If You See Her (32 page)

She stared at him, saw the savage glitter of fury, disgust, and grief that swirled in his eyes. “Damn it, Hope.”

“I’m tired,” she said quietly. “And unless you can say something to me besides
I’m sorry
 …”

She just shook her head and looked away.

“I’m tired and I’m done talking about this. I’ve got work to do and I’m going to get it done—after that, I have to take Remy’s car back to him.”

Then she turned away from him.

Her heart ached and when she closed the door behind
her, she stopped fighting the tears and let them fall. As they ran unchecked down her cheeks, she realized the burning in her gut was easing up.

She’d just hurt her best friend, she realized—she’d gutted him and it broke her heart. But she couldn’t keep that inside, either. Couldn’t. She’d finally figured out what happened when poison lingered too long.

Law staggered as the door closed behind Hope.

I really don’t think Joey ever planned on hitting me that first time. Cruelty isn’t planned, Law. It just happens. And for some reason that I can’t fathom, you decided it was better to be cruel to
me.

He knew the value of words. Knew that sometimes they could be completely empty. And sometimes, without realizing it, they could totally rip a person’s heart to shreds.

Squeezing his eyes closed, he muttered, “What in the hell did I do?”

He wanted to go to her. But he realized just then, he didn’t have the right. At all.

Setting his jaw, he turned away from the door and started down the stairs. He wanted to be pissed off—hell, he
was
pissed off. But he wanted to be angry with Hope, and he couldn’t be. Because she wasn’t wrong. He wanted to be pissed off with Remy, but what in the hell had Remy done, other than be there for Hope?

Maybe he could try being pissed off at Nia. That was where he
needed
to be angry. He could try directing it at her … or maybe at himself. Hell, he’d fucked up as bad as she had, and she didn’t owe Hope anything.

He, on the other hand, he did. At the foot of the stairs, he stopped and sank down. His eyes were scratchy, gritty from the sleep he hadn’t gotten the night before, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t be able to sleep.

Wearily, he rubbed his left hand over his eyes and then
lowered it, staring at the closed front door. His right arm was throbbing, had been ever since yesterday, but the last damn thing he felt like doing was going to see the doctor.

He wanted,
needed
to hang around here, on the offchance that maybe Hope would come out and he could try to talk to her again …

I’m done talking about this
.

Her voice echoed through his mind.

With a bitter curse, he shoved upright and grabbed his keys from the small table in the hallway. Shit, shit, shit. Yeah,
he
needed to see her, talk to her, try to get her to stop being so fucking pissed, try to get her past the hurt he saw in her eyes.

But that wasn’t what
she
needed. Son of a bitch.

“J
UST GO
TALK
TO HER
.”

Roz opened her mouth to argue with him, but Carter pressed his mouth to hers, cutting the argument off. “No. Don’t give me this bullshit that it’s not for the workplace and don’t give me the other excuses either,” he said after he lifted his head.

Staring down into her mutinous blue eyes, he said, “Go talk to her. And damn it, just stop being so stubborn and say you’re sorry, for crying out loud.”

“I ought to make you sleep on the couch for a month.” She glared at him.

“If you don’t feel better after you do this, fine. I’ll sleep on the couch and I’ll go down on you every night for the entire month, too.”

Roz chuckled. “Well, that’s enough to make me say I don’t feel better even if I do.” Sighing, she turned around, staring off in the direction of the kitchen. “Fine. I’ll do it. I can’t take not having one of my best friends talking to me anymore.”

“There’s my girl.”

As she started off down the hall, Carter leaned against the door. Waiting. When she stopped and turned to face him, he said, “Stop thinking. Get it done.”

Roz stuck her tongue out at him.

“How much longer are you going to ignore me?”

Lena sighed as she laid the knife down. “You know, Roz, it’s never a good idea to do that to somebody who has a butcher knife in her hand. Especially if the somebody in question can’t see.”

She set the knife down, leaned against the counter. Shit, this was getting to be a headache and a half.

“Damn it, Lena, are you going to talk to me or not?”

“Sure.” She grabbed a towel and turned around, facing Roz. “What do you want to talk about? I have to take Puck in to get groomed in a few days and he’s not going to be happy with me. Ezra fucked my brains out last night, though, and that left
me
feeling pretty damn happy. How are you and Carter doing?”

“For fuck’s sake, Lena, would you grow up!”

Lena bared her teeth in a mean smile. “Would you? You want us to be all buddy-buddy again, and I’ve already told you … it isn’t happening again until—”

“I fucked up!” Roz shouted. “I get that. I fucked up and I’ve already tried calling Law, but he ain’t answering the damn phone. I fucked up. I was wrong. I’m sorry—I wasn’t a good friend to him, and now I see that I wasn’t a good friend to you, either, because when I wasn’t fair to him, I hurt you, too.”

Lena pressed her lips together and braced her hands against the counter. She swallowed the knot in her throat. “You finally getting both those points, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Tugging her glasses off, Lena rubbed her eyes. “He didn’t deserve that shit, Roz. He’s a good guy.”

“I know. And you’re right—I was way off, and I’m sorry.”

“Okay.” She took a deep breath and as she did, it felt like some aching, massive weight fell off her shoulders … and her heart. “Okay.”

“So …” Roz murmured. And her voice was closer. Cautious. “Are we okay?”

“No,” Lena said honestly. “But we will be, I think.”

Roz touched her shoulder. Lena smiled and lifted an arm. Roz moved closer and pressed her shorter, curvy body up against Lena. “I miss you,” Roz said.

“Yeah. I miss you, too.”

“I miss Law. I miss all of us going out to breakfast. Carter is about to strangle me, too, because I’m so damn grumpy all the time, which is making
him
grumpy and he hardly even wants to be around. I’m chasing him out of his own damn house.” She sniffled and squeezed Lena’s waist. “Plus, I’m going through cookie withdrawal. I know I deserve it all, and that makes it even worse, because I can’t even indulge in a good pity party.”

Lena snorted. “You sound like you’re doing just fine.” She hugged Roz and then eased away. “Maybe I’ll try to do some cookies next week.”

As far as a peace offering, it was the most she was willing to do just then. She was already running behind and she hadn’t had her lunch yet. She wasn’t about to skip her meal just to make Roz her damn cookies.

Roz chuckled. “I won’t say no, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I’m consoling myself with some shortbread cookies I found at Target.”

At her feet, Puck whined in his throat and she felt his tail wagging against her legs.

“Sorry, boy. You can’t have any,” Roz said.

“He’s not excited about the cookies,” Lena murmured.

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

“Hey.”

“Law.”

Even twenty minutes ago, the sound of his voice would have been enough to have her strained nerves
shattering, but now, she made her way to him. “Hey, what are you doing out here?”

She slid an arm around his waist to hug him, but just that light touch was all it took to tell her something was wrong.

He stood rigid and unmoving as she squeezed his waist and when she eased back, her heart skipped a beat in trepidation. Too much weird shit going on—what in the hell was wrong now, she wondered.

“Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah.” He dropped a kiss on her brow. “Lousy day. Just needed somebody to hang with for a while. You eat yet?”

“Actually, no.” She turned back to Roz. “I think maybe I’ll go ahead and grab my lunch.”

“Sure.” Roz’s voice was hesitant. “You okay, Law?”

“I’m fine.”

“Ah … okay. Um, look, can I have a second?”

Law tensed. Lena reached up, laid a hand on his arm.

“Sure.”

She could hear the nerves in Roz’s voice, the misery. And as she started to apologize, some of the tension in Law’s body eased. Some. Not all.

“Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I haven’t been a very good friend to you, and I feel lousy about it,” Roz said.

“Forget about it,” Law responded, his voice brusque. “All the crazy shit we’ve got going on, none of us are acting normal, I don’t think.”

“Ahh. Well, okay, then. I’ve got orders to take care of, so I’m going to get.”

Lena waited until the door swished shut behind her before she faced Law. “So … just how bad has your day been?”

He waited a beat and then asked, “Can we have lunch in the bar?”

“Hell, Law, if it was me, I might have been thumping you over the head,” Lena muttered, disgusted. At the same time, she felt bad for him. She reached over and rubbed a hand down his back.

“Gee, thanks for cheering me up,” he said sarcastically.

“Don’t come to me looking to get cheered up,” she said, shrugging. “I’m your friend, not your cheering section. But you apologized and that’s the best thing you can do.”

She scowled absently, twirling her straw back and forth between her fingers and wishing
she
could have a drink. But she still had too much of the workday left ahead and the rest of her staff would be in soon.

“You and Roz okay?” Law asked softly.

“We’ll get there. We talked earlier.”

“I figured. You know, you didn’t have to get pissed at her on my account.”

She leaned over, bumped her shoulder against his. “It wasn’t on
your
account. She was wrong. Plain and simple. And it pissed me off. It made it worse when she kept trying to smooth it over like nothing happened, or just say trite crap like … 
well, everybody else seems to think …
We’re not lemmings, none of us. We can think on our own.”

“So you got mad at her for being a lemming?”

“Oh, shut up.” With a sigh, she checked the time. Her break was just about up. “I’ve got to get back.” She brushed a kiss against his cheek and then grimaced. “You need to shave, pal. You’re like a Brillo pad. And stop brooding about Hope. Just give her some space. It will be okay, though. She loves you too much to not forgive you.”

“Thanks.”

As Lena walked away, Law kept staring off into the distance.

Part of him knew she was right. That part of him was still edgy, anxious … 
pissed
.

The giving Hope
room
part was the problem. He had a massive problem with patience and now he was supposed to wait and just let his friend work out the grief he’d heaped on her.