If She Dares (Contemporary Romance) (16 page)

“I have a few good qualities,” he said tightly. “But I’m not particularly ‘caring.’”

She frowned. “You’re wrong. You always tried to look after me, even though it should have been my job to look after you. You tried to help that dog that got hurt by your school even though you hated dogs. You remember that baby bird you fed after it got displaced from its nest?”

“No.”

Sighing, she closed her eyes. Her expression was pained. Because of the conversation, or because her injuries were causing her discomfort?

“Do you want me to go?” he asked. “So you can rest?”

“Will you come back tomorrow?”

“Of course. I was thinking you...should...stay with me. After they discharge you.” The words were clunky and hard to say.

His mother made a noncommittal noise, probably because she didn’t take the offer seriously. He wished he’d sounded more sincere and less like he was gargling broken glass. Jack knew how to soothe upset witnesses, and he’d be happy to give the shirt off his back to someone who needed it, but he was not naturally hospitable.

Was that one of the qualities that had drawn him and Riley together? Jack had a perfectly pleasant game face for small talk or social outings—even flirting with women—but when it came to private matters, he was prickly. Riley had been, too, when he first met her. She’d been protective of her personal space and uncertain about opening up to others. Yet she’d won all his friends over by the end of a day and now had all the tenants in their building rooting for her.
She’s changed
. Evolved.

He had not.

Jack tried to ignore the revelation because he was afraid it signaled the end of his being with her. She could do better, deserved better, than what he had to offer. But he was too selfish to want to acknowledge that. Being with Riley felt so damn good—he wasn’t ready to give her up yet.

So he pushed away anything resembling a noble impulse and refocused on his mother. “Can I do anything for you before I leave?” he offered. “Get you more pillows, ask the nurses for your next round of meds?”

“No.” Her eyes were still closed, and she looked nearly as pale as the linens surrounding her. “There’s only one thing I need from you. Forgiveness. I’m not sure it matters this late whether you forgive me for making a mess of our lives, but you need to forgive yourself, Jacky.”

“What are you—”

“It was never your fault you couldn’t rescue me. Whatever else you think, you need to know my mistakes were mine alone—no reflection on you.”

He nodded, the lump back in his throat. His mother’s mistakes might not be his legacy, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t making plenty of his own.

* * *

R
ILEY
STIRRED
ANOTHER
packet of sugar into her coffee, listlessly trying to follow her sisters’ conversation. Drowning out the buzz of conversations in the coffeehouse was easy; drowning out her thoughts was a lot harder. She’d been invited along today to help Wren hunt for a new place, but she’d been so preoccupied with checking her phone for any word from Jack that the apartments they’d seen blurred together in her mind.

“The place on Jasmine was nice,” she said, trying to contribute.

“What?” Wren’s voice was shrill. “The one where everyone on the same floor shared a bathroom?”

“Huh? Oh, probably not, then.”

“I think she meant the one on Juniper,” Rochelle said, eyeing Riley with concern. She’d been giving her that same look all day, but to her credit, she hadn’t said anything even approaching an “I told you so.” She’d cautioned that Jack might hurt Riley, and it was starting to look as if that prediction might come true.

Leaving him at the hospital before sunrise this morning had made her want to cry the entire drive home. The way he’d stared right through her still stung. His “you don’t have to stay here” had sounded suspiciously like “I don’t want you here.”

Get over yourself
. He was the one with the mother in the hospital—the situation wasn’t about her. He’d gone into crisis mode, and everyone coped differently. If he preferred to handle the situation alone, it wasn’t her place to criticize.

But there was a niggling voice inside that asked if it was only this situation he wanted to face alone—or life in general.

Rochelle squeezed her arm. “Worried about Jack and his mom?”

“But you told us she was going to be fine,” Wren said, looking confused.

The sole text Riley had received had mentioned that his mom was being discharged.

“She fell, hit her head, they kept her for observation and now she’s leaving. Did I miss something?” Wren wanted to know.

“That’s...the gist.”

“So why do you look like—”

Riley’s phone started vibrating on the table, and they all glanced at it expectantly. She couldn’t answer it fast enough. “Hello?”

“Afternoon, Ms. Kendrick. It’s Patrick Cooper, and I’m calling with good news.”

The treasurer from her building? The election wasn’t until the end of the week, so he couldn’t be calling with results.

“The tenant board has voted to approve your small-dog request, effective immediately, although you will need to drop off a pet-deposit check.”

“Thank you, Mr. Cooper. That is good news.”

“You should call me Patrick since it looks like we’ll be working together soon. I think, by now, even Anna Tyler sees the writing on the wall. Her re-election is doomed.” He said it with no malice, only finality.

Riley felt an unexpected spark of kinship for the sitting president. Whether you felt in your bones that something was over or not, letting go was still hard.

* * *

“W
ELCOME
HOME
,”
R
ILEY
SAID
, opening the passenger door of the car. She unzipped the pet carrier and snapped the leash to Mags’s collar. The little dog’s tail was wagging so hard the entire back half of her body was in motion.

Riley was glad for the distraction of her four-legged friend. After she’d said goodbye to Wren and Rochelle, she’d joined her parents for dinner and packed up the dog’s belongings. Her father had actually seemed bereft that Mags would be leaving.

“I’ll bring her with me at Thanksgiving,” Riley had promised.

“I’m glad you mentioned Thanksgiving,” her mom had said, a determined gleam in her eye. “Because—”

“No Chris Buchannan!”

“But Chris has always been a friend to this family. You, especially. If I want to invite him to my home—”

“Mom, I...may be bringing a date.” What had seemed like a possibility only yesterday now felt like a lie. “So I’m sure you can understand why it might be awkward for me to have an ex-boyfriend sitting at the table.”

Mention of a new man in Riley’s life had appeased her mother. Riley had bolted before her mother could ask too many questions.

Once she got Mags inside the building, Riley had to decide—elevator or stairwell. After last night, there were too many memories in the stairwell.
Great
. That left the elevator, where she and Jack had started becoming...friends.
You were never just friends
. Maybe not, but a little bit of denial helped her get into the elevator.

If she was voted in as building president, maybe she could look for alternate methods of getting people to the upper floors. Pneumatic tubes, perhaps.

“What do you think, Mags?” She hit the button for the fourth floor. “It could be fun getting sucked up a giant tube like a bank deposit, right?”

Mags gave her that smiling look that said “you’re nuts, but I’ll agree with anything if it gets me treats.”

“I’m so glad you’re back.” Riley foresaw some lonely patches in her immediate future, and conversations with the dog, one-sided though they may be, were less pathetic than talking to herself.

The elevator doors parted, and Riley stepped forward, drawing up short at the sight of Jack standing at her front door.

“Riley!” He froze with his fist raised. “I was coming to see you. Obviously.”

After a day of radio silence, was it good or bad that he’d sought her out? Her eyes took a quick visual tour, trying to tell from his expression how he was holding up, trying to read from his body language what he’d been coming to say to her.

Her heart was beating rapidly, but she kept her tone light, teasing. “You can go ahead and knock, but I’m not home.”

With a sheepish half smile, he lowered his arm. His eyes widened as he belatedly noticed the dog with her. “You got Mags! So is she an official resident of the building now? Or did you finally go full-rebel and march her through the lobby, to hell with the rules?”

Riley smiled. “No, she’s official.” And happy to see Jack, apparently. The little dog was dancing around his feet, sniffing and pawing gently at his shoe, as if politely requesting a tummy rub. “Patrick called today to tell me she’d been approved. So I don’t need your help with illegal smuggling anymore.”

“No.” Was Jack’s gaze sad, or was that just the fatigue lining his face? “I guess you don’t.”

As they entered her apartment, she asked, “How’s your mom?”

“Napping. At my place. That’s, uh, actually why I came to see you. Mom has a place lined up to go, but with her limited mobility over the next couple of days, I thought it would be better if she stayed with me, where I can help look after her and she’s not trying to stand for things like cooking meals. But it’s only a one-bedroom apartment. So I was thinking...maybe I could bunk with you?”

She bent down to unhook the leash, considering his unexpected request. Falling asleep in Jack’s arms, waking up with his body pressed against hers.
Bliss
. “No.”

He rocked back on his heels, eyes wide.

“It’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy having you close.” Was it only last night, snuggled against his side and singing off-key show tunes at a piano bar, that she’d felt so close to him? Lord, she missed that feeling. “But you said yourself that she should have someone to look after her. What if she needs something? What if she falls on her way to the bathroom in the middle of the night?”

Riley knew how uncomfortable Jack was with his mother. He’d tried to do the right thing by letting her stay with him, but now he was trying to escape the circumstances by hiding across the hall. Riley had spent too many months of her own life hiding out, wrestling with cowardice. She wasn’t going to enable it in Jack. He needed to face his mom and their shared history.

Still, she felt guilty for refusing to do him the one favor he’d asked since finding out his mom was in the hospital. “You’re a big, strong guy,” she said, squeezing his arm. “A couple of nights on your couch won’t kill you.”

His lips twitched in a fleeting smile. “Guess not. I’ll get out of your way. Can I... Can I call you later this week? After things settle back down.”

After his mother left, he meant. It hurt more than it should have that he didn’t want her meeting his mom. “You can always call me,” she assured him. Whether he chose to was another matter.

“Thanks.” He opened the door, but before he stepped out of the apartment, she rushed toward him, tapping him on the shoulder.

He turned, eyebrows raised in question, and she threw her arms around him in a fierce hug. At first he stiffened in surprised. She breathed in his familiar scent, savoring this moment of closeness and willing him to let himself accept some comfort. After a second he returned the embrace, squeezing her against his chest. He held her so tightly that for a glorious instant, it felt as though he’d never let her go.

But they both knew that wasn’t true.

12

T
HE
WEATHER
WAS
so pretty on Wednesday that Riley declared a midafternoon break and took Mags for a long walk. “This is because exercise is healthy for both of us,” Riley told the dog. “Not because I’m avoiding a crazy client who’s changed her mind three more times this week.” Granted, the woman was paying for Riley’s time—which kept Mags in kibble—but deleting hours of effort was damn frustrating.

Luckily, the fresh air and mellow autumn sunshine helped restore Riley’s spirits. She was actually whistling under her breath when she returned home. She hadn’t expected an audience, though.

The sight of a dark-haired woman limping down the hallway—one crutch at her side, the other resting against the wall—took her by surprise. Her eyes went wide when she realized that, whether intended or not, she was getting the opportunity to meet Jack’s mom.

“Oh, hello.” The woman paused, leaning on her crutch and catching her breath.

Riley picked up Mags, so that the dog, who had a propensity for being underfoot, didn’t accidentally trip the woman. “You must be Jack’s mother.”

Her face creased in an affectionate smile. “Cyndi Reed, nice to meet you.” Her build was slight, but her coloring was just like Jack’s. He and his mother had the same eyes. “You know my son?”

“I’m Riley.” She paused a beat, waiting to see whether that stirred any recognition. “His neighbor.” So he hadn’t mentioned her? What had he been planning to tell his mother if Riley had granted his request to stay with her instead of sleeping on his own couch?
Rest well, Mom, I’m going to shack up with the random girl across the hall.

“Well, I hope I’m not in your way out here. I’m practicing with the crutches, but it’s easier on a straight path with no furniture in the way.”

“Are you sure you should be on that leg?” Riley asked.

“The doctor said a little bit of exercise at a time was okay. How else can I get stronger, right?” Her expression wavered, and Riley saw fear and other turbulent emotions beneath the friendly smile. “I really want to be stronger.”

“Mrs. Reed, can I invite you in for a cup of coffee or tea?”

“Oh, I—”

“Please.”

“All right.” After a moment Cyndi nodded her acceptance. She grabbed the other crutch and followed Riley into her apartment.

You are overstepping
. Jack hadn’t even wanted to introduce them; the last thing he’d want was for Riley to invite his mom over for tea. Then again, what was he going to do—shut her out? They hadn’t spoken since Sunday. Break up with her? That would require that they’d been together as a true couple in the first place.

Riley got his mom situated in the living room then went into the kitchen to fill the teakettle. When she returned, she told Cyndi, “I was sorry to hear about your fall. I’m the one who drove Jack to the hospital.”

“At three in the morning?” Cyndi’s eyes twinkled, making her look twenty years younger. “My son’s very lucky to have such a good neighbor.”

“Actually...” Riley sat down, taking a deep breath. “I’m the lucky one. About a year ago, I was the victim of assault. I went through a really rough time. Getting to know your son is part of what helped me move past it. Jack mentioned to me on the way to the hospital that you might also have experienced some...troubles.”

Cyndi’s face fell. “He told you that?”

Riley leaned forward to pat the other woman’s hand. “I realize you don’t know me, and it’s intrusive as hell to bring up. I only mentioned it because, if you like, I can give you the card of a therapy coordinator. She helps place people in discussion groups that are unique to their needs.”

Cyndi sniffled. “You’re very dear to offer, and I wish someone had reached out with that advice decades ago. But I’m actually already scheduled for a...discussion group. It’s one of the conditions of the new place I’m moving into.”

That sounded promising. While Riley fixed their cups of tea, Cyndi talked about the widow who’d used her abusive late husband’s money to start a place to help other women. “I used to daydream, living in a trailer park, that if a rich man swept me off my feet, it would solve all my troubles. But I guess there are horrible people at every income level, huh?”

“And good people, too,” Riley said. “Like your son.”

“You’ve been direct with me, so I hope you don’t mind if I ask you a blunt question. Are you and Jack in love?”

Not him, just me
. The thought hit her square in the chest, leaving her as winded as if she’d fallen face-flat. She loved Jack Reed. How long had she known that? How long had she been pretending
not
to know because she knew it wouldn’t be well received?

“I... We’ve been seeing each other, but I don’t think he wants anything serious. He hasn’t mentioned me to you at all, has he?”

Cyndi’s slight smile was apologetic. “Try not to let that disturb you too much. We aren’t exactly close. I was a terrible mother.”

“Maybe you could have done better,” Riley allowed, “but you raised a good man. And I know he has fond memories of you.” Or, at least, one. “He told me about the chainsaw and the candy bars and getting Freddie Whatshisname to stop harassing him.”

Cyndi laughed delightedly. “I’m glad he remembers that.” She sipped her tea, studying Riley over the rim of her mug. “You said
he
doesn’t want anything serious. You feel differently?”

Riley glanced down. “Does it matter?”

Love didn’t work when it was one-sided. Nurturing it and sustaining a relationship took two people. She thought of Rochelle and Perry, their insistence that no one bother them on Fridays because date night was sacred. She thought of how attuned Dave and Juliet Burke were to each other; even Tony and Marie, with their loud personalities, had found the person who understood them, the person who fit.

“Have you told him how you feel?” Cyndi asked.

“That would not go very well. Trust me.”

Cyndi sighed. “I didn’t mean to be pushy. Jack’s my only son, and I know perfectly well what his childhood was like. I worry about him. It would go a long way toward easing my mind to see him with a wonderful woman like you.”

Riley’s eyes burned. “That’s a lovely compliment, but I don’t think you should get your hopes up.”

Not long after that, Cyndi stood to go. “Thank you for the tea. I hope our paths cross again, Riley.”

Riley mumbled a mutual sentiment, but it was difficult to put her heart into it. If it had been up to Jack, their paths wouldn’t have crossed in the first place. She said goodbye to his mother and returned to work.

But it was difficult to concentrate with Cyndi’s question burning in her ears.
Have you told him how you feel?
What good could possibly come of that? Realistically, none. But Jack’s life hadn’t been full of people who loved him the way hers had. Maybe she should tell him for no other reason than so he knew someone cared about him that deeply.

Once you tell him, you can’t take it back. You’ll lose the opportunity for even casual encounters with him
. Casual sex—there was a misnomer. Of all the words she could use to describe the things she and Jack had done to each other,
casual
was nowhere on the list.

As much as she had enjoyed every one of those moments, would she be satisfied with going back to them? Satisfied with him popping over for a couple of mutual orgasms before returning to his own apartment? No. She adored the man, despite his stubbornness and tendency to shut people out, and she wanted him in her life. He deserved to know someone felt that way, even if the thought of telling him made her stomach tighten in panic.

Well, she’d decided to stop letting fear dictate her behavior, hadn’t she? She was going to take risks.
I dare you to tell Jack Reed you’re in love with him.

* * *

D
RIVING
HOME
FROM
work on Thursday, Jack was in a great mood. A suspect he’d sketched last week had been apprehended, and his mother had left that morning. He wasn’t glad she was gone so much as he was glad she seemed to be headed to a fresh start. A real one, this time.

Since it was a furnished apartment, she’d said she didn’t need much help settling in—with an obstinacy that reminded him of himself, she’d said she could handle it alone. But she’d invited him to come visit her for Thanksgiving, and he’d surprised them both by saying yes. He’d brushed away a flash of momentary guilt about Riley because he’d never actually committed to spending the holiday with her family, and because he was certain she would support any chance of building a new relationship with his mom.

His mom had surprised him last night, before turning in for bed, by mentioning Riley. “Oh, I ran into your neighbor today. Lovely girl.”

That mention of her had kept him awake all night. He’d missed Riley this week. Tonight was the tenant board election, and he was hoping to celebrate with her afterward. Turning on his blinker, he decided to stop and get some champagne.

Things had become strained with Riley, and he knew that was his fault. He hadn’t been mentally prepared to see his mother or to explain his past to Riley. But it had all worked out for the best. His mom seemed in a better state of mind than she had been in years, and he had his apartment to himself again.

Life could return to normal. And he devoutly hoped that meant returning to Riley’s bed.

* * *

“C
OME
ON
IN
,” Riley called from her kitchen. She was on a step stool, pulling down the champagne flutes that were normally only used on New Year’s Eve. Jack had told her downstairs, at the tenant meeting, that he’d be bringing over champagne. She would have left the door open behind her, but she hadn’t wanted Mags to run out.

“If that’s all right with you?” he’d asked, a hint of vulnerability in his dark eyes.

She’d assured him that she’d love for him to come over. “In fact...we need to talk.”

In her experience, most men would have panicked at those words. Jack had seemed too happy about her win to register them.

He opened the door. “Greetings, Madam President. And hi to you, too, pooch. I guess you’re the First Dog now.”

Mags ran over to him, her entire body shaking with delirious joy.

Riley shook her head. “Sometimes I think she likes you more than me.”

He struck a pose, his smoldering look comically exaggerated. “All ladies are mad for me.”

Despite her raging nerves, she couldn’t help chuckling. She climbed down from the step stool. “You’re in a good mood tonight.”

“I’m with you.” He set down the bottle of champagne and came toward her, framing her face with his hands. Then his lips met hers, and she melted into him. He was slow and teasing, exploring her mouth with seductive thoroughness.

Desire washed through her, followed by apprehension. If she kept kissing him, she’d give in to the temptation to have sex with him and postpone what she’d wanted to say.

“Wait.” She placed her palms against his chest. “Jack, wait, I—”

“I promised you champagne, and now I’m rushing you. Sorry.” He leaned down to trace his tongue over her lower lip, his hand patting her affectionately on the ass. “I’ll pace myself. It’s just that I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” she said as he reached for the champagne bottle, “but the past couple of days have given me a chance to think. About you, about us.”

The cork came loose with a dramatic pop that made her jump. She paused while he poured. Maybe a little liquid courage wasn’t a bad idea. She downed half her glass as she walked into the living room.

He sat next to her on the couch, frowning. It seemed her anxiety was finally starting to register with him. “Riley, are you having second thoughts about seeing me? I know I was unavailable this week, but I needed time and space to deal with the unexpected. Even though I probably deserve it, please don’t push me away now to get back at me.”

She brushed her fingertips over his jaw. “Pushing you away is the last thing I want to do, Jack. I...love you.”

He paled, visibly flinching at the word.

Even after hours of bracing herself for a negative response, his reaction hurt like hell. She pressed a hand to her midsection. “That’s obviously not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. I—”

He shot to his feet. “Don’t say it again.”

Her vision glittered with tears, and she blinked them away. It didn’t work. More rose in their place. “I didn’t mean to spring this on you. When I told you weeks ago that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, it was true.” Then.

“But now you want...what exactly?” He raked a hand through his hair. “For me to say it back? Otherwise I lose what we had?”

“What
did
we have?” she asked softly.

“I don’t know! It was fun. It was hot. Why do you need a label?” He was pacing, but it wasn’t a random pattern. He was edging closer and closer to the door. “Why does everyone need that word? If you’d seen what people can do while claiming to be in
love
... I don’t know how to love, Riley. I’ve spent the past five years not even sure I love my own mother, and isn’t that basic human hardwiring? Maybe love comes naturally to you, but that just highlights why you should find someone else.”

She got to her feet, hoping to stop him before he walked out on the chance of their being very happy together. “Maybe it does come more naturally to some people than others, but everything gets easier with practice. There’s no reason we can’t work at it.”

“There is a reason. I don’t want to,” he said hollowly. “I don’t want this. I’m sorry if that sounds cruel, but you’ll thank me later, for not stringing you along and breaking your heart.”

“But—”

“Goodbye, Riley.” He opened the door and walked out of her apartment, leaving her with her tears and a bottle of champagne.

He could tell himself whatever helped his conscience, but he hadn’t spared her a broken heart. He’d simply accelerated the process.

* * *

J
ACK
HAD
CALLED
Dave for some one-on-one basketball because he needed the physical activity. He did not need a lecture.