IllicitImpulse (2 page)

Grace had turned her attention back to the pills, stroking
the surface of the pack with her thumb. “Where do I come in?” she asked.

“The subjects we’re working with now…we’re not getting the
right quality of information from them. They’re not supposed to be in
relationships, but a lot of them are, so there’s no way to track whether
attachment is forming or if it was already there.” He sat back in the chair and
pushed his glasses up before rubbing his eyes. “And a lot of them don’t like to
talk about it.”

“Good girls don’t,” Grace said. A cynical edge hardened her
voice.

“That’s the trouble.” He let his glasses drop back down onto
his nose. “If I can’t get enough usable data to make any real headway, we might
have to pull the project.”

The project gone. Years of work for nothing. They were so
close now, a breath away from a revolutionary product. He couldn’t lose this
now.

He couldn’t lose this.

Grace met his gaze. “Tell me what you need me to do.”

His skin heated again. What was wrong with him?

“I need you…to take the pills…”

She lifted a fine eyebrow. “And?”

“And then have sex…”

She grinned then, her teeth very white against the burgundy
of her lipstick. “With Tal. Right?”

He shrugged. That was, of course, who he’d had in mind. But
what he needed already defied the fundamental tenets of scientific research. He
definitely wasn’t going to go further out of bounds by telling her who to have
sex with.

Grace chuckled, a throaty sound that might have been genuine
amusement or something a bit less pleasant. “John, I hope you’re not thinking
I’ll take these and then my eyes will be opened and I’ll see Tal doesn’t want
to be in a relationship.” She put the pills back on the table next to her
glass. “I mean, I know you have some kind of issue with him.”

“Issue” didn’t begin to cover it. Tal only saw her at his
place, and only at night. After two years, she’d never mentioned meeting his
family or going away for the weekend or celebrating an anniversary. Never
mentioned flowers or Christmas gifts. So far as John knew, Tal never even took
her to dinner. As happy as Grace said she was, John knew she deserved more than
what she had.

You knew that when she kissed you too, didn’t you? And
now you’re the friend and he’s the fuck buddy and that’s the way it is.

“Grace, I’m not trying to pull anything. I need someone
who’s not in a relationship. I need someone who’s willing to tell me
everything. I even need Tal.” He hated the way that felt in his mouth. “Look, I
don’t want you to get hurt. That’s no secret. And if these pills make you see
things a little differently, then so much the better. But I really just need
your help.”

“Good. Because I know Tal doesn’t want a girlfriend. So
we’re all on the same page.”

John nodded, lifting both hands in surrender. “Right. I get
it.”

“Okay.” Grace pursed her full lips. “
If
I do this,
what would happen after the sex?”

John swallowed, hoping she didn’t sense the sudden rush of
discomfort that seemed so painfully obvious to him. “Then you report back.” He
cleared his throat. “To me.”

A mischievous giggle bubbled out of her. “You want me to
have sex with Tal and then come back and tell you about it.” Coming from her
mouth, the idea sounded ridiculous. “I presume you would need this to happen
more than once.”

“Well…there
are
eight pills in a pack.”

Grace picked up the blister pack again and stared at it in
silence. As John scrambled to scrape up the last of his persuasive powers, she
said, “Deal.”

The tension that had been crushing him released its grip.
She’d do it. “Oh, Grace. I owe you big time.”

She tucked the pills into her purse and laughed. “I have a
feeling the pleasure’s going to be all mine. Just don’t be too disappointed if
nothing changes between me and Tal,” she said. “And don’t be too shocked when
you hear about what we do together.”

As many times as she had been
here, Grace still felt like a criminal, hurrying alone down darkened streets in
search of something dirty and dangerous. To make matters worse, parking spaces
were harder than usual to find on a Monday night. Somewhere people must have
been watching the game, but she couldn’t see or hear anything like a sports bar
as she hustled from her parking spot past empty storefronts. When she arrived
at her destination, a warehouse located farther away from her car than she
preferred, she checked the windows at the top right corner of the building.
Bluish light flickered in the darkness there.

Good. He’s home.

Grace pressed a button beside the big metal door and
unleashed a resounding buzz into the space beyond. She stepped away from the
door and watched as more lights came on behind the upstairs windows. She pulled
her coat tightly around herself and started an awkward little dance, trying to
ward off a chill that descended onto her after she had taken one of the pills
at the bar. Perfectly normal, John said, since oxytocin regulated body temperature.
That didn’t make it any less uncomfortable, but Grace knew she’d be warm soon
enough.

The clanging of locks preceded a loud rumble as the metal
door slid open on its track. Barefoot and clad in well-worn jeans and a plain
black t-shirt that clung to his hard body like a shameful secret, Tal Crusoe
gave Grace the naughty grin that never failed to make her melt.

“Well, isn’t this a nice surprise?”

The sight of him, the deep voice that sounded like old
Virginia money, the eager heat in his blue eyes—all of it wrapped around her,
banishing the cold for good. Her breath quickened and her sex grew warm and
heavy, the muscles there flexing hungrily. The thought of him inside her,
working her hard, overwhelmed her with its intensity. The new depth of her need
surprised her. Could the pills be causing that as well?

Grace’s fingers longed to stroke his blond hair, and she
noticed its casual disarray. She cursed herself for not calling before racing
over here. Maybe he had another woman up there. Maybe he’d just sent one home.

“I brought you something,” she said.

“I bet you did.” He looked her over as if they’d been apart
much longer than a few days, and then moved out of the doorway to let her in.
“Come on. It’s cold out there.”

Despite the concrete floor and walls and all the open space,
the converted warehouse that was Tal’s home and workplace remained quite warm.
His loft overlooked the personal training studio where he led clients through
fitness programs tailored to suit their individual needs, goals and personalities.
Radiators maintained a temperature comfortable enough to sleep in the nude and
on top of the covers, even in the dead of winter.

Tal slid the front door closed again with a rumbling roar.
His shirt hugged his powerful frame as he moved, hard muscle flowing and
shifting in a lovely advertisement for the male anatomy. Grace swayed slightly
as she watched him, as if her hips and her legs and her hands had minds of
their own, all desperate for his touch. When Tal turned to her, she shrugged
out of her coat, responding to his gaze on a primal, instinctual level by
beginning to undress.

He took her coat from her and flung it away into the
shadows. His mouth covered hers, and as his arms wound around her waist, Grace
pressed her body to him, opening her mouth to let their tongues duel and play.
The sound of her breathing was harsh and loud to her ears. This intense craving
for him excited her and she tugged at his thick hair, pulling him closer,
wanting more. But Tal withdrew from her mouth and nipped her earlobe with his
teeth.

“What’d you bring me? Hmm?” His big hands roamed over her
before settling on her hips and slowly inching her skirt up and up and up. “Is
it under here?”

Oh, yes, yes, yes.
“Getting warmer,” she whispered.
Her palms slid down the back of his neck and over his shoulders. She loved the
way he filled her hands, as if he’d been made for her pleasure.

His tongue slowly caressed the sweet spot at the corner of
her jawbone. His hand slipped beneath her skirt, gliding over her thigh onto
her ass. God, the man put out heat like a furnace. She reveled in the sharp,
clean scent of his skin.

“Is it up here?” Tal swept his hand between her body and
his, nudging her thighs apart with his broad palm. His fingers stroked the
scrap of fabric that covered the wet heat of her pussy. The sensation building
between her legs rocked her like an earthquake and Grace whimpered, shamelessly
bucking against his hand. His breath teased the fine tendrils of hair just in
front of her ear. “Want more?” His husky voice sent a rush of heat through her.
“Tell me what you want.”

“Make me come,” she whispered. She closed her eyes and let
him work his sensual magic. “I want you to make me come.”

“Right here?” His fingers worked their way under her thong,
where she was hot and slick, more than ready for him. “Now?”

Grace moaned, opening her legs to make way for him. He
pulled her closer until her side was flush against his chest, his arm around
her waist. She drank in the heat and strength of his body as he drove her
higher and higher.

“Yes,” she whispered. “Yes, Tal, make me come.”

He teased her first, stroking her swollen mound with his
fingertips. His wicked chuckle made her shiver with need, and then two of his
long, thick fingers plunged into her. Then three, filling her easily, in and
out. The surge of pleasure took her by surprise, so strong that she cried out
with equal measures of shock and delight. The earthy fragrance of her arousal
mingled with the coarse rasp of her breath and Grace let her head roll back as
the rich sensations carried her away.

Tal’s grip tightened around her. His breath caressed the
tender flesh of her throat, and an instant later he fastened his mouth against
her pulse, sucking on her hard. Then the broad, rough pad of his thumb flicked
her clit, once, twice, before his firm touch rested there for good. Grace flew
high over the edge, lifted up on a wave of ecstasy so intense her ears rang, so
powerful that she couldn’t hear her own cries.

When she drifted back down to reality, Tal steadied her in his
embrace, letting her settle her weight on her feet again. She had just started
to catch her breath when he released her. He took her hand in his, still wet
with her juices.

“Come on,” Tal said. “I’m not done with you yet.”

* * * * *

Spooned tightly against Tal’s
warm strength, Grace couldn’t see his enormous flat-screen TV, but the theme to
the latest of the late-night talk shows told her what time it was. She was
usually sound asleep by now—unless the two of them were still going at it.
Tonight, as she stroked the powerful forearm that lay draped over her, sleep
kept its distance. Tal had given her everything she’d asked for, and now from
her place in his bed, she wondered if she’d be able to find her clothes in the
TV’s flickering light.

Was this what it was like for men? Completely satisfied, but
still looking for the door?

“You gonna tell me what this is about?”

Tal’s abrupt question made her turn over toward him. His
face was in shadow, backlit by the television’s glow, but there was no
mistaking his focus on her.

“What do you mean?” she asked. Guilt pricked at her. She’d
been so excited by the idea of the pills, and then by their effects, that the
matter of what to tell him had simply slipped her mind.

“You come over here out of the blue, on a Monday night. No
phone call, no text, nothing.” He sat up and leaned against the headboard,
folding his arms over his chest. “You’re all over me the second I shut the
door. Now you’re looking around for your clothes like you’re in a hurry.”

Grace opened her mouth to apologize, but he cut her off.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. Any time you want
to come over in the middle of the ball game to pounce on me, you’re more than
welcome. I’m just saying it’s unusual.”

She rolled onto her back with a sigh and looked up at him.
Where to start? How to start? “The friend I hang out with every week,” she
said. “He’s a biochemist.”

Tal raised his hand to stop her. “Am I going to need a beer
for this story?”

“Probably.” She smiled. He might need more than one, but Tal
wasn’t one to overindulge. At least not with alcohol.

“Are you?” he asked.

“No, not for me. I don’t think I’m staying.” Saying it made
her decision feel more real, but the words still sounded strange to her.

She propped herself up on her elbow to watch Tal cross the
loft’s open space to turn off the TV. The play of light and shadow on the long
lines of his muscular thighs would be an artist’s dream. When he opened the
refrigerator, a wide shaft of golden light spilled across the room and revealed
the perfect curve of his ass, accompanied by the soft sound of clinking
bottles. “So what about your friend the biochemist?”

“He gave me some experimental pills.”

The refrigerator door closed with a slap. “Whoa.
Experimental?”

“Yeah.” Grace bit her lip. Why hadn’t she put more thought
into this?

She couldn’t make out his expression in the darkness when he
asked, “How experimental are they?”

“They go through two rounds of testing, one to make sure
that they’re safe, and then another to make sure they do what the marketing
says they’ll do.” She sat up in bed and hugged her legs to ward off the chill
created by Tal’s absence. “See, if the ads claim the pills will do things that
they actually can’t, then the government gets involved.”

Tal got back into bed next to her and twisted the cap off
his beer. “What do these pills do, supposedly?”

“They suppress oxytocin. It’s a hormone that causes women to
feel attachment after sex. The pills should keep me from making our friendship
into a relationship.”

“I like the sound of that,” he said, lifting the bottle in
salute before taking a long drink from it. “What do they do for me?”

“That
is
what they do for you,” she said.

“So they don’t make these for men?”

“I don’t think they do, Tal. I guess there’s not that many
men complaining that they want the same sexual freedom that women have.” She
rolled her eyes and then squealed when he brushed the ice-cold bottle against
her thigh.

“Hey,” said Tal. “We have feelings too, you know.”

“I think that’s another set of experiments.” Grace swung her
legs over the side of the bed and turned on the lamp. She lowered herself onto
the hard floor and found her thong where Tal had dropped it, right beside the
bed.

“Wait, your friend the biochemist is a he?”

Grace dropped onto her hands and knees to retrieve her bra
from under the bed. “Mm-hmm, that’s right.” She stood to find herself facing
Tal’s sly smirk. “What?”

“So why aren’t you at his place with him instead of here
with me? Like I said, I’m not complaining, but this sounds like a golden
opportunity for your friend to…deepen his friendship with you.”

Grace fastened her bra and slid the straps over her
shoulders. “John’s not like you. He doesn’t want to have sex with me.”

That was probably for the best, all things considered. She’d
been like an animal from the second Tal opened the door. Her friend with
benefits welcomed that sort of behavior. She wasn’t so sure about her best
friend.

Tal lifted a skeptical eyebrow. “Is John married?”

“No.”

“Is John gay?”

“No.”

“Then John wants to have sex with you.” Tal took another
drink from the beer and then pointed the bottle at her. “Which makes me think
there’s something wrong with these pills. Side effects or something.”

“They’re not going to do anything to you.” Grace stepped
into her skirt and reached behind herself to zip it. “Honestly, men get so
paranoid when it comes to their dicks.”

“So explain to me again how come you’re not doing this with
your friend.”

“John and I are not friends the way that you and I are
friends.” She shook her blouse free from the welter of bedding on the floor. “I
didn’t think you’d have all these questions.” Grace paused to slide the
partially unbuttoned blouse over her head. “You know what I think? I think this
offends your ego. I’ll bet this has never happened to you before.”

“This has nothing to do with my ego.” Tal put the beer on
the nightstand. “But you’re right, this has never happened to me before.”

Grace patted Tal’s six-pack. “Then this experience is going
to be good for both of us.”

At the door, she refused his offer to walk her back to the
car. He’d probably tease her all the way there, now that he had a new topic to
add to his repertoire of favorites. She found her coat dangling from a bar
situated over a narrow bench. Tal sat to watch as she slid her arms into the sleeves.

“You should come back upstairs.” His voice dipped low,
turning musical and seductive. “I didn’t know we were testing before. None of
that should count.”

He leaned toward her, his elbows on his knees. He was
temptation incarnate, and it would be so easy to let him throw her coat aside
again, so she could feel the hard length of his erection with only his jeans
and her skirt between them. But her earlier hunger for him had been replaced by
an equally intense desire for the solitude of her own bed.

“Go to sleep,” she said.

He pouted at her as he rose to open the door.

From the oversized
windows, Tal watched Grace make her brisk, nervous walk down the block and out
of sight, and he waited there until her car passed by a few minutes later. For
someone who gave herself over with such abandon in his bed, she sure had a lot
of hang-ups. He’d never understand why his neighborhood freaked her out so
badly. And her hair. He thought she was going to hit him last week when he’d
gotten her hair wet.