If You Still Want Me (24 page)

"He is," Saul speaks when my
mouth opens and nothing comes out. "That gang tried ta' steal
Brandon's car, but y'all know Brandon - he said
no
. They beat him up real bad, but Austin
tried ta' stop it. Got on top 'a Brandon an' took the hits. When
the cops showed up, Austin didn't put up no fight and accepted
responsibility."

"After Austin did his time," Victoria takes
over. "Brandon agreed to become Austin's legal guardian, because
his sister was too young and his grandma is, well, she's
undocumented."

"I beat the man up,
"
the words find their way out of my heart, trying so hard to be
heard. "I beat him up and he gives me a home, a job and a chance to
make things right. I was a coward, hiding in a gang filled with
other cowards, because I was afraid to face who I...
what
I am. In so many ways, I still
am."

I don't even realize I've started crying until
Saul's thumbing away the tears from my cheeks. I don't know what
else to say. My spirit is running on empty. "That's me. That's the
kind of man you're welcoming into your family. An ex-con who's
still afraid of himself."

The silence around the table is deafening,
broken only by my pitiful sobs. What kind of man cries like this?
No man at all, my papi would say.

"In nineteen-seventy-three," Elijah parts the
silence. "I stole a television from the back of a Sears truck. I
was a dumb kid hoping to make quick cash so I could take a girl I
fancied out to dinner."

"Daddy?" Tabitha's shaking her head as everyone
else looks on, stunned.

"I ended up in the Arkansas correctional system
instead, where dinner was anything but fancy. I was a young crow
with a sympathetic judge who knew a stupid kid when he saw one, so
I got just five years, which in those days was a slap on the wrist.
I lost my youth in that jail, but I found my calling."

Inhaling his pipe then
exhaling the smoke, he half-smiles down the table at me. "So, you
see, son,
that
is the kind of man
you're agreeing to be family with."

My lips move, but I can't
talk, so he points his pipe-stem at me. "I knew right off where
you've been. One constant thing about prisons, son, is they all use
the same
Bic
ink pens for their
tattoos. I'm glad you decided to let it all out, though. It gave me
courage to finally do the same."

"Well, I'll be..." Jerry's the first to start
grinning again. "Bet you looked mighty dapper in them stripes,
Reverend."

"
Jerry,"
Tabitha warns. "Aint nothin' to joke about! I...
Daddy... Thank you for your honesty."

Jerry clears his throat and Tabitha quickly adds
"...both of you."

"Th-that's why you're involved in all those
inmate programs?" Ruth asks with a stutter.

Elijah nods. "I had to go to Hell in order to
find God. Was programs like them that saved me. Most fellas in jail
are good men who make bad choices, and most never had no one in
their lives to teach them no different. I'm sorry for never telling
you, but sometimes we put aside our past so we can move
forward."

Before I know what I'm doing, I've stood up and
walked over to his chair. The man sets aside his pipe, stands and
opens his arms to me the same way he's opened his heart. There are
great people in this world - honest, open people. Sometimes they
can be hard to see, through all the bad casting shadows around us,
but if you take a chance and look, you'll find them.

He embraces me with a pat on the back and
encouragement whispered into my ear. As I step away, my sadness is
gone, my tears are dry and I share in his smile. "Thank you."

"Thank you, son," he says back, and I know he
means it, every single word, with all his heart.

Well, shoot. My throat's rubbed raw from
swallowin' all these emotions I'm feelin' while watchin' Austin and
the good reverend sharing themselves. I had no idea Elijah done
served time, an' that right there reminds me no cover will ever
tell a person's whole story.

The family is obviously a tad shocked. Tabitha
even looks a bit horrified. I wonder if Michael would have
somethin' cross ta' say about this, too.

It's good that this has all been laid out on the
table for everyone. I know firsthand the kinda damage carrying
secrets around with you can cause. Austin was so worried they'd
shun him or think poorly 'a him because he served his time. I guess
it's hard to have faith in people when you've been down the road he
has, even after having people like Brandon in yer life.

Vickie has that problem, too,
sometimes. Maybe I should, but I've always been one ta' give the
benefit of the doubt and hope for the best. 'Sides, I knew Elijah
wouldn't judge Austin like some folks might. Heck, the man
finds
me
worthy 'a his daughter,
and God knows Austin's a better man than me.

Conversation returns to lighter topics over the
remaining sopapillas and coffee. It's as Ruth eats the last churro
that Tabitha starts to doze off, her medication getting the best of
her. I help Jerry load her and their kids into the car, and Ruth
takes Jonah home soon after. We all agree to meet up at the church
before the ten-thirty service tomorrow morning.

Elijah settles down in that old, ugly-ass chair
'a his, his eyeslids drooping. I don't know where Alex and Joey
have run off'ta, but I figure maybe to unpack since Elijah invited
the boy to stay. That's awesome - how Alex has been welcomed like
that. Now, we just need to convince those two to stay local. For
some reason, Joey's being hard-headed about it, and I think it's
startin' ta' worry Vickie.

Startin' ta' worry me, too.

I find Vickie an' Austin side-by-side at the
kitchen sink, up to their elbows in suds. The man looks happy, his
face lightly crinkled in a smile, and Vickie's just as pretty as
always. Seein' the two of them in moments like this makes me wonder
how I ever got so damn lucky.

Hmm
. Vickie. Austin.
Soap suds. Yeah, I'll be savin' that idea for later.

Maybe we can get Joey an' Alex ta' design us a
house where the three of us can have our joined and separate
spaces. Plus, a bathroom with a gigantic tub. And a dungeon to play
in.

"
Uh-oh," Austin's
chuckle breaks into my daydream. "He's got that grin on his face
again."

"Mmhmm," Victoria hums. "Means he's thinking
dirty thoughts instead of helping us clean these dishes."

I giggle, 'cause it's true. "I can't help it if
you two turn me on like a damn light-switch."

"Shh," Vickie chides, but she's smirking,
too.

"Don't worry none, Vickie. Old man's done passed
out in his chair. Food coma, I think."

Vickie hands me a wet plate as
Austin twirls up a dishtowel before cracking it across my ass. That
is
so
not helpin' to cool my
current state of arousal. He grins like he knows exactly what he's
doin' to me. Damn tease.

"Joey, wait," Alex's hushed plea turns our
attention to him and Joey as they step through the dinning room and
into the kitchen. "She didn't mean it that way."

"The heck she didn't," Joey replies to Alex, but
his narrowed eyes are set on Vickie. I honestly don't think I've
ever seen Joey quite this angry before, and certainly never at
Vickie. "How dare you go behind my back like that!"

Vickie's eyebrow quirks up, but I already know
what this is about. Dammit. I knew she was over-stepping.

"Hey, Joey," I get between them with the plate
held up like a ceramic shield. "Why don't we just-"

"Not now, Saul." He side-steps me. "I need to
have some words with my sister."

Vickie holds up one hand. "Calm down. If this is
about the job offer-"

"Damn right it is," he shoots
back in a hiss. "You went
behind my back!
Talked to Alex without me about something
important to
our
future
!"

"I just don't understand,
Joey," Vickie's tryin' ta' keep her voice low, too, but I hear the
worry and anger fighting for dominance. "Why move if there's
opportunity
here
? Brandon wants to expand, and-"

"You don't want me to leave," Joey stops beating
around the obvious. "Do you realize how selfish you're being?"

"
Me?!
You're the one who's moving
all the way up to the north fucking pole when both y'all's family
is down here. I get that you can't get married, but-"

"No, you
don't
get it!
It's like we don't even
exist
down here."

"And my threesome
does
?" she fires
back while Austin, Alex and I are left standing to the side, hoping
it doesn't get any worse. "Yeah, it sucks, but laws are changing
all over the damn place. You just gotta be patient. And, if you
don't like the laws down here so much, then
do
something about
them."

"Oh, hell no," Joey shakes his
head. "I can't
believe
you just waved the rainbow flag in my
face."

Vickie plants a hand on her hip and leans a
touch forward. It's her war-stance. All she's missin' is her
whip.

"Then get married outta state. Aint no reason
for you to move away. You think Daddy wants his son so far away?
What about when you and Alex adopt? Those kids should be-"

"Stop it, Tori," Joey warns. "Just, stop
it."

"Joey," Alex grasps Joey's arm, trying to calm
him down. "Honey, please. We should sit down and discuss this."

"What's there to discuss?"

Alex's eyebrows shoot up, then
crease. "I beg your pardon? I seem to remember there being
two
people in
this relationship."

Shit.
This is goin' south in a hurry. "Hey, Alex is
right. Let's have a seat at the table an' figure this out. Austin
and I can mix up some hot chocolate and-"

"I'm sorry, Alex," Joey
refuses to compromise, "but you both don't understand. Tori,
I've
got
to move."

"
Why
?" She's begging now,
pleading for an answer that makes sense. I think we'd all like ta'
know what kinda idea Joey's got in his head. "Help me understand
why you want to get so far away from us?"

Joey inhales then exhales as
his shoulders slump. "I'm the
Reverend's
son, Tori. You think
the deacons at the church are gonna just let this go? You think
Michael's not gonna cause trouble and ask for Pops to step down
from his pulpit? I don't want to be responsible for
that!"

"Son," Elijah's suddenly standing at the
threshold, a hurt look on his face. "Do you really think I'd blame
you if they do?"

Joey's face pales. "Pops... I... But, it's your
church..."

"
Split a peace of wood, and I am there
," Elijah says, adding a needed calm to the storm that'd been
brewin' an' threatening to bring this whole kitchen down on our
heads. "
Lift a stone, and I am
there
. That's from the gospel of
Thomas. God isn't a church. A church is just a place where people
can gather to talk about God. They can just as easily gather in a
house, in a park, the street or the supermarket."

"But, Pops-"

"
If
the church decides they don't
like to hear me speak anymore because my son's a homosexual, then
they have that right, but that don't mean I'm gonna just roll over
and stop speaking. If this is truly the only reason you're leaving
town, then I ask that you don't. I'd rather have you and Alex close
by while I spread the gospel from my living room than have you both
so far away just so I can stand on a wooden stage on Sunday
mornings."

Amen
. It's the first word that comes ta' my mind while we're all
left stunned silent by the power behind his words. The way he
speaks simple truths in a manner even my brain can understand is
just one 'a the reasons I respect him so much.

Joey's eyes cast down to his feet, the shame
obvious. "Sorry, Pops. I thought I was saving you trouble."

"I know." Elijah clasps Joey's shoulder. "Why
don't we go sit in the living room and have a talk. I aint had near
enough chance to chat with Alex, or show off my photo albums."

Joey groans as Alex bounces. "I'd love
that!"

"But first," Elijah looks between Joey an'
Vickie. "I think some apologies are due?"

"Yes, sir," Joey goes first, glancing to Vickie.
"Sorry I yelled at you."

Vickie's hands fist at her sides. Apologies
aren't somethin' that comes easy to her prideful nature, so when
you hear her say sorry, you always know she means it. "I'm sorry,
too. To both you and Alex. I shouldn't have talked to Alex about
this without you. I knew what I was doing was wrong, trying to sway
him so he'd convince you to stay. I just didn't want to lose my
brother."

"You'll never lose me, Tori," Joey pulls her
into a hug. "That's a promise."

Elijah's grinning behind them, and I think we're
all relieved the yellin' is done. "Good. Now, where did I put them
albums..."

"Guess I deserve this," Joey sighs, reluctantly
following his dad and Alex into the living room. He grabs Alex's
hand as they reach the dinning room, voices hushed almost too low
for me to hear. Not that I'm spyin' or anything, but those two are
so damn cute together.