If You Were Mine (34 page)

Or why only he had returned.

“Fine,” he growled, “I’l keep her. Where’s the baby?”

Gabe and Megan shot each other a look before gesturing

over their shoulders. Chloe was sitting with the baby on her lap.

She looked exhausted and radiant al at the same time.

Zach put Cuddles down and the puppy immediately,

franticaly started jumping up on his leg. “Down!” The puppy put

her front feet down and waited for his next command. “I’m just

going to wash your slobber off my face and hands. Don’t worry,

I’m not going anywhere. You’l be coming back home with me

later.”

He could have sworn the little Yorkie nodded at him as if

He could have sworn the little Yorkie nodded at him as if

she understood precisely what he’d said. Just the way, he found

himself thinking, Atlas had always been so perfectly in tune with

Heather.

In the kitchen, he shoved the faucet up so hard that water

sprayed al over him. He pumped half a bottle of soap into his

hands, then stuck his hands and face under the water, before

yanking a clean kitchen towel out of a drawer and drying off with

it.

Cuddles trailed after him as he headed toward the baby.

Chloe smiled up at him. Chase’s wife was the only one who

didn’t seem disgusted with him.

He sat beside her and took the baby into his arms. Big blue

eyes blinked up at him and chubby little legs kicked. Zach

dropped his mouth to the super-soft skin on her forehead.

“Pretty girl. Your Uncle Zach is going to spoil you rotten.”

He heard Chloe laugh. “Look at her, she already knows it,

doesn’t she? I think she’s even giving you her first smile.”

And it was true—baby Emma’s lips were curved up at she

gazed at him and gave a little gurgle of happiness.

“Either that,” he heard Chase say, “or she’s going to give

Uncle Zach his first lesson in changing a diaper.”

To reinforce her father’s prophetic words, Emma’s face

scrunched up and she grunted a couple of times while squirming

in his hands.

Chase laughed and said, “Here’s the diaper bag.”

But Chloe was already standing up and taking the baby out

of his arms. Zach watched the two of them walk away as Chase

of his arms. Zach watched the two of them walk away as Chase

said, “Sounds like you’ve been screwing up big time lately.

Crashing cars. Losing women.”

“You guys have been waiting long enough for me to blow

something. Figured I’d finaly come through for you.”

He and Chase were close enough in age to get into it plenty

of times over the years, but this was the first time he’d ever seen

true concern in his brother’s eyes.

“You know what makes you such a good mechanic?

There’s nothing you can’t fix.”

Wrong.

“Congratulations, again,” Zach gritted out to his brother.

“I’l be by to see you guys in a few days.” When there were a

half-dozen fewer pairs of eyes on him. And when he had drunk

enough booze to forget how badly everything he’d touched had

gone wrong.

He grabbed Cuddles and they were almost to the front

door when his mother intercepted him. She was fine-boned and

delicate looking, but he knew firsthand that she had a spine made

of steel.

“Zach, honey.” Her arms came around him and the puppy

and he breathed in her familiar floral scent. “I’m glad you’re

finaly here. I’ve got something I’ve been meaning to give to

you.”

She turned and headed down the hal to her bedroom and

he had no choice but to folow her. Family pictures lined the

wals. Ryan in his first Little League uniform, taking it easy on the

wals. Ryan in his first Little League uniform, taking it easy on the

pitcher’s mound a beat before he struck out another seven-year-

old. Chase and Marcus heading out on windsurfers on the Bay at

sixteen. Lori in her first balet recital, just like Emma would be in

a handful of years, so pretty it almost broke your heart to look at

her. Sophie with her head in a book, lost in another fantasy

world, another adventure. Gabe climbing the tree in their

backyard in cut-off shorts with a hammer in his hand to finish

building the fort. Smith as the star of the high school musical, his

future already crystal clear. Zach’s own cocky grin as he sat in

the window of his first race car, certain the whole world was

waiting at his feet.

Their mother had been behind the lens each and every time,

had taken the picture of his father out on a hiking trail, a baby on

his back, a toddler’s hand in each of his. Jack Sulivan was

looking over his shoulder at the camera with that same grin that

Zach had seen a milion times in his own mirror.

Al those good times stil to come, so much family to watch

grow up...and life had stil ended for his father in the blink of an

eye.

Zach got to the bedroom door just as his mother opened

the top drawer of her dresser. She didn’t pul anything out of it

right away. Instead, she closed her eyes and took a breath, her

pretty face crumpling for a split second before she finaly reached

for something.

She turned and held out a smal black box wrapped in

velvet. “I think you should have this.” She corrected herself. “I

know
you should have it.”

know
you should have it.”

Zach had never run from anything. Not a fight. Not danger.

But the thought of opening up the box his mother was holding out

to him had him wanting to run as fast as his legs would take him.

“It’s okay, honey.” She held it out so he had to take it. “He

would have wanted you to have it.”

Zach puled the puppy tighter with one hand as he reached

for the box with the other. His hand shook as he flipped open the

top and his throat tightened.

“It’s your engagement ring.” The ring she’d worn for so

many years after his father died. The ring he stil could see on her

finger as if it were yesterday, as if she hadn’t finaly taken it off

ten or so years ago. “You need to keep it.”

“No honey, I’ve had it just as long as I needed. The ring is

yours now.”

He shook his head. “I don’t—” He was going to cry.

Already was, actualy. “I can’t—”

She sat down on the bed and patted the coverlet beside

her. “After your father died, I would look at you and it was like

he was stil there. Eating dinner with al of us. Playing bal in the

background. Twirling the girls around in circles until they were

dizzy.”

Everyone who’d ever known their father had said that to

him at one point or another.
“You’re the spitting image of

Jack.”
He’d felt how broken they were over his father’s death.

How wistful at a life ended much too soon.

That was when he’d taken to trying to outrun the demons

that chased him, but he hadn’t succeeded. Not when he’d

that chased him, but he hadn’t succeeded. Not when he’d

known al along that there was no separation between him and

his father, because they were one and the same.

Something broke apart inside of him. “You always looked

so sad. So damned sad.”

“I know.” Her voice broke. “I know and I’m sorry. Even

rattled with grief, I knew it wasn’t fair. I know that you weren’t

him.” She reached for his hands, gripped them tightly.
“You are

not your father.”

“He was a saint.” Whereas Zach had never been anything

close to one.

“Your father wasn’t a saint.”

“He was. A great father to eight kids. A wife he loved. The

only thing he ever did wrong was die too early.”

He was stunned when his mother started laughing. “Your

father couldn’t have given a leap about love and marriage and

kids when we first met.”

Zach couldn’t believe that what he was hearing was true,

but he’d never known his mother to lie.

“I loved him from the start, of course. He was impossible

not to love, but that didn’t mean I had to put up with him. The

first time he tried to give me this ring, I threw it at him.” Her eyes

went hazy at the memory as she lifted her hand to her left

eyebrow. “I clipped him right here, hard enough that he needed

stitches. So, no, he definitely wasn’t a saint. Not even close.” His

mother’s gaze locked on Zach’s. “But I loved him. And in the

end that meant I was wiling to give him the room to grow into

end that meant I was wiling to give him the room to grow into

loving me the way I needed to be loved. Despite everything he

did wrong along the way. I know how close you were with your

dad,” she said softly. “He loved al of your brothers and sisters,

but you were always so special to him. I know how special he

was to you, too, honey. But what happened to him—” She

searched for the right words. “It didn’t have anything to do with

you. It stil doesn’t, Zach. He helped make you who you were,

but only you can decide who you want to be...and what you

want from
your
life.”

No one had ever said those words to Zach before.

Because he hadn’t let them.

Heather had shared every last secret with him, but he’d

withheld his. And now she thought he didn’t love her, when the

truth was that he loved her with everything he had.

“He left you with no warning.” Zach fought for the words to

explain something that been so clear to him since he was seven

years old, but was suddenly growing fuzzy. “I can’t do that to

her.”

“Do you think knowing your dad was going to die would

have changed the way I felt about him? Do you think I would

have stopped myself from loving him?” She didn’t wait for his

answer before saying, “If anything, I would have been absolutely

furious with him for thinking he needed to protect me from my

own feelings. To have missed out on the years we had together

would have been far worse than losing him too early.”

Everything Zach had ever thought to be true shifted around

inside of him as he looked down at the ring in his hand.

inside of him as he looked down at the ring in his hand.

He’d had everything he could have ever wanted in Heather.

A lover. A best friend. A partner who wasn’t afraid to give him

the kick in the ass he often—usualy—needed.

Hadn’t he known from the start that she was different?

And that a love as sweet as hers was something you held

on to, no matter what?

Unless, of course, you happened to be the world’s biggest

fool.

He closed the box with a snap before shoving it into the

pocket of his jeans. “Thanks for the ring, Mom.”

“You’re welcome, honey.” His mother gave him another

hug. “Something tels me it’s going to fit her perfectly.”

Heather waved the colorful rope at Atlas, but his ears

barely perked up even though they were in the middle of the

park and it was a beautiful day.

“You need to snap out of it.” She put the rope down and

sat on the grass beside her Great Dane. “Your whole world

doesn’t begin and end with Cuddles.” At the sound of the

puppy’s name, he raised his dark eyebrows with hope. “No, she

isn’t coming here today.”

No doubt, Cuddles was at Mary Sulivan’s house for

Chase and Chloe’s baby shower. Lori had caled and left a

message with the invitation, but Heather could only imagine how

message with the invitation, but Heather could only imagine how

awkward it would be for everyone if she attended the family

party.

When Atlas sadly lowered his big head back onto his

paws, she said, “Don’t you remember, you were a perfectly fine

dog before her? You’re going to be okay. It wil just take a little

time, that’s al. Time heals everything. That’s what everyone

always says.”

She stroked his soft fur as she looked out at the other

people in the park. Al happy couples, of course.

Refusing to acknowledge the pain zinging through her, the

same way she’d been working to ignore the holow ache in the

center of her chest al week, she told Atlas, “You stil have me. I

stil have you. We don’t need anybody else. And just because

those were the greatest two weeks of our lives, doesn’t mean

anything. We’re going to be awesome again, just you and me.”

She really did suck at lying.
Just like Zach had pointed

out that first night in her office when he’d brought her pizza and

she’d already wanted him—and liked him—more than she

should.

The truth was that she felt anything but awesome.

Especialy when what stretched out before her was an endless

rinse-and-repeat of work and faking smiles for her friends and a

bed that had never felt so empty.