I'll Be There (38 page)

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just to watch, filled with a grateful, joyous ache at seeing Nina getting the demonstration of love she needed so much now. Then, needing some support herself, she put an arm around her father and one around Hal, and with Harriet hanging onto Nathan’s arm, the four of them bounced excitedly up the steps like the t|uartet from The Wizard

of Oz.

Jim Andrews, Cee Cee’s bespectacled, handsome, tweedy-looking lawyer, who was waiting in the marble hallway, smiled when he saw the size of the group. “I don’t know if the judge’s chambers are big enough to seat this many people,” he said.

“So we’ll stand,” Nathan Bloom told him.

The last months had been a grueling series of painful sessions for Nina and Cee Cee. Sometimes Cee Cee would have stomachaches before going to a group meeting or an hour of therapy with Nina in anticipation of what she would hear next. Once, sitting on the far end of Doctor Pappas’s sofa, as far as she could get from Cee Cee who sat on the other end, Nina confessed, “For a long time I blamed you for killing my mother. I thought if you had taken better care of her, if you hadn’t sent away the nurse, she would have lived. So I hated you.” Then she turned and put her face against the back of the sofa and cried silently. There was no way Cee Cee could respond to that. Another time, in a rage, Nina cried out, “It’s not fair that someone as wonderful as my mother died and someone as horrible as you is still alive.”

Then, immediately regretting it, she stood and went to Cee Cee

and held her, saying, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

And there were lighter times.

“Cee Cee, how did you learn to parent?” Doctor Pappas asked. “Are you kidding? From my lunatic mother. I vowed I was never gonna be like that. She was loud and crass and when she showed up at school to take me to an audition I used to die of embarrassment. Everywhere I went, before I got into the room there was Leona, talking too much and talking too loud and saying all the wrong things..It made me nuts so I …” She stopped because the doctor and Nina were both grinning at her. “Oh yeah,” she said. “I guess that’s where I learned.”

They celebrated on the day Cee Cee filed for adoption, and on the day when the phone call came from the lawyer telling them Michael

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IRIS RAINER DART

Barron had signed the release of abandonment, so the only possible impediment o setting the court date would be an investigation by a social worker.

“Both Doctor Pappas and Doctor Kagan say that despite all that’s happened, you’ve worked hard to be a good mother to Nina,” the social worker said. “Do you think that’s right?” He was a young man of about thirty dressed in a suit and tie, unawed by Cee Cee’s stardom, and that was the last question he asked her during a long and exhaustive interview.

“I can only tell you I’ve had moments I could kick myself for, but I’ve also had some moments I think I’ve been more mother than Harriet Nelson and Donna Reed rolled into one. Of course, the bottom line about being somebody’s parent is what you learn. And for me, raising another human being has been the most important, most creative, most humbling experience I’ve ever had, and that’s why it would mean so much to me and to Nina if we could …” That was when she had lost it for a second, but she stopped until she was able to talk again and said, “If we could, if I could.., make it legal.”

Now Hal and Nathan sat on a marble bench talking about the stock market, and Richie Charles entered, greeted by a very surprised squeal and a hug from Nina, and Florrie Kagan bustled in at the last second moving quietly to Cee Cee to give her a warm and approving embrace just as the door from the courtroom opened and a guard in a khaki uniform poked his head out and gestured to Jim Andrews, who said, “Okay, people, here we go.” Then the guard opened the door to the tiny courtroom wider and ushered them through, walking single file to a large dark wood door at the back, upon which he knocked, and after a moment he gestured for all of them to follow him into the judge’s chambers.

The judge was a pretty, page-boyed woman in her fifties, and she smiled a big smile and stood as she watched the gang of people troop in and find places to sit, or stand, to watch what was going to happen next.

“Looks to me like a party,” she said.

“That’s what it is,” Harriet said.

The emotion in the room was palpable, the joy and the hope and

I’LL BE THERE

the wonder, and the relief brought a giddiness to each person there, as Cee Cee’s lawyer spoke. “Good morning, Your Honor, James R. Andrews appearing on behalf of petitioner Cee Cee Bloom and the extended family.”

A court reporter took everything down as the judge said, “This is the matter of Cee Cee Bloom. The petitioner is present as well as the minor and their attorney, Mr. Andrews. The report from the County Bureau of Adoptions is admitted into evidence by reference. Please raise your right hand.”

Cee Cee did. “Do you solemnly swear before this court that the information you have given is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing

but the truth, so help you God?”

“I do,” Cee Cee said.

“I assume you are here because you want to go ahead with the adoption?”

“That’s right,” Cee Cee said, and, continuing to look at the judge, she reached out her hand in Nina’s direction and felt Nina take it.

The judge looked at Nina now and spoke gently. “Nina, when a child your age is being adopted, it is required of the state to ask that child if she can wholeheartedly say she consents to the adoption of her own free will. Do you want Cee Cee Bloom to adopt you, to be your legal parent forever?”

All eyes were on Nina now. She knew it, and she was flushed and bright-eyed. “Yes I do,” she said, and it was forthcoming and clear.

“And, Cee Cee? Do you promise you will treat her in all respects as your lawful child? To make the child your own, to care for her and treat her as your rightful heir forever?”

“I sure do,” Cee Cee said emphatically.

“I have a consent form I would like you to read, and if you approve, sign it.”

Cee Cee bent over and shuffled around in her purse to find a pair of reading glasses. “This is what happens when you have an older mother, dear,” she joked to Nina, and everyone laughed as she put the glasses on to read the form the judge had given her. When she’d read it, she nodded to Jim Andrews, who said, “Let the record reflect that the petitioner has read the consent in the open court.”

“Since you have read it, if you approve, please sign your full name

in black ink. According to the court the report is approved and filed.” There was a lot of stamping of papers, and Cee Cee relaxed against the back of her chair for the first time.

The judge now looked at Cee Cee and Nina standing together, and smiled a very warm unjudgelike smile. “The court finds that it’s in the best interest of the minor that the petition be granted. The petition is theretre granted, and hereafter you have the relationship of mother and daughter. All the responsibilities of that relationship and the duties thereof. I’m signing the decree.” And she did. “Congratulations,” she said.

Cee Cee would always remember that nobody moved for what seemed like a long time, then Nina came to her and looked at her and put her arms around her neck, and Nathan said, “Somebody take a picture,” and a few flashbulbs went off. “Take one with the judge,” somebody else said, and Cee Cee and Nina stood with the judge, and more flashbulbs went off. One of the kids had a camera, and Hal pulled one out of his pocket too. Everyone was carrying on and laughing now, and Nathan called out, “I want another picture. Let’s have another picture,” and Nina called out, “Come on, Hal, give your camera to someone else to take a picture of us. I want you to be in the picture with me and my mother.”

Cee Cee beamed when she heard those words, and as Hal handed the lawyer his camera to take their picture, he put a loving arm around both Cee Cee and Nina.

“Smile, ladies,” Nathan said, and each of them was glad to oblige. After they moved out of the courtroom and back into the corridor, it seemed as if nobody from their group wanted to leave. The kids’ voices and laughter echoed down the high-ceilinged hall, and the high spirits of the morning made everyone feel friendly and talkative. Richie and Hal were reliving old times, and Florrie was getting to know Nathan and his wife. Cee Cee looked over at Nina, who was at the edge of the group talking animatedly with Kevin, and watched as she touched his arm, said, “Excuse me,” and slipped away from the group down the corridor toward the ladies room.

“Remember that time we worked that club in Pittsburgh?” Richie asked Cee Cee, and he launched into some story about a guy who owned a club they’d all worked in years ago, as Hal laughed along remembering the character Richie was describing. But Cee Cee wasn’t

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listening. Her eyes were glued to the ladies room door, and after what seemed like an eternity she started away from the circle of people nervously, and made her way down the hall with what she hoped looked like a casual gait. Something was wrong. She heard her heels tap-tapping against the marble floor, or maybe it was the sound of her heart pounding as she pushed the door to the ladies room open hard,

and when she didn’t see anyone she shouted.

“Nina!”

The silence was long, and then there was a flush, after which the door to one of the stalls opened and Nina emerged.

“Are you okay?” Cee Cee asked, walking to her and looking up into the girl’s eyes. Thank God. They looked normal.

Nina held her gaze knowingly. “| am okay,” she said. “For now. But I had to get away from everybody for a minute because my stomach felt funny. I think it was just butterflies from all the excitement.” Then she went to the sink and washed her hands, pulled a paper towel from the holder and dried them. She was wearing the emerald ring. She was a beautiful young woman, even prettier than Bertie had been, but it was clear by the way she glanced at herself in the mirror that, for her, the beauty still hadn’t begun to reflect.

“I guess I’ll always worry when I see you slip away. Even if it’s just to go to the ladies room,” Cee Cee said now, looking at their two faces together in the mirror over the sinks, thinking how changed they both were since this same day in 1983.

Nina turned away from the mirror now, looked at Cee Cee, then lovingly took her arm. “I guess you will,” she said, and the two of them turned, their arms linked just the way they used to be long ago when they walked on the beach in Carmel, and together they walked across the wide hall of the courthouse to join the others.

The author is grateful fur pertnission to quote from the following copyright material:

A Guy What Takes His Time by Ralph Rainger. Copyright 1932, 1933 by Famous Music Co. Copyright renewed 1959, 1960 by Famous Music

Baby, It;” (2old Outside by Frank Loesser. Cupyright 1948 by Frank Music Co. Rcuewcd 1976 by Frank Music Co.” International copyright secured. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Fame by Dean Pitchford and Michael Gore. Copyright Š 1980 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. All rights assigned to CBS Catalog Partnership. All rights administered by CBS Affiliated Catalog Inc. International copyright secured. All rights reserved.

My Buddy by Walter Donaldson and Gus Kahn. Copyright 1922 (renewed) Warner Brothers Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

On the Boardwalk by Mack Gordon and Josef Myrow. Copyright 1946 (renewed) WB Music Co. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Sheik of Araby by tlarry B. Smith, Francis Wheeler and Ted Snider. Copyright 1921, renewed 1949 by Mills Music Inc. International copyright secured. All rights reserved.

The Glory of Love by Billy Hill. Copyright 1936 (renewed) Shapiro, Bernstein & Co., Inc. Used by permission.

Toot, Ibot, Tootsie, (Goodbye[) by Gus Kahn, Ernie Erdman and “Fed Fiorito. Copyright 1922, Copyright Š 1955 by Leo Feist Inc. All rights of Leo Feist Inc. assigned to CBS Catalog Partnership. International copyright secured. All rights reserved.

You and Me Against the World by Paul Williams and Ken Ascher. Copyright Š 1974 by Almo Music. International copyright secured. All rights reserved.