If You Still Want Me (30 page)

Kylie frowns with a bit of shame in her eyes
that Sarah can't see. "Yes, ma'am."

Saul opens his mouth to say something, but Sarah
speaks first. "So, what's this about marriage?"

Kylie's back to giggling. "Momma, Uncle Saul
didn't know Austin's gay."

"Uh-hu," Sarah shakes her head lightly. "Yer
Uncle Saul aint never been one for seein' the obvious."

Saul's face heats, and I can't tell if it's from
embarrassment or anger. I'm guessing he's still a little sore about
Sarah and Kyle's affair. He opens his mouth, but again Sarah beats
him to it.

"So, you
finally
figured it out?" Sarah's one eyebrow is raised,
and something tells me she isn't just talking about Saul and I.
"And, what did you decide to do about it?"

Saul's grip on my hand tightens. "I've done
decided that I love him and Victoria both, and that maybe that's
okay - fer people who love each other ta' act outside the norm, so
ta' speak."

"Have you now?" Sarah raises
her other eyebrow. "So, you love them
both
and
that's
okay."

Saul inhales through his nose, reading between
the same lines I am. I hate seeing the two of them fight, even when
they're doing it covertly so they don't involve Kylie. Kylie's
presence is probably helping to keep them both calmer than I
expected this meeting to go.

With an exhale, Saul nods. "I
think it's okay, and I hope
yer
happy
with it, too."

"I'm happy... for you," Sarah says quietly, her
gaze drifting back down to Kylie's hair. "I'm glad you three have
been able ta' make it work. It aint easy, sometimes, even if ya'
love that person so much it hurts."

"That's true," Victoria places a hand on Sarah's
arm. The touch refocuses Sarah's attention and the two women share
a smile. "But I also think that things have a way of working out
how they're supposed to in the end. It can just take a long, long
time, and sometimes, things get worse before they get better."

Sarah nods lightly, her smile faltering until
Annabelle reappears to set baby Bastion into Sarah's lap. Sarah's
whole face brightens as she runs a finger along Bastion's plump
cheek. The baby is pretty dang cute, with a round, chubby face and
a mop of dark hair already growing to cover his bald head. For a
second, he opens his eyes to stare at us, and I'm astonished by how
blue they are.

I'm surprised neither one of her kids got the
green eyes like her and Saul. Guess maybe Rob's blue eyes have a
strong gene, or something.

Wait
. Aren't Rob's eyes
brown?

I can't picture them, but I've only met the man
a few times when he's been on leave from the service, and most of
those times were because Saul and I had to haul his drunk ass out
of some bar or the drunk tank at the Johnson County jail. Not
exactly good opportunities to give a shit about what color a man's
eyes are. As I sit and think on it, though... A thought I'm not so
sure I'm happy to have pops into my head.

"Well," Sarah sighs as she repositions Bastion
so she can stand. "We best be gettin' home so I can start
dinner."

"You're welcome to stay," Annabelle offers. "I
was gonna make that sweet corn casserole you love."

"I appreciate the invite," Sarah stands,
switching Bastion to her other hip. "But Rob's expecting
spaghetti."

"Oh, he
is
, is he?" Saul nearly hisses.

Sarah's brow raises again at Saul's tone.
"Kylie, go gather yer things an' Bastion's carrier, please."

"Yes, ma'am."

As soon as Kylie's gone from the room, Sarah
glares at her brother. "Watch what you say 'round her."

Saul lowers his voice, but he
aint backing down, either. "You better watch
him
'round her."

"He'd never..." Sarah blinks then shakes her
head, side-stepping her brother to get closer to Annabelle's front
door. "He's just in a bad place right now. Getting discharged
messed him right up on top 'a everything else. He's promised ta'
get treatment soon as they have a spot for him."

"That's what he said last
year, and the year before that," Saul takes her arm. "Sissy,
please
. I don't want you an' the kids near
him 'till he gets that so called treatment he keeps promisin' -
treatment that he
needs
. You
shouldn't let him make you believe his bullshit again."

"It's my bed, Saul." She tugs her arm out of his
grasp. "I can sleep in it all on my own."

Saul starts to argue, but I pull him back a bit
with a hand to his shoulder, nodding down at Kylie as she bounces
back into the room. Saul runs a hand through his hair then holds
out and arm. "C'mere, buggyboo. Give the old man a hug, 'fore you
turn thirteen and get too cool for hugs."

"I'll never be too cool for hugs," Kylie grins
as she sets down the baby carrier and takes the offered hug.

"You say that
now
," Saul teases before lettings
go.

Kylie hugs me and Victoria in turn then follows
her mom out the door. I have a feeling things have been left more
than a little unsettled, and I share Saul's concern for the well
being of Sarah and the kids. Sarah's right, though. It's her bed
that she's made, and it's her choice to sleep in it or burn it.

I hope she doesn't fall asleep in it while it's
burning down around her, though, and I hope to God the kids don't
have to watch it if she does.

"So," Annabelle takes in a
deep breath, one wrist shaking a charm bracelet, then exhales away
the tension still lingering in the room. "Who's hungry?"

Well, that didn't go so well. As usual, I barely
got a word in with Sarah's stubborn way 'a taking over a
conversation so that only her point is the last one standin'. How a
girl so dang clever keeps makin' such stupid decisions is beyond my
understandin'.

I saw the worry in her eyes, though. She's not
believing the bullshit Rob's promising any more than I am. I know
she's tryin' ta' hold on to her marriage for the kids' sake, but
when does it become more damaging to stay than to leave?

Annabelle's casserole is awesome, but the whole
dinner is a quiet affair now that Kylie's boisterous, bright nature
is gone. I'm so worried about that girl and what this is doin' to
her. She's such a brilliant light in our lives, and I hate to see
anything dim her spirit. Her worry was just as clear to see as her
momma's.

The quiet continues as we drive back to our
temporary home at Brandon's estate. I should be excited about
spending the night with Vickie and Austin in such close proximity
to all the fun toys the club has to offer, but my arousal is
tempered by my anxiety. I can't wait to pull Austin into the other
side of the bedroom that includes leather, whips and maybe a
harness or two....

But, my focus is elsewhere entirely. I keep
thinking about Sarah going home ta' make spaghetti for a man who
don't ever seem ta' appreciate anything she does. I see Kylie
hiding out in her room, readin' and tryin' ta' ignore how her
parents are yellin' at each other again. I hear little Bastion
cryin' 'cause all the ruckus done woke him up.

I see my childhood repeated, and it makes me
sick.

"Uh-oh," Austin sighs from the passenger seat as
tires hit gravel behind Brandon's estate.

I lean forward to look between them out the
front window and see the cause of Austin's concern. Kyle's Camaro
is parked next to my beat-up truck. At first, I'm mad it's there,
but then I'm relieved. This is the last thing I need to sort out,
and I'm glad I don't have to go huntin' across Johnson County to
find him. I'm also glad he's here instead of parked outside Sarah's
house.

"Saul," Vickie's glancing back at me after she
turns of the ignition.

"Don't worry, honey. I aint gonna hit him, but
the two 'a us need ta' talk."

She and Austin both smile at that as they get
out of the car, then they both each take one of my hands as we head
up to the back porch together. A look passes between them, and I
get the distinct impression I just earned myself that reward they
promised me yesterday. Maybe after I square away things with Kyle,
I'll feel more in the mood for havin' some fun with my
partners.

We step into the kitchen to find Kyle sitting
alone at the table, a forelorn look on his face until he sees me. I
expected him to be furious with me for rearranging his face, but
there aint a touch 'a anger in his cobalt-blue eyes. He looks as
exhausted as Sarah, like he aint slept since I punched his lights
out last week. There's worry in that expression, too, mixed in with
a sadness I once thought him incapable 'a showin'.

Kyle's always been closed off emotionally since
that night in the barn when our friendship was tested by
experiencing death firsthand so early in life. We all know Kyle
blames himself for Brendon's death, since it was him slamming the
horse gate that spooked Briar Rose, but not even Brandon lays an
ounce a blame on Kyle's shoulders. We was kids. Stupid, precocious
kids who thought nothin' in the world could ever rip our posse
apart.

"Evening," Kyle nods once. "Have a nice
trip?"

"We did," Victoria smiles. "Are Brandon and Emma
at Ian's again?"

Kyle lets out a halfhearted chuckle. "Yeah. I
think Ian's got a new obsession to try as many recipes as he can
get his hands on. Brandon was saying Ian's even been looking into a
way to set his actual oven on a switch to the plug so he doesn't
have to unplug it from the wall every night."

"You could probably help with that," I nudge
into the conversation.

"Maybe," he shrugs. "I guess between an
architect and an engineer, we could figure it out."

"Or Jerry-rig Ian's stove ta' land on the moon,"
I grin, bringing up an old topic in the hopes of breaking the
ice.

"Oh, c'mon," he finally breaks into a grin. "I
was ten, and that rocket made it all the way to old man Larsen's
paddock."

"And what a right mess that was," I laugh back.
"Scared his sheep half ta' death. Had to muck them stalls for him
for a month as repayment."

"Don't remind me," he mutters with a shake of
the head. "I'm still coughing up wool."

"Speaking of stalls," Austin steps back towards
the back door. "I better go check on the horses."

"And I better go call my folks," Vickie also
makes her exit. "Tabitha and Joey have both been messaging me since
three."

I know they're just making excuses to give Kyle
and I some time alone, but it's appreciated. With a tight exhale, I
look back at my friend. One black eye is gone and the other has
faded to a bruise, and his split lip looks like it's mending up
pretty nicely. I feel bad knowin' my fists did that to his face,
but I'm not ready to just forget he's been sneakin' around with my
baby sissy all these years.

"You three sort it out?" he asks with a nod
towards the back door.

"Yeah, we did. Seems everyone knew Austin was
gay but me. Also seems everyone knew you've been havin' an affair
with my sister."

Kyle inhales sharply, glancing away. "It's not
that simple, man."

"Alright," I step up to the table, he flinches a
bit, but I pull out a chair and swing it around so I can sit on it
backwards, my arms leaning over the back. "Explain it to me."

Shocked, wide eyes dart back up to me. I notice
a new stud in his nose and wonder when he got that done, along with
the bandage-covered fresh ink I can see peeking out from his open
collar. I swear, every time I see the boy, he's got a new hole in
his face or someone's done drawn another picture on his skin.

One hand runs up through his gelled, spiked
black hair and back across his neck, a denim covered leg bouncing.
I watch the thoughts gather in his eyes and wait for him ta' start
talkin'. Kyle is the smartest person I know, I.Q. wise, but
sometimes he can do the stupidest shit, like what happened with
Emma. Despite being so damn smart, sometimes he don't rightly think
things through all the way before acting.

"I love your sister. I've been
in love with her since that day at the park, when I fell off the
swing and she gave me a band-aid. I... I've
tried
to move on, man... But, I
love
her."

His first admission is probably a good place to
start. It has me relaxing instead of balling up a fist, because I
can hear the honesty of his words on his voice. "You should'a just
told me."

"Maybe, but I was afraid it'd ruin things, or
that you wouldn't approve."

"We was kids, Kyle. I may've
hit you, 'cause she's my baby sissy, but I sure as hell would'a
rather known the truth all this time than find out
now
. Plus, we
aint
kids no more, and you sneakin' 'round with her
aint right."

"I know. I don't..." He exhales harshly, his
hand rubbing the back of his neck again. "You think I want her
living with that jackass? It's her choice, though. If it was
mine..." He shakes his head. "But it's not. She doesn't want me
enough to call it quits with Rob."

"She's only staying because of the kids."

"Maybe, but she defends him,
too. It's not like Rob was ever a nice guy. I... I just don't get
it. You're her brother. Do you get it? Of all the men she had to
choose, she picked
him
after
tossin' me aside?"

My hand instinctively reaches
out to his arm. This isn't the cold, fuck-'em an' chuck-'em Kyle
Masterson talkin'. This is Kyle - my
friend
Kyle, who's in love with my little sister and
can't figure out why she broke his heart; why she
keeps
breaking his heart.