If Only In His Dreams (5 page)

“I have had a few masters instruct me here at Longbourn, though I would have loved to attend school.  Alex had just taken over managing his estate and did not wish to have Jane or myself away from home.”

“I am sure that he required your presence to make his life have some familiarity.  Making such major changes in one’s life is difficult, and being able to hold on to something that makes your feel comfort is impossible to let go of.  I have felt the same at times.  For me, I have a difficult time being in the company of strangers and
have never been able to converse well.”

Elizabeth somewhat snorted.  “You did not seem to have a difficult time approaching me or speaking to my brother.”

Giving a slight chuckle, Darcy shook his head.  “No, I did not.  The reason is, in my mind, I have known you for several years.  I have to stop and realize that I am speaking with you in person, not in my dreams.  I know you will believe I have lost my mind.  If someone had told me the same as I just told you, I would believe them ready for Bedlam.”

“So you admit to being a bit touched in the mind?” Elizabeth eyed him carefully.  Had her brother forced this relationship, not knowing that the man he had promised her to was addle brained.

“Miss Elizabeth, please allow me to tell you my story.”  Finally Elizabeth looked at him and nodded her head.  “I am the only son of Gerald and Anne Darcy.  My parents had an arranged marriage, though they cared deeply for each other.  I have been brought up on the land, working side by side with the tenants and staff of our estate.  My father was fond of making sure I learned everything about the estate first hand.  He was brought up this way as well.  His parents refused to allow him to have a pampered life, so he felt the same for me. 
I am extremely proud of the fact that I have not lived a sheltered life, as I am well versed in what is needed to take care of my home and family.  I may not care to do laundry every day or muck out a horse stall, but I can do so if need be.”

Elizabeth chuckled slightly.  Finding this to be
a
positive
sign
, Darcy continued.  “Due to my shy nature, I have always disliked large groups.  I become tongue tied and appear arrogant whenever I attempt to join such groups, especially if
I was in a large group of people who were not accustom to my way of behaving.  Many of the men I went to school with would make me the butt of their jokes; it was bitterly cruel, the way they treated me. 
Only a few people, such as Bingley, are what I consider to be close friends, who I can trust.”

Darcy stood and walked over to watch the sun beginning to peak up from the horizon.  “There is a location on my estate that has a similar view of the sunrise.  It is one of my favorite places to begin my morning
.”  He turned back around, making his way back to the fallen log he had been sitting on.  “I am most comfortable when on the land.  It is almost as if I am a part of nature. Everything has purpose and meaning, unlike society.”  Looking closely at Elizabeth, he decided against attempting to take her hand in his.  “My father died unexpectedly around the same time as your own father.  Your brother told me that you were quite close to your father.  I offer you my deepest sympathies for your loss.”

“Thank you, Sir.  It has been a great many years now, as my brother reminds me constantly.   He claims that I was spoiled by our father.”

Laughing, Darcy nodded.  “It is not unusual, Miss Elizabeth.  My own sister was spoiled by my father as well.  Being the youngest child, it is quite common.”

“Explain that to Alex, as he constantly informs me to the contrary.” Elizabeth stated, looking out at the view.

“I will speak to him later in regards to that very fact.  Now, let us return to my story.  Ah, yes, after my father died, I threw myself into my work to a point that I nearly killed myself.  I worked long, hard hours to the point that I contracted pneumonia and nearly died from
it.  It was a long journey back from the illness, and I was quite restless being forced to remain in bed for days.  I began to dream each night, wonderful dreams where I met a beautiful young lady who had dark brown curls and sassy brown eyes which sparkled.  Her voice was musical to me, bringing such joy to me.
  Though she did not have a master’s perfection in her skills in playing the pianoforte, her passion for life flowed through her music and singing.  What I loved most about her was her intelligence, her ability to stand her ground and speak her mind, as well as her impertinent ways.  I was able to speak with her on most every subject, as she was well read and unafraid to give her opinion of what she had read.”

“She sounds like quite a
unique woman.” Elizabeth stated, laughing at many of the same descriptions she had heard used to describe herself.

“She is my ideal of an accomplished woman.
” Darcy smiled.  “For the past three years, I looked at every woman to see if they measured to my ideal woman.  I found some who had her hair, or similar eyes, or a bit of impertinence to her manner.  But none ever measured up to my lady.  In my dreams, we married and had begun a family.”  Hearing Elizabeth gasp, Darcy realized what he had said.  “Forgive me that was very forward, you must think me a cad.”

“No, it was just shocking to hear you admit such thoughts.” Elizabeth had blushed brilliantly.

“So now you see my dilemma.  I feel entirely familiar with you as you are everything that my lady from my dreams is.  As soon as I saw you, heard your voice and laugh, I knew that it was you.  I would hazard to guess that if I were to ask your brother, he would agree that you are very intelligent, well read, and even impertinent.”

Elizabeth laughed out loud.  “Oh, Alex would tell you that I am completely uncontrollable in regards to my impertinent ways.”

“I am pleased to know this. 
Unlike most men, I prefer that my wife be this way.”

“Ah, yes, your preference for your wife.  A
nd that brings us back to your arrangement with my brother, with no regard to my opinion.”  Elizabeth stated with sarcasm dripping from her words.

“Miss Elizabeth, I know that I was rash last night in my desire to secure your hand.  I have never been so before in my life.  It was only that I did not wish to risk losing you.  I am well aware that we have jumped past a courtship, I plead for your generosity of nature in forgiving me.”

“It will be some time before I will admit to forgiving you, Mr Darcy.  And it will require much atonement to deserve such forgiveness.”

Darcy could not believe her words.  Had she forgiven him?  Had she decided to accept his hand willingly?  “Miss Elizabeth, you brother insisted on a long engagement.  During that time, we will be able to become more comfortable with each other.  Mr Bennet asked for at least six months, preferably a year, before we wed.  Does this meet with your approval?”

Surprised that she would be included in the decision, Elizabeth looked up into his eyes.  “That would be preferable to me, Mr Darcy.  Though you believe you know me, I am afraid you may be disappointed with the reality before you. 
My brother and sister have told me over the years that I need to work harder on being an accomplished young lady rather than reading some of the subjects that I have.”

“The truth is, Miss Elizabeth, this is one of the aspects I find appealing in you.
I do not wish for a proper young lady who can net a purse but cannot hold a decent conversation.  What good is painting a screen to me if the woman painting it cannot bring me joy by playing a brilliant game of chess or some other challenge to my mind?”
  Darcy stood again and began to pace.  “I see those sorts of women whenever we have been in Town; the sort of young lady who knows how to do trivial, unimportant things; though unable to speak rationally in regards to the state of issues which are important in life.  I wish to have a partner in life, not someone who decorates my arm and my home.”

Elizabeth was surprised to learn this, as she had not expected to have a gentleman accept a wife who was intelligent.  This was the sort of husband she would be happy with.  But then again, there was the matter of Mr Darcy and Alex making an agreement that would change her life forever; an agreement which was made without her opinion.  How dare he sit here speaking to her in this manner when he had disregarded her opinion on the most important decision of her life?

“Mr Darcy, you claim to desire a partner, yet you make decisions with no regard for your future partner.  Is this the sort of relationship you expect to have?  When it is convenient, you will ask your partner’s opinion, and when it is not convenient, you will make the decisions without her?”

Darcy blushed profusely.  “Forgive me, Miss Elizabeth, I realize that last night I was anxious to secure your hand and did not stop to remember that this was the flesh and blood woman who did not know me.  I plead far too great a joy in finding you caused me to forget myself.”

“And in the future, will you continue to forget yourself?” Elizabeth asked. 

Shaking his head, Darcy looked into her eyes.  “Miss Elizabeth, I have lived my life making decisions that would affect the lives of a great many. I cannot promise you that I will not make a slip from time to time, but I beg you to have patience with me and, when I do make a mistake, you will speak with me so that I may correct my behavior.”

Elizabeth watched him carefully.  “I will take this under advisement and we will begin
today.  Mr Darcy, rather than announcing our engagement, I would prefer to announce your courtship of me.  You and my brother have your agreement, and as my brother has the authority to make the agreement in my behalf, I will honor it.  But I would prefer for the time being that no one outside our families know the truth of the engagement.
”

Darcy looked as if he had his favorite treat taken away from him.  “You wish to dissolve the agreement; I will speak with your brother and find a way to do so for your sake.”

“Mr Darcy, here, again, you make a decision without consulting me.  I said that I would honor the agreement.  I only wish, for appearance sake, to have everyone else believe that we are courting first.  It would appear as if you had compromised me for us to announce an engagement so quickly upon meeting.”  Elizabeth stated, hoping that he would see the truth in this statement.

A smile grew on Darcy’s face, showing for the first time a beautiful set of dimples.  Elizabeth nearly gasped from the sight.  Reaching forward, Darcy took hold of her hand.  “You are saying that you wish to continue our engagement, though in private, for appearance, not that you wish to have your brother break the agreement.  Is that correct?”

“Yes, Mr Darcy.  That is correct.”

Raising her hand to his lips, Darcy placed a kiss lightly on the back of it.  “Thank you, Miss Elizabeth.  I pray that I am worthy of your respect
.”

“Now, I believe you have an appointment to speak with my brother, to go over the details of the agreement.  Shall you escort me to the house or would it be far more proper to have you make your way there separately?”

A small chuckle came from Darcy’s lips.  “Normally I would agree with you, Miss Elizabeth, and make my way there on my own, for propriety’s sake.  But as I have never been to your home, I would ask the pleasure of being able to escort you home.”

“Very well, Mr Darcy, let us make our way there before my brother sends out a search party for me.”  Elizabeth smiled slightly as she placed her hand lightly on the arm that Darcy offered to her.

Chapter 5

“Lizzy, Alex has been waiting for you to return.” Jane said to her sister when Elizabeth entered the door of the house.  “Mr Darcy is expected any time and Alex wished to speak with you before they meet.”  Just as she finished, the tall figure of Fitzwilliam Darcy stepped through the doorframe.

“Jane, Mr Darcy and I met while I was on my morning walk, and as he has never been to our home, it was only polite for me to escort him here.” Elizabeth said politely as her sister stared at her.  “Mr Darcy, I am certain I can offer you some refreshments, as you most likely missed breaking your fast at Netherfield.”

“Perhaps I should inform your brother of my arrival, and then I would enjoy a cup of coffee if there is any available.” Darcy spoke softly.

Elizabeth returned her view to her sister.  “We do have some coffee available for Mr Darcy, do we not?”