If I Was Your Girl (26 page)
Read If I Was Your Girl Online
Authors: Meredith Russo
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To my trans readers:
It's okay if you're different from Amanda. She isn't real, and you are. I spent the better part of two decades trying to convince myself that I wasn't something I knew myself to be because I didn't fit a very specific, very toxic model of what society says transgender people are, and trust me when I say that my life story is radically different from Amanda's. It's okay to be trans and also gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, or anything else. It's okay to be trans and not pass (and you can still be legitimately
beautiful
without passing), and it's okay to be trans and pass and go completely stealth. It's okay to be a trans man. It's okay to be genderqueer, or to change identities more than once in your life, or to feel you have no gender at all. It's okay to be trans and never pursue any of the medical aspects of transitioning, and it's also okay to be trans and alter your body in whatever ways you want. There is no wrong way to express and embody your most authentic self! You are beautiful, and you deserve to have your body and identity and agency respected.
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For trans people contemplating suicide, please, please call the Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8660 in America or 877-330-3366 in Canada. They are staffed entirely by trans people, they understand what you're going through, and they want to help. For cisgender gays, lesbians, and bisexuals contemplating suicide, please call the Trevor Project Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. For all other people contemplating suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
I know it hurts. I know it hurts so bad you can barely breathe sometimes. I know because I've been there. Please don't leave us. I promise life can be good, and we need you too much.
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For teaching me to love a pluralistic world, for encouraging me to fearlessly express myself, and for accepting me as their daughter, I want to thank my parents, Toby and Karol Stroud. Thanks, too, to my sister Katie, who has always had my back, loved me unconditionally, and is
the
force that keeps my head on my shoulders. I've been blessed with an incredible extended familyâthanks to all of you as well, for accepting me when I came out, and for the parts all of you played in getting me here. I also want to thank my children, without whom I never would have had the ambition to try something this difficult. And, finally, there is someone whose influence was integral to the soul inside of this story, and without whose prodding this book never would have been finished: Juniper Russo. Thank you.
Thank you to Joelle Hobeika, for ushering me into this crazy job when I was at one of the lowest points in my life, and for seeing the value of this project when I originally proposed it. Thank you to Sara Shandler, who killed more of my darlings than I could have stomached on my own, and without whom this book would have been a sloppy, self-indulgent affair. And then there's Josh Bank, who kept us on target, made everything happen, and pushed for that one killer scene (you know the one). The three of you also deserve huge thanks for taking my coming out as gracefully as you did. I also want to thank Sarah Dotts Barley, Amy Einhorn, and the rest of the team at Flatiron Books for seeing the value of a story about a trans girl written by a trans woman, and for listening to my suggestion that we keep trans people involved at every available step. And, speaking of further trans involvement, I also want to thank the
absolutely
gorgeous cover model Kira Conley for her participation and belief in this project.
And, finally, thank you to the following individuals, without whose faith and support I might not have survived 2015: Miranda Stroud, Ailish Holmes, Matt and Heather Durham, Aria Taibi, Sam Hightower, Kay Popper, Brooks and Jackie Benjamin, John Burke, Beth Kasner, Bridget DuPey, Laura and Lee Palmiero, Ruby Bolton-Murray, February Keeney, Rachel Goodman, and Becca Reeves. You are, all of you, angels.
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RECOMMEND
IF I WAS YOUR GIRL
FOR YOUR NEXT BOOK CLUB!
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Reading Group Guide available at
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Meredith Russo
was born and raised and now lives in Tennessee. She started living as her true self in 2013 and never looked back.
If I Was Your Girl
was partially inspired by her experiences as a trans woman.
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CONTENTS
Reading Group Guide Information
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This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.
IF I WAS YOUR GIRL.
Copyright © 2016 by Alloy Entertainment. All rights reserved. For information, address Flatiron Books, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
Cover photograph by Michael Frost
Cover design by Liz Dresner and Elaine C. Damasco
The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 978-1-250-07840-7 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-250-07842-1 (e-book)
e-ISBN 9781250078421
Our e-books may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, extension 5442, or by e-mail at
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First Edition: May 2016
