Imaginary Grace (15 page)

Chapter 21

Grace

I
was just walking up the steps to my door when my phone started ringing. I looked at the screen, saw Tanner’s name, and felt my heart jump in my chest. Why was he calling? I had just left his house.

I knew I’d been drunk last night and I only prayed he wasn’t calling to tell me about something stupid that I had said or done.
Damn!

Not wanting to talk in front of Beth and Thomas, I took the call in the hallway outside our room.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me. Did you make it home okay?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“You sure ran out of here pretty quick.”

“Oh, I know…” I was fumbling for what to say. I didn’t want to tell him the real reason I’d left--that I was so embarrassed. I’d come to his house when he wasn’t home and climbed into his bed.
Who does that?
“It was just getting late, and I had a lot to do, and I didn’t want to wake you…”

The silence on the other end was agonizing. “Listen,” I blurted out, “I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have just showed up at your house and fallen asleep in your room. I had a lot to drink – not that that’s any excuse, but anyway, I--”

“That’s okay,” he interrupted. “I didn’t mind that you were there. I was just wondering why you
left
in such a hurry.”

“Oh, well, like I said, I had a lot to do…”

“Oh, okay. I’ll let you go, then. I’ll talk to you during the week.”

Did he sound hurt?

“Okay, bye,” I said quickly, then hung up and slipped my phone into my pocket. When I went inside I was relieved to find Beth alone. I didn’t want to see Thomas, especially looking like this.

“So?” Beth said with that expectant look of hers.

I shook my head. “Nothing happened.” I waived away her disappointed expression. “When I got back to his place, he wasn’t home yet. I ended up falling asleep in his bed.”

“And he didn’t try anything? Wow, this guy’s a saint.”

“Well, one good thing was that when I tried to leave early this morning he said, ‘Don’t go,’ and then he cuddled me, which was good, right?”

Beth grinned knowingly. “Oooh, a cuddle, that’s definitely a good sign.”

Suddenly exhausted, I plopped down on my bed. “So what did Thomas think about him and the whole situation?”

“To tell you the truth,” she began, “Thomas is actually on the fence about him, but you can ask him yourself when he gets home. He went out to get bagels.”

On the fence – what did that mean?

“Okay, I want to jump in the shower anyway,” I said, and went to grab a change of clothes.

As the warm water fell over my shoulders and ran down my back, I replayed every moment of the night before. I loved sleeping next to Tanner. He felt so strong and warm. When my fingers began to prune up, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. As I dried myself off, I heard the dorm door open, then Thomas’ voice. Dying to know what
on the fence
meant, I quickly slipped into the pair of sweats and t-shirt I had brought into the bathroom with me. I would have left my hair hanging down my back, but I knew I’d pay the price later, so I hurriedly brushed it out and pulled it back into a long, slick ponytail before going back into the room. Thomas and Beth were sitting on her bed, eating their bagels.

“Hey there,” he said in a cheery tone. “You finally made it back.”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” I said.

“Thomas,” Beth said, “Grace wants to know what you thought about Tanner and the whole situation.”

That was one thing about Beth—she didn’t like to waste time.

He looked at her like he didn’t want to say anything but I chimed in. “Tell me, Tom, I’m curious to get a guy’s opinion. And please, be honest.”

“Okay,” he said, looking uncomfortable, “I thought there was something a little off about him. I can’t put my finger on it, it’s just a weird vibe I got, but it’s probably nothing. Heck, what do I know? I just met the guy.”

I thought for a minute, then said, “Be more specific.” But even as I said it, I knew what he meant--he was just too kind to say it. It was the same thing I’d been thinking from the moment I’d met Tanner. He was way too hot for me. I’d seen the questioning looks from people when they saw us together. I thought I’d improved, at least in the wardrobe department, but I knew I still had a ways to go.

“I don’t know,” he said, “it’s just a feeling. I can’t explain it. I’m sure I’m wrong about it, though. He took another bite of his bagel, then added, “I have an idea. Why don’t you try just showing up at his house and seeing what his reaction is? If he’s into you, he won’t mind. You’ll be able to tell right away if he’s hiding something or if something’s not right.”

“I’ve already done that,” I pointed out.

“Wait a minute,” Beth said, “that doesn’t count because Scott invited you, which he wouldn’t have done if he knew something was amiss.”

I knew
amiss
meant Tanner having another girl there, and the mere thought made my stomach clench. Still, Beth had a point.

“Okay, I’ll give it a try,” I agreed, still thinking that there was a big piece of me that didn’t want to know if anything was amiss.

She must have sensed my anxiety, because she said, “I’ll go with you-- we can go after dinner one night this week.”

“Maybe…”

“Good,” Thomas said, “let me know how it turns out.”

After Thomas left that night, Beth and I went for a walk. I didn’t want to go to the gym and run into Gary after what had happened at the party.

“Grace,” Beth said, “I doubt he even remembers it. He was really trashed.”

“Well, I hope you’re right,” I said, “because I don’t want to stop going to the gym forever.”

We walked in silence for a minute, then Beth said, “I hope you’re not upset about what Thomas said. He didn’t want to say anything, I made him tell you. I thought it would be good for you to hear a guy’s honest opinion.”

“No,” I said, “I’m glad he told me. Maybe it’s good. He planted a little” –
a very little
– “seed of doubt, so now I’ll be more observant when I’m with Tanner. Hey, you don’t think he could possibly be using me for all the great sex we’re not having, do you?”

Beth laughed and said, “Yeah, that must be it!”

On Monday, after class, Beth and I met at the gym. I was dreading seeing Gary and hoped Beth was right about him not remembering. He wasn’t there when I got to the gym, so I thought I was safe as I stepped onto the treadmill and began running. But about a half-hour later, I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I pretended I didn’t see him approach.

“Hey Grace,” he said in his usual friendly manner.

“Oh, hi, Gary,” I said, not breaking my stride.

“Can I talk to you a minute?” he asked.

Oh no.

“Sure,” I said, as I slowed the treadmill down to a halt and stepped off, wiping my face with my towel. “What’s up?” When he didn’t answer right away, I reached for my water bottle and took a long drink to hide my nervousness.

“Listen,” he said, “I’m really sorry about the other night. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I had a lot to drink – that’s no excuse, but it’s the only one I’ve got. I like you, Grace, but I’m sure you already know that.”

I stood there, just staring at him, not knowing what to say. An awkward moment passed, and I decided to take the coward’s way out. “Don’t worry about it, Gary. It’s no big deal. We all had a lot to drink that night.”

“Thanks for understanding,” he said, “and I just want you to know that it won’t happen again.”

“Okay, no problem,” I said as casually as I could.

“Well, I guess I better get back to work. I’ll talk to you later.” And with that, he turned and left.

Within seconds Beth was at my side wanting to know what he had said.

“See,” she smirked, “I told you he liked you. What are you going to do about it?”

“
Do
about it?” I asked. “What do you mean? I’m not going to
do
anything about it.”

“Well, you never know. If things don’t work out with Tanner…”

“Stop,” I said, putting my hand up. “Don’t go there. You know how crazy I am about Tanner. I can’t even imagine for a second being with anyone else.”

“Okay, okay, relax. Forget I said anything,” she said. “Are you ready to get out of here?”

“Yeah, I’m ready,” I said. “Let’s go.”

As we walked back to the dorm, I thought about how maybe I was ready to take another step in the Grace Makeover Project. I’d been working out regularly and I had to admit my body was looking good. I’d definitely become a lot more toned, not as thin and frail-looking as I used to be. I also had a decent wardrobe – no more hoodies – that I finally felt comfortable wearing.

I asked Beth for suggestions on what I could do next.

“Well, Grace,” she said, “I’ve been hoping you’d ask, because I actually do have a teeny tiny suggestion…”

I couldn’t suppress a laugh. “Well, let’s hear it!”

She hesitated for effect. “Maybe you should think about cutting your hair?”

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. “My hair!” I exclaimed. “No way,
NO WAY!”

Now it was Beth’s turn to laugh. “Don’t freak out – I don’t mean chop it off— just a trim. Cut a few inches to get the dead ends off. It’ll make it more manageable and easier to blow out. Give it some thought. Maybe do it over winter break, so if you hate it you’ll have almost six weeks to grow it back.”

“Oh, Beth,” I said, “I don’t know about this.”

“Well, promise you’ll at least think about it,” she said as we approached our building. “If you think it’s too drastic, then just forget it.”

I didn’t say anything for a minute, then I muttered, “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

But I didn’t think about it, at least not seriously, over the next few weeks. Along with everyone else on campus, I was way too busy studying for exams. I didn’t get to see Tanner as much as I would have liked, but I did take Thomas’ advice and stopped by his place a few of times, unannounced. One time I even took Beth with me, and even she agreed that nothing seemed to be “amiss”.

Before I knew it, it was Friday-- time for my last final. My parents were coming to pick me up on Saturday because I had to take a lot of my stuff home over the break. I guess I should have been concerned about the test, but all I could think about was how much I dreaded not seeing Tanner for almost six weeks.

After the exam was finished, Tanner and I walked out together. “Do you want to come over for a while?” he asked. “I know you’re leaving tomorrow, and I probably won’t see you again until the wedding.”

“Sure,” I said, “most of my stuff is already packed anyway.”

“Okay, great. Do you mind if I run a few errands on the way?”

I wanted to laugh out loud
. Mind?
I wouldn’t have minded watching him scrub his bathtub, so long as we were together.

“No, I don’t mind,” I said casually, and we headed toward his car. Nearly two-and-a-half hours later we were still running his “few errands”. No wonder he’d asked me if I minded.

“This is a nice car,” I said.

“Yeah, well, it’s kind of a work in progress.”

“1969?” I asked.

His eyes shifted towards me almost suspiciously. “Yeah, how do you know that?”

“My uncle used to have one just like it. It was like his baby. No one was allowed to touch it.” I laughed. “My aunt finally made him get rid of it because she thought he was putting too much money into it, but he still talks about that car.”

When we finally got there, much to my relief, Scott wasn’t home. Not that I minded Scott, I actually liked him, but he was
always
there. For once, I just wanted to be alone with Tanner.

“Have a seat,” he said, pointing to the couch. “I need to do a couple of things.” He handed me the remote.

I put the TV on and kicked off my sneakers, but I wasn’t really interested in watching anything. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he came over and sat on the couch with me. As soon as he sat down, he got a text and, after reading it, he quickly texted back before putting his phone away. It might have been my imagination, but he seemed to relax a bit after that, which of course made me wonder who it was from.

He took the remote from me, put on a basketball game, and then settled back, putting his arm around me. We sat there for a few minutes, and I wondered if he was going to kiss me.
Please kiss me!

Instead he said, “So, do you have any plans for the break?”

“No, not really. I’m just going to catch up with some friends, maybe, but that’s about it.” I tried not to stare at his lips. “So, your cousin that’s getting married, are you two close?”

“Gavin? No, not really. We used to be when we were younger, but we kind of drifted apart. Different interests, I guess.”

Okay,
I thought to myself,
if he doesn’t kiss me in the next five minutes I’ll kiss him.
I looked at the digital clock on the DVD player, which read 4:53.
Okay, so if he doesn’t kiss me by 4:58 then I’ll kiss him.

He started talking about the game, but I wasn’t really paying attention because I was staring at the clock. 4:54. He started to lean over –
this is it!
– but instead of kissing me, he reached around me, grabbed a throw pillow from the other end of the couch, and put it behind his neck. 4:55.
Maybe I should give him a little more time; maybe tack on another five minutes. No, I’m sticking with the five minutes
. 4:56. I started psyching myself up for it; telling myself that he was waiting for me to make a move. I started to fidget. 4:57. This was it – one more minute. If I didn’t do it now and Scott came home, I’d lose my chance and spend the next six weeks kicking myself!

4:58.
Okay, here goes…
I straightened up, my heart beating overtime. I took a deep breath and then made my move. In one fluid motion I turned and got up on one knee, then I threw my other legs across him so that I was straddling his lap. I threaded my arms around his neck, making sure to avoid any direct eye contact, then, before I could lose my nerve, I went in for the kill.