Ignite Me (The Annihilate Me Series) (25 page)

“What
decision?”

“Since your
future seemed so goddamned important to you when you interviewed with me, I
didn’t want you to screw it up by falling for someone when you were right on
the cusp of realizing the very dreams that you yourself told me you wanted to
achieve.
 
So for those reasons
alone, I made an effort to quash what clearly can’t be quashed—your
attraction to Brock, now fully consummated on some random bed at a suite at the
Plaza.
 
Not that I’m here to judge
that.”

“Really?” I
said.
 
“Because it certainly sounds
as if you are.”

“Here’s what
you need to understand, Madison.
 
I
couldn’t give a damn about who you sleep with.
 
My only intent through all of this has
been to quietly assist you in your career, because I’ll say it again,
you
were the one who told me that that’s the one thing you’ve been struggling to
get off the ground since you first arrived in Manhattan.
 
I’ve been trying to help you to that end
because I thought you wanted to lock down your career more than you wanted
anything else.”

At that point
in our conversation, I was so far removed from my body in terms of which way
this was going to go, I was floating in the ether.

“You’ve been
trying to help me?” I said.

“Yes.
 
Based on everything you said to me
during the interview, I have been.
 
I didn’t think that you could handle putting up with me and potentially
entertaining the idea of seeing someone on the side.
 
The last thing I wanted for you was for
your head to be in the clouds thinking about some man when you told me that
what you really wanted was to focus on your career.
 
I didn’t want you to fail.
 
Does any of this make sense to you?
 
Do you see where I’m coming from?”

“In an invasive
sort of way, I do.”

“Apparently, I
was wrong when it comes to what you can handle.
 
Sue me.
 
But I only acted in what I thought was
your best interest.”

“During our
interview, I meant everything I said to you.
 
And I still mean it.
 
Did I expect to be blown away when Brock
walked through the door?
 
No.
 
But it happened.”

“So you like
him,” she said.
 
“Despite his past.”

“I do,” I
said.
 
“And about his past.
 
Brock isn’t the womanizer you remember
him to be, Ms. Blackwell, even though you used that term in an effort to drive
a wedge between us.”

“For the very
reasons I’ve already outlined.”

“Maybe so.
 
But at length, he and I have since
talked about his past.
 
One of his
greatest concerns when he came to Wenn is that he thought he would forever be
judged for how he behaved during the few years when he modeled.
 
But that ended seven years ago, which is
plenty of time for people to change, as he has done.
 
On his own, he chose to reject his
father’s wealth and earn his own way through Wharton.
 
What does that tell you about him?
 
What do you think it tells me about
him?
 
After our weekend together, I
can say with certainty that he’s far from the womanizing young man you
remember, and that’s why I’m paying attention to him today.”

“How deep are you
into this?”

For a moment, I
considered not answering her question, because it was none of her
business.
 
But then I decided that
if she and I were going to work together, she needed to know the truth, if only
so that we could move forward.

“I think that
I’m falling in love with him,” I said.
 
“Not that he knows that.
 
And
he mustn’t know that.”

“He’ll hear
nothing about that from me.
 
All of
our conversations are confidential.”
 
She folded her arms in front of herself again, and then she just looked
at me.
 
Studied me.
 
Consumed me.
 
“I’m not against love, Madison.
 
Far from it.
 
I’ve experienced great love in my life,
but also great pain from loving and trusting someone too much.
 
That kind of hurt can do real damage to
a person, especially in the early days of one’s career.”

“I can have a
career and a relationship, Ms. Blackwell.”

“And I’m here
to tell you that not many people can.
 
Not with the pressures of trying to make a living in this city.
 
It’s too much for most people,
especially those who are just starting out.
 
Often, it can be ruinous.”

“I didn’t come
here expecting anything to happen between myself and a stranger,” I said.
 
“But it nevertheless happened, and I’m
glad that it happened.
 
It’s been
years since I’ve allowed another man into my life.
 
What you don’t know is that I completely
shut down Brock’s initial advances when we had coffee earlier last week.
 
I told him that, because I feared for my
job, there could be no ‘us.’
 
But he
was persistent.
 
A couple of days
later, after work, he followed me to Wenn Fitness.
 
And then I tried to shut him down again
when he asked me to meet him at a pub called Gordon’s.
 
But that didn’t work out so well,
because in the end, there was no denying that there was something between us,
which led to our weekend together.
 
Do I regret any of it?
 
Not
for one minute.
 
And here’s
why.
 
The man I choose to see at
this point in my life needs to have substance, goals, ethics, morals, and
drive.
 
Brock has all of those
things in spades.
 
He doesn’t give a
damn that I come from a poor family, and over this past weekend, we became
close and intimate in a whole host of ways that I could never have imagined.”

She sighed when
I said that, but I couldn’t tell whether it was a sigh of disappointment or a
memory of what it was like to be young and in love.

“Where do you
stand with him now?” she asked.

“I’m not
sure.
 
Are you going to give him the
lecture that you’ve just given me?
 
You know, which might frighten him away from me forever?
 
And by the way, if you do, thanks for
that.”

“That’s not the
case.”

“I plan to
continue seeing him,” I said.

“I figured as
much, as did Alex and Jennifer when we spoke about the Plaza Hotel fiasco.
 
And because of that, as of today, Brock
is moving to another floor.
 
If you
are going to continue seeing him, I can’t have you fawning over each other
because his office happens to be opposite yours.
 
By now, he and Alex have had a similar
talk.
 
I’m sorry if his moving disappoints
you, but when you started here, you already knew that his time in human
resources was limited anyway.”

“I’m fine with
that,” I said, even though I felt a tug at my heart that I wouldn’t be able to
look up from my desk and see Brock’s smiling face.
 
I’d miss those days.
 
But I also saw Blackwell’s point.

“Before we
leave all of this in the past so that it can die a quick death, I need to know
if you understand where I’m coming from, Madison,” she said.

“Now that it’s
been explained to me, I guess so—in a weird kind of way.
 
I just wish that you’d given me more
credit.”

“Perhaps I
should have.
 
And I apologize that I
didn’t.”

She’s
apologizing to me?
 
Say it isn’t
so?
 

And then I
paused—I
had
come on strong during our interview when it came to
my career goals.
 
And based on what
I’d said to her, maybe she
had
been
acting in what she believed was my best interest.
 
And if she had?
 
Maybe she wasn’t as closely related to
the devil as I’d originally thought.
 

Regardless, it
was time to put this to bed.

“I accept your
apology,” I said.

“I’m glad.
 
Is this behind us now?”

“It is if you
won’t further interfere with my personal life.”

“If I did, it
would only be in a positive way.
 
Will that suffice?”

“It will.”

“Fine,
then.
 
Enough of this.
 
Good luck to you and Brock.
 
And I mean that.
 
For what it’s worth, over the past week,
I’ve also seen a major change in him from the young man I used to know.
 
He’s different.
 
More grounded and focused.
 
And he has an edge that he didn’t have
before.
 
I can see why you’re
attracted to him beyond his good looks.”

“He has a lot
to offer,” I said.

“Do you know
what I think?”

“What’s that?”

“That you’re
already in love with him.”

“And what if I
am?”

“If you are,
then I hope it works out for you, Madison.
 
If it does—and if you’re still able to perform for me at a high
level—I will be the first to cheer you on.”

I felt so
exhausted at this point, all I could manage was a mere “Thank you, Ms.
Blackwell.”

“After this
conversation?
 
It’s Barbara.”

“All
right.
 
Thank you, Barbara.”

“Tonight is
Peachy Van Prout’s big party,” she said, switching subjects in a flash.
 
“You remember.
 
You picked up Jennifer’s necklace for
tonight.
 
Together, we found the
right dress.
 
Right?
 
Right.
 
So I’m going to ask you to work late
tonight, because God only knows what can go wrong at the last minute.
 
Bernie will be here to do Jennifer’s
hair and makeup at seven—you will fall in love with him immediately.
 
Today will be a long day for you, but at
the very least, I know that being around Bernie and Jennifer will make up for
it.
 
You’ll see.
 
We always have a catty little party when
we doll Jennifer up for these events.
 
So expect to stay late, expect to work hard—and then expect to
have a bit of fun when the workday ends.
 
In the meantime, see Margaret.
 
I need to be out of the office this morning, but she has a pile of work
for you, which I expect to be finished by day’s end.”

And when she
said that, she simply looked at me.

“As far as I’m
concerned, that’s it when it comes to my concerns about you and Brock.
 
But I want you to know this,
Madison—if for some reason it doesn’t work out, you can always come and
talk to me about it.
 
I am a mother,
after all, and I have lived a full life.
 
I’ll give you my ear just as I’ve given it to my daughters and
especially to Jennifer, whom I should bill at this point.
 
It’s a service I offer to those whom I
admire.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“It’s the least
I can do,” she said as she ran her fingers through her hair.
 
“And in the end, you must know by now
what this conversation really has been about.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Let me
enlighten you.
 
It’s called
‘relationship building.’
 
Now off
you go.
 
You have things to do.
 
Shoo.”

*
 
*
 
*

When I left her
office, it was with a massive sense of disappointment when I saw that Brock’s
office door was already shut.
 
While
I was talking with Blackwell, he must have packed the few things he’d had in
his office, and now he was somewhere else in the building.
 

Somewhere that
was no longer across from me.
 

What had Alex
said to him?
 
Had he admonished him
in ways that would come between us?
 
Did he disapprove of us?
 
And
if he did, could he somehow sway Brock away from me?
 
I didn’t know, but I nevertheless feared
that there had to be a possibility of that happening.
 
With my stomach suddenly queasy, I
checked my email and Wenn’s IM service, and saw that Brock hadn’t reached out
to me.