I'm Holding On (4 page)

Brynlee

I stop by the coffee shop to grab some sweets to take to the hottie. I’m really nervous.

“Hi
, Debbie,” I say to Mrs. Clark, Drew’s mother.

“
Hi, Bryn, what are you doing in here when you have a Saturday off?”

“I need to grab some pastries to give to someone, and I’m going to the park with Drew later, so I thought I’d take him a couple.”

As I start my way to the kitchen, Debbie comes out from behind the counter and takes hold of my hand. She covers it with her other one.

“I’m so glad you’re seeing Drew
today. He’s moped ever since you two quit spending as much time together. Don’t breathe a word to him about it, but I wanted to tell you that. You know how much you mean to all of us.”

“Thanks,
Debbie. All of you are special to me, too. I’ve missed Drew, so I’m hoping things are turning around.” I give her a smile, and she releases my hand.

I didn’t realize they paid that close attention to Drew’s friendship with me. She’s probably imagining the moping since he’s the one that distanced himself.

I gather some treats and make my way to the café. As soon as I get near it, I see Ian. He’s sitting outside, and I feel the butterflies in my stomach from eyeing him. He’s in jeans and a thin, cream sweater. There doesn’t appear to be a blonde hair out of place, and it’s shining from the sun.

He spots me and grins
. It’s going to be hard to resist his charm, but maybe he’ll surprise me, and I won’t want to. He stands when I reach the small, round table. I take a seat across from him and set the bag of goodies between us.

“Hi, Brynlee. You showed.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t stand someone up, especially someone as handsome as you.” I can’t believe I got the nerve to say that.

“Thank y
ou. I’d already decided that I would work my way through every bakery in Portland until I found you if you didn’t. I’d probably gain ten pounds, but it would be worth it.”

“Now y
ou don’t have to, and you may only gain about three pounds with these.” I push the white paper bag closer to him. While he’s taking a peak, the waitress takes my drink order.

“Ahhh, are these chocolate croissants?”

“Yes. There are also cream puffs, cookies and a brownie. I made them yesterday, but they should still be pretty fresh.”

“So, wha
t’s good to eat? This café wasn’t open when I lived here last,” he says.

“Um, any of the sandwiches
. Do you live here now?”

“I moved back last
week. I recently graduated from Columbia’s law program.”

“Impressive. Isn’t Columbia in New York?”

“Yes. My father and grandfather went there. My parents moved to Portland when I was young, but they were determined I was still attending Columbia so I did. I’m joining my father’s law office, and I’m very glad to be done with college.”

“I bet. I went to culinary school, but four
years was enough for me.”

“How old are you?” he asks.

“Twenty-four, and you?”

“A
lmost twenty-six.”

“Wow, you did bust your butt at
school.”

“I was
raised to be driven. I go after what I want,” he says, giving me an alluring look. I shift in my chair. This man’s confidence is making me nervous.

“Do you work for a bakery, or do you have your own?”

“I work for myself, but I barter for use of a kitchen at a coffee shop. I’m saving to open my own store front bakery.”

“That sounds exciting
.”

He’s exciting. I start giggling. “A lot of physical labor is what that is.”

“Damn, you have an infectious laugh.”

“Thanks.”
Embarrassed, I hurry and pick up the menu. “Um, are you a health nut?”

“Nope, and I think the BLT is calling me.”

“I’m going to have that, too. Everything is better with bacon.”

“Everything?”
he asks.

“Ye
s, everything. It’s a code I live by.” I try not to giggle again. “I even make a couple of bacon flavored treats.”

“I can think of some activities
where bacon would be forgotten.”

“Oh, really? You’re going to have to enlighten me.”

“Let’s save that conversation for another date.”

I raise my eyebrows. “You already want a second date?”

“Yes. There’s still dinner … then breakfast.”

“You are one smooth talker
, Mr. …”

“Williams.”

“Mr. Williams.”

“Thank you. I’m going to assume tha
t’s a compliment since it got you here today.” He gives me that “I want to take you to bed” smile.

I’m
getting turned on, so I shift in my seat again. Drew’s the only other man that’s ever had this effect on me. We eat our BLT’s, and he tells me about New York.

He’s handsome, witty and
intelligent. I haven’t found one thing wrong with the man other than I’m a little suspicious of his intentions. His sexual innuendoes are thrown out often.

I won’t give it up
and be left high and dry again. I don’t have total control over that, but I’ll do my best. He could be a real heartbreaker. He barely gets his lunch finished before he’s digging a croissant out of the bag and taking a bite.

“T
hese croissants could never be forgotten. Mmmm.”

I
laugh again. “I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it
but not as much as you giggling. Please have dinner with me this week.”

I study
him for a few moments, not wanting to appear too eager. “Yes, that would be nice.”

He grins at me, and his green eyes glisten from the sunlight. He has chocolate on the corner of his mouth, so I can’t resist leaning over and wiping it off with my thumb. He takes hold of my hand and kisses the back of it. We gaze at each other, and oh shit
, I’m in trouble with this one.

“I don’t see how a woman as gorgeous as you
, with this kind of baking ability, is not taken already.”

“Besides a few dates here and there, I
only saw a couple of guys exclusively in high school and one briefly in college.”

“T
hat’s hard to believe. You’re beautiful and kind, Brynlee.”

I look
away. “Thank you. Um, as soon as men realize I’m looking for more than getting drunk and laid, they move on.” It hits me that it’s probably getting late, so I pull my phone out. “I’m sorry, but I have somewhere I need to be soon.”

“Can I walk you to your car?”

“I took the bus.”

He furrows his brow.
“Let me take you.”

“
I’m going to meet a friend at the park. I take the bus or streetcar every day, so it’s no big deal.”

“Can I drop you off at the park
then?”

I don’t know if I should get in this man’s car, but I know he’s from here, and I
know of his father’s firm. Hmm. “OK, if you’re sure. I just need to text my friend.”

Ian

I take
hold of Brynlee’s hand on the way to the car. It’s a little sweaty. I think I’m making her nervous and that’s a good thing. She’s the sweetest woman I think I’ve ever met.

Most
of the women I dated in college were forward and high maintenance since a lot of them came from money. Brynlee seems old fashioned, and I don’t get the vibe she’s high maintenance whatsoever.

I’d say for sure that she’s i
nexperienced in bed, but there’s this sexy quality about her. I put her number in my phone, and then she shows me where she lives, so I can pick her up for our next date.

I take her to the park
and get out with her. She leans back against the passenger door, and I stand close in front of her. “Are you sure you’re OK here alone?”

“Yes. I come
here all the time.”

“I think your beauty makes you
more of a target. You stand out is what I’m trying to say.” I run my hand through my hair. She’s blushing, and it makes her even prettier. She has rich, brown eyes and is doing a number on me. It’s supposed to be the other way around.

I feel a profound
need to kiss her, so stepping forward, I cup the right side of her face. Her back is pressed against my door, and I really want to push her into it and pin her with my body. I lean over and plant one kiss on her rosy lips.

She tilts her head up, so I plant another … and another. I swear I’ve been struck by lightning. I pull away and see her lip qui
vering. She’s too fucking sweet. I have to kiss her again, and this time, she lets my tongue slide right in.

My hands frame her
face as I explore her mouth, and when our tongues meet, she takes hold of my waist, pulling me closer. The idiom that lightening never strikes twice does not apply here. I’m very much enjoying kissing this woman. Shit, I’m going to get a hard-on. Letting her go, I stare into those dark eyes one last time.

“Bye, Brynlee. I’l
l pick you up Wednesday.” I tread around to the driver side as she steps away from the vehicle. She puts her hand up to her forehead to block the sun and gives me a little wave as I drive off. I have to keep her around.

Drew

I arrive at Waterfront Park and spot Brynlee. She texted me earlier to meet her here instead of picking her up. I’m not sure why, but I did what she asked. She’s in her tight jeans and snug, black sweater. It’s thin and shows off her rack. She’s built perfect, filled out in all the right places.

“Hi, Bryn.”

She grants me a big smile and jumps up before she hugs me like usual, but she also kisses my cheek. I don’t know what that’s for, but I’ll take it.

“Hi,
I’m glad you’re here. I brought you a couple of croissants. I know you haven’t been eating as many lately.”

“No,
but that’s probably wise,” I say, chuckling. “You know I can’t turn them down.”

She takes the blanket out of my hand and spreads it out. This is something we used to do every week when the weather was good. We haven’t done it yet this year, and normally we would’ve many times by May.

The view of the Willamette River is relaxing
, and it’s a fun place to people watch, which is another one of our favorite pastimes. I’m trying something different today. Leaning back against the cherry blossom tree, I put my legs out straight.

“Stretch out, Bryn. You can
lay your head in my lap.”

“Um, OK.” I sense her hesitation, and I hope it’s only because she wasn’t expecting it. We typi
cally sit across from each other. She lays her head back and looks up at me.

“It
feels weird peering up at you this way, but it’s comfy. You’re preventing me from making fun of the runners. I won’t have you laughing.”

“True. We do have fun with that. You can get up if
you want.”

“No,
I like it here.” She’s staring up at me, her long lashes fluttering. Her lips are really red today. She looks away. Shit. Did she notice how much I was staring at her?

“Drew, I want to ask you something.”

“Lay it on me.”

“Why have you been spending less
time with me?”

I suck in
a breath of air. I didn’t see that coming, but I guess it’s obvious things are different. I let out the deep breath I’ve been holding. Maybe if we talk about it, it could lead to me telling her how I feel.

“I was upset at the bar when Andrea told me you left with that guy.
She said you knew him, but you had never mentioned being close to any guy from college, so I was …”

“What, Drew? Tell me.”

“I was surprised you’d go home with him after what happened to you the first time you had sex. I didn’t expect you to do it again with someone you weren’t dating.”

She sits
up swiftly and turns around, her eyes huge.

“That’s what this has been about?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to piss you off but you asked.”

She squeezes her forehead and drops her arm back down, obviously frustrated.
“Drew, I wish you’d talked to me about this that following Monday instead of making assumptions and being angry. I didn’t sleep with him. He’s gay. He was trashed, so I drove him home in his car.”

“
But Andrea texted the next morning that you had just got home. It was nine o’clock, so what was I supposed to think?”

“Why would she do that?”

“I asked her to text me when you got in, so I’d know you were safe.”

“I stayed at his place because I didn’t want to take the Max so late. You’re always treating me like a little sister,” she says, plopping her head back in my lap
. Fuck. That’s the last thing I want her to believe.

“You think I treat you like a sister?”
I ask in a frustrated tone.

“Yes. You’re overprotective, and
I’m disappointed you think I would sleep with someone I wasn’t dating.” She’s looking up at me, and I feel shitty. I begin stroking her long, dark hair.

“I’m sorry, Bryn.
I did think it was out of character for you. I guess since you didn’t tell me bye and didn’t seem hip on discussing it, I thought it happened. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine
.” She still sounds upset. I feel terrible that I’ve hurt her all these months when she did nothing wrong.

“D
o you think of me like a brother?”

“No, Drew.” She lets out a short laugh.

“Why is that funny?”

“
I’ve always found you too attractive to think of you as a brother. I mean, when we first met, I thought you were hot, but I’ve realized that’s not reciprocated.”

I bury my fingers in her hair before I massage her scalp with them
. “Brynlee, you’re a beautiful woman, and in my mind, the furthest from a little sister.” I said something. Not everything but something.

“
Please say you’ll stop pushing me away now. I don’t understand why you care about me sleeping with someone, anyway.”

“
Because you’re too sweet for it to happen that way. I know I’ve been a jackass, and I’m sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

She sits up and turns her body toward me. Our faces are so close
, and I want to kiss her.

“
You’ve always been kind to me, Drew. I couldn’t stay mad at you, but for the record, I didn’t spend five years waiting to have sex again, so I could do it with someone I don’t care about or with someone who doesn’t care deeply for me. But I have to admit I’m losing patience. It needs to happen soon.”

“Yeah, I completely understand going without.”

“You’re never going to find a girlfriend if you don’t go on dates,” she says.

“So, you think I should go on some dates?”

“Um, if you want to. Unless you’re going to turn to one night stands. I’ve seen enough women at the bars who’d take you up on that.” She grins at me, and it’s all I can do not to grab her.

“That’s not my style, either.”

“I’ve noticed, but it looks like we’re both going to be going without if we don’t get some courage,” she says.

Tell her.
Why is it so hard for me to do this? It’s because I don’t want to lose her altogether. I’m fidgeting with a piece of grass in my hand, so I look down at it. I don’t know what to say.

She lean
s over and kisses my cheek. This time is different than any other. She does it slowly, and her lips linger for a few seconds.

“Thank you for always watching
out for me. I’m glad you don’t think of me as a sister.”

I look up at her
, and we’re so close I can feel her breath. Cupping the side of her face, I slowly press one light kiss to the corner of her mouth. Baby steps. The sad thing is I’ve been taking baby steps for two fucking years.

I let her go
, and she’s blushing. I don’t think I’ve ever made Brynlee this red. She appears uncomfortable and looks away.

“I’m sorry,” I say. Why? Why did I apologize? “I mean, I’m not—”

“It’s fine. Um, we should probably go. I’ve been gone all day.” She’s standing up quickly, and I don’t know what the hell to think. She’s quiet on the way to her apartment, so I grab her hand when she goes to get out of the car.

“I’m glad we talked, and I’m glad we spent time to
gether. I’ve missed you.”

“I’m glad we spent time together, too
. I’ll see you Monday.”

She seems very nervous and hurries out of the car. This is what I mean. I’m afraid I’ll push her away if she doesn’t want more between us, but we can’t keep dancing around this. She felt something today. I know she did. Maybe we’ve felt the same way all along.