everything back together, and she’ll once again be Valerie. The old gods did something similar to kind of leave life after Baldur’s death. It’s why we were able to get some transference from them when our souls were in the urns.”

“Then no, I don’t mind that Valerie’s body is still here. I would rather have her somewhere we know she’s safe. And burying her in the ground seems wrong if she’s still alive. She’s just not aware. It’s like being in a coma,” Ayah said. “But I will admit that I’d like her to remain in Lei’s room instead of out in the open. It would be uncomfortable for me to, say, walk into the living room at night and see her lying there. It’s still just so hard. I just can’t believe that was the only way to beat the pact.”

“Neither can I. But now I know that is the reason Valerie hadn’t wanted to tell any of us what Loki said to her. She knew that if she had, we would have fought to stop her. If we’d known that the only way to beat the pact was for her to die, then we would have told her to remain intact and we would simply protect her. We never would’ve asked her to die for us.”

“But I think Lei weighed heavy in her decision,” Ayah said. “I do not think she could deal with the fact that Lei was her slave. If she could not have him as a bonded soul mate, then she’d rather he be free. That is true love, and she gave her life for it. I could never possibly imagine having to make that decision.”

“I could,” Sevani said, and Ayah turned to him. “Don’t you understand? The moment I decided to save you rather than kill you, I made that decision.”

“But you didn’t know who I was then,” Ayah argued, leaning against her dresser.

“No. But I knew the soul that you carried. And, I can admit, that the love that I had for Nila is nothing like the love I have for you. I perhaps loved Nila because she was a shadow of what you would be for me. I’d like to think of it as I was waiting for you this whole time, and I finally found you. I could not imagine killing you. I think, a little, I loved you from the moment I saw you, and I love you more today.”

Ayah left the dresser and walked to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, tears in her eyes. “I love you too,” she whispered waterily. “When Freya took me, I knew that you would come get me. I knew that you would come save me. But when she told me all those things, it brought up all of my own insecurities, of if you wanted me for me, or me for Nila. I wasn’t sure which way you would go. I chose to, instead, believe that it could not possibly be me that you could love. That it wasn’t possible for two people to fall in love in just a handful of days. But I do know it now.” She peered down into his face. “I do love you, Sevani, and I promised myself that when we got out of Freya’s temple that I would tell you.”

Sevani closed his eyes and sighed at those words. If someone had told her, just a week ago, that she would meet and fall in love with a man, let alone an immortal one, and she would survive an attack on her life, she would have laughed in the person’s face. Ayah was not one to inspire great passion in others outside of her family. That was not what happened to her. She was used to being the caretaker, the provider. But, now, she had someone who
did
love her, who wanted to provide for her, and had proven, in so many ways, that they would do anything for her happiness. They may have had a bumpy road to get where they were now, but they’d made it. That was all Ayah could have ever wished for—a man who, in spite of her faults, loved her. They would have enough time later to get to know each other more. But there was no doubt in her mind that they would work. They were bonded soul mates and had lived through the worst of times together. There was a bond between them that nothing could break. She was just happy to have survived and been able to admit it to each other.

“It’s funny,” he said sheepishly.

“What?” she asked.

“We’ve always called Folksvagnr Hel, since soon after getting there. For us it was your sense of hell. And now, Valerie has truly gone to Hel. It doesn’t seem right now to think of our once home as the same. She has none of the comfort she would have had with us.” Sevani sighed, closing his eyes.

“I know it is right for Lei to go for her—he wouldn’t have it any other way—but I just can’t help but think that we should all be fighting for her. But I can’t…” he said, looking at her finally. “I can’t take you there with me, and I couldn’t put you in that kind of danger.”

“I think we all know that, especially Valerie. When she pulled her soul, she told me what to tell Lei. She is waiting for him to show up. She knew, probably before you even, how you felt about me. She wouldn’t expect you to take me traipsing through the netherworld.

“As for Hel, for you, being with Freya was the worst cruelty that you could even imagine, and you came from a time when Hel was real. Even I make comments about something being hell, and know that it’s something very different, but have no want to go there. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve done a good thing. You couldn’t have known everything that was going on around you,” Ayah said, smoothing a hand over his brow with loving fingers. She could see the agony in his eyes, the torture of his choices, but she hadn’t lied to him. Freya was a wild card, even if she resided in Hel now.

“Freya still lives. We may be safe from her now, but it will not last,” Sevani said solemnly.

“Are you trying to warn me off?” Ayah asked, pursing her lips.

“Never. I just want you to know that we will see her again, one day, and will need to be prepared. She doesn’t lose easily.”

“Then I guess we need to get Valerie back as soon as possible so I can take one of the seeds,” Ayah answered.

“You would do that? Give up your human life for immortality?”

“For you? Yes. Besides,” she added, smiling broadly, “I wouldn’t want to grow into an old woman while you stay delicious-looking. It just doesn’t seem quite fair. You’re stuck with me now.”

“I think I am fine with that.”

“I don’t really think you have a choice, big shot. Valerie is going to need us to take care of home and her man until she gets here, and you all need a woman’s touch.”

“How can a mother treat her child like that?” Sevani asked, anguish coloring his tone, the camaraderie of just moments ago fading.

“Unfortunately, I’ve seen all kinds of people in my line of work. Mothers that smother their children for protection and do more damage than help. Fathers who drink and hurt their kids because they hate themselves. I’ve even seen parents take no interest in their children’s futures, looks, or care. They are nothing but burdens. Freya, at one time, obviously loved Valerie, or she wouldn’t have made such a deal to save her life. But when she lost her son,” Ayah said, shrugging, “something shattered in her. The death of a child can do horrible things to a woman’s psyche. She may have cut herself off, buried her love in her anger so that she could survive. After she carried her anger for so long, it consumed her. She became another person. Any love or feeling for Valerie had to cease to exist.”

“I have lived for thousands of years, and yet your words humble me. How is it, in your short life span, you became so wise?” he asked, smiling softly.

“It must be the old soul I have,” Ayah said with a laugh.

Sevani palmed her cheek. “It no longer bothers you? The soul?” he asked, his gaze searching her face. She let nothing but her love shine through.

“No. I know that Nila’s soul brought you to me, bonded us together. I suppose I should thank her. Do you love me?”

“With everything that I was, am, and shall ever be,” Sevani answered quickly.

“Then that is all that matters. You love
me
, not what is inside of me, or the woman who walked before. She gave us a gift. A time to have love the way we were meant to, and the wisdom to keep it. We have both been tested in fire and have survived.”

Ayah ran her hand over the scar she knew was on Sevani’s chest under his shirt. He was hers. There was no doubt in her mind. The idea made her feel light, happy, and so full of love she was bursting with it. She would never regret Sevani coming into her life, no matter the trials and tribulations they had incurred. What mattered was this moment, the knowledge that they were secure in their love. They both knew that no matter what was thrown their way, they could survive it. Even a goddess hadn’t been able to stop them. There was nothing Ayah wouldn’t face for Sevani, no mountain too high or valley too low.

“Kiss me,” she whispered.

He lifted his face slowly, never breaking eye contact with her, his full lips a tempting morsel she wanted to taste with her tongue. She did so, tracing his soft lips as he cupped the back of her head with one hand, his other arm going around her and pulling her to his waiting mouth. He kissed her gently. His lips feathered over hers, his hands as gentle as they were strong, and she melted under him. She could sense no strain in him as he coaxed her lips into parting and slid his tongue inside. He kissed her, his tongue dueling with hers almost with laziness. There was no rush to their passion, no struggle. This was simply give-and-take. A melding of souls, hearts, and bodies into one.

She wrapped her arms around him, returning his kiss, sucking his tongue farther into her mouth, enjoying the full press of his lips against hers. She slid over him as he leaned back and onto the bed. He flipped them so that she was lying on her back. He lifted away from her, crouching on his knees, and helped her remove her shirt and bra. He laved kisses down her stomach as he divested her of her pants. He shifted, and the heat of his bare thighs caressed her calves.

“So beautiful,” he whispered against her flesh. He kissed his way back up her body, stopping for a second to nip at the undersides of her breasts. When he lay on her, in the cradle of her thighs, she wrapped around him. She lifted her hips against his, a silent push to move against her, and he answered, circling his hips to catch her clit on the thick base of him. She moaned, a sound so soft it could have been a whimper, as he pulled her tighter to him. Her breasts were crushed against his, her nipples pebbling. Slowly he left her mouth, kissing and sucking his way down her throat, pausing to nip at her pulse, leaving his mark. She moaned, arching her neck as he kissed farther, running his tongue over the soft, fleshy part above her collarbone and then traveling on. She felt his teeth graze over the swell of her breast, but he licked the sting away and continued. Her rosy nipple was sucked into his mouth, and she gasped. He sucked on it lightly, drawing on her as her fingers dug into his shoulders in the silence.

“Sevani,” she moaned, her body pulsing with need, with urgency. He released her nipple and kissed his way back to her neck.

“I will give you everything, everything you need.” He kissed her, and she could taste her flavor in his mouth. He moved his hand down, cupping the breast, rolling the nipple between his fingers. He ground his hips against hers. She moved with him, kissing him more passionately than before, thanking him silently for everything he had done, everything he had sacrificed. He rolled, pulling her on top of him.

She settled over him, pulling away from his mouth long enough to sit up, and looked at him. His hair on the pillow, his powerful face was fixed with desire, but he didn’t rush her as she ran seeking hands down his strong chest and abdominals. She pushed herself down his body, kissing him as he had done her. She paused to flick her tongue over his nipple. She smiled around it, giving it one final lick before proceeding down.