If You Wrong Us (19 page)

When it happened, I wanted to be in bed. I wanted to take my time; I wanted to spend the night with her. I’m sure that sounds like a pathetic chick flick, but I wanted it to be special. I wanted to bring my A game. But I couldn’t tell her this. She’d probably laugh me out of the car.

“I don’t want to do it here,” I told her.

Becca palmed me through my jeans—she wasn’t going to make this easy for me.

“You feel ready,” she said, tightening her grip. And a bolt of lightning struck me right there.

“I want this to be special for you,” I told her.

“I’m with you, Johnny. Someone who makes me feel good. It’s going to be special. I think it’ll make us feel better too. Did you know people who have regular intercourse live five years longer and have fewer health problems?”

Who was this girl?

“Please never say the word ‘intercourse’ again.” I shuddered. “It gives me the creeps.”

She got a gleam in her eye. How I loved it when feisty Becca made a rare appearance.

“Intercourse,” she said again. And again. And again.

Until I stopped her.

Of course Becca got her way. Not that it was a sacrifice on my part. It was just unexpected. I held her after that for a long time. One of the only times she really let me in.

Yes, we did it. It was amazing, and I’ll never be the same.

It’s these memories that make me question everything I’m about to do. But as I look at the two brothers on the bed, with that same pudgy face, long nose, and thin lips, I realize I don’t have a choice.

39

B
ECCA

T
ravis contacted me shortly after I sent the fake message about his brother’s kidnapping. As expected, he was desperate to save his brother. After spending those months together, I knew how much Ethan meant to him. He and Johnny were the same that way—dedicated to their siblings.

It wasn’t fair, and I felt the disparity of that every day.

When we were dating, I spent a lot of energy trying to convince Travis to quit gambling, especially once he started using my math skills to cheat, and to rip people off. That’s how I knew to use the pissed-off gamer as an excuse to get him where I needed him.

It really could’ve happened. Those guys get desperate for their money.

So I knew all the right buttons to push. And once I did, I knew Travis would come to me.

“Bec, I’m in deep shit,” he said when he called.

“What’s going on?” I acted concerned, which should’ve have been his first tip-off.

He brought me up to speed on his situation and I listened, applying all the gasps and sighs in the right places.

“I’ll meet you at the accident site tomorrow. Let me work on a few things and I’ll help.”

Now, you’d think a normal person would’ve felt sick sending that photo to Travis. Little Ethan hurt and soiled, leaning up against the lamppost. I’m sure a normal person would have. But I wasn’t normal anymore. I was an animal at that point. Fighting for survival.

I was consumed by revenge, retribution, justice. It was all I could focus on. Making things equal.

Do to Travis what he did to me.

I just wasn’t sure where that left Johnny.

40

J
OHNNY

W
atching Travis wake up is about the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I watch him from my designated spot in the small room as his head shifts from side to side. His eyebrows begin lifting as his brain tells him it’s time to open his eyes. My hands are clammy and my head goes light before I realize I’m holding my breath. When I release it, I almost call out to him. But then I remember: I can’t break the rules. Yet.

Travis lets out a soft moan and his head begins to bob.

One.

Two.

Three.

Grunt. Groan.

Becca is enthralled, watching the spectacle. But for her it’s more fascination than disgust.

Travis stretches his arms and the sinews and veins bulge from his lean limbs. Then he stretches his legs. His toes point up in a pair of gray sneakers.

He must be dreaming still, because his head starts to shake in a violent rotation. He blows out a gust of air and his bangs flutter. Mom used to do the same thing after working in the garden. The thought makes me remember why we’re here.

Travis continues to thrash until he opens his eyes.

“What … ” He coughs. “What’s going on?”

He whimpers, like truly whimpers, when he spots his brother. It’s hard to watch even though I detest the guy. His eyes dart across the room: to Ethan, Becca, Ethan, me, Ethan. He’s putting it all together.

He drops his head and clears his throat. “There’s no gamer, is there?”

His bottom lip trembles.

Becca slowly shakes her head.

41

B
ECCA

T
ravis had the cab drop him off by the ditch, as we’d discussed. Good little puppet. Johnny waited in the parking lot a little way up the hill. I had to play this very carefully because emotions were running wild.

That’s why I had the back-ups. New pawns I could use if I had to.

“Can you help me?” Travis asked when I made my way to him on the side of the road. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy; he’d been up for twenty-four hours. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I need you so much right now.”

“Yes, of course,” I told him, stuffing my hand into my pocket.

He reached out to hug me, and I was hyper alert. He could’ve had his own plans; he could’ve known what was in my hand.

I was cautious as I moved in and gave him a one-armed squeeze.

“I so sorry, Trav.” I kept my hand wrapped around the syringe and out of sight.

Then, when he turned his back, I stuck the needle deep into his neck.

Welcome to Hush

Responsible:

It’s not that I hate women.

That’s not it at all.

I just hate women who are bitches. Women who think they’re better than me.

Yes, Freud, my mother left when I was young.

Yes, it’s true that my old girlfriend got hurt because of my temper.

And yes, I’d rather play video games where I have control than live in the real world. Except when I was with my new love. She wasn’t like the others. She treated me like I was the special one.

Until her sister threatened all that. The one girl who had put me back together after the others tore me apart. Damn right I wasn’t going to taking it lying down. I threatened her, scared her away.

I didn’t set out to kill her, but in the heat of the moment, yeah, I think I wanted her dead.

42

J
OHNNY

E
than hasn’t woken up, and I have the nagging feeling it’s been way too long. The gun in my waistband is making me itchy.

“Okay.” Travis trembles, looking over Ethan. “I’m here. Now let him go.”

“Why do you think you’re making the rules?” Becca asks. “You’re here because I made it so.”

“He’s sick,” Travis screams. “He has asthma. Whatever you gave him could kill him, Becca. Please. I’m here. I’ll do whatever you ask, just let him go.”

Becca doesn’t even react to the asthma comment. It’s clear that this isn’t new information to her—people like Becca don’t miss something this big. This type of mistake doesn’t happen by chance. She knew about the asthma, which means it was part of the plan.

Ethan is going to die.

So my plan—Shovel, Girl, Gun—has to change.

Ethan has now popped to the top of my list. I have to save him.

I’m the only person who can.

Welcome to Hush

Responsible:

“I know who you are, bitch,” I told her when she started making all those demands.

It might have ended there if she’d just let it go.

But she couldn’t drop it.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, trying to look all indignant like her sister.

“Your sister told me you were coming. She told me all about your little plan to break us up.”

Betrayal flashed across her face.

She’d been betrayed by her own sister.

Man, how I loved it.

43

J
OHNNY

I
go over my list. What I need to do before I bail out of this shithole. I have to focus to make it work.

• Ethan
  
• Girl
  
• Gun
  

“Do you know why you’re here?” Becca asks Travis, completely ignoring Ethan.

“No, no I don’t,” Travis says. His eyes dart back and forth from his brother to Becca.

• Ethan
  
• Girl
  
• Gun
  

“Becca, look at Ethan,” Travis pleads. “He’s in bad shape. He needs a doctor.”

“Hmm,” she says, playing with her gloved fingers. “Like my sister needed a doctor?”

Travis’s face gets all pinched.

“Johnny knows.” Becca grins. “And soon he’s going to know a lot more.”

What the fuck is going on now? I’m not sure how much more I can take.

“I know you have some crazy idea going through your head,” Travis says, pulling on his restraints. “But I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“That’s what you’re going to go with?” Becca asks, picking up her school bag. “You sure about that …
Responsible
?”

Travis’s face pales and he swallows. Once. Twice. Three times.

“Dude.” He looks to me now—desperate to be heard.

I pace the room, growing more confused, irritated, and downright panicked.

“She’s lost it,” Travis says to me, avoiding Becca’s glare. “That’s how she is. Let me and my brother go and I swear I never saw you, man. You can just get up and go.”

Becca pulls out a stack of papers and walks over to me.

“What’s that?” I ask in spite of myself. I have to know more about this latest development. It’s too late to walk away.

“This?” Becca says, holding up the papers. “What don’t you tell us, Travis?”

Welcome to Hush

Responsible:

After our confrontation, she took off in her car.

I followed.

Yes, I was trying to run her off the road. She was panicked and driving erratic.

I liked that.

I liked making her squirm.

Who’s in charge now, bitch?

It was a fun game. I’d increase my speed, come up alongside the car, and start edging her to the center line. The tiny rocks from the shoddy road were pinging off her fender.

We were approaching the hill and I was thinking, this is going to be fun.

Until another car was coming toward us.

Then I edged her one last time.

44

J
OHNNY

I
listen to Becca, trying to make sense of what she’s saying. I know she’s trying to tell me something—something important about the papers. But at the same time, I catch Ethan out of the corner of my eye.

That’s when the kid moves. His nose twitches and his lips pucker, like he might be awake. Then nothing.

“This is Travis’s confession on Hush,” Becca says. “He admits to everything. Causing the accident. Leaving the scene.”

“If you have all of this, why didn’t you just go to the police?” I ask, furious that we could’ve avoided this fuck-up. “Why did we have to do all of this?”

“It’s not that simple,” she says, her fingers stroking the paper. “He didn’t use his own computer to write this, so there’s no address. The site is designed to keep users anonymous.”