If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) (24 page)

Julian stared down at the purse and then up at Liza. He raised his eyebrow and shook his head. “Nope, not happening.” He handed her the purse. “Dad always told us, if we even thought about going into a woman’s purse we were crazy. I may be crazy, but I’m not certifiable.” She dug through her purse until she found her pills and took one.

Sally glanced at Julian and Liza before looking over at Rick. “I think I’m feeling up for a drive.”

“Where to?” Rick cocked his head and raised his eyebrow.

“Bryton.” Sally smiled.

Julian dropped his head to his chest. “Really?” He pinched the bridge of his nose and then looked at Sally. “I haven’t spoken to my father since Liza dropped off the car.”

“Sounds like the perfect time to make up.” Sally nodded.

“What’s going on?” Liza’s gaze darted between her mother and Julian.

“She wants to meet my parents.” Julian pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed his dad’s number.

“Finally grew a backbone and decided to call?”

“Well hello to you, too, Dad.” Julian let out a heavy breath. Every embarrassing thing he ever did crossed his mind. His father would share all of them with Liza and her parents. “I met Liza’s parents today—”

“Get smacked in the head yet?” Everett interrupted.

“They want to meet you and Mom. Are you two up for it?” Julian ignored his father’s comment. He wanted to get the conversation over with. Hell, he wanted to get this day over with. He glanced over at Liza and smiled. Yeah, she was worth all of it.

“Oh good, we can compare notes.” His father laughed.

“Gee thanks, Dad.” Julian rubbed his neck. His gaze fell to Liza again. Totally worth it.

“Why do you keep looking at me?” Liza whispered.

Julian winked at her. “We’re about an hour and half away, how about one thirty?”

“Sounds good, meet us at the restaurant. We’re done cooking for the day.”

“See you there.” Julian ended the call and turned to Liza and her family. “I guess we’re going to see my parents.”

“Good, we’ll go change and be right back.” Sally smiled and patted Liza on the shoulder as she headed to the other room followed by Rick.

“Feeling any better?” He held his hand out to her. He wanted her in his arms.

“A little.” She accepted his hand then wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You know what I’ve missed the most about not being with you?” Julian brushed a hair of her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Watch how you answer that.”

“Having you in my arms.” He pulled her in as close as he could. “Can we go back to being together?”

“I figured we’d wait until after lunch.” A sly smile spread across her face.

Julian pursed his lips.

Liza stood on her toes, kissed him, and swiped her tongue across his lips.

Rick cleared his throat behind them.

Liza broke the kiss and rested her head against his chest.

“You two ready to go?” Rick struggled to keep the stern look on his face, but Julian could see the smile threatening to break through.

Sally was grinning from ear to ear.

“Yep.” Julian pressed a kiss to Liza’s head.  “You’re worth every minute of it.”

Liza rolled her eyes and laughed. “Let’s get out of here.”

*****

Julian dipped down in the driver’s seat when they arrived at the restaurant. “How about you go in and have dinner with the parents and I’ll stay in the car?”

Liza chuckled. “Not on your life.” She winked at him. “I thought I was worth every minute?”

“Send a couple more of those kisses my way and I may be inclined to agree with you.” He leaned over the console and pulling her to him. He brushed a kiss against her lips.

A knock sounded on the window. They turned to see his mother standing there.

“I love my mother, I love my mother, I love my mother.”

“What are you doing.”

“She has impeccable timing. Stay there, I’ll come around for you.” He opened the door and stepped out.

“Really, dear, you need to remember when you’re in public.” Jackie’s mouth was set straight, but the twinkle in her eyes gave her away.

Julian kissed his mother’s cheek. “No, I need to remember to watch my hands when my pesky parental units are about.”

Jackie smacked him in the arm. “Glad to see you two are on good terms.”

“Me, too.” Julian walked around the car, opened Liza’s door, and helped her out of the vehicle. He pressed another kiss to her lips and whispered against them. “I want you.”

“Not going to happen, Romeo.” Liza patted his shoulder and turned to Jackie. “Hi.”

“Hello, dear.” Jackie waltzed over to give her a hug. “Come now, Dad and your parents are waiting for us.”

Liza walk toward the restaurant with his mother.

It was going to be a long afternoon.

*****

Julian and Liza stood outside the restaurant after her parents left.

He took her in his arms. “You think my embarrassment earned me some time alone with you?”

“We spent the entire trip up here alone. And then there’s the ride to your place.” Liza traced his jaw with her fingers.

“My place, huh?” His hand strayed down to her bottom and he hauled her closer.

“Yep.” Liza moved her fingers down his neck. “And then I go to my place . . . alone.”

Julian groaned. “You’re killing me here.”

Liza rested her hand on his chest. “You and I have a ways to go before we jump into bed again.”

“Oh come on, it’s not like I could get you pregnant again.” The thump in the back of the head was enough to make his head jerked forward. He turned around.

Everett stood looking less than amused. “Would you like me to take him home so you don’t have to put up with his shit?”

“I think I have it handled.” Liza smiled at Everett. “Thank you though.”

Everett glared at Julian. “Show a little more respect to the mother of your child. I raised you better.”

“I was joking, Dad.” Julian watched as his father stalked away. “I love my father. I love my father—”

“Back to that again?” Liza laughed. “I like him a lot.”

“You would.” Julian took her hand. “Come on let’s get out of here before I get smacked in the head again.”

“I’m ready.” They walked to the car.

Julian opened the door for her and helped her inside, before heading around to the other side and climbing in next to her.

“I’m taking you home.” She looked across the console at him.

“I know. You said we had to have a conversation about feelings first.” Julian nodded.

Liza opened her mouth to say something, but snapped it closed. She started the car and they headed to his place.

*****

A feeling of dread past through Julian as Liza pulled into his driveway. She was going to ask him to say though three little words. Those three little words he said internally all the time. And yet there he was about to let her down again, by not being able to say them. He didn’t want her to leave. He reached over and stroked her arm as she put the car in park. “I won’t see you until Wednesday will I?”

“Nope.” She turned in her seat to look at him.

“What if I catch you on your lunch hour? Or maybe a late dinner.” He captured her hand, feeling the need to be close to her.

“I’ll see what I can do. My lunches have been running short and you know how late I get home.” She rubbed his fingers with her thumb.

“If you come for a late dinner, you could stay for breakfast.” He leaned forward. He wanted to be closer to her. “Why don’t we go in the house?”

Liza looked down at their hands. “What are we going to do when the baby’s born?”

He climbed out of the car, came around, and opened Liza’s door. He grabbed her hand and tugged her into his arms. “What do you mean?

“Where do we go from here? Is there a future for us?” She shoved against him.

He took a step back, but didn’t let her go. “Of course there’s a future for us.” He raised his eyebrow. “But what?” Liza jerked his arms off her. “Because I’m in love with you, Julian and I need to know we have a future together.”

Spit it out, dummy. It’s simple, three little words.
“We do have a future together.” God, he was an idiot. Why couldn’t he force those words out of his mouth?  

Liza opened the car door and sat down. “Night.” She shut the door before he could respond.

“Liza—”

She started the car and backed down his driveway.

Julian pushed both hands through his hair and then wove his fingers together behind his neck. “I love you.” The empty drive didn’t reply.

Chapter Fourteen

May 1
st

Liza’s phone rang on her way home from work Tuesday evening. Julian. Again. He’d called three times today already. She sent the call to voicemail and made her way home. She took the stairs to her apartment. She needed the exercise more than she worried about being tired. She looked up as she neared her door seeing Julian leaning against the wall.

Liza blew out a gust of air, frustrated with his behavior. “What are you doing here?”

He shifted from foot to foot. “I wanted to see you.”

“Why?” Liza unlocked her apartment.

“Can we talk?” He followed her inside.

“If we must. But you need to understand something. Just because you call the shots at your job, doesn’t mean I get to do the same. I just got off work, I’d really like to unwind, and from now on, I’d like you to respect me and wait to be invited over. Is that clear?” She dropped her things on the table and headed for the kitchen.

“I’m sorry about the other night. I wasn’t trying to be an asshole again.” His arms came around her.

“Don’t touch me.” Liza separated his hands and moved away from him. “If you’re not ready to say it, fine, but if you don’t feel it—” She waved her finger in his face. “There is a difference.”

“I’m not leading you on, Liza.” He reached for her again.

“Fine.” She headed to her bedroom. She didn’t have to deal with this. “Go home, Julian.”

“Will you listen to me?” He grasped her arm and hauled her around to face him.

“There’s nothing left to say.”

“Yes, there is.” He let go of her arm only to trap her against the wall and press his lips hard against hers.

The sparks flew through her body. Tears came to her eyes and she smacked her hands against his chest. She was tired of this seesaw of raw emotions. “Damn you.” Her tears flowed down her face and she fisted his shirt in her hands.

Julian wiped at her tears. “Liza, I love you.” He brushed her hair behind her ears. “I love you more than I will ever be able to express.”

“Why now? I don’t believe you.”

“Because I’m more scared of not saying it.”

“Was it necessary to manhandle me to say it?” She turned her head away from him.

He released her from the wall. “I’m sorry I couldn’t say it the other day. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it any of the countless other times I’ve wanted to.”

“Countless other times? How long have you known?” Liza wiped the tears from her eyes. She walked into the bedroom and sat down on the bed.

Julian dropped down next to her and wrapped his arm around her. “Remember at the charity event while you were dancing with Gramps and you saw me sink into the chair?”

“If you knew.” Liza looked down at her hands. “Then why did you break up with me?”

He rubbed her back. “I’ve had some pretty awful things happen to me in my lifetime. And with the bipolar, there’s days I can’t get out of bed. I’m moody, I have anger issues, and I don’t like to admit it, but I’m an alcoholic.” He dropped his hands in his lap and let out a deep breath.

Liza touched his shoulder.

He met her gaze and brushed his fingertips down her cheek. “You have the most beautiful heart of anyone I’ve ever met. Hell, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I look at you and can’t imagine my life without you, but at the same time all I see is me ruining everything good in you.”

Liza sniffed and moved onto his lap. She cupped his face in her hands How could she get through to him once and for all. “I love you, Julian, I fell in love with a man who’s been bruised and battered. We’ve discussed this from the beginning. I knew what I was getting into when I accepted the second date. Why don’t you let me make the decision on how much I can handle. I’m a big girl.”

“Because if you ever decided you couldn’t handle it, it would kill me.” He rested his head against hers.

“Isn’t that the point of love?” She ran her fingers through his hair. “To give your heart to someone and know they have the power to break it to a million pieces, but trust they won’t?”

Julian dropped back on the bed, tugging her down on top of him. “And what scares me the most is I know you never would. You’re nothing like the others.”

*****

May 2
nd

Liza lay on her back staring up at the ceiling, Julian’s arm draped across her naked body. She yanked the blanket tighter and still she shivered. The clock on the nightstand read four A.M. Did she do the right thing? Did he say he loved her to get her in bed?

He pressed a kiss to her neck. “You’re thinking too much, sweetheart.”

“What do you mean?”

Julian drew circles over her still flat stomach with his fingers. “I love you. And I mean it when I say it.” He rolled over landing between her thighs brushing light kisses over her face.

Liza shivered as he brought his hands down over her body. It felt as if he was touching her skin, but in reality there was a quarter inch between his hands and her skin. “What was that?”

“Magic.” He stopped his hand and held it over her stomach. The sensation was incredible. Like thousands of little lightning bolts passing from his hand to her body. Her skin flushed and she squirmed needing to feel more. “It’s called a sensual energy transfer.”

“Julian, please.”

“No.” He brought his lips to hers and this time there was a tenderness to his kisses. There was something different about him. Usually, there was an urgency in their lovemaking. He took it slow and made it all about her. It was almost as if the simple act of telling her he loved her had changed him.

He kissed his way down her neck, still moving his hand over her body, making every nerve ending take notice. The double sensations of his lips and the energy from his hand had her writhing with pleasure. He didn’t come close to her sensitive zones.

She tried to grasp for his hand, but he moved it away. Bucking her hips against him, she begged with her body for him to take her. “Please?”

Her eyes closed as he made his way lower with his kisses. Her eyes shot open and she called out when his lips landed on her clit. He sucked gently and her hips bucked involuntarily.

Her body flushed as his tongue did deliriously delicious things to her. Her eyes went wide, her mouth opened, and her hips bucked wildly as her orgasm overtook her.

No sooner was her orgasm over than he was on top of her again. He pressed the length of him against her as he brought his lips to hers. She thought he’d give her time to recover, but then his cock was there, pressing against her opening. “I’ll be gentle.” He slowly pushed his length inside of her.

She moaned at the feeling of his cock filling her so soon after orgasm was incredible. “Faster,” she said and blushed at her candor.

“No.”

Her muscles spasmed around him and she felt him slide a little faster. She watched his eyes as she clenched her muscles. His eyes closed as he fought for control. She clenched again and he moaned.

“You’re not making this easy on me, babe.”

“Slow is incredible, but I want all of you.” She bucked her hips against him and clenching her muscles again.

He slid the rest of the way in. She whimpered as he pulled back, almost out before pressing in. She cried out as her orgasm hit her. “Julian.” His name slid off her lips as she arched against him, her nails digging into his back.

He let out a moan in the throes of his own orgasm.

When it was over he collapsed on the bed beside her. “Woman, I think you milked me dry.”

Liza gasped. “You practically had me with your hand.” She snuggled in next to him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He pressed a kiss into her hair.

Liza closed her eyes and fell into a contented sleep.

*****

May 3
rd
 

Liza stepped into her apartment the following evening. She breathed in the heavenly scents of basil, garlic, and fresh baked bread. Funny, she didn’t remember giving anyone a key. “Julian?”

He came out of the kitchen looking sexy as hell, his blue t-shirt covered with a white apron. “Hey, princess.”

She cringed a bit at the endearment. He hadn’t called her that since they got back together. “I thought we determined I wasn’t a princess.”

Julian grinned. “You are.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek and returned to the kitchen.

Liza followed him. She leaned against the wall and folded her arms. “I love you and the fact you’re cooking something that smells wonderful helps, but how did you get into my apartment?”

Julian turned to face her. His lips straight and his gaze intense. “I’m a drug dealer, darling, what did you expect?”

Liza’s jaw dropped. Did he really say that? She blinked twice, mouth open in shock. “I-I, umm—”

Julian laughed. “I made a copy of the key the day of the ultrasound, when I went to get groceries.”

“Asshole.” Liza chuckled under her breath. She wasn’t sure what she thought of his shock factor—he things he said to get a rise out of her.

Julian grinned. “But I’m your asshole.”

She laughed and then a thought crossed her mind, stopping her dead in her tracks.  “The key says ‘do not copy’.” She rubbed her forehead, her landlord would have a fit. “How the hell did you manage to get a spare?”

Julian reached out and touched her shoulder. “Don’t worry, it’s fine. Mom’s a real estate agent she’s got the connections.”

“Do you know how much trouble you could get me in? I could lose this apartment if the landlord ever found out.” She paced the small spaced of the kitchen.

“He doesn’t know. Everything will be fine.”

She let out a deep breath. She shouldn’t worry about it. As long as the landlord didn’t find out. “I didn’t expect to see you tonight.”

“I decided to come cook you one of Gramps’ Italian dinners.” Julian opened the oven and motioned for her to look inside.

“I think you found a new way to give me an orgasm. That smells incredible.” Liza closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“We’ve got Tuscan style pork tenderloin, with roasted asparagus and potatoes.” He closed the oven. “Fresh baked bread. And I may have something special for dessert.”

“You did
all
of this?”

Julian leaned against the counter and shrugged. “I like to cook.”

Liza rested her head against his chest and hugged him close. “So what’s your something special for dessert?”

“You.” His arms came around her and he softly kissed her lips. “I have strawberries and whipped cream in the refrigerator.”

“I like the way you think.”

*****

May 4
th

It was a little after six in the morning when he returned to the apartment. Drew called sometime after midnight in a rough spot. They’d hung out at the cabin all night. Talking and drinking.

Julian popped an extra Adderall sometime in the middle of the night to stay awake. The combination of amphetamines, caffeine, and alcohol hadn’t been the smartest move on his part. He hadn’t been this keyed up since he snorted cocaine as a teenager.

 By the time he made it to Liza’s, his mind was on one thing and one thing only. If he was lucky, he’d catch her in bed or the shower. He looked toward the bedroom. The light was on. He smiled when he heard the water running in the bathroom. Opening the door, he drank in the sight of her naked form through the frosted glass doors. What a way to come home.

“Everything all right?” She opened the door to look out at him.

“Yeah, evidently, Ava’s ex-husband was killed and the FBI was convinced Drew or Ava did it. He needed to vent.” Julian stripped off his shirt and pants. “I hope you’re up for company.” He stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

“Wait! What happened? Did they let Ava go as well? Who killed her ex-husband?”

Julian shrugged. “They let both of them go. They weren’t even in the area when he was killed. As far as who killed him, I have no clue. And neither do the police.”

“So then what did you two do all night?” Liza rinsed her hair.

“Sat and bullshitted.” He shrugged and pressed a kiss to her lips.

She pushed him away. Her eyes narrowed. “How much did you have to drink?”

Great. His ears burned. He knew she’d see the guilt. This was the last thing he wanted to talk about. A glance at her naked body and he was more than ready. “We shared a six pack, Liza. I could drink all six and not even be close to drunk.”

“You shouldn’t be drinking at all.” She crossed her arms, pushing up her breasts as she did.

Julian moaned. God, he wanted her. ”I think I can handle a couple beers, Liza.” He thrust her against the wall, his lips on her neck, his hands sliding over her body.

“I have to leave for work in half an hour.” She brought her hands to his chest and turned her head away from him.

“You’re just picking up a kid, right?” He slipped his knee between her legs.

“Yeah, but I need to be there on time. I have to get her there for the visitation by eight.”