Igniting the Wild Sparks (34 page)

“He’d never leave his Becks.” I smile and he says, “Anyway, who knows. He could be famous.” Rod stops his swing, suddenly grinning like a murderous clown. “So, he wears boxers? Nice.”

“He mixes it up. Now you.”

“Tightie whities.”

I purse my lips. “No. I meant your tally
, but thanks for
that
mental picture.”

He hangs onto the chains and leans back, kicking his legs up.
“Aw, yeah. You love thinking of me in my skivvies.”

I scoff, “Right.”

“Do you have any pictures of Wilder in his unmentionables? I can use them to blackmail him.”

“No, and why would I give them to you to do that?”

“Because you love me.”

“Sure. Now answer the question you’ve been trying to avoid.”

Rod angles his head back to peer up at the sky. “Same as above.”

“Above what?” I look up at the sky with him. What am I missing?

“As my first answer.”

I lower my head
. “Two?” He nods up at the sky and I say, “Oh. That’s cool.” It’s actually nice to hear.

“That’s fuck
ing lame. I should be embarrassed to even have a dick.”

“Wow, Rod. That’s a little much.”

He blows a heavy sigh into the air. “It’s the truth.”

“Were you in love with either one?”

He fleetingly glances at me as he lowers his head. “Yeah, the first girl. She broke up with me and moved away. I haven’t heard from her since.”

“Is that the only time you’ve
ever been in love?”

Rod glances to the road.
“No. One other time, but it was unrequited. She had a boyfriend.”

“Oh. Sorry to hear that.”

Watching a car drive past the park, he quietly says, “I’ve moved past it. He was there first and I couldn’t compete. She’s happy. We’re still friends.”

“That’s good. You’ll find your true love someday.”

“Maybe.” He looks back at me and arches an eyebrow. “Are you sure Wilder’s the one?”

Even though I’m so mad at him and hurt by his revelations, I don’t even hestitate when I
nod. “Yes, he is. I knew it from our first kiss.”

“Which lips did he kiss?”

I scowl at his grin. “Perv.”

“Just ask
ing. Where were his hands?”

“I’d say my cheeks, but you’d take that the wrong way.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

I kick at the dirt and worn grass beneath my feet. “I hope he’s the one for me,” I elaborate on my earlier answer.

“Do you think he’s not?”

“I do, but I feel like I’m not good enough for him or he’d rather have someone else.”

“He wants you, Hadley. Trust me.”

The unexpected serious tone he uses brings my head up
. “Why? How do you know for sure?”

He
looks out at the park in front of us. “Because he does.”

“
Rod, you know something.”

“Let’s just say I had a
chat
with him recently.”

“When?”

“In church, setting up for the shower.”

“What happened? You two didn’t argue, did you?”

He blinks and turns to look at me. “Somewhat. He’s fucking jealous again.”

“Of who?”

“Me. Any guy that looks at you. He flat out asked me if I’m in love with you.”

My eyes widen. “He asked you
that
?”
Finn Wilder, what’s wrong with you?

“Yeah. I told him no
, but I also reminded him that we’re friends and I’ll do whatever I can to see you’re happy. He didn’t really like that answer. He said I seem more ‘touchy feely’ with you lately.”

“I wonder if Cara is telling him shit. The way she asked me if you and I were dating was suspicious, not curious.”

“I don’t trust that fucking bitch. She made a comment to me, too, when you weren’t there. Wilder was off talking to Val. Cara came over to me and asked if I had a crush on you. She probably saw from the look on my face I didn’t appreciate her asking me that. I told her you and I are just friends, but she seemed to take that as a yes. That chick is creepier than a box of rag plugs in a church.”

“
Oh, she wants Finn. Ricky said so.”

He leans toward me, pulling his swing with him.
“He did?”

“
Yep. I overhead him telling Finn. I also overhead Finn telling Ricky about our sex life.”

Rod’s
twangy voice gains an edge. “Was he making fun of you?”

“No. Just talking to him about how I’ve been acting. It was mortifying. I wanted to die, Greg.”

Confusion colors his face. “How have you been acting? I haven’t noticed a change.”

“
Well, Finn has and he was talking about it. He said he didn’t tell Ricky everything about our personal life. I guess he lied.”

Rod sheepishly smiles.
“Well, you’re kind of telling
me
personal things about him. He has to be able to do the same thing with his friend. It’s only fair.”

I
reluctantly nod. “I know you’re right. I’m just really embarrassed.” I sigh before blurting out, “I’ve wanted sex with Finn more.”

Rod’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “Wow.”

Too late to stop my confessions, I say, “That’s not all. I told you about our fight about the Pill on Easter.” He nods as he waits for me to go on. “Ever since Easter weekend, he’s been having sex with me without a condom.”

“Really?”

“It just started happening and neither one of us put an actual stop to it, but then we argued  Easter night when I refused to go on the Pill for him. After I got hurt,” Rod winces and glances away from me. I say, “It’s okay. Anyhow, that night he stayed with me and… Well, we didn’t use anything again.”

Rod grins. “I knew you two got it on after the ER. That place is like an aphrodisiac for you and Wilder.”

“This is the first time we’ve been to the ER since we met.” Perplexed, I frown and say, “I don’t understand it. After everything we fought about, he still wants to have sex without protection. I’ve tried offering him a condom or telling him I need to put my birth control in, but he doesn’t wait long enough. He must really think he’s bulletproof . He loves the rush so much.”

Rod
tolerantly smiles at me like I’m a kindergartener who can’t get the hang of holding a pair of blunt-tipped scissors for the fifth time. He torpidly says, “Hadders, Wilder
wants
to knock you up.”

I shake my head a
s I watch a fat robin bob along the grass. “No. There’s no way. You and I talked about this after his race. Besides, I asked him why he’s been doing that and he said he sometimes doesn’t care about the possibility. That’s what it’s all about. The risk the risk-taker risks taking on.”

Rod
blows air between his teeth in a scoff. “Wilder’s full of shit. No sane guy who doesn’t want a baby will ditch a jizz lid, no matter how much they hate ‘em. It’s a fact.”

I snort. “A
what
?”

He incredulously tilts his head. “Really, Hadders?”

I roll my eyes. “I got it.”

“Maybe he
changed his mind and ain’t telling you. I’ve said it before. Wilder’s not stupid. He’s trying to get you pregnant. That’s definite.”

I laugh in disbelief. “
But
why
would he suddenly change his mind about something of that magnitude and
not
tell me?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know why he
hasn’t told you. That one is a mystery.”

“What isn’t a stretch is that he’s been jumping again. He and Ricky were talking about him doing it under the radar.”

Rod’s mouth falls open. “Has he jumped New River again?”

“I don’t think so. He reports from the bridge every year on Bridge Day, but he always tells people who ask if he’s going to jump that he’s not doing it anymore.
I’m pretty sure they’d film him doing it, too, and there’s no way I would miss that broadcast. That bridge represents so much in our relationship. If he’s jumped off it without telling me, I think I’d push him from it without a second thought.”

“What does Morticia say about all this?”

“I haven’t told her.”

“Why?”

I take a deep breath. “Because as much as I love her, she’ll tell me to ditch him. That’s her answer for all his shortcomings. Break up with him and don’t look back.”

“Why are you tell
ing
me
all of this?”

Glancing at Rod on the swing next to me, I shrug as a smile edges onto my lips. “I don’t know. Maybe because I’m hoping you’ll accept me for being crazy
, as is.”

“You’re not crazy. You love him. I know that.
And I’m positive he loves you more than leaping from tall shit.” He smiles at me in return. “You can tell me anything, Hadley. I only tease you, but I would never do it to be mean and hurt you.”

I roll my eyes. “Except for making fun of my height.”

“Yeah, except that. You’re cute like a little bunny rabbit with a gimp leg.”

I
loudly laugh with a snort. “What the hell?”

He giggles. “Don’t tell me
that ain’t damn cute shit right there.”

When we get back from the park, I take a shower and sit on the white bedspread
covering the queen-size bed in the guest room. I try calling Finn, but there’s no answer, so I leave a voicemail telling him where I am since I don’t know when he’ll get home.

What’s he doing right now? Is he truly on a work trip or is he tripping off ledges again? I don’t want to get a call from Ricky telling me one of those falls didn’t go as planned.

Exhausted, I say a prayer for Eden, and her family. Before falling into a fast sleep, I also say one for Sparks and his safe return. So I can kill him myself.

CHAPTER
15

I awake to an earthquake. “Hadders, get up. My phone is going ballistic.”

My eyes fly open as the room bounces and sways, making me seasick. I whisk my head over my shoulder to a springing jerk bobbing behind me on the bed. Rod stops bouncing as he looks down at his phone and says, “I left it in the kitchen last night, so I didn’t hear it. How many calls did you get?”

I sit up and rub my eyes, forgetting that Rod is seeing me in all my horrifying morning glory. “What are you talking about?” I grouchily ask, not making any effort to pick up my phone.

Rod shoves his glowing phone in my face and I swat it away. Reaching over to the nightstand, he tosses me my phone. “Check your damn phone! It’s Wilder. He’s fuck
ing enraged. He’s left me three jovial voicemails with some very happy texts. Hadley, you need to call him right
now
.”

I glance at my tiny screen. “Four missed calls and two messages.”

“No, he’s
not
jealous. And that’s probably not all of ‘em since your phone is from the Stone Age and hates you for keeping it alive.”

I set the phone down and yawn. “I’ll call him.”

He bounds off the bed and heads for the door. “Do it now before he comes down here and rips out my throat or balls. He may do both if he’s feeling generous. I’m gonna get us some breakfast. I’ll be upstairs when you’re done.”

As I look back down, my phone rings and I instantly flip it open. “Finn, what’s wrong? I just saw you had left messages. Rod says you’re mad. What the hell is going on with you?”

“Where the fuck are you?”

“I left you a message.”

“I needed you home!”

“Rod’s sister is in the hospital with a lung infection.” I look at the closed door and lower my voice. “She’s not doing well. He needed a friend. She might not make it.”

“What the hell? You drove all the way down there for
him
? Why in the fuck would you do that to me?”

Still trying to keep my voice quiet, I angrily whisper,
“To you?
You’re away all this week! His sister… Finn, you’re leaving again today. I’ll be back before you get home!”

“I had plans for us, Becks!” he fiercely growls.

“Plans? How when you were only there last night and this morning?”

“Yeah. The trip I had was with
you
. I was taking you to a cabin in Kentucky.”

Oh, no
.

My jaw practically smacks the blankets. “I didn’t know!”

“It was a surprise! I had it planned out with Val. Why the hell did she let you go?”

“She wasn’t at work yesterday. I left her a note.”

“Fucking great.”

“I’m sorry, Finn. If I leave soon, we can be there later.”

“It’s too late. We have a check-in time and you have a three-hour drive. Then, we have a seven-hour trek from here. Even if you drove straight from there, it would still be about eight hours away.”

“Can you get your deposit back?”

He sighs heavily. “No.”

“I’m sure if you would explain to them the situation, we could still have the cabin.”

“Forget it now. I took a game to cover tonight.”

“I’m so sorry.” I lean my forehead into my hand and let the hot tears fill my eyes.

“Why did you have to run to fucking Rodwell?”

“I didn’t run
to
him. He is going through some terrible shit and he needed a friend. He didn’t ask me to be here. I did it on my own.”

“I need you here. Come home now.”

“Why? We can’t go to Kentucky anymore.”

“You can still be home with
me, Becks.
Me
.”

I whisper, “Finn, he might lose his sister.”

“So you’re going to stay? With Greg Rodwell?”

I take a deep breath. “Yes. He doesn’t lie to me. I know you’re jumping again.” Fuck. Why did I start this discussion?
I sigh and tightly close my eyes.

Immediately on the defensive, he impatiently asks, “Who told you that?”

“You did. I heard you at the field talking to Ricky about it, among other things.”

“You were
eavesdropping
?”

“I was bringing you your clipboard.”

“So you stayed to spy on me? Did you think I was doing something wrong, like taking off to another state to be with someone who is obviously in love with me?”

I lift my head and throw my hand out. “He’s not! He told me about your little conversation.”

“Yeah. I’m sure he did. Did he tell you before or after he confessed his undying love for
my
girlfriend?”

I shout, “Stop it!” Realizing that was loud, I lower my voice again, “That didn’t happen.”

“Maybe not yet, but you still won’t come home.”

“Right now, he needs me more. You just want to mark your territory.”

“Because you’re
mine
!”

My voice rises again, “I
am
yours! I know this and so does he! This isn’t changing anything!”

He ominously seethes, “So you think.”

“What?” I squeak.

“You’re choosing him over me.” Is he serious?

I roar, “You chose a fucking
bridge
over me!”

“I haven’t jumped from it again!”

“How do I know that? You’ve been lying about throwing yourself out of an airplane! I thought you were supposed to shout your love for me from rooftops, not leapfrogging from them!”

He somewhat evenly says,
“Becks.”

I snap,
“Don’t try lying out of this one!”

“I haven’t been doing it for long!”

“Ricky said it’s been on your camping and work trips. I bet you’ve been doing this for two years, at least. So,
not long
is a bunch of bullshit!” He doesn’t respond and I wipe my eyes. “I can’t believe you, Finn. You said you wanted us to be honest with each other. You’re the one telling the monstrous lies.”

His voice is suddenly subdued
again. “I didn’t want you to worry about me.”

I sneer, “Mission accomplished! I won’t for now on. Let the police call someone else when they find you splattered on the pavement.” Biting my lip, I clench my hand into a fist
, thinking about that very scene.

“That’s not going to happen.”

“You don’t fucking know that! I don’t know if I can even trust you!”

“You can! How can I trust
you
when you spy on me and
also
keep secrets?”

“My omission about my past on the Pill doesn’t even compare.”

“I know you’re hiding other things from me, too.” Nothing that affects
his
life.

“I’m not!”

He growls, “
Not
true.”

Needing to end this, I tearfully glance at the clock and mutter, “I need to go.”

“Are you coming home?” he asks, sounding unexpectedly hopeful.

“Not today.”

With the hope gone, he snarls, “Becks, I don’t want you down there with him!”

“You don’t have a say.”

He haughtily laughs. “Really? Like you actually don’t have a say in if I jump?”

Exasperated, I yell, “That’s for your safety!”

“You coming home is for my sanity!”

Tired even though I just woke up, I irritably sigh. “I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree then. We’ll talk when I get home.”

“You better believe we fucking will.”

Upon hanging up with Finn, I cried for a few minutes, but at the same time, I was weirdly proud that I stood my ground; however, I am upset that I screwed up his surprise trip for us. I didn’t know he was going to keep it a secret. I thought he would tell me when he made the reservation. If I would’ve known… 
Oh, Sparks
.

Rod and I ate breakfast outside on the patio to keep me away from his sisters’ questions. I didn’t want to talk about it with him then, either. I just wanted to concentrate on my chocolate chip muffin. Thinking about anything else would’ve unraveled me right in front of him.

After breakfast, we head to the hospital with Rod often looking over at me, like he’s checking to see if I’m going to erupt into tears at any second. Actually, I feel numb, but I did notice Rod’s Big Time Rush shirt and cracked a smile.

Sparks and I are becoming more and more volatile, it seems. Lately, our lovemaking has been even more passionate, but by the same token, our arguments are also increasing in their intensity. We never used to argue before. Why does it seem like our relationship is culminating? It’s as if we’ve been climbing a rollercoaster hill and now we’re teetering precariously at the top before speeding down the other side without brakes. I don’t want to feel like this about the greatest love of my life.

“You okay?” Rod asks me as the elevator door opens to Eden’s floor.

Not wanting him to worry about me instead of his sister, I answer, “Yeah. I’m fine.” There’s that f-word again.

We turn a corner and he asks, “Are you going to ever tell me about the angry, muffled sounds I heard from upstairs?”

“Not right now.”

“He’s that mad?”

“Let’s just think about your sister.”

He laughs and hooks his arm around my neck. “That might not be a good idea. She’s gonna be a bitch to you.”

I bring us to a jerking halt. “Really? I probably shouldn’t be here then.”

“Stop it. Just be prepared.” He pulls me to the door and knocks. From inside, an inaudible shouting can be heard and I flinch. What am I getting myself into?

Pushing the door open, he
drags me forward. As we walk in, I see the curtain is open and the shades are partially up. Rod stops us at the end of the bed and I tentatively peer over at Eden. She is sitting up against pillows. Her dark makeup accents not only the dark circles beneath her eyes, but her angry frown, as well.

Fuck.

“E, I’d like you to meet someone, so be nice.”

She retorts, “You didn’t bring your boyfriend?”

“I’m glad to see the beast has risen happy and ready to hand out big, fluffy hugs.” He squeezes my shoulder before saying, “This is my friend Hadley.”

Angling her head to the side, she assesses him with an interrogative gaze and an impish smirk. “Hmm. You have friends?”

Rod looks to the bathroom. “Where’s Mom?”

Eden rolls her eyes. “I kicked her out. She’s probably pout
ing about it in the cafeteria, thinking I’ll change my mind soon.”

“Give her a break, Eden. Quit be
ing such a bitch.”

“Fuck you, Gregster.” She turns her attention to me and the hair on the back of my neck stands. “Hadley. That’s a cool name. You’re not what I expected.” Ditto.

I clear my throat. “Um, thank you. What did you expect?”

“I thought for sure you were a dude since Greg here is a weenie roaster.”

Rod’s mouth is now a gaping hole. “A damned what?”

“You know
. A penis popper. A dick magnet.”

He shoves a hand into his hair and irritably retorts, “Oh, sweet Jesus. I’m not a homosexual!”

“Keep telling yourself that, Rainbow Brite, until you actually believe it. Unfortunately, none of us do.” I now know where Rod got his mouth.

He glances down at me with a grimace. “You don’t have to listen to a word she says. She’s doped up.” I try to give him a smile, but from the day I’ve had so far, the most I can muster is a tight-lipped twitch.

She says, “I am not. So, Hadley. You’re very pretty. Why are you wasting your fucking time with my skid mark of a brother? He didn’t ask you to be his beard, did he?”
Wow
.