Immortal Healer (24 page)

She was lying on her good hip, and he hugged her from behind, slipping the blankets down to see her hip. He gently pulled the bandage that she’d not yet removed from her skin. She was bruised around the site, and he lightly ran his hand over her soft skin there.

They were doing a damn good job of refusing to think about her illness, thanks to a good bit of sarcastic humor and some incredible sex, but in the quietness of his room, that was all lost to him. Suddenly, all he could think about was her mortality and the likelihood it would happen far sooner than she deserved—sooner than either one of them deserved.

He was so very in love with her, and when he whispered it in her ear, she hummed out a sleepy incoherent response. She wouldn’t remember it when she woke, but he still needed to say it. He rose briefly to toss their clothes into the dryer, and then he was back against her body for the remainder of the night. He watched the sun rise through the open French doors out over the ocean, and he waited as long as he could to rise and leave her. It was an incredible view, and he wanted her to wake to it.

He retired to the living room, pulling the thick drapes closed. She slept in late, and he spent his time reading. When his phone rang he saw it was Ember. He hesitated answering but knew she’d never avoid speaking to him, and he owed her the same respect. He simply wasn’t ready to have this conversation with her.

“Where are you guys?” He’d not spoken to any one of them since the day before last, and far too much had happened to sum it all up easily.

“Nantucket. We had something of a long day yesterday and needed some time away.” The pause that returned to him said she was considering his words, trying to decipher what he was telling her.

“I don’t understand. Did something happen with Abigail’s release that we don’t know about?”

“No, but we certainly need to start figuring out how we’re going to deal with the terms of her probation on top of everything else.”

“I’m guessing the ‘everything else’ is why you’re in Nantucket rather than here?” She didn’t miss much.

“Yes. Speaking of which, I have a friend flying in tonight. His name is Brent Rigley, and I expect he’ll go straight to the hospital for the night to review some tests, but he’ll need residence in our building whenever he arrives. Abigail and I will come home very early tomorrow morning, and should he arrive before we do, will you see to it that he’s settled into a residence?”

“Of course.” And then after an overly long pause, she continued. “Are you going to tell me what this is about?”

His pause was equally long. “She has leukemia.”

“Children get leukemia.”

He chuckled humorlessly. “Oddly, you’re not the first person to say that to me recently. So do adults, and she has it.”

“Is she going to be okay?” She sounded terrified.

“I really don’t know yet.”

“Well, can’t you just turn her?” She sounded pleading, nearly desperate.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that, Em.”

“Quentin, I’m so sorry.”

“We’ll talk more about it when I return. Are Angus and Aaron traveling again?”

“Yes.”

“Can you have Brit ask him to return? I have no idea how this is going to play out, but I may well need his input.”

“You are thinking of turning her… You wouldn’t need Angus here otherwise.”

“It really is more complicated than you think, Em.”

They hung up shortly later, and he listened from his place on the couch as Abigail slowly woke. He listened to her yawn, he listened to her shift and move, and eventually, he listened to her rise. She peeked her head out of the bedroom shyly, and he met her eyes. She walked naked across the room to him and crawled onto the sofa. He pulled her into his lap, kissing her.

“What do you want to do today?”

“Swim.”

“Sounds lovely. Can you wait until the sun starts to set?”

“Of course.”

*

He smiled at her, and she smiled back. It felt like a real smile. It didn’t really seem possible under the circumstances, but then again, she’d had an amazing night with Quentin when she had no business enjoying herself. It wasn’t as if her illness wasn’t lurking in the background of her mind, but the ugly thoughts had been kept safely out of reach for a time. She wasn’t ready to deal with tomorrow, but she knew she’d have to soon. But in the same breath, she felt oddly anxious to be done with it. But when she felt Quentin’s arms tighten around her, she decided she was more than willing to give into the comfort of him for a while longer.

It was easy to forget about life when she was here. This place was like being in another world for her. She lounged on the bed, staring out at the water for nearly an hour in the afternoon. She laid on her stomach with the soft white sheets rumpled up beneath her naked body. Neither of them felt much need to dress when it was just the two of them. She listened to every sound this place held—the surf, the gulls, the wind that slowly pushed and pulled the tall grass. There were no horns honking, people yelling, or any of a thousand other annoyances that normal life held. She could hear the occasional page being turned as Quentin read. And then she could hear when many long minutes would pass with no pages being turned. She’d peeked out at him once just to see his eyes staring at the floor in front of him. His face was slack and sad, and she plopped right back down on her stomach, blocking it out. But every time the pages stopped turning, she listened to the silence from the other room and imagined the sight of him staring into hell on her account.

He joined her on the bed once the sun started to set. She was still naked as was he, and she was lying on her front hip with her knee pulled up slightly. He hugged her from behind, as he caressed the skin of her back, lightly trailing his fingers from her back down to her bottom.

“Ready to swim?” She nodded her head, and he rose to find their suits.

He watched her change, and when she was finished, he took her hand and walked with her down to the water. Her hip felt far better today, but wading through the heavy water was still a struggle. She climbed on his back when they reached deeper water, and she hung loosely to his back, lettering her sore leg and hip dangle down along his thigh. She rested her cheek on the top of his shoulder and closed her eyes.

“What if I don’t get better?”

“You will.”

“Well, if I don’t, there will be a million other women in the world to fill my shoes once I’m gone…”

She barely got the words out as he spun to face her. “I’m going to forgive that completely thoughtless and insensitive remark because I know this is difficult for you. But don’t ever trivialize our relationship or how I feel about you.” His voice was harsh, and her mouth dropped open in shock as she gasped.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered the words as her eyes continued to watch him, wide and shocked.

He kissed her and moved his lips to her ear when he was finished with her mouth. “I love you Abigail. Please don’t ever suggest someone could replace that.” She nodded and dropped her cheek to his shoulder. He held her. It felt like hours, and it may well have been. It was long dark, and she was shivering when they finally left the water, and he carried her up to the house. He held her under the hot jets of the outside shower as the salt washed away.

He whispered that he loved her as he pulled her into his arms in bed, and she said the same to him. She meant it, and she knew he did too. Too bad he was immortal, and her body was doing everything in its power to prove just how mortal she really was.

She wasn’t ready to face tomorrow. And as his arms tightened around her, he made it very clear he understood that.

“Chin up, sweetie. Life owes you a little luck.”

Chapter 25

“The concentration of immature blasts is far higher than I’d like to see in her bone marrow. She’s been sick for a while if I were guessing. And it’s acute; it’s moving fast. The five year survival rate is less than 50% in a relatively healthy individual, but given her levels, I don’t think she has anywhere near that.”

His heart pounded loudly, and Rigley watched him with a curious expression on his face. Quentin had left Abby soaking in the bathtub after they’d returned home, and he took advantage of the time to seek out Rigley. Ember had already texted him a message that he’d arrived, and while he was terrified to meet with his old friend, it was time; but now, standing in front of him, he couldn’t seem to find his voice except the loud drumming sound coming from his chest. Nothing else really needed to be said between the two men.

“I’m sorry, Quentin. She’s obviously very important to you. I’d prefer she have any type of leukemia but this one. AML is tough. Her sub-type is even tougher. If it had been caught earlier, but … there is definitely metastasis. CNS and Lymphatics for sure. I won’t know about other systems unless we do a CT scan.”

“And what treatment would you recommend?”

The response was a deep sigh that left Quentin devastated. The man thought her case was hopeless. His body language and reaction were making it obvious. “Hit her with combination chemo—intravenous and intrathecal to target the central nervous system. Radiation at some point if a CT scan supports it. I’m guessing it will. If we’re lucky, and I’m talking a really outside chance, we can get her into remission. Keeping her in remission even if we get her there…” He was shaking his head as his voice trailed off.

“So that’s it? She’s dead.”

“I’m sorry. This is a tough one. Would you like me to tell her?”

“No. I’ll tell her.”

He didn’t even remember walking through the halls on his way back to his residence. He stared at the floor as he stumbled over his feet. And when he stepped into the elevator, he nearly crumbled to his knees in tears. But instead he stared at the wall in a dead stupor.

When he entered his residence, he found her sitting on the couch. Her face was slack, her hair was wet and pulled up in a messy bun, and she obviously assumed he’d slipped away to speak with Rigley. She was wearing a faded pair of jeans rolled up at the ankle with a wide cuff and a form fitting T-shirt just as faded as her jeans. She looked incredible and so very alive. He walked to her as she stood, pulling her into his arms and kissing her neck. When he let go of her, she looked to his eyes, and it nearly broke his heart.

She looked hopeful, nervous but hopeful, and as she took in his expression, that hope faded away before his eyes and left utter despair in its tracks. She took a deep breath as her eyes dropped from his, and she sank to the couch. He sank to the floor in front of her, holding her hands in his. It was a struggle to hold her eyes, but she deserved that respect, and he forced it, though the very sight of her was painful.

“Please tell me.”

His jaw clenched tight as he struggled to find the words. “You have Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. Acute means it’s moving fast. Dr. Rigley believes you’ve been sick for a while.” Her eyes looked dead as he spoke. “The level of blast cells in your bone marrow is exceptionally high, and the results of the lumbar puncture show that it’s spread to your central nervous system. Your swollen glands indicate it’s likely spread to your lymphatic system as well, though we’ll need to confirm that with a CT scan.” He could hear her breath shuddering as she tried to breathe, and his own voice caught on a ragged gasp.

“But it doesn’t really matter does it? What’s the point?” There was no point. She was going to die regardless of what any CT scan in the world could tell them, and she knew it. “How long do I have?”

He didn’t have a good answer to that question. “It’s hard to say. With treatment—chemo, radiation perhaps, we can maybe…”

“How long?”

“Not long.” Her eyes dropped to her lap, and then her tears came. He kneeled up between her legs, pulling her into his arms, and she sobbed against his neck.

Her breath was faltering, and as he listened to her heart, it started to race, and she started to stammer as she sobbed. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t. I thought I did. I thought I wanted to die … but I was wrong.” She was sobbing and choking on the words as he pulled back from her. Her eyes were wide and terrified and left him gasping in absolute helplessness. Her brow was flinched as her face contorted in fear. She was panicking. “I don’t want to die. I can’t … I can’t… Please … please… You could bite me. You could… I promise … I promise … I wouldn’t tell anyone. No one has to know… Please… Please don’t let me die…” She was begging. She was gasping for air, and he pulled her from the couch into his lap as he sank to the floor with her. He held tight as he shushed her, and tears pricked the backs of his eyes. He couldn’t tolerate her fear, her pain, her desperation, and it left him wanting to die right along with her.

“You just don’t understand. It’s not that simple.” He could barely speak around his clenching throat

She sobbed and pleaded, scratching and gripping at his skin as one wave of panic after another hit her until her strength was gone, and she simply collapsed into a stupor in his lap. He hated that almost as much as her panic. She was nearly unconscious in emotional and physical exhaustion, and when her hitching shoulders and sobs finally faded away, he stood with her in his arms and carried her to bed.

He laid her gently down and took her face in his hands. He wiped the tears from her eyes as his own started to silently fall. Nothing he could do would stop him from losing her, and they both knew it. It was the hardest pill to swallow, and as he held her eyes, hers slowly closed in sadness. He’d thought falling in love and feeling so completely close to someone would be the impossible part of life. He never imagined he’d find it just to lose it.

He watched her, stroking her forehead as she slowly fell to sleep. He sat motionless as his cell phone beeped one worried text after another from Ember. His mind got lost in images of Abigail’s dead and lifeless body. He couldn’t seem to stop the images from infiltrating his brain. She slept for hours, and he stared for hours, tormenting himself with her death. And when he’d let the images torture himself for long enough, he stood, walked to his clinic, and put his fist through the tile wall, listening to the bones crack and break at the force. He sank to his knees on the floor and cried.